By What Name?

Names are sacred, because they are associated with the very identity of a person, so much so the name is equivalent to the person. We no longer hold the theory that the names have something very significant to tell about the nature, characteristics of the person concerned. Some (numerologists) go to the extent of finding the link between the name of a person and his/her qualities, characteristics and even foretell the future of the person. But one thing is true that most of us have no choice of choosing our own names! We are given names.

There are very few in our society, who are privileged to choose their names. Most of our names are given by our parents, relatives, and in some cases even elder siblings. Once a name is given, it is hard to change; even as adults if we wish to change our names to something better sounding and reasonably more intelligible, we have no choices, except to make an affidavit in the court of law about the change. But even then we cannot be sure that all the people whom we know would call us by our new name.

Whatever be the name given by our parents, there is bound to be some reason why they chose these particular names. There are cases when for Catholics, illiterate parents would ask the baptising priest to give a name on the spot, and the priests who had a host of their favorite names, would be only too happy to name the children as he liked. Given a choice to change our names, at least half the humanity may prefer to have a different name. If that is the case with our official names, there is more problem in store with our pet names, how we wish to be called! Because as we grow older, the pet names might become just obsolete and new names have to be invented.

We live in a society, where juniors are not expected to call their seniors by their names; there are folk traditions in many parts of the country, where a wife may not be permitted to utter the name of her husband, and so might refer to him only as the father of her son! That is a taboo. But what about addressing a senior person, at least a few years elder! If the persons are advanced in age, then we might address them as uncle, aunty; or too senior, then grandpa, grandma. The ones from college or English medium school may address as Sir or Madam. But still the problem does not end there.

Sometimes friends who are working in the same firm or office, but one a higher post, and another junior post, how would they address each other? Often the senior post is looked upon as a respectable one, while not the junior one, but among friends, should they follow these formalities? Ultimately the pet names are to come from the heart; those who are in love with each other are able to find creative and meaningful names, and either of them would love to be called by the partner with that name. The name, however stupid it may sound to others, is the sweetest of all names, when there is love and admiration!

In search of a Unique Identity

Some years ago, the Wills cigarette had an advertisement with this caption : Made for each other! The ad had the picture of a handsome young man with a cigarette in one hand, and with his beautiful consort in the other. The idea of this caption is obviously inspired by the biblical story of creation, but in the case of people across the globe, does it happen this way? Even the so-called 'perfect couple' will disclose to us that they are not all that perfect when it comes to human relationships. It is next to impossible to find an ideal couple in the present world!

We all need support systems to lean on; to share our joys and sorrows, to gain moral strength when required, to be reassured that all is well with us. But sometimes these support systems may become such a distraction for our growth, that we may be crippled for life. What are these support systems I am referring to here? They may be persons we love, admire and treasure; institutions we belong to, organizations we have given birth to, convictions we have developed for ourselves over the past years, and the spiritual experiences (some may call them core experiences). When it trouble we tend to return to them to be re-energised.

Each one of us has a unique identity, and this identity may be marred by over dependence on the 'phantoms' (for want of a better word), we may create for ourselves. We have to get over these support systems, these phantoms; if we don't, then they may only mar the unique identity we are born with, and super-impose an identity quite different from ours. I can cherish my identity as a unique person, only so long I dissociate myself from all that attempts to bind myself to it. Until I dissociate myself from the person who wants to possess and keep me under her control, I cannot claim to be free. It is this freedom that gives birth to my unique identity.

It is quite natural that we have for ourselves persons who would care for us, and only for us. When the person I love whole-heartedly (is it a reality or just a possibility?), shares that love with another person, then I feel that my friend is not faithful to me; or that the love my friend has for me is only partial. Such a love is a selfish love, and will only bind myself to the other person, delimiting my freedom. Often I may feel I should not do anything that might displease my friend, and that may cause me dearly, if not immediately at lease in future. The irony is that the friend may not even expect me to do such a foolish thing. It is not that we cannot have very close friends, to whom we might confide all we go through, but to expect the person to behave according to my expectations and trying to fulfill the expectations of the other person, will only lead to the death of my freedom and of my friend.

Freedom is the great gift that we possess, and it is this freedom that can really make us unique, and help us enjoy the blessings of the world, and of human relationships. I can be what I am, without putting on a mask, and others will still accept me – this realization and feeling is vital to our very existence as human persons. To be free like a butterfly, moving from one blossom to another, without getting unduly attached to any one, is the story of freedom we can learn from nature. The joy of sipping nectar from the blossom while imprinting on them a loving kiss is an experience the butterfly can offer us and we can cherish.

What’s in a name?

It does not require great intelligence to observe that our names mean so much to us that we are most often associated with our names. Sometimes our names may not much correspond to our personality or our characteristic behavior, but it will invariably have something to say about us. The name is also very closely linked to our identity; we carry this identity until we die. But this is an identity that has been superimposed on us by the society we live; unfortunately very seldom are given an opportunity to choose our names. We are given names by our parents or relatives at the time of our birth, and as is the case generally, when we grow older, we may not like the name, and even wish to change, but might feel helplessly that we cannot do that. So we carry our names till we reach our graves. I wish we choose our names, but that would mean that we have to wait for several years, and what is the guarantee that we might not like to change the name yet again in the later years!

It gives me a lot of joy to observe tiny tots in the first year of school, quite oblivious of their names being called. They cannot even associate themselves with a set of sounds, which we call them their name. If we are to enter into their selves, we will realize that they are blissfully unaware of the fact that they have a specific identity in the society, and they have to carry it wherever they go. It is for this sake that in many countries schools have begun to tie a name tag around the kids, lest they forget who they are, or rather who the society calls them as. Many of us do not know what our names stand for, and what their origins are. Some names have a specific background, which may be quite revealing. When one of my brothers begot a son after about 15 years of his marriage, and after going through a series of complications, he named his son Gift of God! One day, Alen will come to know that he was truly a gift of God to his parents and to the world.

Though I don’t really like the idea, there is something very special in the religious nuns take a new name when they finally profess in a religious congregation. They gain a new identity, but again this new identity may not match their true nature or character. It used to be said of a particular women’s congregation when the head of the Order would take a list of names, line up the sisters, and give them one after another, and each one got a name according to their luck. Some had the fortune of getting even what is often considered men’s names. Is it possible for them to identify closely with the new name they have gained? Of course in the religious profession, the change of name is a symbol of changing a way of life; they have gained a new identity, quite different from the one the world has given them. They have gained a new identity which will hopefully point them towards a new goal and a new orientation.

Sometimes we do not like our names, and start fiddling with it, as I too have done. It is possible that within a cultural context a name had a lot of significance, but when we move on to a different cultural milieu the name becomes quite complicated, and even becomes cause of confusion. A Chinese name may become unutterable for an Indian, and similarly an Indian name may be too complicated for a Chinese. Luckily we find ways of shortening or abbreviating our names to make them more presentable, and even palatable to others, but we remain what we are. One thing for sure, we all love to be called by our first names. In religious circles we are called by the honorary titles, and that is often done out of respect, but when someone senior were to call us by our first names, our hearts throb, and leaps for joy, because we find that that name evokes sensations that rise from the bottom of our hearts. Is it not for this reason that lovers love to call each other by their names!

Today I would like to pause for a moment and savor the sweetness of my name, and all that it implies; let me call me by name several times, until I can hear my heart vibrate with feelings so tender and gentle that I feel enlivened. We live in a society, where people who wish to be polite and formal, like to call me by my second name, which is far removed from what I would very much like to hear, but I know the people I love and care, do call me by name. Today I would like to reflect how God calls me; perhaps he has the best name, hearing which my heart would throb, and the sound of the name would always ring in my ears. What is that name, the special name, which has been reserved for me, and only for me in the whole of the universe. I sit in the secret corner of my world, waiting to hear God call me by that name, as I look longingly to his countenance in everyone I see and encounter. If only I can hear his voice, my heart would be full, and I may find no words to utter. Name is the other name for my deepest desires. (Rome)