Tit for Tat

There are some men and women who still believe in tit for tat; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, even though they know only too well that Jesus taught them a formula different from this one. Leave alone following the new formula of Jesus, that they should give even the garments to the one who likes to take the shawl, these people know how to strip people of the little dignity and honor they have, and love to place them on a pedestal stark naked, and call all the people around and declare that their opponents are stark naked. Such is the kind of thing that one would hate to come across, but when such a thing happens one is helpless.

The man had asked for a genuine feedback about him and his operations in public, and we took it seriously and opened our hearts to tell him how we feel about him, some of his bias and prejudices, some of his lopsided orientations, and least did we realize that he was going to fire us back for airing our opinions about him in public. No wonder, he made it a point to justify our feedback and the so-called remarks, and showed that he was more innocent than innocence itself. His duty and responsibility of asking for a feedback from the people who worked with him in decision making process is done, and now he is scot free to pounce on others.

He had acknowledged a day before that he had inherited a tendency to be judgmental from his cultural background, and was recognizing this trait in him in the recent years; but a day after again he came across vociferously to brand and judge me for what he does not have sufficient proof and evidence. I would not claim that I was altogether innocent, but when he said that I was suffering from “compulsiveness” to certain human error, I was wondering if he realized what he was telling about me in public. It is not that I was overly concerned about my image in public, but I realized he wanted to “humiliate” me in public and had pleasure out of it.

Just because you have learned a couple of words from psychology and psychiatry, you are not permitted to brand people with such labels, and I had heard him brand so many of fairly innocent men, and was feeling sad for it. At one or two occasions I had stood up and had cautioned him from branding others, especially on the basis of the personal prejudice he might have had with them. After our feedback on him, I thought he would begin to recognize the log lying in his eye, and instead he had gone to tell me to remove the spec from my eye. I did feel bad about this calumny, but was helpless; I remained silent, in order not to embarrass other companions.

I had felt that this gentleman is known for vindictiveness; if anyone stood against him, he would not hesitate to destroy their dignity and honor, and some of my close friends had narrated to me how he was trying to do that with them, and of late, I had tried to tell him directly how I felt in the past months about him, and how he was dealing with me. He would not accept many of the factual presentations and observations of mine, and instead he would jump to justify his reactions and judgments. I feel sad for him, because he had failed to read the Gospel he always swears by, and if only he could open his eyes, he would realize what the Gospel was calling him to. That is when his salvation may dawn.

Careful Camouflage

I was so sad to hear about the plight of one of my friends, who had been giving herself fully for the mission entrusted to her, for the past 10 years. From a silent spectator, she had grown to be an organizer par excellence, single-handedly putting up two buildings with help from donor agencies, and not taking even a single rupee from her congregation. It was indeed a matter of prestige that she was able to contribute so much for the mission of her congregation. Unfortunately those who are at the helm of this local congregation cannot look at her kindly; bias and prejudice were to be blamed for the way she was treated all along. In fact, it was all because of one person, who wished to decide the fate of all her subjects, which led to silent anarchy in the congregation.

But who cares for the simple voiceless sisters, who only knew how to take orders, and knew not how to put their points across, how to argue convincingly with the people who mattered in the administration of the congregation, or how to refuse the high-handedness of a handful of people who wished to wield control over all the rest. Selfishness of a small group of ‘bourgeoisie’ mattered more than the interest and welfare of the entire congregation and their mission. The person who was supposed to be at the top of the administrative structure was made into a dummy horse, while the previous head continued to wield power over others. But there were too few to disregard the autocratic high-handedness of this person, others were too frightened to confront her.

My friend had been known as a person who would not dare talk anything in return for the orders she was given, but over the years, she had learned to speak, and today when she questions the unilateral decisions of the higher-ups, they cannot think that she could speak so boldly. They are awe-stuck that she was talking so boldly. But she is not the kind who would demand something unreasonable, but she has learned that she cannot let herself be taken for a royal ride by anyone; she knows she has to fight for her own rights and would not let anyone snatch from her hands, something which is due to her, which is her right. I am happy that today she is able to speak her mind loudly and clearly, and is ready to face the consequences.

What was more painful for me was that when my friend had informed her administrative heads that she could not accept the transfer for some serious reasons, the head had reminded her that it was her religious obedience which bound her to accept the decision of her superiors. But my first question is, if the transfer has been decided through the process of serious communal discernment; for all practical purposes, it was one person who had decided about this transfer. Can the whims and fancies of one particular autocratic person be guarded and shielded by religious notions and ideologies? It is wrong to protect one’s decisions in the name of religious obedience, because the Spirit cannot prompt anything which is illogical and irrational.

It is sad that there are still religious men and women who cannot accept the fact that in this fast changing world, they would love to cling to the age-old ideologies. Any discernment process in matters relating to transfers and changes are to take into consideration the wishes and desires of the persons concerned, and this is something very vital to the very process of discernment. If a discernment process does not take into account the aspirations and desires of the persons concerned, then it could be just the wrong way of doing the discernment, and it may be in all probability contrary to the will of God, and contrary to the promptings of the Spirit. I wish the local congregations understand the importance of taking into confidence the aspirations of the persons discussed. Times when one could be blindly ordered to take up an unknown assignment without any preparation whatsoever is gone, and we are living in a world which demands that we approach persons with certain amount of compassion and humanism, as opposed to hard, insensitive religious dogmatism.

Mountains out of Molehills

To make mountains out of molehills is something that everyone is good at; exaggeration is an easy art which all of us master without our knowing. No one needs to teach us how to exaggerate beyond all proportion the mistakes of our companions, friends or coworkers, and exaggerate our own achievements as well. In the same way, over reacting to things, persons and events is yet another thing which we get used to too easily. In all these things mentioned above, there is surely a truth factor, but if the fact is only 25 per cent and the rest is mere fabrication and exaggeration, then even the little bit of fact may get submerged in exaggeration.

I did not mean to react to what had happened to my friend; it was something to do with her personal relationship, and it was not proper that I reacted very strongly towards this incident, which had disturbed my friend, and later disturbed me too. At the bottom of it all, there were several lays of insecurity, jealousy and possessiveness, which surfaced in the form of anger and over-reaction. When the mind is too agitated, it does not see any reason; it tends to look at everything through a particular color glass, which might be quite different from plane reality. I was carried away by what happened to her, without looking at it in a proper context.

To probe into facts before reacting to pigment of the mind is something that most of us are not used to; we are used to reacting to things, persons and events, and only later seeing a point in what had taken place; if only I had taken time off to calm my mind to see the incident with objectivity, probably I would have saved the excessive emotional outbreak, which smothered my spirit at least for half a day. There is a tendency in me to react to things, persons and events sometimes too strongly; so when I am biased and prejudiced against certain person, I have learned to postpone the confrontation, anything which might force me to break out, because of the exaggerated nature of the negligible amount of truth.

There is no human person who does not have bias and prejudice towards particular person or groups of people. In the recent times we had been reading about the attacks on Indians and people of Indian origin in Australia, a clear sign of prejudice and racism, though the Australian government seems to deny the charges. Most often these bias and prejudices are based on either ignorance or lack of proper information. If an Australian attacks an Indian, because the former thought the latter was there to swindle Australian resources, it is surely not a fact; or it could happen the Australian thought that the Indians were “untouchable” and had no right to live in Australia, the argument may not hold water. At the core of it all is prejudice leading to exaggeration, further leading to overreaction.

There is not a single day in our lives, when we do not over react to things, persons and events; at least two or three occasions in a day we exaggerate things beyond all proportion; this has become our second nature, and most often we do it quite unconsciously, and we may not even realize the need to look into it. If only we learn to pay attention to facts and truth, then we may be spared from so much of mental tension and anxiety; but it is also true that not always we have access to all facts and figures, and that only complicates the matters to our disadvantage. But being alert not to exaggerate and thus overreact to things, persons and incidents can save high blood pressures!

Cheating LIfe Cheerfully

One of our senior Fathers had been ill for quite sometime now; he was admitted to a nursing home, initially diagnosed Malaria, but later the physicians changed their opinion saying it could be thyphoid! The man who was known as a soft-spoken all these years, suddenly became over talkative. He spoke profusely and did not feel tired of talking for a long time. He would talk for about an hour and at the end of which would say that he was talking too much those days, and yet would not stop talking. He repeated many of the stories he had been obsering from the first day in the nursing home.

The physicians who were treating him were not surprised that he was finding it hard to cope with the nursing home routine; he did not like the food given in there, and so the sisters living close to our house, decided to offer him lunch every day, something what he liked a lot. Our college too prepared something for his breakfast and got it reached for him. At 85, it is normal that the senior citizens ask for a little more attention than they would otherwise ask for. He had a steady stream of guests and visitors, walking into his room in the nursing home, and he had to repeat all the stories to all of them, everytime they turned up.

Even at this age, he had a strong will power and stamina to accept it with a cheer, and tried to enjoy the days he stayed in the nursing home, sometimes the saline given round the clock. He had a fondness for a young caregiver (nurse), who took liberty to look after him with felial love and devotion. But he was not in favor with the senior caregiver, who deprived him of the pillow during the first three days, without consulting with the physician attending on him, and he could not forgive her for that. But he got along cheerfully with the younger nurse, and even spoke quite high of her.

Everytime I visited him in the nursing home or in the college, where he is now, he would make it a point to repeat again and again that he was definitely making a great progress. At one time, he even said that his hearing had improved after the stay in the nursing home, and his appetite too had improved. He surely plans to live upto the age of 95, and I would not be surprised if he really makes it, because he has the will power to live, with great cheerfulness. He is quite disciplined, and has his daily routine, which include an hour of evening walk in the nearby garden, meals at the appointed time, water 8 glasses at stipulated hours, and his diet is also quite constant.

If there is anyone who has zest for life, he is surely one such. Today as I walked into his room, he was on the internet, sending mails to his family back in Belgium about his health. After several days, he was back to emails, and he was quite happy to say hello to his nieces and nephews, who might have been worried what had happened to him. He has very little grudges, though he is not altogether free from prejudices, but knows how to occupy his time. He looks much better than what he was before the attack of fever some three weeks ago. I only wish I be like him, when I reach 85!

Called to be truly human

Sitting with over sixty men and women in a conference room in St Xavier's College, Kolkata to re-dedicate to the ideals shown and lived by a late Jesuit priest of Belgian origin, gave me a very different kind of feeling; it is hard for me to really identify the feeling, because it always seemed somewhat elusive. A kind of disturbance or inner agitation, or peace and serenity - to put it bluntly it was a bag full of mixed feelings. That is what this great man - Gerard Beckers, who gained a shorter name from his friends and admirers, Babu, really was! He was not an easy man to live with, but the number of men and women who had assembled three years after his death, on his very death anniversary, bore witness to the fact that it was his "difficult" nature, which had left an indelible mark in them, and they are all grateful for that.

I don't know why, but I was not fascinated by Babu during his life-time, but while attending his funeral at the college ground, and later on interacting with the people who had been changed due to him, I felt guilty for not knowing this great soul; I had my own prejudices, many of them even negative! But it had taken me quite a while to realize that often I look at people what they look like, rather than what they really are. Unfortunately the real Babu had always eluded me, even as we had casual talk now and then, and today while listening to the people who had been touched by him, I feel guilty for not knowing him.

If so many men and women had been touched by this man, I was asking myself, why did I not make an attempt to know him? It is possible that I was looking at Babu, and every man and woman who was worth his/her salt, with my own colored glasses, and began to sit in seats of judgement without taking the trouble to know them. If there are not many people who have had great impact on me, it is because I have not allowed others to shake me, knock me, and even toss me! I had been protecting myself too strongly from the influence of others, that I remained just what I was many years ago, and that is something I regret today.

Every tree is shaped by the wind and rain, and it is the strong cyclonic winds and stormy nights which strengthen the trees, and these are the real moments of testing; but I had often refused to undergo these ordeals, keeping myself free from any external influence. If only there are people who could challenge my own narrow-mindedness and even take me to task, I might be quite different today. But as I stand at the mid-point of life, there is a growing fear in me that I am too old to learn any new tricks, and so let my old self live as long as it can, and die a peaceful death! But what would that mean to the world?

Today I would like to resurrect Babu to rise up and challenge me, challenge my mediocrity, half-heartedness, the cozy world that I had woven around me, the company of men and women who have power, security and strength to fight all odds in life! I would like to see Babu taking my hand across a stony and thorny path, barefooted, to let the thorns of the wayside poke me, and make me feel the pain and agony which has become part of reality in the lives of millions of men and women around me. I wish Babu can make me a human, with flesh and blood that are alive to human cry for help! I wish one day I become truly human!

Prejudice Revisited

No, I am not going to talk about the proverbial Pride and Prejudice of Darcy and Elizabeth in Jane Austen's novel of 1813. The novel is more than just a reality even today. Austen had portrayed these two common characteristics of human beings as present in two individuals; but just imagine these two characteristics found in a single person, who is at the same time proud and prejudiced. Believe me it is not very hard to find such a person, if we look around us carefully. These are the persons who can spew venom into a society. Being prejudiced I am told is one of the common characteristics of not only our age, but all the epochs have gone through it, and the fact is that there is not a single individual on the face of the earth, who is not prejudiced about certain person or other, at a particular point of time. But we here talk about compulsive prejudiced persons, who judge a person's character, even before they have met them.

Talking of prejudice, it is dangerous to be prejudiced in either way, positively or negatively. We often find persons who would glorify an individual even before they have known them, and after a little while they might talk just the reverse of it all. Any judgment or opinion which is not based on reason or fact is sure to crumble. But unfortunately the world operates on the basis of prejudice; take for instance, any area of our everyday lives : we are constantly confronted by this one reality : prejudice.

One of the greatest injustices that we could ever commit against humanity is to act on prejudices, and thus misjudging people. This simply means not giving due credit to people to what they really are. Positive prejudice is giving undue credit to people who do not deserve, and negative prejudice is discrediting people. And in either way we are dong injustice. But is there a way how we can be unbiased and unprejudiced? Humanly speaking, we all of us have our own color glasses, and therefore the reality we see around is always colored. But there is a way how the impact and effect of these color glasses can be controlled to a certain extent. If I am aware that I am seeing the reality through my color glasses, that itself will partially undo the damage that would otherwise wreck.

Some of the world's greatest disasters were caused not by willful, deliberate, conscious judgement, but more often than not by prejudices. What happened to the millions of Jews hacked to death or chocked to death in gas chambers during the reign of terror by Nazi regime in Germany under the leadership of Hitler is based on prejudices. We may unwittingly discredit many of the people we relate to every day due to our prejudices, if we do not check on them. Uncontrolled prejudices can cause damage not only to others, but also to my own self; I am building wall between myself and the other, instead of building bridges of fraternal outlook towards the other. In the long run this may cause me a lot.

Today I would like to take two minutes to sit quietly and recall to mind some of the persons that I am prejudiced for or against. Let me bring to my consciousness some of the persons who make my heart leap at the very look, or the people who make my day bad, by the very look. If I am prejudiced against some, they too have the right to be prejudiced against me, and that is the formula that can make me truly unhappy, and shrink my circle of friends and wellwishers. If I am able to give due credit to each person, according to their true worth, then I too can expect people to estimate me on the basis of my merit. If I am able to see my worth and the worth of each of the people I mingle each day, a beautiful state of mutual appreciation may rise up, and that is truly a gateway to true and lasting happiness!