Lords of my Life

We do not want anyone to lord over us, and that is the most insulting and humiliating thing that we can think of. Even when we work in an office as a subsidiary to someone else, we feel that she should be treated with dignity and honor, that befits every human person. Just because I am subordinate to someone else, does not necessarily mean that this person can treat me as s/he wants. When my dignity and honor are in stake, I may find ways of getting out of such situation, unless I am ready to face all humiliation and dishonor in order to cling to the job. Sometimes it is a question of survival vis-à-vis living with dignity.

If that is the case with most of us, when it comes to handling problems, difficulties and challenges, especially related to human relations, we often tend to let others take full control over us. In other words, we joyfully and unconditionally hand over the key to our inner self to others, and when they begin to control us, we feel bad for dancing according to their tunes. Most often we tend to behave according to the expectations of others, and that is the reason why it is so very easy to make us happy or unhappy. Others know what can make us tickly with joy, and what can bring tears in our eyes, and they would make use of this formula wisely in order to get the maximum out of us.

My proposition in the above paragraphs may have remained still a riddle; let me put it across plainly. I have realized that I take the words, behaviors and response of people towards me so very seriously, that everything they say or do to me affects me, positively or negatively. I could check for myself: how easy it is to make me float in the clouds of happiness; a few words of appreciation or flattery is all that is required. Or how easy it is to make my blood boil – a few words of contempt, of indifference, or insult. In either case, I have given the key to my secret inner self to others, and they can make me either happy or sad, as they wish, and they are absolutely sure I would respond to them as expected. Is it not a sad situation?

In such circumstances, our life becomes just a monkey play; if the keeper were to tell me something, I would do it promptly. If he asks me to jump, I would do; if he asks me to kick him, I would do, without thinking if I should really do what he tells me. But is it possible for me to respond differently? Of course I can, and there is not a single soul on earth who can question me why I responded differently. It is all a matter of re-programming my mind, so that when I get impulses which can either make me happy or sad, I tell myself that I would not be carried away by the impulses. Giving in to either of the impulses can lead me to doom, and I can find hundreds of examples for this.

Ultimately what would I want to do? I should not allow anyone to control me, through prompting a particular kind of impulses. It would be safe for me to defy their impulses and be what I am, and what I wish to be. In other words I should not be easily carried away by the words and actions of others; they may say whatever they may wish to, but I can still decide to take it or not, and to be moved by it or not. This is the situation when I truly become a spiritual person, not disturbed by praise or blame, and Bhagavad Gita would say that such are the persons dear to the Lord. When I do not allow myself to be touched and controlled by what others say and do, then I hold the key to my inner self, and am truly the master/mistress of my soul, and that is when I truly begin to live my life.

On the Lap of Universe

I realise how hard it is for us to flow with time and space, when we have our pre-planned schedules, and wish they go as we imagined it to be. When something contrary takes place, we feel nature has betrayed or circumstances have robbed us of the pleasure of our wishes taking wings. It is harder to accept when we have stacked programs one after another, and if there is one little program which falls off the stack, then the entire program falls flat, and we feel it a betrayal by nature. But if only we can let our next hour and next day be taken care of by the infinite time and space, then we feel secure! I had felt it in my bones that it is better to keep my heart open to alternative plans, when I get things organized for a program. Let me illustrate how I had learnt this lesson through the hard way, but I don't regret for it.

All my plans were set, and I had informed well ahead of time about my plans for the next three months; I had even planned days much before time, and as the days approached, I saw all my plans crumble one by one. Initially I was a bit taken aback, and even annoyed with the people who let my schedule crumble, but after a little while realised I cannot be the master of the situation. I should have the agility and ability to flow with the situations, whatever be its nature. But once I had re-programmed my mind to be prepared for any eventuality, I realised that I did not collapse when further fall took place. I could take them with a smile.

There is an inborn tendency in me to expect my plans to work out well, come what may. I would not care even if there is a loss to some one, because my plans worked out to the last letter; there is selfishness in all my plans, and I wish the whole world revolved round my little world. I want to be the centre of the universe, and want all of them to encircle me, protect me, shield me from all that is destructive. But I also imagine what would happen if all the human beings thought the same way. There could only be chaos. If there is no chaos, it is because there is a vast majority of people, who would bear all consequences, in order to keep a few millions happy. They would let their worlds crumble, so that the well-planned schedules of the mighty may stand. But unfortunately nature does not look if one is a mighty or a mean; all of them have to bear the consequences of humanity's biggest crime, self-centredness.

I realise there is a joy in floating with time and space; the whole world is at my disposal, and the whole blue sky is my home, and there are no boundaries, no divisions, no no-man's land, and no wire-fence. I am free as I was born, as I should be. The whole world is my home; night and day merge in the eternal time, as I float leisurely. I am the master of my universe in this space-time continuum. The joy that originates in such a continuum cannot be compared to the worldly happiness. I would like to imagine as if I am an eagle, which would venture into the thickest cloudsest on a stormy day, without fear. The frightening thunder and lightening may forebade me, but I am my own master. If I have to enter into such a world of sheer pleasure, then I need to give up my space and time notions and concepts. I cannot fly in the sky as the clock strikes twelve! The heart has a clock that is quite different from the temporal and spatial notions. And entering in there is heaven for sure.

Today I would like to pause for a while and think of the plans and schedules I had made for the next one week. I would like to see how adamant I am to hold fast to my schedules; Let me close my fist tightly, holding tight my schedules, plans, preparations for tests, examinations, interviews, and release the fist slowly, breathing out slowly. Let the universe take hold of me, instead of I trying to control the universe. Because the law of the universe are quite contrary to our earthly values. When I am under the control of the universe, I am my own master, for it is a joy for a mother to let her child explore the world around, and when I am on the lap of the mother universe, I have nothing to worry. She cannot afford to let me lose my face!