Fighting with Fate

It came as a surprise for me! I could not think that her mother was a mentally challenged person, who died yesterday, and two of her siblings had inherited the mental disturbance of her mother. Only she and one of her brothers had been spared from severe mental breakdown. To make things worse, her father had deserted the family some twenty years ago, and had married another lady. The family had been adopted by Mother Teresa, and all the children had been brought up by her sisters ever since. It is a sad story and who would think that life would be so very cruel to her, even as she dreams of a life with classical dance.

She seems to have told a friend of mine that she would not like to perpetuate the generation with mental disabilities, and so would be happy to live alone. Wedded to an art is not something that is uncommon in art circles; some of the greatest artists and literati were single, and had left behind works which could be considered, if not called, their consorts. She is probably aware that she is aging faster than she would have thought; after setting foot at thirty, it is not easy for a woman to look back to have a married life; at least such a thing is next to impossibility in our country. But as her story slowly unfolds, I feel sad for her; how could God be so very cruel to punish her for no fault of hers?

Luckily there is a saving grace: her dance. At least there is an excuse for her to hide the real reason which haunts her: the stigma that she is forced to carry, that her mother was a mentally challenged person, and her siblings too carry the same "virus", and what is the guarantee that she has been fully spared? Is she to be condemned to the fate of the 'devadasis' of the South Indian temples, who carried on the classical dance tradition, bearing the brunt of being women who were dedicated to the Lord (but in fact used and abused by the priestly class!)? All the doors seem to be closed for her, even as she begins to put a brave face before all the people, who luckily cannot read her heart!

Probably it may be quite obvious from her dance; certain amount of stiffness, and seriousness, which hide her genuine beauty and gracefulness. As is the case, we cannot hide all that we wish; certain amount of our self is revealed even without our consciously knowing. There are several things in her heart which need to be poured out; the baggage she has been carrying for years may make her journey tedious and tiresome; she may be prone to frequent bouts of anger and temper, which are the expressions of the mounting tension deep within her. It may not be surprising that if she does not begin to handle herself, she too may find herself in her mother's place, and may be forced to let life take the upper hand.

Helplessness is not the word that describes her predicament; the calculated ways how life is denying her the simple and soft pleasures is more than any person can bear. But most often in life, we have no bargaining capacity with life; we have to accept what is offered. I am still hopeful that something good may come her way, if not immediately, but at least after a few months and years, when she might be able to laugh heartily, smile genuinely, and look at the golden rays of the morning sun and feel proud to be a human person to appreciate her beauty. Today I join the entire universe in wishing her that day come her way soon.

Defeating Differences

First time in years I witnessed an auditorium overflowing with people; there were more people in the hall than it could accomodate. When all seats were full, more chairs were brought in from all possible places, and still there were more than fifty people standing and watching the song and dance performance by two of my companions. One a folk singer and another a classical dancer, and what may look strange, both of them are staying under one roof, in one Jesuit community. One may wonder, but how can that be possible? Folk and classical in common parlance, cannot co-exist; there is an in-born rivalry between the two, and in that case how is it that a folk singer and a classical dancer live peacefully in one house!

Over 25 years of training (or you may call it brain-washing), has made the two friends to go beyond their area of specializations and think in terms of looking at the common meeting points. We live in a world where differences are greatly highlighted, and similarities are often submerged by the overpowering differences. Some call them asserting of one's uniqueness, which makes one what s/he is. But then how do we account for the similarities, sometimes so very striking that we cannot help but vibe with one another?

The world would be a very different place if only people begin to look seriously at the similarities and leave the differences out of the matters of comparison. If there are so much of religious hatred and vengence, and brutal killing of one another in the name of religion, it is all because we had failed to look at the similarities we share, but only look at the differences. If we can only look even superficially the similarities we share in all spheres of life, then we would be foreced to acknowledge that we are all brothers and sisters, children of one mother!

But unfortunately there are people in the world around us who would not like us to acknowledge the similarities we enjoy, but only would project the differences, because that is how their hidden political agenda would be fulfilled. There are people who would not hesitate to make use of people in order to fulfil their ego. But anyone who is endowed with conscience and balanced consciousness would be propelled from deep within to shun any attempt to look at the differences with a magnifying glass, and look for similarities at all walks of life.

Can the folk be opposed to the classical? Where do they differ? These two are just two labels, and the difference is made by the people who wish to keep the differences in order to keep their status and privileged position. Some times down the century, the folk traditions were attributed to the people from the lower strata of society, while the classical traditions were attributed to the educated, high caste/class people. But times have changed, and it is time that we change our mentality too. The next time when I meet a stranger, and begin sharing with that person the similarities we share, I am sure to make him/her a friend in no time. For, who does not like a common ground where I feel the security of having people who are very much like me! That is the beginning of true human community!

The Divine Dancer

In the Indian religious tradition we have that beautiful notion of God as a dancer, the Nataraja is often deemed as the symbol of the aesthetic elements mingled with religious spirit. But his is not so much the erotic dance, which many a temple art in India portray, the most important being the temple in Khajaraho in the state of Orissa, but his is the cosmic dance, which celebrates life, and no wonder at every formal Bharatanatyam recital this deity is invoked at the very beginning. I find it quite amusing to think of God as a dancer, and I would even go to the extent of extending the image to think of God as a choreographer par excellence, who composes, teaches, and helps perform the universal, cosmic dance with the whole of creation, a dance which unites all the worlds, and which gives life and sustenance to all creation.

I have never danced in public, and consider myself inept to dance, and have not even tried to dance; but it is not that I do not dance quietly, when I stand before the mirror in the morning or in the evening, or before or after a shower, or as a body warming exercise. There is a dance in each one of us, just as there is a song to be sung in all of us, whether we are aware of it or not. It is not an ethereal dance that we are capable of, but even if it is just to stand with awe before the presence of God, and stretch the hand forward to receive his gentle hand, that is good enough to be part of his divine dance party. In fact, it is not to be my concern what I would dance, and how I could do it; it is the responsibility of the Lord of the dance, and he knows what character I would best suit, and he would assign me accordingly. But from my part all that is required of me is to keep my heart and mind open to learn from the divine master the secrets of making moves, which would delight his divine soul.

But often in life, I realize that I too have a dance sequence which I would like to display before the divine master, and feel over confident in what I can do, without his help. When I consider myself superior to the master, then I am sure to end up in disappointment and despair. If it is my personal endeavor then it is my responsibility to bear the consequences, and when I am under the care of the master choreographer, then I have nothing to worry, even if the show is a flop, and there is no appreciation from others. The greatest advantage for me in being a humble student of the divine Lord is that I come in touch with so many persons, in whose lives I leave footprints; I begin to see that our lives criss-crossing, and building webs of relationships that last longer than our memories. We become co-dancers, and share the joys and sorrows collectively. The world of the divine dancer is quite different from the world I am used to; he/she may invite me to undertake things that are too hard for me to achieve, but I know that he/she is always at my side to hold me. That is a great consolation for me.

If my dance is going to give pleasure only to me, I cannot boast that I have achieved the purpose for which I have learned to dance; instead every dance that I perform should give pleasure to the people I live with; it is only when I cross the boundaries of my own satisfaction that I am able to enter into another person’s life. On another level, my dance needs to fit into the cosmic dance that the universe uninterruptedly performs; if I am aware of my specific role in the economy of salvation of the world, then I would just fit in well, or else I may feel myself a misfit, and that may make me perpetually unhappy.

Today I would like to pause for a while to think about what my specific role is in the cosmic dance of the divine dancer; what does he want me to do, or what is the specific role that he/she wishes me to fulfill. I would also reflect about my openness to his/her promptings at the depth of my being, so that I may not drown his/her voice with the noise of the world around me, and pretend as if I did not hear that voice speaking softly within. I would like to discern my part in the eternal cosmic dance, and do just that, without aspiring to do anything more than that, for I know if I do this to the best of my ability and knowledge, happiness will be mine for sure. Then I will be able to forget the world I live in, witnessing the mesmerizing dance of the whole of the universe, where life flows endlessly mingled with joy and happiness, where even a blade of grass will tell me the secret of a happy living, even a crow will sing for me melodies wondrously soothing, where even a gentle breeze will chide the troubling thoughts, and even a flashing moment will put me in place in eternity. If that is the outcome of being part of the troupe of the divine dancer, I would not need anything more!