Why me, Lord?

One of my favorite songs of the yesteryears, was Why me, Lord! I remember listening to this song some 25 years ago, and the lyrics of the song still stir my heart. This song presents the popular sentiments of all people of all times, namely why should people suffer for no fault of their own. Yesterday as I was talking to a senior Sister, who had a fall and had to be transferred to another place, partially terminating her new assignment just half way through. I had been nursing positive hopes about what I could do, and all of a sudden my fall had changed all my hopes. What have I done to deserve this punishment, she asked me. I did not find adequate words to console her, and I remember three years ago, when I received the sudden heart attack of my brother in law and the immediate death, I did not know how to console my sister.

On many occasions we look up to God and raise the same question – why me? Of all the people on the face of the earth, why should I be subjected to such a harsh punishment? Could the Lord not have averted this thing happening to me? The Shack tried to delve deep into the mystery of this question, as did Job in the Old Testament. I know one thing for sure, this is a question that no human mind can adequately answer, and that is why human suffering and death are the riddles which cannot be conceived by the human mind. These are the realities that seal us with the imprint of humanness, and yet we yearn for an answer; we all want to know why bad things happen to good people. Human mind which has unraveled so many mysteries of the universe is unable to find an answer to this simple question, and it continues to baffle generations.

We are used to thinking only about ourselves, our own worries and troubles, and cannot think of anything beyond them. We think that only we carry insurmountable burden, while all others are enjoying their lives. This is because we do not easily disclose to others the mental pain and agony that we go through in life; we keep them locked up within our closets, or like to push them under the carpet. We all like to suffer silently, and that is the reason why each one thinks he or she is the only sufferer in the whole world; if only look carefully how each one is laden with heavy burdens, then we might think that ours is a much easier load than others. In fact every other person on earth is carrying much more burden than we do, and this could be a matter of consolation that we have been spared from such an insurmountable load.

It is impossible for us to imagine the greater plan that God may have for us, within which these painful moments, agonizing turn of events and unexpected change of our life expectations fall. Who can discern God’s way; it would be impossible for us to decipher the reason why things happen to us the way they do; if only we are able to find answer to all our questions, then the world would be quite different, and this time not necessarily for better. Thank God we are not able to understand why certain things happen to us; in most cases, we might thank God for making certain painful moments come our way, because these moments might have done more good to us than pain. However we could say this only on hind sight and it is impossible for us to recognize what the Lord has in store for us, when they do take place.

I cannot think of anyone who is spared of bad things in life; even the most virtuous and pious of men and women also had their own share of pain and suffering, sometimes these had more than their due share. This is because they had the mental stamina and spiritual vitality to bear all pain and suffering. In many cases, these men and women were subjected to more painful mental agony and torture, which tried to drain them out of the spiritual energy they had been relying on. All of us have our share of pain and suffering, and once we begin to see that it is only through the path of these painful moments that we could really enter into a state of sheer bliss. There is no shortcut to happiness and unending joy; we need to go through the path of pain and suffering in order to enjoy and relish what is in store for us. The wait might be worth it all.

Priestly Way

It was a special day for the priests, when they together with their Shepherd, the Bishop, celebrated their priesthood, on the occasion of the Chrism mass every year. And this year it was held yesterday, and it was a joy to see so many priests assembled for the occasion. My rough estimate was about 200 priests, young and old, from the city and from afar. It gave me a sense of belonging to this privileged group of people, who had been consecrated to be the ministers of the Word and the mission entrusted to them by the Lord. How unworthy I am to belong to this select group, who had been specially called to re-present the Lord to his people! All my pride and arrogance melt the very moment when I recall to mind how the Lord had chosen me to be his minister, despite my many weaknesses and frailties. The wounded healer, that is what I am, and am honored to be part of this special assembly.

What happened during the two hour ceremony is a routine affair, and I had earlier attended quite a few Chrism masses, and by now know the order of the mass, and about the special homily when the Bishop addresses his ordained ministers, reminding them of their commitment to the Lord and his people. But every year while attending this mass, I feel the grace of the Lord freely flowing over simple and even sinful people that we are. I know at least half the priests who had gathered, and had been meeting them here and there on several occasions. Not all of them are worthy of their call, this I can say with all humility, the same way I feel about my own call. Sometimes I even feel that the priests go down in their sanctity and holiness after their ordination, and a lot of worldly values possess them, which is a sad part.

Just after the mass, when we were having supper, one of my diocesan friends approached me to complain to me about our new priest whom I had arranged to keep him in that parish for a few months of pastoral experience. This young man, specialized in a particular field of ministry, had been telling the priests that he was specialized in a particular ministry and so he should not be asked to take up other responsibilities in the parish or the attached school. I was told that he had been telling the diocesan priests that the Jesuits don’t behave in the way the diocesans do. I know my friend and the priests in the parish were concerned about the welfare of the new priest, but I was surprised to hear such complaints about him, and now I wonder how I could tackle him, and help him to open himself to correction, and learn from the seniors.

Unfortunately we are living in a world where young people do not want to learn from the seniors; this is the world of self-help learning, and there are all means available at the click of the mouse button, and the young feel it is boring and even annoying to learn from the old, who are out of touch with the present day reality. I have been experiencing this on other occasions too, and therefore sometimes I shut my mouth and let the young do what they want; however at times I feel also guilty for not correcting the young when they make obvious errors, and still refuse to be open for correction. We have come a long way from the traditional gurukul system of teaching and learning, and it is time that we return to the cherished values of that system.

But let these bad feeling not dampen my spirit as we celebrate our special calling; it is a privileged moment, and that is why we celebrate our call with a fairly good dinner (despite it falling in the season of Lent), and I am sure coming together as members of this kind of fraternity is essential to support one another, and feel consoled that I am not alone at this arduous journey; I am walking along with other priests who have more worries to handle, more burden to shoulder, and more responsibilities to share. We are overshadowed by our burdens most of the time that we fail to take time to celebrate our life as ministers of the Lord, and I wish we take time off more often to celebrate our call, because this is sure to have a positive effect in our lonely journey, reaching out to the needy and the helpless.

Called to Reconcile

Lent is a season of grace, and I found that I had not prepared anything special for this lent, as a way of sharing an insight or two with the people I am committed to share the spiritual insights. So as I gave a thought to what I would like to do during this lent, so that I could share the same with some others. Coincidentally, the theme that had been ringing in my mind for the past couple of days, as I kept turning the pages of The Shack, was on reconciliation. Perhaps this is one of the most important and significant graces that we could seek from God during the season of Lent. To be reconciled and to reconcile! That is it. It might sound quite simplistic, though the implications of this phrase is far reaching and can turn our life topsy-turvy, if only we allow ourselves to be touched and shaped by the power that is within and without.

I said this is one of the most significant graces we could seek during the lent; one would understand why I said, if we recall to mind one of the two formulations the priest utters as he applies ash on the forehead, Repent (which can be paraphrased as ‘Be reconciled’) and believe in the Gospel. It is an occasion for us to turn to God. But some years ago, the 35 General Congregation of the Jesuits talked about the four-fold reconciliation, which I found quite meaningful : Reconciliation with one self, with the neighbors, with the earth and then with God. This is a wonderful chain of relationship which we need to settle, and for that we need to begin with ourselves. Let me briefly present what the four-fold relationship is calling us to, and how we could respond with greater amount of generosity and openness during the lent.

When we talk about reconciliation, most often we tend to look at our relationship with others, as if we are perfectly in peace with ourselves. If we find it hard to be reconciled with our neighbors (and subsequently with the earth and with God), it is probably because we are not in peace with our own selves; there may be several unreconciled aspects, unredeemed casualties, and unmitigated bargains. There are persons who might have hated their bodies after a bitter childhood experience, and the bitterness might be preventing them from being their true selves. I would like to see myself in the place of Lazar, after Jesus resuscitating my life, and I emerging out of the tomb, and I hear Jesus telling me, unbind him and let him go free! This is a difficult and painful task, to free ourselves from all the false security and hope, and take a leap in faith. The quality of our mission as agents of God’s reconciliation depends on the quality of our reconciliation with our own selves.

Reconciliation with our neighbors is the second level, and it obviously is based on the first level, and here we look at others not as separate entities, but as extension of our own selves. If I have great love and appreciation for my own self, then that would also impel me to have the same kind of appreciation and love for my neighbors. In the novel, The Shack, it takes quite a bit of trouble on the part of the Holy Trinity to help Mack be reconciled with the people who had ill-treated him (his father at his childhood) and the man who had caused cruelty to his daughter Missy. One way how we could enter into reconciling with our neighbors is by climbing down from the seats of judgment that we feel comfortable with. When we look at others as weak and fragile human beings, just like our own selves, then it might not be impossible to forgive others and relink the cycle of relationship with them.

The third layer of reconciliation is a notion which is of late in origin; it is only since the past ten to fifteen years that we have begun to look at this area of our need to be reconciled. No human person can claim innocence of what is happening in the world around. Morally each one of us is responsible for the plundering and decimation of the earth and her resources. We have shamelessly defaced the earth, and are already facing the dire consequences of our stupid actions. We need to remember that each and every action of ours has a repercussion on the face of the earth. Reconciling with the earth invites us to honor the responsibility that God had given to the human beings as the custodian of the earth and not to plunder her resources as if she were an object to be used and abused. St Ignatius of Loyola taught us to find the footprints of God in each and every atom of the earth, and Gerard Manly Hopkins found the earth “charged” with God’s presence. It is time that we take a close look at our relationship with the earth, and cement the union if we had caused division.

The fourth layer obviously is oriented towards our reconciliation with God, the master of the universe; this would be possible only when we have reconciled with other three lower levels. No wonder Jesus told his disciples to place their offerings at the altar and first go and be reconciled with those who might have had a grudge against them. The wonder of this level is that if we had been faithful to be reconciled with our broken selves, our errand neighbors and the bruised earth, then God will take the first step to reach us. Did not St Augustine remind us that God is closer to us than we are to him? How do we know that we are reconciled with God, and that God had taken us close to his heart? If we experience certain amount of peace and tranquility deep within us, then these are the signs that God has reconciled us to himself. In fact, this is the only stage where we do not need to do anything to be reconciled with God, because here God takes the first step to be reconciled with us (cf. 2 Cor 5:18).

The four stages complete the full “circle of relationship” that Young talks about in The Shack, and the fourth stage takes us back to the first level, where we are authentic to our own identity as the true children of God, and enables us to look at the other as extensions of ourselves, and to find the footprints of God in nature, and recognizing him as our ultimate yearning and thirst, the one for whom our heart longs for. It is time to make the circle complete by looking into ourselves and making amends.

Sane Soul-mates (3.b)

Sometimes if we are lucky we may come across men and women who had managed to remove the obstruction which prevented them communing with their spirits directly and spontaneously. These persons may not be very difficult to identify, because even the ordinary persons would be able to take note of the glow surrounding them. They would radiate such a spiritual aura that anyone who comes in contact with them would experience the power of their spirit communication. Even if there is one single person in a thousand, the community is sure to experience the power of the soul, of the spirit, and they would be able to guide the community to greater spiritual heights.

One such person that the Indian sub-continent had witnessed some years ago was the Mahatma, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi of happy memory. If he was spectacular in nature, then we have the tribal leaders of Sidu Kanhu brothers, and each state would be able to identify such persons still living or dead. Even if they are dead, their spirit would be alive and active in a society. Today I would like to bring before my eyes one person who had remarkable ease to speak through his spirit. Gandhi was not merely a political force, who fought for the independence of India, but he was also a spiritual force, who taught the noble ideals of ahimsa (non-violence) and satyagraha (search for truth), and thanks to his contact with his spirit, today India can boast of relative peacefulness.

I would like to consider the kind of qualities which mark the people who have access to the well-springs of their spirits, and are able to affect the world they live in : fearlessness, certain amount of daring spirit; no one can harm them, neither death, not killing, they can defy any human power; conviction which spring from life experience: they would stand by what they are convinced of, and no one can turn them from the path they have chosen; spiritual power: these people go beyond all that is material and human, and they put their trust in a power which is lasting, eternal and transcendental; people of the heart: unlike the people who are guided by their heads (logic) these people are guided by their hearts, instincts and inner dynamism.

I can also think of some persons who enter into this spiritual realm, when they are subjected to certain unique kind of experiences. I remember one of my very senior friends narrating to me about her younger brother, who had been informed by the physicians that he would live but for one more month – he had reached advanced case of cancer and there would be no remedy for it, but bear with it until the last day! But this man, I was told wished to defy the impending death by being happy, spending his time in the hospital as joyful as he could, cheering up his other companions and family members… and when the month has passed, I hear that the person has not died, and instead there is a great improvement in his disease… this man was able to frighten cancer, and that is the power of his spirit!

If I am not able to live by my spirit, then I need to take a good look at the four characteristics of persons who live by their spirits: fearlessness, conviction, spiritual power, heart-centered! I would like to ask myself what makes me fearful, why am I afraid of living by my convictions, what makes me give up the spiritual power and seek material and worldly power, and why do I resort to the head instead of the heart? I am also aware that I am not going to change into a person animated by the spirit all of a sudden; I will not become like Mahatma Gandhi or Sidu Kanhu over night; it would take me some years before I can live by my heart spontaneously, without anyone telling me, or myself being aware of it! But my long journey can begin today!

San(ct)ity of the Spirit (3.a)

The essence of my reflection, meditation and contemplation today, as I venture into deeper waters of the world of the Spirit, is taken from the sacred scripture of the Hindus, the Bhagavad Gita, chapter 2, verses 16 to 21. These words spoken by Lord Krishna, addressed to his disciple Arjuna, who refused to fight the battle against his kinsmen, have words of wisdom. Each verse of this excerpt is worth spending ample time with, because what I find here is the essence of all religions and spiritualities, and if I am able to enter into the deeper realization these words can awaken in me, then I would look at reality with different eyes, and I cannot be the same man I was yesterday. The Gita invites me to enter into deeper waters to find the meeting point of my Spirit with the Eternal Spirit.

The invisible Spirit (Sat, Atma) is eternal, and the visible world (including the physical body) is transitory. The reality of these two is indeed certainly seen by the seers of truth. (2.16) The Spirit (Atma) by which all this universe is pervaded is indestructible. No one can destroy the imperishable Spirit. (2.17) Bodies of the eternal, immutable, and incomprehensible Spirit are perishable. Therefore, fight, O Arjun. (2.18) One who thinks that Atma (Spirit) is a slayer, and the one who thinks Atma is slain, are both ignorant. Because Atma neither slays nor is slain. (2.19) The Spirit (Atma) is neither born nor does it die at any time. It does not come into being, or cease to exist. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. (2.20) O Arjun, how can a person who knows that the Spirit (Atma) is indestructible, eternal, unborn, and immutable, kill anyone or cause anyone to be killed? (2.21) [trans. By Ramananda Prasad, http://www.gita4free.com/english_completegita2.html].

What Lord Krishna refers to the Spirit is the very same one that all human persons possess; there are some who believe that animals and plants do not have Spirits, and that is a contestable issue and I am not prepared to enter into that area. But the spirit that I am privileged to have a peek into during the moment of ‘stillness’ between the noisy moments of my mindscape, is the same one which is present in all people, great or small, rich or poor, men or women. My spirit is part of the Eternal Spirit of the creator, sustainer God, and during the time of creation I am breathed into my body this life spirit, the birthless, deathless spirit. In other words, I see my life on earth as just one tiny phase in the life of the universe.

Unless I remove the obstruction created by the body and mind, I will not be able to see my spirit, and this spirit will be powerless under the shadow of the body and mind, and that is why I had tried to clear the layers of the body and the mind, so that I may have a clear look at the spirit. Some might prefer to call this soul, but I would love to call it spirit, because soul is something of a spiritual jargon, while spirit is a common word denoting a higher power, accepted by all religions, including the animistic and pantheistic ones. If everyone around me also possess the same kind of spirit which is animating and activating me, then how can I harm another person? When I harm a person, am I not causing damage to his/her spirit too?

Here I encounter a problem: the spirit is indestructible, and so when I try to harm a person, I can harm only his/her body, and I cannot do anything to the spirit. And when I try to kill a person or murder my rival, ultimately I lose the battle, because I will never be able to subdue his/her spirit, and it is only a coward who will try to harm the body and not the spirit. And that is precisely what Jesus had told his disciples : “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” [Matthew 10:28]. There are several men and women down the centuries who are proof to this, and as I contemplate their lives, I become more conscious of the power that is deep within me, in the form of the Spirit!

Slipping into Stillness (2.c)

All these years I had realized that one of the most difficult battles to win for a human person is with one’s own mind; it may be easier to control one’s body, but not so the mind. All the rishis and munis, who had resorted to the Himalayas to enter into austere tapasya were doing just one thing : to remove the opaque sheet of the mind that prevented them from encountering their Being, the Lord of the Universe. What I think, Lord Buddha did at the shade of the bodhi tree was also precisely the same, to bring the mind under his control, not consciously though, but through awareness of the interplay of thoughts, and distancing himself from them. Even if I begin a non-stop tapasya in order to control my mind, I may hardly pass the test even at the time of my death! This is a lifelong test, and very few could be said to have passed the test.

But I have nothing to worry, because having even a momentary glance of the Eternal is worth a million, for even a tiny fragment of eternity is equal to the largest section of it, and by partaking of the eternal, I become part of what I partake, and I would not want anything more. It is possible that after weeks of practice, of observing the mindscreen for a few weeks as an external viewer, I may be able to find a few seconds of quietness and stillness, and the mind may be back to its play soon. But those couple of seconds can do me a lot more good than all my mindgazing, and that is what I am going to do today: to catch my mind off-guard at different moments of the day.

I am not going to venture into doing something which even seasoned saints and sages have not been able to achieve after decades of their sadhana. I would do something which I can reasonably attempt. Starting from the beginning of the day, I am going to pause for a minute, say at every 30 minutes or one hour, to find what my mind is busy with, and will spend about five minutes observing it each time. Without entering into the scene, I would drop in as if I am walking into the cinema hall at different moments to see what is going on. It is rarely that I might find the mind preoccupied with the same thing, but what it is preoccupied with may give me a clue to what matters the most in life for me.

The exercise itself is not an easy one, because once I quieten myself each time, I have to close my eyes in order to slowly focus the attention on the movements of the mind. It is like focusing of persons through the lens of a video camera. I may not be able to find what the mind is busy with at the beginning, until I have narrowed the focus to the endless stream of thoughts. Here I am expected to move above the physical (and physiological) reality, body sensations, feelings… Thus if there is tension or disturbance in the body, that is not going to let me concentrate or focus on the mindplay. Thus, I need to relax and make my body comfortable before I enter into this realm.

I realize one of the most difficult aspects of this exercise is to separate myself from my thoughts; I am so mixed up with my thoughts, to distance myself from the mind’s game is tough; but as Tolle assures, with practice I may be able to experience the stillness, at least in bits and pieces. Even these bits and pieces of stillness can give me enough spiritual nourishment, enough to last a life-time. Let me savor the sweetness of these few seconds, for these are the greatest privileged spiritual fruits that the season of Lent can bring to me, and help me take a peek at what great treasures are there for the people who can persevere. When I realize that I am able to experience at least a few seconds of stillness within, then I know that I am ready to enter into the third phase of my inward journey!

Play and Pause! (2.b)

Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite authors, and his seminal work The Power of Now put me in an altogether different mental disposition. I began to look at reality of the mental magic with a different perspective, thanks to Tolle’s inspiring words. Today I am going to put into practice something of what Tolle has recommended in his book, The Power of Now, because that would be the gateway to enter into the third phase of our inward journey, to the Spirit. I have already relaxed my body, and have become conscious of the magic and miracle that the human mind is capable of, but beyond these magic and miracles is another realm of the mindstream, by which I mean an endless flow of “noise” which can obstruct me from reality, and entry into the core of my being.

I would like to become conscious of how my mind works, because most often I take this for granted. I seldom pause for a while to realize what my mind does and how much of control I really have on my mindstream! I sit quietly in my room or any place where I feel comfortable, and close my eyes if that helps me, and remain still for a while. Then I begin to become conscious of what my mind is preoccupied with, without trying to control what it thinks. I will be an external observer, as if I am watching a movie of what is happening on my mindscreen. I would not make any value judgment if what the mind is thinking about is good or bad! I just observe the mind’s movements for about five minutes.

I realize that there is no better non-stop chatter-box on earth than the human mind, my mind. It moves from one thought to another, sometimes coherently, some other times incoherently. Sometimes it projects thoughts which are meaningful, some other times, sheer meaningless, useless thoughts. There are socially acceptable thoughts and other times, socially unacceptable thoughts. But I begin to realize as I witness this great drama, or movie on the mindscreen that most of the time my mind is busy and occupied with things which do not necessarily concern me, and things which I do not wish to be associated with. But do I have a choice? The moment when I try to make a value judgment, then I am only giving more power to the mind.

One thing is clear for me, so long the mind is busy and occupied, I have no access to my spirit, where I can encounter the Lord of my heart. The mind places a opaque film between me and my spirit, my Being, the really Real. Most often I become involved with the mindstream, and react to what goes on inside the mind, and it would be shown in my body response. When my mind imagines pleasant things, then my body is relaxed, but when my mind imagines and projects violent objects or events, then my body is tensed and stiff. Tolle suggests that I distance myself from my mind; I am not my mind. I remain outside of the mind, and just observe what goes on within, and there would be moments when I might experience absence of thoughts, and they are moments of ‘silence’, and they are the moments when this opaque plate is removed and I have access to reality.

I am quite used to star-gazing, and today I am going to do mind-gazing, observing my mind, all that is going on in it, without forcefully trying to enter into silence. As I become conscious of the thoughts from outside, the thoughts subside by themselves, and I may be able to enjoy absence of thoughts for just a few seconds, but if I continue to mindgaze regularly, these moments of ‘silence’ may gradually increase, and in this most precious moments I may become one with reality, divinity, and am not touched or disturbed by either pain or pleasure. It is at this moment that I become truly a child of God, experiencing the godliness that I received at the time of my birth. Once I begin to taste this precious moments of ‘silence’ I would be prepared to give up anything in exchange for it. I am slowly moving close to my being.

Mind Matters (2.a)

Today I am going to contemplate on the wonder of the human mind, that most intricate machinery, which is far superior to any machine we can conceive. And every human person is endowed with this miracle-machine from birth, and we carry it with us until we breathe our last. God has created the mind in such a way that it is not something palpable, and is not one of the body organs. This makes a great difference. If it were one of the organs, then it should also be “transferable”, and I would not have been surprised there would have been ‘mind transplants’ possible, and God’s wonderful creation might have been subjected to commercial venture.

Let me look around me, even as I sit quietly inside my room, my living room, or office, taking a good look at the different things neatly arranged; the table clock, pile of papers, the telephone, pen, pencil, stapler, paper weight, the computer, compact disks, the electric light, fan, the almirah, books, the wall calendar… It would be quite impossible for me to enlist all of them. There are so many things around me that most often I take them for granted. As I take a good look at all of them, one by one, I shall try to imagine the wonder of human mind which has conceived this, and given shape to it in this form. For instance, I look at the book; the creation of paper, printing technology, the labor of several people, of packaging, the concept of language… it is mind-boggling to even imagine the way how human mind has given expression to this great wonder.

The mind makes use of the human body to give physical shape to whatever matters; but let me also consider some of the evils that the human mind has conceived and given shape to – the weapons of destruction, the arms and ammunition, gun powder, guns, the bombs… instead of helping create humanity had also made use of the mind to create means of destruction. Everything that is evil in the world is naturally the fruit of human mind, just as everything noble and beautiful are also conceived by the mind. Behind every attempt to destroy the fellow human being, there is a tendency to be self-centered, to make sure that the fittest survive (I remember Charles Darwin’s theory of ‘survival of the fittest’).

Apart from the beauty in the world, which is the work of God the creator, if there is certain order, discipline and beauty in the human society, it is thanks to the ingenuity of the human mind. We know how to organize the numerous things in our rooms, in such a way that when I enter the room, I find it cozy and comfortable, I can locate the things which I had filed some days or months ago, I can have the joy of having all the things I need within my reach. I did not need to learn interior designing, in order to organize my living or office room. The human mind is capable of providing all the necessary data in order to make something beautiful. Is it not a wonderful thing to be able to bring order and discipline in the midst of chaos and disorder?

If I have to understand how the human mind is complex, then I need to open up an electric or electronic appliance, and see the different circuits and components inside. For the most part, I don’t understand how these are made, assembled, and the human mind is also capable of improving on them, fine-tuning them, and reproducing as and when required. From where did the human persons get the idea of venturing into the field of creating useful tools other than the one that the benevolent nature supplied? I spend time wondering at the greatness and uniqueness of the human mind, which has no limits. What does my mind seem to tell me here and now? Let me listen to it, and it may have something to tell me!

Temple of the Spirit (1.c)

I place myself in the presence of the Lord, and take a few moments to “feel” his presence; the aura of the Lord’s presence surrounding me. I sit comfortably in a position which I feel at ease with, and now become conscious of my body, the different parts which make it. Let me pay attention to the different parts which are tensed, and I relax them. I call on the particular part and ask it to relax… my right shoulder, relax! I loosen the muscles, and can feel the entire body becoming light, almost weightless. When I feel comfortable, then I bring to my mind that this body which I behold here and now is not only a fragile God’s creation, but is also a temple of the Spirit; it is here that God deigns to dwell. Therefore it is holy and sacred!

God has sanctified my body by breathing into me his own life spirit, and the air I breathe in is but his breath… it is his breath which nourishes me. Let me therefore turn my attention to my breathing, the cool air entering into my body, filling my lungs and come out with the impurities, warm! Close my eyes and feel the breath, become conscious of the air entering in and getting out. I will also focus on the heaving of my chest, the gradual filling of my lungs, and how it feels on the nostrils. Let me stay with my breathing as long as I can, because it is the life spirit of God that has been given to me, and this spirit makes my body holy and sacred. God is not only a passive craftsman, but he has shared part of his Self by breathing into me.

I also become aware of the different ways how this body is made to indulge in things unholy, contrary to his divine plan; the eyes which see evil, the ears which listens to gossip, the mouth which curses and abuses others verbally, gluttony through which I eat more than I really need, hands through which I harm others, my sexual organs which are sometimes subjected to unholy acts of self gratification, my flesh, about which sometimes I am too fastidious… My body is by itself holy and sacred and it is only the conscious I who subject it to sinful tendencies. I shall move from the top considering how different parts of my body become vehicles of defaming the creator who made me.

The human body has immense potentiality, and today I would like to become conscious of it. I recall to mind some of the most outstanding works that I was able to do during the past few years, and the body had been always the vehicle through which I was able to carry out these noble, beautiful works. It is like Alladin’s magic lamp, you rub it and the genie appears, ‘Your wish, my command!’ The body is there always to do what I wish it to do. I receive this immense potentiality and creativity from the creator, the omnipotent God. Let me also remember some of the achievements people around me had made using their bodies. The human body is capable of achieving far more things than the best computers can.

If my body is the temple of the Spirit, the house where the Lord of the universe dwells, then it is only proper that I keep it neat and tidy. Today I pause for a moment to recall the moments when I had abused my body, or different parts of it! I remember the moments when I had not cared for this body sufficiently, failed to listen to what the hands or legs had to tell me when I forced them to the point of collapsing, or moments when I had forced to cover the natural beauty with artificial materials, when I had not given opportunity for nature to cure the commonplace ailments but rushed to artificial means of arresting them, when I had not given enough rest to my body, but made it work for days without sufficient rest… Let me for a while listen to my body, what is it telling me now!

Living Creation (1.b)

Let me continue from where I stopped during the previous part (1.a). I had been looking at each part of my body, appreciating the contours and beauty of each part, chiseled by the master craftsman. Now it is time that I own up my body as it is, and not as I would have loved it to be. I have very little power or option to change the way I have been created (and even the best of plastic surgeons may not be able to give an original appearance to my body, as I have been created!), but it would do me good to accept my body as I behold it here and now, with all its proportions, shapes, and contours. Let me accept my body as it is, without wishing anything to be different from what it is!

I would like to apply the Ignatian application of the senses contemplation to “commune” with my body as I behold it here and now! I had already completed the first part of the contemplation, seeing each part of my body; now let me listen to my body, let me listen to every little sound that my body makes; the heartbeat, the heaving of my chest, the breathing in and out, the knuckles, the movement of different parts of the body… let me listen to my body. What does it say to me? Let me run down my body from top to bottom listening to each part, and maybe even in the stillness of their being, they may be telling me something profound; maybe the muscles may ask me to release them, the chest may wish to breathe in and breathe out at its own pace… Let me pay close attention to their “speech”.

I have almost forgotten how I smell? It is not that I have to smell my body only when I wear some fragrance or body spray; everybody has its own odour, and scientists may call this pheromones, which are supposedly responsible for love attractions, all that I am interested in here is to be aware of how I smell. Am I comfortable with the body odour of my self, or do I hate it, and wish to cover it up with an artificial body spray? The next phase of the exercise is to taste how my body is; new-borns and toddlers do it spontaneously. When toddlers suck their thumbs, what they do is taste their body, though Sigmund Freud would have a different explanation. Let me lick different parts of my body and see for me how I taste!

The last part of this exercise is to feel my body as it is; to be alert and conscious of what is happening to my body; if I am not going to be conscious of what is happening to my body, then who can? Let me close my eyes, and lying on the floor on my back (in savasana – dead body posture), legs spread apart, and both the hands about 10 inches from the hip… let me become conscious of each part of my body, and let me enter into a dialogue with each of them! What do they have to tell me here and now? Let me release every form of pain or tension and uneasiness, and relax all the muscles. Let me not hold any tension within, but leave them all slowly and joyously.

When I have relaxed my entire body, I might fall asleep, but I would appeal to my body not to fall asleep, and sure enough the body would respond to my appeal positively. There is no obedient subordinate to me than my own body. I continue to lie on my back in savasana position. Now following the exercise by Anthony De Mello, considering myself as dead, and my body placed before others, let me see how different persons respond to this body. Let me look at this body as if I am a third person; look how different persons look at the body. Let me listen to what they say, what they do. Is there anything which is striking to me in the way how they treat my body? Let me stay for a while looking at my body… Then I would be ready to enter into the third phase of the day’s journey inward!

Dust thou art! (1.a)

I am going to contemplate on the miracle of my body today, the gateway, as it were, to my encounter with the Lord of my soul. The body, which we are told, was created by God out of mud, and to earth we all shall return! How true it is! Let me begin to realize that whatever be my name and fame, social status, educational qualifications, the great and important offices I hold, the kind of influence I can exert in my community, the number of person who love to follow my words literally, without ever questioning them, the amount of riches and wealth that I have made out of sheer hard work and labor, what am I at the end of it all! A few kilograms of soil, that is what I am, and that is what all of us will ever be!

I would like to spend an hour sitting at the garden, or at a quiet place where I am alone with the earth! Let my feet rest on the ground, the hard earth, and let me walk on the earth consciously telling myself that I am treading on the lives of so many of human persons, who might have died hundreds and thousands of years ago. Let me close my eyes for a while and imagine a pile of human bodies strewn on my path, and I am walking over them! Let me continue my walk imagining that the soil on earth is nothing but the composite of human bodies. Let me also remind myself that one day I would be trodden upon by the future generations. That is what I am!

Now let me sit quietly in a corner of the garden, take a handful of mud and hold it tenderly, look at it lovingly, because that is what I am, and that is what I would be after some years. This is what the people I love the most on earth are and would be after some years. The best and the worst that the world can offer me is nothing but a handful of mud! The greatest possessions I can claim power and authority over are but a few hands full of mud. Let me continue to gaze at the mud, the color, shape, smell and the kind of feeling they create on my fingers; the coarse feeling! Let me smell it and consume the smell of it and fill my lungs with it. This is what I am, this is what I will be!

As I look at the handful of mud in my hand, let me see the mud being shaped by a master craftsman into my image and likeness, let me take a good look at the image of myself before my eyes; the image is lifeless, it is as good as a dead body; there is no life in it! Let me pay attention to the continuous fine tuning of this image by the craftsman, who keeps on improving it; the painstaking task of providing the much needed contours to the image makes the craftsman sweat his blood out, but there is joy on his face. When it is done, I witness him breathing into the lifeless image, and I am created! Once I am in full shape, I see the craftsman no more. I see the marvel of my body, though it is made of mud, it is but an exquisite work of art!

Now it is time for me to move to my room, carrying in my mind the body that had been created out of mud, and remove all the clothes, and stand in the middle of the room. Today is the time for me to take a good look at my body, the wonder machine far superior than any that human beings were able to make. I make take about an hour to really see every part of my body, starting either from the top or the bottom, moving gently from one part to another! I might use a looking mirror to have a look at my face… let me take note of the many things which are in my body, about which I had not been conscious of… the moles, scars, veins, … Let me look at my body as if I am watching at the best art work in a museum! Let me explore the wonder of my body, slowly and respectfully!

Lenten Triduum… Journey inwards!

It is long since I had spent three full days during the season of Lent to be with the suffering Lord and the suffering humanity. The one thing that takes priority during this season over everything, particularly the spiritual aspects, is the exterior practices, penance and reparation for the past sins. Most often I forget the reason why I do all these penance and sacrifices; it is surely not the time for slimming, as some think it to be, or time for dieting, or time for putting a little control over one’s eating habits. Even the fast and skipping of meals often remain at the level of external practices which do not touch the heart, the core of my being. This year I propose to spend three days on an inward journey, into the core of my being, where alone can I encounter the suffering Lord and the suffering humanity!

Three days are not such a long duration in comparison to my life-time and I can afford to take the 72 hours away from my daily schedule (though I often claim to be too busy for some of the courtesy calls and appearances, many a times I catch myself aimlessly moving from one meaningless activity to another!), and be by myself. The world is not going to miss me much during these 72 hours, which I consider are going to be privileged moments to enter into my self! It is not that I have not ventured into such journeys before, but most often such journeys were interrupted by worldly preoccupations, and I would return to my humdrum reality from half way. Thus I hope and pray I survive the full three days alone with me!

Did I say alone with me? But I am never alone; I am a composite of the body, mind and spirit, and at any given moment I am controlled by these thridev (trinity). I had very seldom given time to enter into the three koshas (layers) of my self. Indian philosophy would detail several koshas, ultimately ending with anandamaya kosha, the blissful layer, and that is what I am hoping to embark upon during these three days, to ultimately seek and find ananda, the perfect bliss! It is God alone who is bliss, and that is why we dare to call him/her anandamayi! The ever joyous, blissful! What a wonderful name is this for God! How wonderful would it be if all of us on earth are as blissful as God is!

Let me place certain assumptions before I jump into the deep waters; am I sure that I am going to enter into deep waters? How deep is it going to be? For a person whose head is immersed into water, it really does not matter if the water level is seven feet high or 20 feet high; the fear and panic one experiences is the same in both the levels. How far I would be able to hold myself is left to each one? From my side, I need to become conscious of where I am? Am I still at the shore, untouched by the living waters that flow from the Lord’s presence, or am I well into the deep? Or am I able to feel the waters slowly rise (it is the Lord’s doing), or that I am moving into deeper waters (it is my Spirit’s doing)? Let me close my eyes and feel the waters?

As a preparation for this three days of inward journey, it is a wonderful thing to enter into the presence of the Lord purifying ourselves. The tribals of India would always begin any religious celebration with the first day dedicated to purificatory rituals, so that their bodies, minds and spirits are free from any sort of impurity which may prevent the Lord entering into our midst. I would like to invoke the Spirit of the Living God to let the living streams flow over me, and purify me of all that would prevent me from recognizing his presence, seeing me with my inner eyes, and holding on to him as my greatest treasure! Let me repeat the mantra on the eve of my journey, as many times as I can: Spirit of the Living God, let your streams flow over and cleanse me!

Nurturing the Neighbor (Lent 3)

Lent is a beautiful occasion for us to ask ourselves, who is my neighbor! Actually the question that is often on the tip of our lips is nothing new; there are thousands of seekers ahead of us, who have asked the same question, and some 2000 years ago, Jesus had already answered this question with a story, the parable of the Good Samaritan! Here in this story we shall find the elements of the previous two notions, of listening to one’s inner spirit, expressing unconditional empathy, and it leads to yet another level of making the other person as an extension of oneself. The good Samaritan does not see a stranger on the road, but a reflection of himself, part of his own Being. He could not help but reach out to him with spontaneous willingness to suffer.

If there is so much of division, conflict, violence and bloodshed in the world, the most important reason why these things happen is because we have not known who is the other! We are used to looking at the other as someone outside of me! Martin Buber made popular the notion of ‘we’ and ‘they’ and we have cleverly managed to look at ourselves as different from the others. Linguistic groups, religious sects, ethnic communities, thrive because they convince the masses that “we” are different from “they”, and that they cannot sacrifice their group identity at the expense of the other, and that would only lead to their suicide, so they are brainwashed, and the result is conflict, violence and bloodshed.

The Vedas had taught us to look at us as ‘aham brahmasmi’ (I am Brahman), and if I am Brahman, then what about the other? Of course everyone is Brahman; the Greeks had proposed the theory of ‘demigods’, that everyone is an extension of God, or part of Godhead. If I see God in the other person, would I dare to cheat him, look at her with lustful eyes, attempt to rob the little he has, shed his blood in order to rob the house? The very moment I look at myself as God, and so are others, then the entire outlook changes, and I cannot do most of the things that I often take it for granted. And that is where the final judgment scene of Matthew 25 makes sense.

What do I think about my neighbor, especially those with whom I do not feel at ease, people who do not entertain my views and ideas, people who think very different from mine, people who often outshine me in several fields? Until I get out of my own self, I would not be entering into the spirit of Lent, which necessarily invites me to get out of my self, in order to enter into another self, the Self of the other. The world unfortunately, has taught us to love our own self, shower the greatest encomium to our own self and its image, forgetting the other persons are but extensions of my own image and likeness, which again is the image and likeness of God himself.

But is it possible for me to look at the other person, especially my rivals and enemies as extension of my own self? It is, and the season of lent may be a good occasion for us to practice this : all that I should do is to look at the other person as a looking mirror; that is all I need to do! Now when I look at another person (and if he is a looking mirror), what would I see? Of course, the image of my own self, and if that is the case, would I dare to harm him or her? Would I dare to rob his/her possessions? Here I would go beyond all narrow categories the world has created for me, the linguistic, regional, religious, cultural, ethnic, everything will come to a naught as soon as I place a looking mirror. Let us carry this mirror wherever we go, and we can be sure, we are safe, and others are also safe with us!

Reaping Lenten Fruits

There is something beautiful about lent, and there is something bad too in equal measure. The annual period of penance and repentance, lasting for 40 days, is observed so religiously by most of the traditional Catholics that they all might seem to be closer to the heaven than the others. The austerity with which they do fast and engage in spiritual activities, such as pilgrimages, extra time spent on every Friday for the Stations of the Cross, there are all signs that this season is truly a season of grace for all of them. But that much is the beautiful side of the lent.

There is also an ugly side to the season of “grace”. I could speak for my family; my parents fast for all the 40 days of lent, and skip one meal every day religiously; even if they fall sick, and require strength to carry on, they would not have food to sustain their body and mind. The rigor with which they do this ritual is sometimes frightening. Instead of this piety becoming a means to a greater union with the suffering Lord, and the less fortunate brothers and sisters of the society, the means often take the sway, and the end is often lost. My mother would go all the way to stick to the special pieties during the lent, while her quarrels with my father would go on unceasingly.

Let me add another dimension to the innumerable shades of meanings and significance that the season reminds us of. I would like to break the four letters of the world LENT, to imply LISTEN with EMPATHY to your NEIGHBORS TODAY. This is one thing that takes so much of strength and courage for us to do; we hear the cry of the people around us, but most often we are not touched; their cry stop with our ear drums, they do not enter into our hearts; sometimes the cries that come from all quarters are capable of transforming us, but only when we allow these cries to enter into us. Lent is a season to keep our ears and hearts open!

Every member of Israel is said to have carved the holy words of ‘Shema Israel’ (listen o Israel), and they were expected to inscribe these words, put them in an amulet and tie it on their foreheads, their wrists, in order to remind themselves that they are to listen to their God. LISTEN! The world around is fast forgetting the art of listening to oneself, neighbor, nature, and to God. Naturally when we fail to listen to the inner murmurings of our heart, we cannot listen to our neighbors, and when we cannot listen to ourselves and our neighbors, the cry of nature is addressed to barren grounds, and God would then remain just an unreachable destination.

In the next four reflections, we shall take a closer look at the four key words we have proposed for lent, listening, empathy, neighbor and today, and all of them have something to remind us about our own spiritual journey. Lent alone cannot make our entire spiritual journey; this is one of the key phases of our journey, but then there are other phases, and it is only when we make a smooth transition from one phase to another, from Christmas joy to the sorrow of lent and then proceed to experience the peace of the Risen Lord during the ordinary season of the liturgical calendar. Lent is an invitation to go deeper into our selves, for that is where we may encounter the Lord of our hearts.