Truth triumphs

When my companion told me that the lady who has been cooking for us, has developed a big boil near the calf muscle of one of her legs, I was not surprised. Maybe at the depth of my heart, I was smiling, and there are more reasons for me, not to feel sad for this tribal lady, who is here employed for about four years. I was also not surprised that she had a boil, which may need to be operated, from my companion, who has been her patron and friend, supporting and helping her in all ways possible. One of the main reasons for my smile was that I knew that God is beginning to give reward for her doings here in our house. I had found her cheating and robbing our kitchen things on several occasions, and she would not change her ways because her patron would not ever ask her to stop such cheating.

I had tried to bring the matter to the attention of the people concerned, including my companion, and proposed to change things in such a way that we do not allow her to have complete control over buying and handling things. But my proposals fell on deaf ears. I have felt terrible anguish at being taken for a ride by this lady; she buys all her household things on our money, when marketing is done for us; and my companion does not even have a good look at the kind of bills (all of them written in a white paper, in round figures) she would give him. She has been minting money at our expense, and I would only pray that God gives her something in return for her robbing us. I am aware that the problem is more to do with us, rather than her. We had given her scope and opportunities to loot us.

She should feel ashamed to call herself a Christian, for stealing things from a religious house, just because my companion believes in “trust”. On several days I had silently prayed to the Lord that my community members may wake up and realize what this one lady is doing to us; we try to save money as part of our vow of poverty, but it does not matter to her at all; she would go for the most expensive things, and I would not be surprised that the shampoo she uses (there are several brands in the room she occupies in front of mine) are bought on our money. I believe that God sees all our actions, and he waits for us to return from our wrong-doings. That is why I was not sad when my companion said that she had to be operated for the boil.

But since she has to take responsibility for her cheating and looting us, I do not feel even a grain of grief, if a misfortune were to befall her. It is not that I am being sadistic, drawing pleasure in her pain; it is not that, but she should realize she cannot go on making us pay for all her personal and family things, starting from cooked food carried away to raw vegetables, oil and other spices looted away. This has to stop and I believe it is the Lord who has to do something to bring in this transformation in her. She has to stop bringing to our house a large sized shoulder-bag good enough to carry about ten kilos of things; and many a times I had seen this bag bulging out with things.

We know God as a just God, who may not reward the just immediately, and punish the guilty soon; he explores other ways of getting this done. But the wicked may think that they can go on with their wickedness endlessly, and there may come a time, when they may find themselves caught in the pit they had dug for others. I would very much like to have a different person to cook food for us, and manage our house; a person who would consider our house as his/her own house, and care for each one of us. But unfortunately I am not in a position to voice my opinion, because there is none who would listen to me!

Maimed by Memories

One of the most treasured privileges given to humanity is the faculty of memory; it is said certain animals are also endowed with the capacity to re-member, but none can compete with the human beings. Memory is the faculty that relates the past with the present, and similarly relating future too with the present. It is the live wire that passes through every event or incident that one goes through. Once memory fails, a person becomes almost a vegetable. But think of an instance, when memory becomes the most painful reality one has to face in life; memories of the past, to be precise. In other words, when a person is imprisoned by the most painful, most excruciating memories of the past, there is very little that can be done to release the person and let him/her live in the present.

Every moment of the past is encapsulated in the memory, and strangely our memory is able to re-play the past in life-like fashion, transporting a person in time and space to the past events and incidents - to see, hear and feel the presence of the individuals involved. Unfortunately our science has not advanced sufficiently to provide access to the memory of persons other than the one possessing it. When we have such an access to the memory capsules, then probably we will device mind-right, something similar to copyright and patents. I also foresee technology that can go back in time to see, hear and sense a particular moment in the life of a person, all using mind-mapping technology. But let us leave such scientific advancements to scientists and get down to what the memory does to us in real life situations.

It will not be wrong if I were to say that memory can enliven the life of a person who has lost his closest family people; it can also leave something indelible in the heart of a person who wishes to 'forget' the most painful event of one's life. But today I am confronted with a basic question : can I ever be able to get out of the prisons of memory, so that I am able to relate to the present as it is presented to me, without being colored by the past, or being anticipated by the future. We know that every moment of the present is the outcome of the past, and is the preparation for the future, because we live in a time-continuum, which swiftly flows from one moment to another. It is actually the human mind that slices time for our convenience. It is possible to break free from the prisons of memory.

But a more important reality that I need to accept and acknowledge today is that I am a prisoner of my memories, whether good or bad, and it bewitches me whether I like or not. In other words, I have very little control over how each moment of the present is translated, or to use the computer vocabulary, encoded into the memory; it happens all by itself, without my being aware of it. But that is not bad in itself. So, let me realise that I cannot run away from the memories, but there are ways that may help one cope with them. While memories often try to imprison and control me, I may also try to control how it affects me.

Today I pause for a while and think of some of the most important memories which haunts me day in day out. In other words, can I think of a memory or two which constantly flash on my mind and disturb me - it has to be one of the most important moments of my life, which has in a sense shaped my destiny. Let me become aware of such memories, and be conscious of them. If it helps, I may also put it in a notebook, for me to look into at a later time. No, don't do anything with it for now, just become aware of it. It may be the moment when you lost your dear one, due to your negligence, or a guilt feeling that you allowed your dear one to die; one of the phrases that may come to my mind during this moment is this : If only I... Once this is done, then I am sure I am on my way to free myself from the clutches or the prison of my memories!