Sweet Silence!

It is only the youngsters who know how hard it is to keep quiet; almost all the students in a school at some time or other get whacked for making noise, or talking to someone else. This has been accepted as one of the symptoms of growth process, and we do not make much noise about it either. But this symptom continues well beyond their adolescence, and runs sometimes even upto their old age. The noise which keeps them busy in their adolescence slowly transforms itself into an inner noise.Most of us reach our graves making huge noise, and very seldom may we recognize that we are a noisy lot.

We love noise, and that is the reason why noise pollution is not a problem for us; it appears that it is the problem only of the neighbors and civic bodies and not we who live in the midst of high decibels. There are people who cannot sleep unless there is some loud noise. I had the good fortune of living in a room just adjuscent to one of the main streets of the city, and every day early in the morning I can hear the rattling noise of the trams and then the vehicles, but after a few months of stay there in that room, I had so got used to the noise that it would not disturb my peaceful sleep. We all of us get used to the noises and that becomes our way of life.

One of the greatest tragedies of human existence is that most of us do not even know that we live in the midst of noise, and we do not taste the beauty and wonder of silence. We think that there is nothing beyond noise, and that it was the end of all. We are born into a noisy world and we are given grand farewell with so much of noise. All that we know is the silence of the graves, but not that of the deep oceans. I am told that there is absolute stillness at the deep waters of the ocean. Maybe we will never feel what it means to be in stillness, and that is why we so much love noise and feel we cannot part with it. The very moment when we are separated from noise, we feel certain amount of emptyness creeping in, and we are afraid of facing the vacuum.

I understand it is a terrible experience to face stillness and silence. I would be too frightened to be left in a room, all by myself, with silence all around. I may be more comfortable with even eerie noise, but not silence, which may be more frightening and threatening. But if only I begin to enjoy silence and the stillness of silence, then it may open up several sweet vistas for me. But to take a bold step to drown myself in stillness, calls for great guts and courage, and unfortunately not many of us have that much guts. If ever we had that courage to face silence, we might be madly in love with silence, which can give a foretaste of the blissful sweetness of stillness.

I know that if I have to take a close look at silence and taste of the stillness of the heart, I have to cross two layers of noise: one, the bodily noise, the physical one, and two, the mental noise, one which is created and maintained by the mind. If I can cross these two boundaries, then I might have access to true silence. One of the greatest consolations is that I am never alone in life's journey; there are people wherever I go, and there are very few chances for me to really fall out of track. I am still looking for the way to reach stillness of the heart, where alone I can drink the sweet nector of the soul.

Noisy Silent Zone

Perhaps the place which is notorious for being the most noisy place on earth is very close to each one of us, and we may not even be aware that we are so easily getting used to this horrendous noise. The noise of course does not hurt us, because we have got used to it, and have even begun to like it. It is the noise of the inner self. Very seldom does this “chatter box” pause during our existence. The only exceptions are the following : children who have not reached the stage of self-realization, people who have no control over what they think and do, the so-called crazy people, the senior citizens who return to their second childhood and forget to listen to the noise.

During the life time, it is impossible for us to really escape from it; even if we do not want it to haunt us, it would still be there around. The noise of the mind is perhaps the most dangerous noise which can hurt not only our bodies, but also our spirits. It can dampen and discourage our spirits, and ultimately we may be turned into mere machines. Very few people on earth really care to take note of this noise, which is fully active even when we are asleep. The greatest of people are those who are able to control these noises, and through them and with them are able to enter into the inner silence of the heart, and that may be the moment of enlightenment.

All of us are easily lost in the noise, and the noises often take advantage of our situation and make us weak and vulnerable. The mind knows our Achilles’ heal, and it strikes just there, and in order to escape from its attack, one needs to go through a sadhana, studying the noisy zone, how it cripples the human spirit, what its real function is, and how one can flee from the crippling effects of the noisy silent zone. Far beyond this noisy zone is the still waters of silence, and anyone who drinks of this waters can hear the sweet melody of the stream, the passing of a gust of wind, and be lost in its wondrous medley of choruses.

Many spiritual gurus and enlightened masters have given us simple ways how we could peer through the noisy zone, and get a peek at the silence zone. Anyone who has tasted even a moment of silence, far beyond the noisy rattles of the mind, would venture to do anything in order to enter into a full communion with silence. We live in a world, where living with noise is considered a perfect way of life. Party floors blast noise, which is often dubbed as music, the person who can make the noisiest sound is considered a master craftsman. Has the world ever produced any master who has tried to make music out of silence?

Now let me come to the point… In the previous blog I had complained that I am not able to listen to others, not only to their words, but also to their pain and suffering, agony and anguish because my ears are stuffed with noises of all sorts, and I can hardly hear them, leave alone listen to them with attention. I wish to listen to them with all my heart, and that would be possible only when I am able to listen to the silent music of my heart; I might like to dance to the music, and invite the whole world to dance with me in the cosmic dance of the gods and goddesses. Then even the whimper of my brother or sister would arouse my feelings and sentiments. I would be so attuned to every movement of the hearts of others, that I would be able to enter into their hearts easily.

Storms and Silence

There would be too few people who do not know how a storm-stricken village or city appears; the uprooted trees, displaced roof-tops, utensils and beddings of the pavement dwellers strewn all over, the over turned umbrellas, and the pale yellow leaves of trees. But the silence that prevails after a storm could be frightening; except for occasional thunder and lightning, it is not something which people are too happy to welcome. However the hour of storm is no good tidings either. After every stormy situation in life, to get back to normal life is not so easy, and that is all the more painful to return to the pre-storm situation with the wounds and trauma of the stormy nights.

Having gone through several scores of stormy nights, I have realized that each stormy night leaves behind certain scars in me, some of which are indelible, and etched into my memory. I would be wrong to conclude that all the stormy nights had drowned me with melancholy and sadness; I had drawn meaningful and significant lessons out of them, which had helped me to see the path during dark nights of my soul. Thanks to these stormy nights, I have been shaken out of the mediocre, status quo, self-complacency, and am able to wrap up my belt around and get ready to face life as it comes to me in bits and pieces.

Every storm is a reminder to me that there is silence not too far away, and every silence is a reminder to me that the next storm is not too far off! That is how life goes on, and these are the indications for me to be prepared to face the situation in whatever form they may come to me. I long for a storm, in the same way I long for silence after it, because it is impossible for silence to dawn on the land without a storm. Besides it is impossible for me to realize the beauty and splendor of the silence, if I do not know the ruthlessness and ransacking quality of the storm. That is why the English poet William Blake had dared to say, “without contraries is no progression”. We can appreciate light only in the backdrop of darkness.

I need to thank God for all the stormy nights, which had shaken me out of my roots, and had made me shiver to the core, had made me take shelter under the inner resources he had endowed me with; if not for the inner strength which flows from him, it is impossible for me to survive these nights. There had been moments when I had felt it was time for me to be swept away by the currents of the waters, and be lost forever; but soon I had also realized I had no right to run away from life in such a cowardly manner; that would be disgrace not only to this beautiful earth, but also to the entire human race. Storms are part of life, and anyone who fears storms cannot taste the sweetness of silence.

It is because I had gone through several stormy nights, that I am able to give shelter to others who are looking for certain amount of security at the time of their trouble and challenge. I am able to teach them the wisdom of facing the storms boldly and courageously, so that they might taste the sweetness of the silence thereafter. Every storm is a gift of God; we had been longing for the Nor’wester during the past few weeks, as the mercury level keeps soaring beyond all imagination, and we know only storm is enough to cool the earth, and permit the people to sleep in peace, even when the electricity fails. The storms may come when we least expect them, and what is strange, even the weathermen are not able to predict them, and that is the beauty of these angels of destruction, who also usher in the angels of peace and tranquility.

Sting of Death

It is painful to see someone very dear to us depart us and this beautiful world; the pain is several times more, when the person who is dying is very close to us, either through family relationship or through psychological relationship. It is the same whether one is related to the dying person physically or psychologically, and it might be hard to believe that the person we have been relating to so deeply and intimately is suddenly no more. That is the kind of feeling one goes through when death knocks at our door suddenly, unannounced.We find it hard to accept that fate had been so cruel with regard to our dear one.

It is hard to say no when death knocks at our door; we may believe in miraculous cures, and we may trust that hope against hope cannot go in vain, but ultimately when the last hour comes, we cannot run away from it. Death may have the last laughter, as it were, and we may be left to be silent spectators, watching the departure of our dear one, sinking into the everlasting silence, where all our cries may find no place. This pain and agony, and in some cases psychological trauma, is real and actual.

I found it hard to accept this reality when this happened to my family, when my only sister was left alone with her daughter at the sudden and unannounced departure of her husband! She was not ever fortunate to see him alive some time earlier. He died in a foreign land, some nine months after he had bidden goodbye... Who would have thought that he was going to bid goodbye to them forever! It is true the agony I had gone through was far less in comparison to that of my sister and niece. The pain may lurk at the depth of their hearts for sometime.

Sometimes I wonder why we feel so lost when a dear person dies; it is true that we feel helpless when we have to take charge of things at the sudden departure of the person who was managing our families. We may have to start learning our lessons from the very beginning, and it may not be altogether easy. In a web of relationships, even when a thin line is severed, it is sure to affect the strength of the web, and that is what happens at the death of a dear one. But at the same time, we cannot exercise our power or authority over death.

That every human person is ultimately powerless before death is something consoling to the so-called powerless in the world. Even the greatest of kings and persons will ultimately be laid to rest on earth is the truth that all of us have to understand and accept. That we are all powerless and helpless is another truth, which can help us to accept this reality with resignation! This is not the kind of passive resignation, but the one where we bid farewell to our dear one with a smile, thanking them for what they had been to us and to the human family! It is then that they become part of the human and universal heritage... part of every human person on earth!

Silence of the Spirit (3.c)

The modern world is so frightened of silence, of the outer silence, and all the more the inner silence, of the heart, of the soul! The noise around us some how make us think that we are safe and secure, and nothing untoward could happen to us, but the fact is far from it. We are most often so frightened of the "noise" outside, that we have to subdue it with out iPods, or MP3 players, or the FM radio, attached to our cellular phones. I find the trend contagious, and more and more people are attracted to this menace of running away from 'noise'.

Today as I come to realize the two layers of reality that I have fathomed, and now stand at the threshold of my being, what I become more and more conscious of the endless silence beckoning me to jump into the deep. The silence may be deafening, and it may even be dangerous, because it may make me come face to face with the reality of my being, but that is what I feel will make me authentic, to own up what I am without hiding anything of my past or present. I stand before the silence of my spirit, not knowing what is in store for me and how I am going to face it, but face I will.

Going beyond the layers of the body and the mind, today I wish to sink into the silence of my soul, of my Being; that is where I am sure I will encounter the Lord of my soul, but when I stand before my authentic self, what more would I need. I know for sure, that the other name of my Being is God! When I behold his beauty and splendor, I know I would recognize my own image on him. It is this silence which can give me a foretaste of living an authentic life, in communion with my being. The nagging doubt plagues me often, but will I be ever be able to be in touch with my Being all the days of my life?

As I behold the serenity of the silence of my soul, I realize that everything I have received from the world is rubbish in comparison to the precious jewel of this eternal silence; I would like to savor the sweetness of this silence, even as I sit quietly, firmly grounded on the earth I have been born into, establishing myself on the frameworks of the mind, I know I will get the glimpse of this silence at sometime or the other; if not immediately, at least in the not so distant future. To go beyond name and shape is something that is very challenging and difficult for me, but when I come to experience silence, I cannot hold on to the values of the world. I submit myself to go beyond name and shape in the presence of the limitless silence.

I have been taught many things wrongly from my childhood; even my faith had been misrepresented to me. I had been taught that I can taste of eternity only in the next world, but here I am at the threshold of eternity, a slice of eternity offered to me on a platter. When I enter into the eternal silence, am I not entering into the world of eternity, and that is where God dwells, that is where all the righteous and saintly persons and creatures live; even the music, I presume is, composed of silence! So are the Alleluiah and Sanctus! I know as I enter into this silence, I am entering into an altogether different world, the world where all of us are permanent citizens, for that is where we all belong to!

Play and Pause! (2.b)

Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite authors, and his seminal work The Power of Now put me in an altogether different mental disposition. I began to look at reality of the mental magic with a different perspective, thanks to Tolle’s inspiring words. Today I am going to put into practice something of what Tolle has recommended in his book, The Power of Now, because that would be the gateway to enter into the third phase of our inward journey, to the Spirit. I have already relaxed my body, and have become conscious of the magic and miracle that the human mind is capable of, but beyond these magic and miracles is another realm of the mindstream, by which I mean an endless flow of “noise” which can obstruct me from reality, and entry into the core of my being.

I would like to become conscious of how my mind works, because most often I take this for granted. I seldom pause for a while to realize what my mind does and how much of control I really have on my mindstream! I sit quietly in my room or any place where I feel comfortable, and close my eyes if that helps me, and remain still for a while. Then I begin to become conscious of what my mind is preoccupied with, without trying to control what it thinks. I will be an external observer, as if I am watching a movie of what is happening on my mindscreen. I would not make any value judgment if what the mind is thinking about is good or bad! I just observe the mind’s movements for about five minutes.

I realize that there is no better non-stop chatter-box on earth than the human mind, my mind. It moves from one thought to another, sometimes coherently, some other times incoherently. Sometimes it projects thoughts which are meaningful, some other times, sheer meaningless, useless thoughts. There are socially acceptable thoughts and other times, socially unacceptable thoughts. But I begin to realize as I witness this great drama, or movie on the mindscreen that most of the time my mind is busy and occupied with things which do not necessarily concern me, and things which I do not wish to be associated with. But do I have a choice? The moment when I try to make a value judgment, then I am only giving more power to the mind.

One thing is clear for me, so long the mind is busy and occupied, I have no access to my spirit, where I can encounter the Lord of my heart. The mind places a opaque film between me and my spirit, my Being, the really Real. Most often I become involved with the mindstream, and react to what goes on inside the mind, and it would be shown in my body response. When my mind imagines pleasant things, then my body is relaxed, but when my mind imagines and projects violent objects or events, then my body is tensed and stiff. Tolle suggests that I distance myself from my mind; I am not my mind. I remain outside of the mind, and just observe what goes on within, and there would be moments when I might experience absence of thoughts, and they are moments of ‘silence’, and they are the moments when this opaque plate is removed and I have access to reality.

I am quite used to star-gazing, and today I am going to do mind-gazing, observing my mind, all that is going on in it, without forcefully trying to enter into silence. As I become conscious of the thoughts from outside, the thoughts subside by themselves, and I may be able to enjoy absence of thoughts for just a few seconds, but if I continue to mindgaze regularly, these moments of ‘silence’ may gradually increase, and in this most precious moments I may become one with reality, divinity, and am not touched or disturbed by either pain or pleasure. It is at this moment that I become truly a child of God, experiencing the godliness that I received at the time of my birth. Once I begin to taste this precious moments of ‘silence’ I would be prepared to give up anything in exchange for it. I am slowly moving close to my being.

The ‘Golden’ Silence

One of the first things that I noticed while sitting for about three hours at the Germany’s Munich airport was the quietness all around. It was not that there were no people at the airport, but it seemed they had nothing so much to talk to. There might be an occasional self-talk of the children playfully running here and there, but the adults were in their own world. Even when families when sitting one after another waiting to board a flight were immersed in quiet ruminations, or lost in their own concerns. There were many who wished to kill the apparent silence by reading novels, news papers and magazines. I was telling my companion, what a difference it made between the airport in Kolkata or Delhi and Munich. They were worlds apart, and in fact it is futile to even make a comparison, because we are talking about two different worlds.

Two worlds! Two worldviews and it is hard to wed them. Am I trying to make a futile comparison? To be frank, the point of comparison is only a starting point to note, how two groups of people consider silence. For the Indians, or as extension for all the Asians, silence is not golden; the spoken words are golden. For the Europeans, the reverse is true. They would not like to pour themselves out in needless spoken words, and therefore for them silence is golden. It would be quite stupidity on my part to propose one to another, for there is something wanting in both the views, and very seldom have I come across people who could strike a balance between killing silence, and deafening mutterings.

We do need silence to quieten our hearts and minds, and look inward, and each day should have a share of silence, at least at one point of day, either early in the morning or before retiring to bed. I would prefer to have at least 15 minutes of silence for me – all by myself, without any disturbance from any one! I would not like to be distracted by anyone, for whatsoever reason – no cell phones, no urgent message, no knocking on the door, no ringing of the door bell! This 15 minutes is precious to me, to delve deep into myself, to align the loose ends of myself, and become aware of the different currents that flow in and out of myself, and take stock of my life for that day (what I would like to call, to take personal audit for the day). If I am not able to give myself the gift of this ‘sacred’ time, then my words may be just meaningless and may mean just nothing, both to me and to others. We may call this time prayer, meditation, yoga, contemplation… but the purpose is the same. To take an inward journey into myself to re-assess my inner resources and to prepare them to meet the demands of the day.

The other side of the picture too is equally valid. The ability to speak out and to pour myself out to someone else does not come naturally. Too much of silence may lead to depression and later to mental imbalance. It is not enough to become aware of the inner currents within me, but I also need to share what is going on within me with someone who either shares certain of my inner resources, or with someone who would reflect my moorings like a mirror, so that I may be able to see my thoughts, words and deeds as objectively as possible. It is often too easy to keep ourselves engaged in useless talk; we do not engage in serious talk with strangers we meet at the railway station or in the bus or at the market place. Our words there are calculated and measure, so that even by mistake we don’t enter into the personal and private lives of the people we converse with. If only I engage myself with some meaningful conversation with someone I have great confidence in for at least a few minutes, then my life may begin to flower forth, and spread its fragrance all around me.

Today I would like to take a few minutes from the daily routine for myself, to enter into the inner recesses of myself, to discover the streams of silence running in and through me. Let me stay at her shores, look at her beauty and charm, allow my feelings and emotions drown in these streams, and be transformed. I would like to stay with these steams for a while, without in anyway trying to run away from her. Let me enjoy the silence spreading to all over my body, into all my veins. I would like to feel the graciousness of silence relaxing my entire body. I would also like to consider the different persons with whom I was able to engage in some meaningful conversation, the persons who have touched me and helped me to see beauty within me and outside of me, who make life still meaningful and beautiful. In the silence of my heart, I would like to thank all such people, who make my life worth living, and when I get an opportunity to open myself to them, I would like to articulate such sentiments to them, for silence when wedded to meaningful words can make my life truly significant! (Bruxelles)