Fatalistic Favorites

Nepotism and favoritism seem to be close to the hearts of anyone who matters in our political, social and cultural circles. Maybe the great and mighty feel all alone to occupy high chairs, and would want their near and dear ones to stay close to them. I come to see nepotism and favoritism taking place all around me; in some cases, it takes place surreptitiously, and in some other cases it happens openly. We have seen some families ruling the nation from one generation to another, and the whole nation watching the fun silently and even supporting the family to last longer, even after the ties are slowly severing. Every big politician would want his son or daughter to succeed him or her in the public platform, even when the youngster does not qualify to be there; but that does not stop them, because they have the blessing and the unabashed backing of their parents to draw them to the center stage.

We all have our own favorites, and under certain circumstances, we may not be able to bring in our relatives and family members to be hanging around us, but to have favorites nearby all the time is quite common. Who does not like the people they love and appreciate all the time around? We all have our favorites, and want to be of help to them whether they need them or not. If we are in a position to provide favors to them, we do not even think of consulting them before we order these favors done to them, and this charity even at the cost of bending the laws of the land or causing loss to the exchequer. I feel terrible when I come across cases where favoritism has caused so much of loss to institutions, and it is always a hard task to point out to people that favoritism should not be encouraged.

To drop the people we like from being kicked out of our sight is something that we cannot tolerate, and favoritism assures their presence around us all the time. One might question my arguments and tell me, why should I have a problem with the people who are well qualified to occupy a position in the institution? If people qualify to occupy an official position, then there is no question of favoritism, because they have been absorbed into the institution not because of their link with the big boss, but because of his qualifications. If people are absorbed without possessing required qualifications, then the institution is sure to become inefficient and unprofessional. The boss then might spend more time with his relative than with the institution.

Wherever I had been, I could see some of the persons who have certain power and authority in the institution favoring certain persons, and even keeping them close to them, hoping they would help the institution. It did not take me too long to realize that favoritism breeds contempt in an institution, and outsiders would be able to smell something stinking too soon. An emotional involvement among the favorites and the head of the staff can adversely affect the atmosphere, and it may even lead to a lopsided decision-making at the management level. But who cares about the institution so long they are kept in good humor, and get the special treatment from their favorites; it could be occasional dinners at home, or at select hotels, or special programs outside the city, and there is no limit to the kind of favors the favorites would do to get them promoted to a higher level.

I am quite convinced that the family, relatives, friends and close associates should be kept at safe distance from the institutions, or else there is bound to be pulls and pushes affecting the persons involved with them. As head of an institution, my concern should be the welfare of the people associated with the institution and the reputation that the institution has enjoyed in the past. I cannot defame an institution overnight. The nation is going through series of examples of what favoritism and nepotism could do to a nation. I am referring to the 2G scam, with the former Telecom minister Raja and his associates swindling the nation’s exchequer and filling the coffers of their own kith and kin. We need to be careful that history does not repeat itself.

Partying on Poverty

The menu was not all that appetizing, and the smell of the dishes was not all that inviting, and yet the partying lot were huddled together to make the best dishes possible out of the least that was available. The menu list did not run in to pages, but just a few in number, but that did not matter to the family which had gathered, big and small, young and old, to celebrate their togetherness. It was like a stillness dawning after a stormy night, and they were sure that every stormy weather had brought them together and strengthened their bond and fellowship, and the "party" was merely an excuse.

The family which had been struggling to get out of the poverty which had been imposed on it, could hardly take a few steps before they are drawn back to the very spot they had been languishing for years. If they begin to blame others, there would be no end. The first and the most important culprit would be God, who had imposed such a privation that they had to struggle to have even one square meal; who had taken away the breadwinner at a very young age, and the young mother had to struggle to bring up her children, educate them, and get them married, and support them even after their marriage, when the marriage did not go too well.

The best image that comes to my mind when I think of this family partying on their poverty, is the story of the "stone soup". These poor senior members of the family brought their mite, the best from their privation, but they were full of joy to contribute their best to make this party memorable one. They are not going to think about their poverty, what they do not have, but are going to capitalize on what they do possess, the comfort and strength of the company of one another, and this was their greatest asset, and they had come to feel this beneath their bones.

When families are well off, they do not feel the need to get together occasionally to strengthen their bonding; they believe that the money and comfort they enjoy were good enough to assure them of a better days to come; the bonding with other family members, relations, and friends is not so essential for them to get going. That is the tragedy of the neo-riche, and there would come a time in their lives too, when they would be forced to seek after their lost family roots and find succor in them. For the poor and have-not it is a joy and way of life to come together and share their lot, but for the rich and the haves, it may become a socio-cultural necessity.

I feel partying on poverty can be one of the greatest moments of celebration in the life of a family, who have nothing to share, but their pain and suffering. They have nothing to offer to one another, than their shoulders to lean on. They have nothing to contribute to the party, but their own share of sob stories and painful memories. This party is sure to strengthen the bonding of the family, and no storm and cyclone can ever take the little pleasures and joy they enjoy. Today I take my hats off to this family partying on their poverty, and I only hope more and more families may bring in their poverty and party on them, so that their bonding may be strengthened day after day.

By What Name?

Names are sacred, because they are associated with the very identity of a person, so much so the name is equivalent to the person. We no longer hold the theory that the names have something very significant to tell about the nature, characteristics of the person concerned. Some (numerologists) go to the extent of finding the link between the name of a person and his/her qualities, characteristics and even foretell the future of the person. But one thing is true that most of us have no choice of choosing our own names! We are given names.

There are very few in our society, who are privileged to choose their names. Most of our names are given by our parents, relatives, and in some cases even elder siblings. Once a name is given, it is hard to change; even as adults if we wish to change our names to something better sounding and reasonably more intelligible, we have no choices, except to make an affidavit in the court of law about the change. But even then we cannot be sure that all the people whom we know would call us by our new name.

Whatever be the name given by our parents, there is bound to be some reason why they chose these particular names. There are cases when for Catholics, illiterate parents would ask the baptising priest to give a name on the spot, and the priests who had a host of their favorite names, would be only too happy to name the children as he liked. Given a choice to change our names, at least half the humanity may prefer to have a different name. If that is the case with our official names, there is more problem in store with our pet names, how we wish to be called! Because as we grow older, the pet names might become just obsolete and new names have to be invented.

We live in a society, where juniors are not expected to call their seniors by their names; there are folk traditions in many parts of the country, where a wife may not be permitted to utter the name of her husband, and so might refer to him only as the father of her son! That is a taboo. But what about addressing a senior person, at least a few years elder! If the persons are advanced in age, then we might address them as uncle, aunty; or too senior, then grandpa, grandma. The ones from college or English medium school may address as Sir or Madam. But still the problem does not end there.

Sometimes friends who are working in the same firm or office, but one a higher post, and another junior post, how would they address each other? Often the senior post is looked upon as a respectable one, while not the junior one, but among friends, should they follow these formalities? Ultimately the pet names are to come from the heart; those who are in love with each other are able to find creative and meaningful names, and either of them would love to be called by the partner with that name. The name, however stupid it may sound to others, is the sweetest of all names, when there is love and admiration!