Sitting with over sixty men and women in a conference room in St Xavier's College, Kolkata to re-dedicate to the ideals shown and lived by a late Jesuit priest of Belgian origin, gave me a very different kind of feeling; it is hard for me to really identify the feeling, because it always seemed somewhat elusive. A kind of disturbance or inner agitation, or peace and serenity - to put it bluntly it was a bag full of mixed feelings. That is what this great man - Gerard Beckers, who gained a shorter name from his friends and admirers, Babu, really was! He was not an easy man to live with, but the number of men and women who had assembled three years after his death, on his very death anniversary, bore witness to the fact that it was his "difficult" nature, which had left an indelible mark in them, and they are all grateful for that.
I don't know why, but I was not fascinated by Babu during his life-time, but while attending his funeral at the college ground, and later on interacting with the people who had been changed due to him, I felt guilty for not knowing this great soul; I had my own prejudices, many of them even negative! But it had taken me quite a while to realize that often I look at people what they look like, rather than what they really are. Unfortunately the real Babu had always eluded me, even as we had casual talk now and then, and today while listening to the people who had been touched by him, I feel guilty for not knowing him.
If so many men and women had been touched by this man, I was asking myself, why did I not make an attempt to know him? It is possible that I was looking at Babu, and every man and woman who was worth his/her salt, with my own colored glasses, and began to sit in seats of judgement without taking the trouble to know them. If there are not many people who have had great impact on me, it is because I have not allowed others to shake me, knock me, and even toss me! I had been protecting myself too strongly from the influence of others, that I remained just what I was many years ago, and that is something I regret today.
Every tree is shaped by the wind and rain, and it is the strong cyclonic winds and stormy nights which strengthen the trees, and these are the real moments of testing; but I had often refused to undergo these ordeals, keeping myself free from any external influence. If only there are people who could challenge my own narrow-mindedness and even take me to task, I might be quite different today. But as I stand at the mid-point of life, there is a growing fear in me that I am too old to learn any new tricks, and so let my old self live as long as it can, and die a peaceful death! But what would that mean to the world?
Today I would like to resurrect Babu to rise up and challenge me, challenge my mediocrity, half-heartedness, the cozy world that I had woven around me, the company of men and women who have power, security and strength to fight all odds in life! I would like to see Babu taking my hand across a stony and thorny path, barefooted, to let the thorns of the wayside poke me, and make me feel the pain and agony which has become part of reality in the lives of millions of men and women around me. I wish Babu can make me a human, with flesh and blood that are alive to human cry for help! I wish one day I become truly human!
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