Animated by a Fire

Seldom do we come across people who are so full of life and zest; it is not easy to be enchanted by something which turns our life topsy-turvy, that we do not think of anything else. Some years ago, Pedro Arrupe had said something which always ring in my ears. He said, “Nothing is more ractical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything”.

One thing is sure, only people who are impelled by the power of love, who could be so full of life, and I had two duos, who were so animated by what they were convinced of that I could see they had truly fallen in love with what they had found. If there are people who are half dead in our society, it is because they have not fallen in love. A priest who had realized the power of the Word of God is making ripple effects of the transformation that the Word can bring in the lives of simple and ordinary people, and there is a nun, who is young and vibrant, fearlessly taking the Word to far and wide, fully convinced of her mission to help people open their hearts and minds to the Word to be transformed.

I had spent just a couple of hours with them, and they had so many things to share with me that they could not stop talking about what they had experienced, and now feel convinced. It was their love for the Word which is drawing hundreds of people to experience personally the power that Christ is pouring out into the hearts of all those who take the first step to reach the Bible House in Krishnagar. When there is love, which can move mountains, then there is the indefatigable conviction that what they are in love has the power to do the impossible. I had the opportunity to listen to some of the wonderful stories of transformation. Many of the stories are humanly impossible stories.

The young and beautiful girl, who is a post-graduate student, had left her house on the Bengali New Year day to spend a few hours at the Bible House. A Hindu by birth, and quite traditional in approach, she did not mind to leave the house on such an auspicious day, because she felt that she had a lot more to receive at the Bible House than at her home. From lack of peace at home and in her heart, now she has an over flowing of peace and harmony within that she talks about her transformative experiences wherever she goes. She does not even spare marriage parties and even as she decorates the bride and her party (she has done a beautician course), she talks about Jesus and what he could do to people who call on him. She is not a Christian, and there is no talk if she would embrace Christianity soon, but she is a changed person, and there is fire when she shares about the story of her transformation.

The story of the young man, who also had a U-turn in his life two months ago, tells a similar experience, and after seeing the transformation that he had gone through, neither his mother or the Father or Sister, or he himself cannot explain what had happened. All that he had done was to make the effort to reach the Bible House for once, and now he behaves and relates with people in a different note. He confided that he was used to smoking and drinks and ever since he had stepped into the Bible House, he had not touched a cigarette or drinks. There is no inner urge in him to take them. He does not know how all these things happened in him. He is inviting his friends to the Bible to experience for themselves what the Word can do in their lives. There was fire in the two young people too, and I was telling myself, if only our young men had this kind of fire in them, then there would be miracles taking place in every village, town and the state. But to begin with, we will have to start with what we are in love with.

Moaning with the Moaners (SS 08)

There is no greater consolation to a person going through untold suffering and pain than to have people around him, joining their hearts with his/her suffering. The women of Jerusalem should have been simple people, who might have been either cured of their illnesses by Jesus, or fed by his munificence some months ago. Today they had decided to accompany him on the way to Calvary as a mark of their gratitude to him, for what they had received from him! They have nothing to offer to reduce his pain; even as they stood in the midst of madding crowds before Pilot, they had no voice to say that the man was innocent, and so as reparation for their cowardice, they have decided to accompany him all the way to Calvary!

I feel these women were ordinary persons, who found great consolation listening to Jesus, opening their hearts to a new vision of reality, of life in general; they had been touched not only by what he said, but also by what he was! There was a spiritual glow in him which attracted them to him, even without their knowing. They were able to recognize the Savior in him, who had all the medicine they needed to be healed of all their ailments! By walking with him on this road full of thorns and stone chips, they have no great expectation! All they desire is to let their master know that they were by his side. Their silent presence with him is all that they could offer to him here and now!

In the midst of the crowds who were jeering at him, cursed him endlessly, accused him of everything under the sun, to have a handful of people who sympathized with him, brought so much of consolation to the Master! He might have been thinking to himself – All is not lost! These women have not retained their hard hearts, which they did possess before they encountered him; their hearts have turned from stones to flesh, and that is what makes so much of difference now! While all the other bystanders and mocking crowds refused to let their hearts be transformed into flesh by the life-giving words of Christ, these women had the courage to let him transform them, and today they are here to bear witness to the transformation he had brought in their lives.

There is pathos in their hearts, and in full measure; they are unable to control it! Their hearts are so supple to human suffering, and they would shed tears for any person who is unjustly punished. And the master looks at them tenderly, and even at this moment, he is concerned that these women turn their attention on their family! How hard is it for me to divert the excessive attention I receive to some other deserving persons around me! I want all the attention from all corners, even if it is just a passing flu or cold, and wish everyone to nurse me, cajole me! Here is the master who does not wish to retain the attention these women offered, instead he turns them to more pressing needs and persons. He however does not disregard their gesture of love and concern, but only wishes them to utilize it for greater cause.

It is not easy for me to sympathize with people who are very different from me, who hold views and notions very different from mine; often instead of sympathizing with them in their pain, I feel happy and delighted to see them suffer! I feel that they deserved the suffering and punishment for what they had been doing, scheming, and plotting! I realize that I cannot sympathize with a person who has not touched me in some way or other! I place a series of conditions before I extend hands of support and sympathy to persons, and that is what makes me so very different from the women of Jerusalem and their master! The women had no conditions to express their sympathy towards Jesus, and that made them to be genuine in their expression of this sympathy.

Often I feel that my heart is like a stone, impossible to penetrate, and it is only the Lord of heaven and earth who can transform it into a heart of flesh, which would moan with moaners, rejoice with the happy, and shed tears for the suffering! These women are all endowed with hearts of flesh, and I am praying for this gift, as I contemplate the meeting of Jesus with the women of Jerusalem. If only I can feel the pain and agony of the hundreds of people who go through unending suffering day after day, and yet without cursing or blaming anybody! I think of the millions of victims of violence and injustice, those pawns in the hands of the mighty and powerful, who can play with the lives of hundreds of poor at will! Do I have a heart with cries for them, which is prepared to walk the path of Calvary to show my solidarity with them?

I see the fruit of the multiplication effect of your loaves; you have multiplied your tender heart and have implanted it into all the people who were prepared to be a little more humane and godly! How these hearts of flesh vibrated with each other? There was perfect synchronization of your heart with those of these women, and I know that these women are prepared to shed their precious tears for anyone who might go through unjust punishment, who is a victim of the structures we have created for our comfort zones! Unless I have a heart of flesh, it would be impossible for me to be sympathetic, leave alone be empathetic! I would like you to gaze at me, and let your presence transform my heart, so that I can join these women and walk with you all the way to Calvary!

You are the man!

I shudder to think that the words of the prophet Nathan, addressed to King David were in effect addressed to me. The fact is that these words are addressed to every human person, who attempts to keep his/her inner self safely guarded. We know how to camouflage, and change the color of our skins according to the surroundings, very much like chameleon, so that no one suspects we have a dirty self under our skins. Our world may collapse the very moment when one or two inadvertently discovers our inner true self; we immediately struggle to carpet the dirt, and again put a big smile in order to show that everything is fine with us, that nothing is wrong whatsoever.

Fortunately there are too few people in the world who would dare to remove the thick carpet which covers our ugly inner selves. No one can bear the stench that may emanate from our hidden selves, and that is one of the reasons why others do not wish to strip us naked to show to the world who we truly are; the second and more important reason why we are often spared from disclosing our true selves is others are so frightened that if they pull out the carpet from my skin, the next day it may be my turn to remove the carpet from his/her skin, and that would be asking for too much of trouble. Therefore on mutual agreement, we all try to accept and acknowledge the hidden self beneath, yet dare not take a good look at them.

King David was taken aback, when prophet Nathan cornered him; the king could not believe that he himself could be so corrupt. Seeming disbelief is the first reaction of the people who do not wish to disclose their true selves. If they had known their true selves, then they might accept and acknowledge themselves as they are, instead of entering into a fierce battle to bring in rationalization, arguments to prove that the inner self they carry all through, does not belong to them. It demands a lot of guts and courage to acknowledge that we could be wrong, and fragile in some areas, which are nothing to be ashamed of. But transformation could take place the very moment, we accept and acknowledge our true identity.

It is not that we deliberately try to hide our true identity all the time; quite often it could also happen because of our ignorance. I have a inherent tendency to compare my friends has been pointed out to me by one of my friends; so long I had been imagining that I hate to do this kind of comparing, but when others catch me red-handed, as prophet Nathan caught hold of king David, there is very little that can be done to salvage one’s sanity and sanctity. Our friends are the best persons who could help us realize the thickness of the carpet which is covering our true self; they can even help us remove it and show to the world our true selves. It is in fact, part of their responsibility as friends.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have called the inner self as our shadows, and they had gone to the extent of inviting us to embrace our shadows, in order to really give birth to a new self, which can go beyond all the limitations experienced by the inner self. Anyone who attempts to blossom one’s self, without first reconciling to shadows, is bound to experience failure, frustration and depression. Today as I stand at the threshold of yet another significant moment in life, I would like to take a good look at myself; all these years, I had understood my inner self, only a fragment of it; it is just the tip of an iceberg and I have so much to learn about me, and I really wonder if I would be able to truly understand myself before I breathe my last.

Slumdogs to Skylarks

At last, many of the Indians are on the first page of most of the world's newspapers, and this time, not for something disgusting or horrifying, but noble and beautiful. Eight Oscar awards to Slumdog Millionaire has shaken the nation from its slumber, to reveal to the world that India is more than a land of snake-charmers and of hunger and thirst, where industry has not grown... The world has known India for all the reasons what it should not have been. Living in Philippines, for instance, Indians are looked down upon as people who are shrewd (thanks to the Gujaratis, who have a flourishing money-lending business), and know how to extract the most from the locals, and for Pinays India does not exist, all they know is Mumbai, what I used to call 'national ignorance'.

The picture is somewhat different in Europe; since there is a huge African population, often the Indians are grouped together with the Black, partly due to affinity due to color. For the West, the dark or brown skin is not something detestable, but something that need to be kept at a distance. Can eight Oscar awards change the most often distorted view of the great nation of cultures and religions in the eyes of the world fraternity? This is one question that I keep asking, even as the debate goes on if the movie is an Indian or a British one! Whether we like it or not, India has been put on the Oscar map, and it is there to stay, even if the future years do not find adequate talent to match the present generation!

The story of the Slumdog may come as a surprise to other nations, but to the Indians this movie has exactly the same kind of formula, with which most of the Indian films are made. The triumph of the underdog is one theme that is eternal in this land, because that give relief to the audience, even if it is only momentary, and takes them away from the humdrum reality that most of our men and women are forced to live. But the story is something that is too good to be true, and I only hope that the dalits and the marginalised tribals don't make futile efforts to reach the state of Jamaal in the film. Reasonable risks can bring in good results, and this film is a proof to it.

One of the most memorable moments at the Kodak Studio in California was the presence of the tiny-tots who made an integral part of the film; the early Jamaal and Salim and Latika are too good to be true, and they probably don't realize that they are part of history, and after a decade or two, they can share with the next generations that India is no less than any other nation in the world. We may be believing strongly in age-old customs and traditions, we may be worshipping cows, we may deny women their due religious rights and privileges, we may still believe in ploughing our lands with bulls, and worship trees and shrubs, like Tulsi... we may be superstitious, but we have a civilization which can show the path to the world in the years to come.

I do not want to float in the clouds, thinking and owning the success of one movie, which tells an imaginary story, well told and portrayed though; reality is what we need to believe in, and embrace whole-heartedly. I would like to pause for a while and own the land that I am born in, and accept her as she is, without attempting to force her change according to my whims and fancies. I would like to embrace her as A. R. Rahman attributed his success to his mother, and attribute all that I am and capable of to what this wonderful land of mine has given me. I am part of the great civilization, I am part and parcel of this great nation of varied cultures and religions, and it is only proper that I salute her saying "Jai ho" (hail)!

The ‘Golden’ Silence

One of the first things that I noticed while sitting for about three hours at the Germany’s Munich airport was the quietness all around. It was not that there were no people at the airport, but it seemed they had nothing so much to talk to. There might be an occasional self-talk of the children playfully running here and there, but the adults were in their own world. Even when families when sitting one after another waiting to board a flight were immersed in quiet ruminations, or lost in their own concerns. There were many who wished to kill the apparent silence by reading novels, news papers and magazines. I was telling my companion, what a difference it made between the airport in Kolkata or Delhi and Munich. They were worlds apart, and in fact it is futile to even make a comparison, because we are talking about two different worlds.

Two worlds! Two worldviews and it is hard to wed them. Am I trying to make a futile comparison? To be frank, the point of comparison is only a starting point to note, how two groups of people consider silence. For the Indians, or as extension for all the Asians, silence is not golden; the spoken words are golden. For the Europeans, the reverse is true. They would not like to pour themselves out in needless spoken words, and therefore for them silence is golden. It would be quite stupidity on my part to propose one to another, for there is something wanting in both the views, and very seldom have I come across people who could strike a balance between killing silence, and deafening mutterings.

We do need silence to quieten our hearts and minds, and look inward, and each day should have a share of silence, at least at one point of day, either early in the morning or before retiring to bed. I would prefer to have at least 15 minutes of silence for me – all by myself, without any disturbance from any one! I would not like to be distracted by anyone, for whatsoever reason – no cell phones, no urgent message, no knocking on the door, no ringing of the door bell! This 15 minutes is precious to me, to delve deep into myself, to align the loose ends of myself, and become aware of the different currents that flow in and out of myself, and take stock of my life for that day (what I would like to call, to take personal audit for the day). If I am not able to give myself the gift of this ‘sacred’ time, then my words may be just meaningless and may mean just nothing, both to me and to others. We may call this time prayer, meditation, yoga, contemplation… but the purpose is the same. To take an inward journey into myself to re-assess my inner resources and to prepare them to meet the demands of the day.

The other side of the picture too is equally valid. The ability to speak out and to pour myself out to someone else does not come naturally. Too much of silence may lead to depression and later to mental imbalance. It is not enough to become aware of the inner currents within me, but I also need to share what is going on within me with someone who either shares certain of my inner resources, or with someone who would reflect my moorings like a mirror, so that I may be able to see my thoughts, words and deeds as objectively as possible. It is often too easy to keep ourselves engaged in useless talk; we do not engage in serious talk with strangers we meet at the railway station or in the bus or at the market place. Our words there are calculated and measure, so that even by mistake we don’t enter into the personal and private lives of the people we converse with. If only I engage myself with some meaningful conversation with someone I have great confidence in for at least a few minutes, then my life may begin to flower forth, and spread its fragrance all around me.

Today I would like to take a few minutes from the daily routine for myself, to enter into the inner recesses of myself, to discover the streams of silence running in and through me. Let me stay at her shores, look at her beauty and charm, allow my feelings and emotions drown in these streams, and be transformed. I would like to stay with these steams for a while, without in anyway trying to run away from her. Let me enjoy the silence spreading to all over my body, into all my veins. I would like to feel the graciousness of silence relaxing my entire body. I would also like to consider the different persons with whom I was able to engage in some meaningful conversation, the persons who have touched me and helped me to see beauty within me and outside of me, who make life still meaningful and beautiful. In the silence of my heart, I would like to thank all such people, who make my life worth living, and when I get an opportunity to open myself to them, I would like to articulate such sentiments to them, for silence when wedded to meaningful words can make my life truly significant! (Bruxelles)