Of Undue Demands

One of our senior fathers had asked me for a favor, to do the layout design for one of the books he had edited, and I had gladly accepted to do it for him; it took me quite some time to get the things organized for the book with bi-lingual texts and photos inserted at appropriate places. It was not easy working on the project, because the senior father, with all due respect to him, did not know the difference between a good and a bad photo; he had given me a thumbnail photo and asked me to make it as large as half of a normal book page, which would be an impossible task for any one, because the quality of the photo was good enough to print as a stamp size and not any larger. Making him understand the nuances of photographs and design was not easy, and he had his typical old-age syndrome of asking for all queer kind of design aspects, which I found quite unreasonable. A few days ago, I stayed awake till late in the night to get a print out of the book, and after three days, I get a long list of corrections to be made, and this time not minor corrections, but almost redoing the entire layout, which I found was asking for too much.

>p>I was wondering if this man was taking me for granted, that I had all the time required to do all that he wanted, without caring if I would be able to do them or not. At his age, he does not have any job, and yet he spends quite many hours in front of the computer, but given my responsibilities, I have so many things to look after, plan and execute. I would have spent already at least 40 to 50 hours, making all minute changes, changes in the layout and formatting, and what he asks of me at this juncture would take me at least another 10 hours, and therefore I had written to him if he could find someone else to do all the corrections he had asked for. I was a bit annoyed by his long list of corrections (many of which is sure to disturb the page numbering and spacing), as if he had not foreseen, and some others which were sure to disturb the uniformity of design.

Due to this exchange of emails, I was a bit disturbed during the day. I am aware sometimes people try to take me for granted, and I should make this note that anyone who loves and cares for me would not dare do that, because they would take me seriously, and there is no question of taking me for granted, or for a royal ride. Sometimes it happens these are the very people who may not even have the courtesy to say thanks when a big work is done for them, and the next time, I would hesitate to do anything for them. Just because they are foreigners (and I have my own understanding of being a foreigner, which I shall explore in a different blog), they have the special privileges and concessions given them from all corners. No doubt, they had done wonderful work in their younger days, but when they are old, they should have the courtesy and humility to resume a subdued life, and these are the people who would like to hold on to their forts despite their age and mental conditions.

During the past week, another friend of mine had approached me to design a card for the memorial of the death of his relatives. It had taken me some time to sit with him and do the designing, and he was so happy to get it done (one reason for his happiness being, I do not charge him at all for the designing and I managed to provide him with the kind of pictures and designs which he liked). I did not mind doing this for him, and after two days he called me up to ask if I could do another design for another of his friends, and I spent a couple of hours to do it for him too. I know this friend appreciates my work, and relies on me. I have the freedom to tell him what would be better and artistically elegant, and therefore I do not mind when he suggests me something in the design. I very much like to make use of my talents for others, and I do not much mind if they are grateful to me for the favors or not, but when they start demanding things which are asking for too much, then I find it hard to accept their demands.

I have realized that when a work is done out of love, the quality of the work would be far more superior to the work done out of some kind of compulsion or pressure. And it does not take too long for a work to turn from love to compulsion, if care is not taken. Ordering or demanding from persons who are only doing a favor could only lead to disappointment and qualitatively inferior work done. I felt it would not be good for me to continue the work for him under pressure, especially doing things which I feel (as a layout designer) would only disturb the design’s uniformity, which he may not understand or appreciate, but this is one thing I felt sure that if he wants to have things his way, then I should not allow myself to be controlled by him, and that is what I had communicated to him, and I am yet not sure if he would find another person to continue the work, or try to see my point of view about some of his unreasonable and unartistic demands.

Designing Desires

Is it possible to desire something in a controlled manner? Or to put it in other words, how can I control what I desire, especially if it is socially forbidden or culturally taboo? Often one feels that desires are beyond one’s control, and once they go out of one’s hand, they can be the cause of one’s downfall. But it is not impossible to put a brake to the desires which may cost one a lot, and that may demand certain amount of discipline on one’s part. But let us be clear from the start that desires by themselves are neutral, and their effect will depend largely on how we approach them.

There are two ways of approaching our desires, be they gentle, generally acceptable, sign of decency and decorum or the forbidden one’s. One may shy away from the forbidden one’s, because desiring it point blank will only win the frown of those in society; so it is better to forego them, though the heart may desire it a lot. In some cases, such persons may seek to fulfill such desires alone, in a personal way, without the knowledge of others. Desires that are entertained in private may often become problem areas to individuals, and may corrupt his/her mind.

It is not always easy to overcome certain desires which are deeply ingrained into our selves; however an awareness of these desires and their effect on oneself will be not only helpful, but also save one from dangerous situations. But the socially forbidden desires and the taboo areas are sensitive areas one has to deal with greater care, lest the elders and seniors in society are not scandalized.

It is important if we really entertain the desires, which are beyond our reach. There was a young brother who went to a priest for counseling, and told the priest that he was having bad thoughts. The priest asked him if the thoughts were entertaining him, and the brother told him that the thoughts were in fact entertaining him, and he was enjoying it. It is possible that often we may be carried away by the thoughts which may transport us to a different world, even if it is only momentarily.

The desires determine what sort of persons we become; we become often what we desire, and it is not very difficult to find out what one might desire from what sort of person s/he is. In other words, our personality betrays our desires. Those who desire values of higher and nobler nature become men of that sort, and those who desire baser elements and aspects of life, become wo/men of that sort. But it is impossible to escape the world of desires, even if Buddha had warned us that they are the root cause of all evil in the world. It is only divine help which can help us safeguard us from unhealthy and unproductive desires.