Designing Desires

Is it possible to desire something in a controlled manner? Or to put it in other words, how can I control what I desire, especially if it is socially forbidden or culturally taboo? Often one feels that desires are beyond one’s control, and once they go out of one’s hand, they can be the cause of one’s downfall. But it is not impossible to put a brake to the desires which may cost one a lot, and that may demand certain amount of discipline on one’s part. But let us be clear from the start that desires by themselves are neutral, and their effect will depend largely on how we approach them.

There are two ways of approaching our desires, be they gentle, generally acceptable, sign of decency and decorum or the forbidden one’s. One may shy away from the forbidden one’s, because desiring it point blank will only win the frown of those in society; so it is better to forego them, though the heart may desire it a lot. In some cases, such persons may seek to fulfill such desires alone, in a personal way, without the knowledge of others. Desires that are entertained in private may often become problem areas to individuals, and may corrupt his/her mind.

It is not always easy to overcome certain desires which are deeply ingrained into our selves; however an awareness of these desires and their effect on oneself will be not only helpful, but also save one from dangerous situations. But the socially forbidden desires and the taboo areas are sensitive areas one has to deal with greater care, lest the elders and seniors in society are not scandalized.

It is important if we really entertain the desires, which are beyond our reach. There was a young brother who went to a priest for counseling, and told the priest that he was having bad thoughts. The priest asked him if the thoughts were entertaining him, and the brother told him that the thoughts were in fact entertaining him, and he was enjoying it. It is possible that often we may be carried away by the thoughts which may transport us to a different world, even if it is only momentarily.

The desires determine what sort of persons we become; we become often what we desire, and it is not very difficult to find out what one might desire from what sort of person s/he is. In other words, our personality betrays our desires. Those who desire values of higher and nobler nature become men of that sort, and those who desire baser elements and aspects of life, become wo/men of that sort. But it is impossible to escape the world of desires, even if Buddha had warned us that they are the root cause of all evil in the world. It is only divine help which can help us safeguard us from unhealthy and unproductive desires.