Glimpse of Eden

Who would not like a serene and secure atmosphere of Dhyan Ashram, with plenty of trees, gardens, and water bodies! It is like taking a glimpse of what the Garden of Eden could have been, before the serpent tricked the first parents. The air is cool and the atmosphere is pleasant. There is a silence, which the trees and plants, frantically try to preserve and pass on to everyone who drops in here. It is rightly a place of Dhyan, of meditation, and though our purpose in coming here today is nothing to do with meditation, but we see several men and women who are steeped in meditation.

To forget the self and to be immersed in the thought of the creator or his/her (could we not think of the creator as a feminine force!) creation, or to enter into the inner recesses of oneself and listen to the murmurs of the life-spirit, or to the whispers of the soul! We are too frightened of taking time off, to enter into the self; the most enjoyable trip that is ever possible is to dive into the inner self, because that is where miracles await us, where flowers wait for us to bloom, where birds await us to start their singing. But the world has kept us tied to itself that we find impossible to break free.

I see the men and women of all ages lost in their worlds of prayer and meditation; it is impossible for me to fathom their minds and hearts, but looking at their faces, one thing is sure that their minds are not preoccupied with the material world that we are so busy with; they are probably thinking of a reality which is far removed from the worldly reality we live at each moment of our lives. But to take time out and be by ourselves is what can give us the psychic energy and stamina to go ahead with life, in spite of all the odds which attempt to make our lives miserable.

It is impossible to enter into our inner selves, from within our familiar surroundings; we are interrupted and disturbed at every now and then, that we cannot concentrate on our journey inwards. There are telephones, mobile phones, television, children, friends drop in just to say hello, the familiar songs being played at the neighborhood… these all can become distractions when we make a sincere effort to dive deep into our selves. But a quiet and serene atmosphere such as this can become helpful to plunge into ourselves boldly and courageously.

Besides helping us to dive into the deeper recesses of our own selves, nature has the ability to soothe our wounded selves, and balm our pains and worries. There is no greater companion to us than nature, with all their colors and charm, scent and radiance. If only we know how to appreciate and communicate with nature, then we may spend hours and hours in her company. It does not require great artistic sense to appreciate nature in all her glory, just a sense of wonder can take us a long way in being true companions to nature all around us. But here we are in a privileged place to behold one of the best forms of nature, and I spend a few moments to silently commune with her!

Falling for the Frills

One of my close friends had come to pour out something to me, and though I was initially not prepared for it, but then I let him do it. He had been pained at the way his companion who had been staying with him for almost a year, had been dealing and relating to him. He began saying that the small Christian community he tried to strengthen was now divided, and after a pause added that it was divided between him and his companion who had left the place for good. The over-enthusiastic friend had been trying to win the confidence of the people, most often without consulting with my friend who happened to be the in-charge, and that had caused enough confusion among the people. The one obvious motive of the companion was to outdo what my friend was doing, and so he projected himself a better person, priest, pastor and administrator, and he was successful in establishing this among some people.

I had seen for myself that one of the basic wants or needs of this particular companion was to become popular among the people. He made use of his talent to sing folk songs to this advantage, and would even exaggerate facts, as to how so many people are flocking to him, to listen to his singing, his spiritual counsels, and I became wary of this, and would take his words only with a pinch of salt. There is no doubt, he was clever, confident, and even knowledgeable, but there was also the other side, which showed that he was feeling threatened by others, who might be more competent, smart, and even intellectually gifted. The need to assert himself before his other friends and companions led him to take the companion he was living with for granted. It was not an easy thing to digest, my friend confided.

There is an inner craving in most of us to be popular and famous; who does not want to be appreciated? Who does not want to win the applause of hundreds and thousands? Probably there had been something wanting in this companion which made him seek this appreciation of his own accord. He volunteered to organize spiritual talks, and prayer sessions, but each time it was his need to win the hearts of simple people, who could be easily brain-washed in the name of spirituality! And he was able to get a sizable following, who considered him “guru”, and he would like it very much. The small band of people he collected slowly became a band of gossip-mongers, and who indulged in generous snacks from the friends and neighbors. But he should have realized that this trend was going to break the community into two groups.

It would be unfair to judge this companion on the basis of what my friend had poured out to me; but at least in this case, I know that my friend did not exaggerate facts, for I myself had lived with this companion for a year, and had seen how hard it is to live with him. He had his own way of doing thing, and I had my own, and my friend has his own way of organizing things. But in an organizational setup there is always something called subsidiarity, we follow a ladder. The power of decision-making is invested with the leader of the group, and it is important that those under his care respect this responsibility, and if the members begin to decide on the things which are the domain of the leader, then there is bound to be confusion, and that precisely is what happened in this case.

Over the years I have been struggling to find the secret magic mantra of personal happiness, that which can keep me on the high all the time, and I feel that I had come close to it in the recent times: happiness that is imposed on me from outside cannot last long; it will be only momentary, and that would be like taking recourse to alcohol or drugs; the kick does not last long. However the happiness that flows out of what I truly am, can sustain me for long, and its waters cannot dry. It is like a stream which runs quietly and smoothly, and it can run over sand and rocks with equal ease. I wish our companion realized this secret that true lasting happiness should flow out of his own self, of what he is, rather than seeking the appreciation and approval of others. Life can be quite different if only we see the difference between the two sides of the spectrum.

Bewitched for Life

During our school days, we were taught this old rhyme, Make new friends, keep the old! One is silver and the other is gold! Needless to say, we are always on the lookout for new friends, friends in need and friends in deed! We hold the pre-requisites of the kind of friends we are looking for, and look around for the one who would fit into our bill. It is not easy to find the kind of person who would fulfill all our criteria. Unfortunately there are very few computers with all the adequate data, which can give the name, address and contact telephone number of our soul-mates, to whom we would feel drawn at the very first sight! It may happen in the future, but in that case we all may lose the chance of meeting the perfect friend of our choice.

Unfortunately there is no shortcut to choose friends; we always have to start with trials, and some may reveal enduring, while others may drop out of our lives too soon. True friendship can flower forth between two persons only when both the minds find a common meeting place, of interest, of aspiration, of dream. Once the two persons begin to share their dreams or interests, they begin to take interest in the other person too. But the search for friendship is often a game of luck; sometimes we may win, and at other times, we may lose miserably. We may like the company, while the other person may not. The other person may only like to make use of us for his/her own benefits, and may move out of our lives when the job is done.

I often become suspicious of the friendships which flower forth too soon; they are like the flowers which shoot up all of a sudden, and they may also wither all too suddenly. Any person who is frantically looking for a friend to fill the vacuum created by the leaving of another, may end up with catastrophic results. We cannot go looking for a friend, but often good friends cross our ways, and at one moment our eyes may meet theirs, and there may be non-verbal communication between the day. I have realized that in many lasting friendships, the relationship had begun long before we began to talk to each other, and share information on our past, present and future. Sometimes it had taken even months, if not years before we began to roll the ball.

I am quite selective in accepting persons as friends, for every friendship entails certain amount of commitment, though the degree of commitment is quite different from those that expressed between married persons, and between God and religious persons. While I establish a commitment with the person who begins to share my life, as it were, I do not demand or expect the other person to stick to me by force. There cannot be true friendship existing under pressure; there should be mutual freedom on the part of both the parties to walk out, and seek a more suitable person as companion or friend. Perhaps this is one of the pre-conditions of true friendship.

It is no wonder then that I cannot remember anyone who went out of my life bitter, because I drove him or her from being friends. Circumstances had forced some to bid adieu, and at other times family ties and other social conditions had put a fullstop to our deep friendship, but I had always been enriched by every friendship that I had cherished down the years, and am grateful to God for all of them. Even the first intimate friend who had graced my life some 17 years ago, is always there at the corner of my heart, as I pray for her health and wellbeing, as she continues to live her life, even non-communicating to me for the past 13 years. Did I not tell that true lasting friendships go beyond all time and space?

Suspension of Suspicion

I feel bad for my brother, who has been having tough time with his wife for the past many years, the main problem being suspicion of his wife. He is now so frightened of his wife that he does not even dare to speak to his siblings freely and candidly. My sister reported to me that his wife does not even allow him to speak to my sister, who had lost her husband a year ago, and is now staying at our house. With a child studying in class 3, and my brother now nearing almost 45, his wife still claims that he is not a clean man. But then why did she choose to marry him? She is plain – she did not know that he was of that type.

I have come to know what suspicion can do to families; if my brother’s family is in deep trouble, it is all because of the suspicion of my sister-in-law, so much so that she feels obliged to guard her husband all the time. Formerly my brother used to play leadership roles in the Church and community service, but my sister-in-law had forced him to stop all these, because she suspected him speaking to ladies, some of them too young, and she could not tolerate it. She had not verified any of her allegations, and everyone knows for sure most of her allegations are baseless, but that is how suspicions grow and thrive. If only she had trusted my brother and believed in him, the family would be a happy and peaceful family.

Any relationship is based on trust and confidence; I feel frightened of relating to persons who are suspicious of my relationship with others, and sometimes I even dare to tell them that I cannot relate to persons who have innate capacity to suspect. If these people suspect my faithfulness, fidelity and commitment to them, and try to check for themselves if I am failing in fulfilling my part, then they may be spared; but if they begin to suspect how I am relating to others, if I am closer and more intimate with others than this particular person, then I consider it unwarranted, and is breaking the basic trust I had in her, and she in me.

Any relationship is sure to crack the very moment one of the partners raises the question of faithfulness and fidelity; even in marriage, the mutual relationship is strengthened and revitalised by trust and confidence. A wife cannot follow her husband wherever he goes, and similarly a husband cannot follow his wife wherever she goes. There are indeed possibilities of mistakes and slips, especially if the gentleman or the lady is smart and good-looking, and therefore attracts many persons to him/her. But that should not be construed as betrayal of the one s/he is committed to. We cannot live as an island, and need the support of all in society, and restricting any kind of relationship is sure to slowly break the social fabric.

Common sense says that if I begin to suspect my partner in a relationship, what is the guarantee that my companion cannot suspect me of the same, and how can I prove to the other that I am beyond all suspicion? I have begun to trust my friends unconditionally, and do not feel the need to know anything about with whom they are relating to, what their relationship is like, and how many times they speak to each other, what they write to each other on email, etc. I find it quite unnecessary and immaterial, because that is not my concern. I can be concerned about my relationship with her, but not her relationship with someone else. She has to manage it, irrespective of me, and I respect her freedom to do so! She may even have my blessings for it.

Truth triumphs

When my companion told me that the lady who has been cooking for us, has developed a big boil near the calf muscle of one of her legs, I was not surprised. Maybe at the depth of my heart, I was smiling, and there are more reasons for me, not to feel sad for this tribal lady, who is here employed for about four years. I was also not surprised that she had a boil, which may need to be operated, from my companion, who has been her patron and friend, supporting and helping her in all ways possible. One of the main reasons for my smile was that I knew that God is beginning to give reward for her doings here in our house. I had found her cheating and robbing our kitchen things on several occasions, and she would not change her ways because her patron would not ever ask her to stop such cheating.

I had tried to bring the matter to the attention of the people concerned, including my companion, and proposed to change things in such a way that we do not allow her to have complete control over buying and handling things. But my proposals fell on deaf ears. I have felt terrible anguish at being taken for a ride by this lady; she buys all her household things on our money, when marketing is done for us; and my companion does not even have a good look at the kind of bills (all of them written in a white paper, in round figures) she would give him. She has been minting money at our expense, and I would only pray that God gives her something in return for her robbing us. I am aware that the problem is more to do with us, rather than her. We had given her scope and opportunities to loot us.

She should feel ashamed to call herself a Christian, for stealing things from a religious house, just because my companion believes in “trust”. On several days I had silently prayed to the Lord that my community members may wake up and realize what this one lady is doing to us; we try to save money as part of our vow of poverty, but it does not matter to her at all; she would go for the most expensive things, and I would not be surprised that the shampoo she uses (there are several brands in the room she occupies in front of mine) are bought on our money. I believe that God sees all our actions, and he waits for us to return from our wrong-doings. That is why I was not sad when my companion said that she had to be operated for the boil.

But since she has to take responsibility for her cheating and looting us, I do not feel even a grain of grief, if a misfortune were to befall her. It is not that I am being sadistic, drawing pleasure in her pain; it is not that, but she should realize she cannot go on making us pay for all her personal and family things, starting from cooked food carried away to raw vegetables, oil and other spices looted away. This has to stop and I believe it is the Lord who has to do something to bring in this transformation in her. She has to stop bringing to our house a large sized shoulder-bag good enough to carry about ten kilos of things; and many a times I had seen this bag bulging out with things.

We know God as a just God, who may not reward the just immediately, and punish the guilty soon; he explores other ways of getting this done. But the wicked may think that they can go on with their wickedness endlessly, and there may come a time, when they may find themselves caught in the pit they had dug for others. I would very much like to have a different person to cook food for us, and manage our house; a person who would consider our house as his/her own house, and care for each one of us. But unfortunately I am not in a position to voice my opinion, because there is none who would listen to me!

The Smart Passers

It is unfortunate that some of the smartest persons are not the most admired persons by a cross section of people. We know that the smart people are those who have a fairly high intelligence (we may say they have a good IQ), endowed with a lot of qualities which make them enviable persons; on the other side of the spectrum, we may find that these are people who have low on emotional quotient (EQ) and that may cause their downfall. Therefore being smart has its own share of disadvantages, especially when it comes to inter-personal relationships. Today let us reflect about such people, what makes them tick, and what makes them some of the most abominable characters on earth.

He is highly talented, gifted for languages, excellent organizer (who even while remaining inside his room, could organize a mammoth crowd, with perfect and calculated order and discipline), charming person, especially to the members of the opposite sex, shrewd and calculative to the core. He is quite popular among the people, but not among the people he lives with. There is one difference: the people who live with him know him thoroughly, while those others know him from only what they see and hear. People of this category are like sugar-coated pills, they may get their work done by hook or by crook, and dump the people who helped them until they would need their help.

While some of us youngsters were living in a Jesuit community some years ago, we have a companion, who loved to hold too many portfolios, though his ill-health restricted his movement, but he was more than happy to be in full control over the place. There were two young men who had come for a year's experience in that place, and were in a sense computer savvy. So whenever this companion wanted some work to be done by these two youngsters, in the morning, during breakfast he would be seen wishing the two companions good morning, and enquire from them how they were. Soon these two friends found out that whenever he came to wish them good morning, there was a work to be done. So it happened so that in the morning if they found him coming to the dining room, they would run away from the place.

The so-called smart people have many trump cards to play with. One of their excellent cards is the ease with which they would be able to pass their responsibilities on to others, most often the gullible and the vulnerable. They are ace passers of bugs. You would find them always busy, though if you try to probe what they were busy with, you would be disappointed to find that they were not preoccupied with any work, but they only pretend to be busy. Their sweet words would melt even the mighty stones; you may never hear any harsh word from them. While they talk sweetly to you, they may not be all that charitable about others, and you can be sure that when they talk to others, you may be one of the favorite subjects!

I consider people of this sort as venom, slowly poisoning the society we live in. While they get all their work done by any means possible, they themselves may not do any thing, not even their own responsibilities. Alas for those who associate with these men and women, for they may be too soon enticed by gifts of all sorts, and will find themselves hooked to their gentle orders. If you are able to see through their trickery and keep a safe distance, you may fall into their bad books, and may fall out of their favor too. But that would only save your skin, besides your strength and energy. Beware of these people, for you do not know when they may entice you and make you do their bidding!

Be My Friend!

The weather in the city had been considerate towards this foreigner, who had come to have a first-hand experience of the country. The mercury soared from -10 to 0, making some allowance for me to venture into the street, to witness the snow-capped vehicles, trees and terraces. It was a beautiful sight for the eyes, but I would not think it was the same to the residents. Yesterday one of my senior friends confided that the temperature we had been experiencing in the past few days was the lowest in the last 10 years. While we hoped that the temperature may come to a normal state, allowing normal works and life to resume. It was cold, and going out in such cold weather was not something that one might enjoy; everyone rather would like to stay indoors. But there are some who have no other alternative; whether it is rain or shine, snow or dry, they have to get down to the streets. I look at them with so much of kindness, and feel they too make life worth living for quite a few.

Looking through the glass window of my room onto the road, often I see people on the road; most of the time, people walk alone. Seldom have I come across people going in a group. Sometimes there are parents with two or three of their children. Today I saw three children throwing snow at one another, while their mother coolly walking ahead of them. But often I see people who walking alone had a minor companion: puppies. While the men or women who take them alone are well-protected from the cool wind and the nail-biting cold, these creatures have nothing to complain. Rather they have neither the voice nor the audacity to complain. They have no choice to choose from, whether to accompany their masters or mistresses, or to remain indoors. They have not been taught the art of saying no gracefully, and so according to the whims and fancies of their guardians, they have to accompany them wherever they go. I would not say that these tiny creatures are often ill-treated by their custodians, but they have absolutely no freedom to be all by themselves. Many of them receive royal treatment at home, and sometimes are the centre of attraction in the family. But they are there always at the disposal of their guardians.

I really wonder what these puppies would tell their guardians were they given the gift of human speech; would they protest or joyfully go wherever their guardians take them? It is hard for us to imagine what they would feel, though sometimes it is possible to make out how they react from their movements, but that is not the case always. I have heard of cinestars having specially bred and brought-up puppies as their pets, and they would shower all their love and concern for these puppies, sometimes going to the extent of spending a large per cent of their earning towards them. I have also heard of some rich ladies, who organized to have a decent (and expensive) burial for her pet, spending a huge part of her fortune. At the other side of the spectrum, we have people who would pay undue importance to their pet animals rather than the human persons they live with. I would not like to say that the pet animals should not be given love and care, but can showering more love and care to these pets rather than the persons we live with be ever justified? Here is something for us to think about!

Granted that I am not so much in favor of having a pet for me, I know that these pets can be truly sources of comfort and solace, especially when the human spirit dips. When human relations break, when the pendulum of fortune swings, when expectations do not materialize, when hopes crumble like a pack of cards, when the trusted ones betray, when family ties snap, these pets may stand by. They may offer or we may find a shoulder (if we think they have one) to lean on and shed tears! They may not share our suffering and pain, but they may stay with us, without wishing to run away. That is something beautiful about these pets, and that is something we can be grateful to them. But at the same time, we also need to think of them as independent creatures, having the same kind of freedom and independence that I desire for. Within the narrow limits of my existence and life at large, can I find ways of allowing these pets to live a life of their own? Can we allow a human person to take the place of these pets, so that we may experience greater intimacy and concern exchanged between?

Today I would like to pause for a while to think of all the pets that we grow with and love and care; they may have different names, shapes and forms, and they may receive different kinds of treat from their masters and mistresses. I would like to express our heartfelt gratitude to them, for their share of moral responsibility, and lightening up our burdens, when we are drowned needlessly by the cares of daily life. I would like to think of them, not so much as objects for me to use at my own whims and fancies, but to consider them as creatures with their own freedom and independence to be as they wish, without any external control imposed on them. We too may have a lot to learn from them, in submitting ourselves entirely at the hands of the one who leads our lives. Maybe it is then that we may realize a different kind of freedom that takes us to a different realm, far from the human. (Brussels)