Engineered Expectations

How I wish the world was behaving exactly I wish it to; and how delighted I would be if all the people around me do exactly what I would want them to! There is a hidden “I” in each one of us, who wishes to assert that s/he is the center of the universe, and that everything should go round her/him. When things do not go according to my calculations, then I feel my world crumble before my very eyes, and I am frightened of facing it. It is painful and agonizing to witness my expectations are thrown into pieces and I am nowhere in the picture. When I expect that the world goes round me, and I do not find the world is nowhere close to me, it is a frightening thing to even imagine, leave alone facing it taking place before my naked eyes.

But this is a predicament that everyone has to go through, and no one may be spared from facing the dreams, aspirations and expectations evaporating into thin air. The superior I in me would always assert that s/he is right, whatever be the case, and I can find the truth factor of this statement, if I observe how I argue with a friend or companion. What is the goal of any argument – to win; but it is not merely to win, but to win OVER the other person. If two parties win in a competition, then there is less joy, than when one party wins and the other loses. Psychologically I feel great when I am able to throw down someone either through reason or by muscle power. And when I am defeated by others, my world shrinks, and is even on the verge of disappearing.

We shall have a thousand and one reasons to blame the whole world around me, and in most of the cases we may even be justified, and there may be many others who would think that our remarks are based on facts. We may have just expectations, and common sense might not prevail in many cases, and we may be left in dark. We may have to live with people who take things for granted, and do not even behave as a human person, and we may be wounded on seeing how such persons treat and respond to us. They can become a real pain in the neck, and we may find ways of either getting round the problem and make life miserable for the person, or not permit the person make our life miserable.

It is not always possible for me to make the other person aware of the kind of harm s/he is creating to me, and on many occasions the person may not even be in a position to respond to my allegations. I should understand that I do not have the pill for the ills of the world; I cannot change the way my companion behaves, which annoys and irritates me. Even if I take courage to explain to him/her that his/her actions hurt me, there are little chances that s/he will take it seriously and do the needful to accommodate me. But just because the other person is not going to buy my views or change the color glasses s/he is wearing, I cannot stop living my life!

Today I would like to ask myself, how many times have I dared to doubt my expectations? Not all of my expectations can be easily justified; if I were to scratch most of my expectations, I may find that they put a lot of demands on the people around me. I become the judge, who determines how others should relate and respond to me. If only I become suspicious of most of my expectations from others, then there would be less reasons for me to get annoyed with them. That would also open new windows, which would remind me constantly that just as I have expectations on others, others too could have similar kind of expectations on me, and do I pause to note their expectations?

Truth triumphs

When my companion told me that the lady who has been cooking for us, has developed a big boil near the calf muscle of one of her legs, I was not surprised. Maybe at the depth of my heart, I was smiling, and there are more reasons for me, not to feel sad for this tribal lady, who is here employed for about four years. I was also not surprised that she had a boil, which may need to be operated, from my companion, who has been her patron and friend, supporting and helping her in all ways possible. One of the main reasons for my smile was that I knew that God is beginning to give reward for her doings here in our house. I had found her cheating and robbing our kitchen things on several occasions, and she would not change her ways because her patron would not ever ask her to stop such cheating.

I had tried to bring the matter to the attention of the people concerned, including my companion, and proposed to change things in such a way that we do not allow her to have complete control over buying and handling things. But my proposals fell on deaf ears. I have felt terrible anguish at being taken for a ride by this lady; she buys all her household things on our money, when marketing is done for us; and my companion does not even have a good look at the kind of bills (all of them written in a white paper, in round figures) she would give him. She has been minting money at our expense, and I would only pray that God gives her something in return for her robbing us. I am aware that the problem is more to do with us, rather than her. We had given her scope and opportunities to loot us.

She should feel ashamed to call herself a Christian, for stealing things from a religious house, just because my companion believes in “trust”. On several days I had silently prayed to the Lord that my community members may wake up and realize what this one lady is doing to us; we try to save money as part of our vow of poverty, but it does not matter to her at all; she would go for the most expensive things, and I would not be surprised that the shampoo she uses (there are several brands in the room she occupies in front of mine) are bought on our money. I believe that God sees all our actions, and he waits for us to return from our wrong-doings. That is why I was not sad when my companion said that she had to be operated for the boil.

But since she has to take responsibility for her cheating and looting us, I do not feel even a grain of grief, if a misfortune were to befall her. It is not that I am being sadistic, drawing pleasure in her pain; it is not that, but she should realize she cannot go on making us pay for all her personal and family things, starting from cooked food carried away to raw vegetables, oil and other spices looted away. This has to stop and I believe it is the Lord who has to do something to bring in this transformation in her. She has to stop bringing to our house a large sized shoulder-bag good enough to carry about ten kilos of things; and many a times I had seen this bag bulging out with things.

We know God as a just God, who may not reward the just immediately, and punish the guilty soon; he explores other ways of getting this done. But the wicked may think that they can go on with their wickedness endlessly, and there may come a time, when they may find themselves caught in the pit they had dug for others. I would very much like to have a different person to cook food for us, and manage our house; a person who would consider our house as his/her own house, and care for each one of us. But unfortunately I am not in a position to voice my opinion, because there is none who would listen to me!

Passion with Com-passion

In the entertainment world, which is dominated by commercial films and videos, a film of this sort is rare and rather unheard of! I am not talking about the films of the sort which Indian film doyen Satyajit Ray made, which ran empty halls in the city, while acclaimed all over the world. I am talking about Bommalattam (Doll's play), a full-length feature film in Tamil made by the famous film director Bharati Raja! It is not that I am fond of the films of Bharati Raja, who always had a social issue to present in his films, but as I sat to relax in front of the television, I found something very different in this film, very different from the usual soap-operas and the tear-jerkers!

The fact that Nana Patekar, whom I consider as a serious actor, happened to act in a Tamil feature film meant that it was not going to be yet another love story! The theme looked so very complicated, but after the denoument, one realizes that the plot has been weaved in such a way that the story was hanging together, and one could vibrate with the hero fighting a fierce battle against a society which only knows how to condemn the vulnerable! The director had handled the characters in the film not only with the usual passion, but more with com-passion, and that made this film a very different sort for me!

I consider myself a person who has limited, selective memory! In certain cases, my memory is shart, though I cannot claim it is photographic, but fairly good; but when it comes to storylines, novels, and even blogs, I have a bad memory! Sometimes when I go back to some of my old writings, I feel amazed and ask myself if I had done it! I might have read a novel some years ago, but when I read it again, without realizing that I had read it earlier, I can vaguely remember some isolated characters, but not the story. I feel terrible when many of my friends can remember the storyline of a novel or a film they had read/seen many years ago. I even envy them.

In all walks of life today, the slogan is 'passion', and if there is one life-force which is keeping the present world alive, it is the passion of a handful of people, igniting the lives of others. Passion in life, passion in workplace, passion in relationships, and passion in being. What perhaps the today's world lacks is com-passion! I am not talking about charity or gift or obligatory social commitment corporate houses are expected to fulfil, in order to get the tax exemption! Compassion goes beyond all scales and measurements, and one gets countless number of opportunities to show one's compassion today: it would be wrong to consider that only the human beings demand our compassion, the plants and beasts, the earth and the universe - all are in need of human compassion.

Compassion also demands that we throw away our law-books in order to uphold humanity, or life in one form or other. If the law of the land becomes the most important criteria for judging people (and I would not belittle the importance of the law of the land in any way), then we would be forced to throttle true justice, which goes beyond laws and regulations. The Doll's Play fortunately upholds such a kind of compassionate justice, which can change the face of the world sooner than we think! Every human person is invited to become agents of compassion, and the day when even a toddler looks at the plants and beasts, other toddlers with compassion, then we can see a thousand suns and moons rising around us!

Protesting the Penury

Two incidents of two different sorts, and I was involved, at least remotely with them. I was reminded of the fact that I could be so easily taken for a ride, taken as a gullible! Morning one of the police officers came to our house for the verification for passport, and took home rupees one thousand from two of my friends; he was sure shameless, and more than him we were shameless too to part with such an amount of money, in order to avoid dire consequences, of the passport receipt delay indefinitely, and getting into unnecessary trouble. We wanted to avoid getting into trouble by paying an hefty bribe to the government servant. We had no voice to say no to him, leave alone protest his illegal and illegitimate behavior. I wondered if we are not the ones who create thieves, bandits, criminals and terrorists? We give them asylum in order to save our own skin, and are happy that nothing untoward can happen to us. We build castles in the air, and wish to remain there up in the sky, without any link to the situations we live in.

Through out the day, I was disturbed by the shouting of a group of men and women just outside our office, and I was quite annoyed about it. So after dinner, I had taken a stroll to find out who they were and what they were shouting for. I thought there would be about 10 to 15 men standing around the microphone and shouting slogans, but when I reached the spot, I was surprised to see about 200 men and a few women in front of a government office. Needless to say it was a protest meeting, and the whole day they had been trying to protest something which the management might have imposed on them. It was 8.30 pm, and the men were there to fight for their cause. There were some politically oriented leaders raising their voice each time the audience started to clap. Protest! Often we are frightened of protesting, lest even the little privileges we get should be stopped. And that is what gives the other party courage to continue the exploitation.

I remember someone saying, if you are not with the victim, then you are with the victimizer; if you are not with the exploited, then you are in the company of the exploiters. Unfortunately there is no in-between; you need to take your sides. We would very much like to sit on the fense, so that we are not accused or targeted by either of the groups, but fortunately we have to make a choice. In either way, we are challenged and questioned, if not by the people around, but at least by our conscience. In everything we do, we wish to be secure; we will not desire that the peace and security that we enjoy be ever disturbed. We would not mind even the silence of the cemetery, rather than the vibrant noise of protest marches. As soon as when a little trouble crops up, we wish to hush things up, and live in relative peace. But today we may ask ourselves what is real peace.

Protest basically invites us to take a side, often challenging us to take the side of the victims. It is in fact, the acid test for our conscience and impartiality. If we truly love justice and peace, then we cannot take the side of the people who are determined to give a decent burial to peace initiatives. Protest also demands something more than what I can normally offer. The consequences of protests are frightening, especially for the people who wish to live a peaceful life. If you are going to protest against injustice caused not only to you, but to others as well, then you are in for trouble. I remember a time many years ago, when walking along fruit stalls in Chennai, I passed by a foreigner buying fruits, and the shopkeeper demanding about rupees one hundred and fifty instead of rupees thirty five. Since the foreigner did not know the local language, he was about to give the amount. I happened to see the scene, and told the foreigner in English that he needed to give only rupees thirty five. The shopkeeper was furious; he began to curse me, telling me what it mattered to me! I walked away quickly from the spot.

I look at the different incidents that had taken place today, and the many people I had come in contact with; surely there will be several instances when I had kept quiet not to disturb the peace around, either in the family or in the office. Let me recall to mind, just one moment when I needed to have protested, but had kept quiet. Maybe I was too frightened of the consequences; but today let me become aware of such moments, so that even if I have to keep myself quiet when blatant violation to justice is done, I may be aware that that is not what I have to do; not merely for the sake of my own welfare, but more for the welfare of humanity. All great men and women of yesteryears had raised their voice against injustice and had paid a huge price. Am I prepared at least to become conscious of my inability to protest?