All these years I had realized that one of the most difficult battles to win for a human person is with one’s own mind; it may be easier to control one’s body, but not so the mind. All the rishis and munis, who had resorted to the Himalayas to enter into austere tapasya were doing just one thing : to remove the opaque sheet of the mind that prevented them from encountering their Being, the Lord of the Universe. What I think, Lord Buddha did at the shade of the bodhi tree was also precisely the same, to bring the mind under his control, not consciously though, but through awareness of the interplay of thoughts, and distancing himself from them. Even if I begin a non-stop tapasya in order to control my mind, I may hardly pass the test even at the time of my death! This is a lifelong test, and very few could be said to have passed the test.
But I have nothing to worry, because having even a momentary glance of the Eternal is worth a million, for even a tiny fragment of eternity is equal to the largest section of it, and by partaking of the eternal, I become part of what I partake, and I would not want anything more. It is possible that after weeks of practice, of observing the mindscreen for a few weeks as an external viewer, I may be able to find a few seconds of quietness and stillness, and the mind may be back to its play soon. But those couple of seconds can do me a lot more good than all my mindgazing, and that is what I am going to do today: to catch my mind off-guard at different moments of the day.
I am not going to venture into doing something which even seasoned saints and sages have not been able to achieve after decades of their sadhana. I would do something which I can reasonably attempt. Starting from the beginning of the day, I am going to pause for a minute, say at every 30 minutes or one hour, to find what my mind is busy with, and will spend about five minutes observing it each time. Without entering into the scene, I would drop in as if I am walking into the cinema hall at different moments to see what is going on. It is rarely that I might find the mind preoccupied with the same thing, but what it is preoccupied with may give me a clue to what matters the most in life for me.
The exercise itself is not an easy one, because once I quieten myself each time, I have to close my eyes in order to slowly focus the attention on the movements of the mind. It is like focusing of persons through the lens of a video camera. I may not be able to find what the mind is busy with at the beginning, until I have narrowed the focus to the endless stream of thoughts. Here I am expected to move above the physical (and physiological) reality, body sensations, feelings… Thus if there is tension or disturbance in the body, that is not going to let me concentrate or focus on the mindplay. Thus, I need to relax and make my body comfortable before I enter into this realm.
I realize one of the most difficult aspects of this exercise is to separate myself from my thoughts; I am so mixed up with my thoughts, to distance myself from the mind’s game is tough; but as Tolle assures, with practice I may be able to experience the stillness, at least in bits and pieces. Even these bits and pieces of stillness can give me enough spiritual nourishment, enough to last a life-time. Let me savor the sweetness of these few seconds, for these are the greatest privileged spiritual fruits that the season of Lent can bring to me, and help me take a peek at what great treasures are there for the people who can persevere. When I realize that I am able to experience at least a few seconds of stillness within, then I know that I am ready to enter into the third phase of my inward journey!
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