Some years ago, the Wills cigarette had an advertisement with this caption : Made for each other! The ad had the picture of a handsome young man with a cigarette in one hand, and with his beautiful consort in the other. The idea of this caption is obviously inspired by the biblical story of creation, but in the case of people across the globe, does it happen this way? Even the so-called 'perfect couple' will disclose to us that they are not all that perfect when it comes to human relationships. It is next to impossible to find an ideal couple in the present world!
We all need support systems to lean on; to share our joys and sorrows, to gain moral strength when required, to be reassured that all is well with us. But sometimes these support systems may become such a distraction for our growth, that we may be crippled for life. What are these support systems I am referring to here? They may be persons we love, admire and treasure; institutions we belong to, organizations we have given birth to, convictions we have developed for ourselves over the past years, and the spiritual experiences (some may call them core experiences). When it trouble we tend to return to them to be re-energised.
Each one of us has a unique identity, and this identity may be marred by over dependence on the 'phantoms' (for want of a better word), we may create for ourselves. We have to get over these support systems, these phantoms; if we don't, then they may only mar the unique identity we are born with, and super-impose an identity quite different from ours. I can cherish my identity as a unique person, only so long I dissociate myself from all that attempts to bind myself to it. Until I dissociate myself from the person who wants to possess and keep me under her control, I cannot claim to be free. It is this freedom that gives birth to my unique identity.
It is quite natural that we have for ourselves persons who would care for us, and only for us. When the person I love whole-heartedly (is it a reality or just a possibility?), shares that love with another person, then I feel that my friend is not faithful to me; or that the love my friend has for me is only partial. Such a love is a selfish love, and will only bind myself to the other person, delimiting my freedom. Often I may feel I should not do anything that might displease my friend, and that may cause me dearly, if not immediately at lease in future. The irony is that the friend may not even expect me to do such a foolish thing. It is not that we cannot have very close friends, to whom we might confide all we go through, but to expect the person to behave according to my expectations and trying to fulfill the expectations of the other person, will only lead to the death of my freedom and of my friend.
Freedom is the great gift that we possess, and it is this freedom that can really make us unique, and help us enjoy the blessings of the world, and of human relationships. I can be what I am, without putting on a mask, and others will still accept me – this realization and feeling is vital to our very existence as human persons. To be free like a butterfly, moving from one blossom to another, without getting unduly attached to any one, is the story of freedom we can learn from nature. The joy of sipping nectar from the blossom while imprinting on them a loving kiss is an experience the butterfly can offer us and we can cherish.
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