Failures as stepping stones

I know one thing for sure, I do not determine the success or failure of the things I am engaged in. Though I would desire success in all that I do, I do not succeed in achieving it; I am not able to say if there is something basically lacking in me, or if I am expecting far too much from life. I do have a good share of success in life, and for that I would ever be grateful to God; there were times when my companions and friends had envied me, and I had floated in vain glory. I even thought that I was smarter than what I had been imagining myself to be, or what others had thought me to be. But at the end of the day, I cannot help but admit that I am a mixture of success and failures in life, and I cannot hold on only to successes, for the real stepping stones in life are failures.

The world around me insists that success in life is the yardstick to measure the worth of life, but if that be the case a good majority of the human population would be condemned to failure in life, because what they had managed to achieve in life in terms of success are too negligible to mention. I know that success alone cannot be the indicator of how I have fared in life; I need to look for some other objective criteria, which will help me to assess my own self and that of others. Unfortunately the whole world may shout in unison that I was a utter failure in life and had not scored well in the examination of life, even if I had done my best. But I know with God there is a different kind of yardstick, and here he would look at my efforts and not so much the fruits of my labor.

Everyone around me looks at the fruits of my labor, if they are sweet or sour. There is not a single soul who would appreciate sour, but everyone would go in unison for the sweet. But the sour moments alone help a person to appreciate the beauty and wonder of the sweet. I had been overly conscious of achieving success in life, and in the meantime had failed to live life as it came to me with all its innumerable hues and colors. I had failed miserably to taste what life offered me, and even if I had succeeded in life from the point of view of the world, I have failed miserably before the Lord and before my own inner self. I had resisted the moments of my failure and cursed everyone who had made me fail in life, because it came as a bitter moment for me; it would take a life time for me to understand the secret behind every failure I had walked through.

If every single person were to succeed in life, and does not experience failure, then life would be quite different. It is only because there are failures that we could strive towards success, but there are moments when we find it hard to rise up from the fall and continue further in life. There are the moments we long for a helping hand, and who else but God stretches out his hand on the Cross and helps us to hold on to the wooden frame which is the ultimate symbol of failure. If the Son of God had gone through the ultimate symbol of failure, what is there for me to accept miniscule minute failures, which may not even leave behind their traces in my life. It is the crucified Lord who accepted joyfully the shame of utter failure, which could give me the sight to see the wonder of embracing failures when they come my way!

There is nothing more shocking and embarrassing for me than the moment of failures; this is the most unwanted reality in my life, and in fact there is not a single soul on earth, who would willingly and joyfully welcome failure. This is the unwelcome friend who alone can help us understand and appreciate the hard way to face reality. Today I stand to welcome every failure which may come knocking at my door, because it is only when I embrace it joyfully that I can enter into the very mystery of the Cross, and then I may find my way to the mystery of the resurrection, a success which may far surpass anything I could ever think of. This perhaps is the way of the kenosis, the self-emptying love of the Lord for his people. If I want to partake of the paschal mystery, then there is no other way than the path of failures, shame, scandal and humiliation which the crucified Lord walked through. Today this could be my way too to find fulfillment and true joy in life.

On being called an X!

I have been quite intrigued for quite some years now, how and why Christmas is called Xmas! My mathematics teacher in the school days had said that x refers to the unknown number that is yet to be known. I was quite curious to explore the reasons how this so-called abbreviation came to be. After googling my way for a while, I realise that it is a mystery, just as the birth of Jesus was a mystery. One of the Internet sites http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xmas has some explanations on the origin of the abbreviation, but that is not much convincing. The authors suggest that the word/abbreviation xmas is in vogue for the past 1000 years, whether you believe it or not. But that is immaterial whether it has been in use for long years or for a short while now, what is more important is that we have come to replace Christ with the single letter x, and if we look at this seemingly innocuous abbreviation with a magnifying glass, we may find amazing and bright images, which say about the nature of this divine person, who had come into the world and pitched his tent.

I had already begun one aspect, which although intriguing, is also interesting. Jesus was and is still today a mystery, the so called x, we use in algebra. We cannot find the value of x, without the help of other components, which make the whole. Without the value of x, the sum total remains incomplete and inaccessible! The unknown and the yet-to-be-known keeps us on our toes to unravel the mystery number. There is a lot of hope in us, even the students who cannot make out, hope to find the number out. There is a certain amount of thrill in the discovery too! Now, to a person who is a seeker of truth, the x (implying here Christ) makes all the meaning. We also know that the x cannot remain all the time the unknown, it has to be revealed, and that responsibility is with us. It may be interesting if the x were to jump out of our hats and give a self-manifestation, but the joy in discovering the unknown is far more than the former.

The letter x is also used widely and universally to denote the wrong and the unusable. When I show my sum to the teacher and if she puts a x (significantly we call it a cross), i know I was not right. Unfortunately we have not devised anything that is between a tick mark and the cross. Therefore when we see the sign x, we know that we are in the wrong track. In fact the mystery of the incarnation of Christ is the height of stupidity; God unnecessarily volunteers to dirty his hands. S/he is in the wrong place; maybe a different planet with different kind of creatues might have responded differently. Whose mistake is it anyway? Ours or God's? Of course, it is God's. Why did he leave the heavens and come to be born in a manger? Is it not foolishness?

We use the same x to denote not fit or unsuited. When we see the cross mark on the letter P, we know that no parking is permitted. If we continue with the allegory, we realise that x takes possession of the p, and does not permit anyone else to trespass. When we mark a bottle of medicine with an x, it implies that it is not for use; the medicine consumes as it were, its own content, so that others may not have to bear the consequences. Does it not happen in the same way in the birth of Jesus? At the gateway to earth, Jesus places an x to ward off the other forces that may try to enter in to cause conflict and division. But when men go out to meet and befriend the enemy, the x permits them. Now tell me, is the x given to Christ an abomination? In fact, the single letter x summarises the nature and mission of Christ so succinctly than any other letter of the alphabet can. Even the greek first and last letters alpha and omega cannot compete with the benign x!

There is a bit of x in all of us, irrespective of our religious affiliations, caste, creed, nationality and langugage. There are two areas that keep shifting to and fro : the known part of myself and the unknown area. Johari window has been opening up new vistas for us to recognise and improve on. There is an area in each of our lives, which is a mystery to ourselves and others, and until we discover these hidden treasures, we may be submerged in our own misery. I would like to sit quietly for two minutes, and delve deep into my inner recesses, to find the areas still kept hidden from the view of myself and the world outside. It may not be possible that I unravel these areas in a day, but I can make an effort to slowly open the sheaths and find out who I truly am; if I realise that I am a child of God, worthy of love and care, that can make a lot of difference in the world. Is it not time, therefore that I too affix the letter x before my name?

Jamming Judgements

I have been told umpteen times that I am a man of strong characters, strong temperament, likes and dislikes. It would be quite hard for me to accept or reject this major complaint about me. I would not make an attempt to address this issue of strong sentiments. Honestly speaking over the years I had been spending considerable amount of time delving deep into the inner recesses of my heart; the greatest discovery that I can possibly achieve during this life on earth is unravelling some of the baffling secrets, which are even now shrouded in mystery. No Sherlock Homes will ever be able to do it; nor can any Feluda of Satyajit Ray can ever enter into the guarded Red Forts!

A man of strong characters! Is it a virtue or a vice? You might smile and say, it all depends on whom I ask. But is there an objective truth in our judgements? How much of our judgements and evaluation of persons in our society are based on objective facts? In fact, even the very term objective facts may be understood by one hundred persons in one hundred and one ways. Each of us look at an external reality on the basis of our own perceptions, or to borrow an image from psychology, on the basis of the color glasses we wear. Perhaps there is not a single day in our lives when we had even unwittingly failed to judge a person or an event. It has become our second nature. Often I feel judging is itself a necessary evil that we have come to accept and acknowledge - judge others, often erroneously and allowing ourselves to be judged.

One of the greatest tragedies that often shake the world is caused by people who take the judgement of others too seriously. For many, what others say is the gospel truth; even if they know the information to be completely false, yet they will give undue weightage to it, and undergo untold suffering and pain deep within. It doesn't cost us any money to judge a person - either positively or negatively. For quite many of us in socieyt it is one of the most favorite passtimes. We know the very moment we take the words of these people seriously, our world may begin to crumble slowly. All our dreams will be fragmented into a million pieces all within a minute! But the moot question is : Am I free to take this judgement or not! Do I have the power to reject it? Of course I have the power deep within me!

This brings us to yet another crisis moment in life: can I ever live a peaceful life without paying heed to what others say about me? Is it not too rude and impolite to reject the opinions of others? It is not! In fact it is only when I begin to ask myself if I should take or reject the judgements of others, do I truly begin to show that I am a mature person, and am serious about my relationship with others, and that I control the direction of my destiny. Often we wish others to control our lives and find it frightening to reject what a good majority in society may say, or wish us to accept as blatant truth.

At this juncture, what am I to do? the one and perhaps the only question that I may have to ask myself is this : how far is this evaluation of myself by others or the judgements going to shape my future. If we give power to these judgements, however sound they may seem, then I am sure to ruin my life; but unfortunately more than 60 per cent of the people in society may take the criticism of others literally. Today I pause for a while and think of the one or two persons who had judged me positively or negatively, or reacted to me on the basis of his/her prejudgement or prejudice. Can I overcome the consequences of these judgements? Let me over come the excessive pain or pleasure that they may cause. Let me learn to take them for what they are truly worth! That may also be the beginning of accepting myself as I truly am, and there is the way to true enlightenment!