Liberative Leanings

‘No one can live as an island’ has become almost like a cliché, but what this meant remains a lesson for all generations; everyone on earth is in need of others to make the best out of life. It would be quite frightening to think of a world without anyone else around, no other human person to relate to, no plants and animals to eat. Even the worst of anthropophobic cannot wish to live all by him/herself, because life will be devoid of all color and dynamism if there is no one around to relate to. If ever there is any person who is averse to relating to others, and wishing to be by himself/herself, then such a person is fit only for solitary confinement in a dark cell.

There is a need for each of the human person to lean on another; of course here I am referring to sociological and psychological leaning. Every other person in the society I live in can rightly complement what I lack, and add brighter colors to life. This happens in a wonderful way in families; by nature husband and wife complement each other, and if there is fear of separation among couples, then one can be sure that this complementarity is threatened. Life gives a two-way enrichment : to lean on another person for the fulfillment of one’s social, cultural, religious and psychological needs; to bear another and provide the much needed nourishment in all the areas I myself receive.

Refusing to lean on another, and refusing to bear another can become social evils which can make our life quite miserable. Pride can stop me from leaning on another person, especially if the other person is in anyway constrained or limited, and I may overlook the need to “depend” on the other. On the other side of the spectrum maybe a person who does not wish to make space for another to take shelter under his/her wings! Why should I? It is none of my business to provide space for the other – maybe the comments that we may hear from this kind of person! In either case ultimately it is this person who is going to suffer, and not the other!

What a blessing people can turn out to one another, if there is the freedom to lean on the other, and the generosity to bear the other! At the heart of this mutual enrichment is the psycho-spiritual disposition which calls for humility, to recognize the need for me to lean on another, that I am not complete by myself, but require another or other persons to make me full. So long this disposition is not achieved, life would continue to become a hell, where others may be looked on as threats, or trespassers, or people who are there to curtail my freedom. Such people are sure to suffer from insomnia and perpetual stomach ache and head ache.

Every day when I wake up from bed, I need to pause for a minute to recall to mind the different persons who complete my web of relationships. I cannot make a web with a single strand, but every person who extend an arm of cooperation is sure to make this web possible. Let me bring to my mind every person on whom I could freely and cozily lean on, hoping that they would shield me with their strong arms; let me also remember all the persons whom I bear in my heart with the warmth that I have received from others; as I remember and recall these faces and names, let the vibrations of peace and joy spread all around. Let me see all the arms locked with fraternal chains, and what better world can we ever think of then?

Unique Gift of Life

Maybe I will never be able to realize what D&R have gone through in life, and if only I know how each of their days pass by, I might be more empathetic towards them. Now what is this D&R? Dinesh and Reshma or Dravid and Rani, or David and Reena! Maybe these are some of the commonplace names, but behind these names are individuals who are "made for each other", but are left to grope in darkness with no child they can call their own. The number of childless couples is growing, and medical science is helpless to make them not only rear, but also bear a child! Pro-creation has always been one of the primary goals of Christian marriage, as we hear it from our catechism classes!

When the couple finds out that one of them is incapable of cooperating in the bearing of a child a few years after their marriage, all troubles start. The husband may blame the wife and the wife the husband; and the couple may blame the parents, and every other person they can think of! Unfortunately their problem of bearing a child does not end there. They try to undergo any kind of medical treatment, even the witches and the ojhas, with the hope that one day they would be the proud parents of a child. What happens when all of these costly attempts fail is what I dare not imagine.

I have seen so many couples who belong to this category; how nice it would be if the angel Gabriel visits all the houses of these couples and announce the birth of a child through unusual means, through divine intervention. Even angel Gabriel does not seem to like visiting our planet. But when their attempts fail, the bond of union that had kept them together all these days, begin to be brittle; men may indulge (if they are still young enough) in extra-marital affairs, alcoholism, smoking, bad company, and anything which can make them forget the harsh fact that he has no child of his own!

If men are able to give vent to their feelings and frustrations externally, women may do just the opposite. They may keep everything within their hearts, and may one day explode. Often such feelings may find expression in obesity, all sorts of diseases, gossipping, backbiting, suspicion and finding fault with the husband, jealous of their friends having cute little babes. The unhappiness of men and women often find some concrete expression, and it may be dangerous if these people are not able to find some sort of outlet for their emotions. Ideally the husband and wife should be able to find an outlet in their spouses, but when it fails, they should find adequate means.

We live in a world, where moneyed men and women are discovering newer formulae to manage life; some years ago, I have come across people who felt having a child was a nuisance, and so would love to be by themselves. The care of a third person, for whom they may have to give up all their comforts and pleasures, might appear too much for these kind of couples, and many of them decide not to have any children, even if they are physically fit to bear and rear a child. The gift of a child is a great gift; nothing on earth can equal this gift; but if someone is deliberately refusing to have this gift, then we can only assume that these persons do not know the value and worth of the gifts. Maybe they would realize what it means to have a child, when they feel old age fast catching up with them!