Tit for Tat

There are some men and women who still believe in tit for tat; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, even though they know only too well that Jesus taught them a formula different from this one. Leave alone following the new formula of Jesus, that they should give even the garments to the one who likes to take the shawl, these people know how to strip people of the little dignity and honor they have, and love to place them on a pedestal stark naked, and call all the people around and declare that their opponents are stark naked. Such is the kind of thing that one would hate to come across, but when such a thing happens one is helpless.

The man had asked for a genuine feedback about him and his operations in public, and we took it seriously and opened our hearts to tell him how we feel about him, some of his bias and prejudices, some of his lopsided orientations, and least did we realize that he was going to fire us back for airing our opinions about him in public. No wonder, he made it a point to justify our feedback and the so-called remarks, and showed that he was more innocent than innocence itself. His duty and responsibility of asking for a feedback from the people who worked with him in decision making process is done, and now he is scot free to pounce on others.

He had acknowledged a day before that he had inherited a tendency to be judgmental from his cultural background, and was recognizing this trait in him in the recent years; but a day after again he came across vociferously to brand and judge me for what he does not have sufficient proof and evidence. I would not claim that I was altogether innocent, but when he said that I was suffering from “compulsiveness” to certain human error, I was wondering if he realized what he was telling about me in public. It is not that I was overly concerned about my image in public, but I realized he wanted to “humiliate” me in public and had pleasure out of it.

Just because you have learned a couple of words from psychology and psychiatry, you are not permitted to brand people with such labels, and I had heard him brand so many of fairly innocent men, and was feeling sad for it. At one or two occasions I had stood up and had cautioned him from branding others, especially on the basis of the personal prejudice he might have had with them. After our feedback on him, I thought he would begin to recognize the log lying in his eye, and instead he had gone to tell me to remove the spec from my eye. I did feel bad about this calumny, but was helpless; I remained silent, in order not to embarrass other companions.

I had felt that this gentleman is known for vindictiveness; if anyone stood against him, he would not hesitate to destroy their dignity and honor, and some of my close friends had narrated to me how he was trying to do that with them, and of late, I had tried to tell him directly how I felt in the past months about him, and how he was dealing with me. He would not accept many of the factual presentations and observations of mine, and instead he would jump to justify his reactions and judgments. I feel sad for him, because he had failed to read the Gospel he always swears by, and if only he could open his eyes, he would realize what the Gospel was calling him to. That is when his salvation may dawn.

Daring to be Different

I remember watching the hilarious 'My Fair Lady' for the first time; I was no better than Eliza, whom Mr Higgins turns into a well-groomed English lady! Eliza was expected to act and behave like all educated, genteel English, and not exhibit her raw intonations and pronounciations! Higgins in today's idiom would have expected Eliza to fall in line, or to get lost! His was a laborious task of bringing Eliza in perfect alignment with the rest of the crowd, whom he considered enjoying a social standing and appreciation, which was worth all the trouble! Today we would question the noble intentions of Higgins, and ask him, Why can't Eliza be as she is?

If there is one dinstinctive feature of God's creation, it is the variety. Is it not wonderful to realize that there are no two plants the same; no grasses are identical; no two human persons are ditto! Not even the so-called identical twins are not the same; they have their own distinctive features; not even the Siamese twins! This is what makes the universe so very wonderful. Remove the variety, then the world will soon lose its color and vitality! I would love to look at a flower garden, decked with dozens of varieties of flowers. It is a feast to the eyes and the senses. You also look at a garden with just one variety of flowers, however enchanting it may be; it may not be as captivating as the former!

Unfortunately the society recommends uniformity, because that is how it is easy to bring an order and discipline. Variety and differences bring a seeming confusion and chaos. Let me illustrate it with an example. In a family, if all the children eat chicken, it is easy for the mother to cook one dish; but if there are three children, one fond of chicken, one pork, and another mutton, what would be the plight of the poor mother; she cannot be cooking three dishes each day to satisfy the three children! That is why uniformity is considered a great virtue to impose discipline. But where there is uniformity, you cannot expect variety, color and a flowing dynamism.

It is so very easy to flow with the currents; to be like the rest is no big challenge. In a democratic society, most people do not raise their voice against injustice and corruption, and it is safe to be so. But if one dares to raise one's voice against the injustice, one is asking for trouble; it would not take much time for him/her to realize that his/her last hour has come. So, is it proper that we try to align ourselves in line with the rest of humanity? True happiness is not in this kind of passive alignment, but in active dynamism, which propels me to contribute my distinctive feature for the betterment of society. If I can add just one different color to the existing rainbow, the beauty of this array of colors is only enhanced.

But daring to be different has its own share of troubles and challenges. A fish which tries to swim against the current has to fight against the forceful current which keeps pushing her towards the sea. Moral determination and personal commitment are the pre-requisites for any venture that involves this daring. Criticism and branding are the usual consequences of daring to be different, criticism which can at times try to smother the fire that burns deep within, but if one is determined, no criticism can really put off the fire. The world today beckons humanity to open up her heart, to let the million hues and shades criss-cross the skies, and celebrate the wonderful array of colors, of being unique and different!

Jamming Judgements

I have been told umpteen times that I am a man of strong characters, strong temperament, likes and dislikes. It would be quite hard for me to accept or reject this major complaint about me. I would not make an attempt to address this issue of strong sentiments. Honestly speaking over the years I had been spending considerable amount of time delving deep into the inner recesses of my heart; the greatest discovery that I can possibly achieve during this life on earth is unravelling some of the baffling secrets, which are even now shrouded in mystery. No Sherlock Homes will ever be able to do it; nor can any Feluda of Satyajit Ray can ever enter into the guarded Red Forts!

A man of strong characters! Is it a virtue or a vice? You might smile and say, it all depends on whom I ask. But is there an objective truth in our judgements? How much of our judgements and evaluation of persons in our society are based on objective facts? In fact, even the very term objective facts may be understood by one hundred persons in one hundred and one ways. Each of us look at an external reality on the basis of our own perceptions, or to borrow an image from psychology, on the basis of the color glasses we wear. Perhaps there is not a single day in our lives when we had even unwittingly failed to judge a person or an event. It has become our second nature. Often I feel judging is itself a necessary evil that we have come to accept and acknowledge - judge others, often erroneously and allowing ourselves to be judged.

One of the greatest tragedies that often shake the world is caused by people who take the judgement of others too seriously. For many, what others say is the gospel truth; even if they know the information to be completely false, yet they will give undue weightage to it, and undergo untold suffering and pain deep within. It doesn't cost us any money to judge a person - either positively or negatively. For quite many of us in socieyt it is one of the most favorite passtimes. We know the very moment we take the words of these people seriously, our world may begin to crumble slowly. All our dreams will be fragmented into a million pieces all within a minute! But the moot question is : Am I free to take this judgement or not! Do I have the power to reject it? Of course I have the power deep within me!

This brings us to yet another crisis moment in life: can I ever live a peaceful life without paying heed to what others say about me? Is it not too rude and impolite to reject the opinions of others? It is not! In fact it is only when I begin to ask myself if I should take or reject the judgements of others, do I truly begin to show that I am a mature person, and am serious about my relationship with others, and that I control the direction of my destiny. Often we wish others to control our lives and find it frightening to reject what a good majority in society may say, or wish us to accept as blatant truth.

At this juncture, what am I to do? the one and perhaps the only question that I may have to ask myself is this : how far is this evaluation of myself by others or the judgements going to shape my future. If we give power to these judgements, however sound they may seem, then I am sure to ruin my life; but unfortunately more than 60 per cent of the people in society may take the criticism of others literally. Today I pause for a while and think of the one or two persons who had judged me positively or negatively, or reacted to me on the basis of his/her prejudgement or prejudice. Can I overcome the consequences of these judgements? Let me over come the excessive pain or pleasure that they may cause. Let me learn to take them for what they are truly worth! That may also be the beginning of accepting myself as I truly am, and there is the way to true enlightenment!