Seeking Self

I am selfish, and let me not pretend that I am selfless, because it would not take more than a minute of dealing with me to realize how selfish I am, and I do not feel bad about it at all. In fact, this is one thing which is so very common to all of human race, big and small, young and old, men and women. Maybe selfishness is the trademark of humanity, and if you don’t believe in it, all that you need to do is to put the person in a situation where there is a need to struggle for survival. To fulfill one’s personal need is the primary concern of every person; the safeguard and protect one’s body, mind, spirit, and the security of one’s future, all form part of that search for one’s survival in the midst of decay and death, and how can I be exempted from this rule of life?

It may sound non-sense, but one has to constantly defend one’s position, even to the extent of justifying one’s wrongdoings and crimes, in order to strengthen his/her own survival. There are not too many takers for the new law of die-to-live rule of Jesus, and even most of his disciples may think twice to apply this golden rule to their personal lives. But that is how the world operates, and all those who would stand against the world may have to feel the wrath of untimely death or prolonged agony. But if that be the case, am I not constantly fighting with the world to protect my own skin, even if I had exhibited my meanness and hardcore selfishness through daily actions? To acknowledge one’s defeat and mistakes is sure to cast a shadow on every tomorrow, and affect my future days.

True awakening can take place in me only when I begin to become conscious of the rottenness that I have landed myself into, and feel an urgent necessity to get out of the rut. Until I get the stench filling my entire body and mind, I may not feel the necessity to own up what I truly am. In such a situation, I may not like anyone else to remind me what kind of person I am; in fact, when someone else might try to instruct me who I truly am, my spontaneous reaction may be to protect myself in public, even if I am ready to acknowledge my commissions and omissions in private. Transformation can take place only when the awakened mind can vouch to turn a new leaf.

But the world is blessed with more than its own share of people who are professional “naggers”, who can quicken the untimely death of normal, sane people, and such a kind of people are not easy to live with. We also come across people who can play the role of catalysts to quicken the process of awakening and the subsequent transformation, and the voice of such people can hardly be heard, because in their case, more than their lips, their hearts speak louder, and they can effect change in others through their very presence, and may not require to go after people to mend their ways. This only requires that the people who struggle to come to terms with their own ugly selves (in fact, all sane men and women go through this process at some time or other) should have enough time to go through the process.

Behind the virtue of patience with the people who struggle to turn a new leaf, is the greater virtue of compassion; it is this virtue which makes one to look at one’s own image in the other person, as if the other person becomes a mirror to become conscious of one’s own shortcomings. Compassion can smash the hardest hearts, melt the strongest metals, and there is nothing that cannot bend its brow before genuine act of compassion. It is a Godly gift, which cannot be bought or sold, but it has to germinate in our hearts, grow to maturity, and when it is in full bloom, there will be several birds of the air coming to take shelter in its shade! That may be a moment of celebration, when all can rejoice forgetting the narrow selfish boundaries, each one crisscrossing with the personal boundaries of others. That is indeed a moment to celebrate!