Running for Recognition

This senior friend of ours is a notorious do-gooder! Anyone can ask him for a favor at any time, and he would be prepared to leave everything behind to help the person! I should be happy to find such a good soul, but that is not the whole truth; that is only a small portion of his personality. But that glorious side of the friend is so well expressed and exhibited that most people take for granted that he is gem of a character! He had been an infirmarian in one of our large houses for some years, and he would take care of the sick who are on the verge of bidding goodbye to the world in such a manner that very few can do that, and we know that in such situations, our friend is fully himself, and gives himself fully too.

One of his other virtues worth mentioning is that he would do anything to the persons he likes, and has to get some favor through him/her. He would go out of his way to help a person, knowing well that he has to get a greater favor, and a bigger one in the not so distant future. We may call him calculative, and he knows how to move his soldiers. The interests of the people who matter to him most often become his own interests. So if he is doing something wonderful for some people, one can be sure that he has got to receive something out of them. And the formula works fine for him, and over the years he has only fine-tuned his tastes and procedures.

I would not be exaggerating if I were to say that he is one of the busiest persons in our circles, and call him on his mobile phone at any hour, you will hear him say that he is in such and such place! He loves to move around, and drive people or accompany them, and he really enjoys it. He may not mind driving people crazy too, and we have had several instances when people had been annoyed with him for not paying attention to them, when they needed his help. That is where the other side of the personality unfolds. He would be found seldom doing what he is supposed to do, what he is expected to do, but busy with everything else, and that could be quite annoying for the people who are to receive directions from him about how to proceed.

He loves good food, and the ever bulging stomach for him is no problem at all, and he does not believe in doing exercises to tone down the body. He loves gossiping, and grumbling about anything under the sky; he would spend hours and hours yapping with persons who get along well with him. Now why am I pouring out so much about him here and now? How does this person affect me? Some days ago I had asked for his assistance on an official work, which he readily agreed. But even after three days I did not get any response to him, and so I had to do it by myself. And the next time when I met him, I told him that since he did not have time, I had to do the work by myself.

More than anything else, I have felt that this friend of ours was looking for ‘recognition’, and in order to win the appreciation and applause of others, he would do anything for them. Doing a routine job which has been assigned to him, surely is not going to get him the appreciation of the people around. While he would do all the odd jobs outside, he would not do even the least expected jobs in his house. I realize the danger of trying to please all the people, and in turn wanting others to please him. It is only when we go beyond the need and want for recognition that we can reach out to the truly needy persons. I only wish at least some times when he is wanted by the people he is expected to take care of, he is their at their side.

Fanning the Favorites

Every one of us have our own favorites, be it a color, or person, or an object, and we are often more attached to our favorites than others, and may even enter into fierce fight in order to safeguard or protect our favorites. We have seen several instances in India, when a favorite cinestar had expired, or lost the political battle, there were admirers ready to immolate themselves, and some of the stars thus have found place in temples and places of worship. This may be an illustration of the extent of madness that people go to, but no doubt these stars and idols become so very important in the life of these often illiterate masses, that they would do anything for them.

It is one thing to have favorites, and another to indulge in unbridled favoritism, especially when a person is required to go beyond all regional, linguistic, national, religious, cultural or ethnic categories. But when I come across persons who are so very attached to their own linguistic or cultural group, that they blatantly bend all norms and rules of decency in order to express favoritism to the people they belong to. As people belonging to a particular culture, language and region, we are required to favor our own people, to express our solidarity with them, especially if they are in need of our support and cooperation, but that cannot take place when they are engaged in public service. When these kinds of things happen frequently, such persons are sure to lose the confidence of the people they serve.

It is such a touchy issue that no one would dare speak about it, but when no one talks about it, all concerned would be quite conscious of the undercurrents of such things happening around. Unfortunately unbridled favoritism is something that cannot be kept hidden for long; sooner or later people would come to know about bending laws, rules and regulations in order to accommodate a person just on the merit of his/her language, religion, or region or culture, and it would be quite shameful to be accused of favoritism. Bordering on favoritism is nepotism, of which many of our political leaders are often accused of, starting from the husband of our nation’s first citizen to the lowest ranking public servant.

Every time when favoritism is in effect, bending the rules in order to accommodate a person who does not deserve the favor, what is obvious is also the fact that some persons who in truth deserved the favor is unjustly denied. This goes against the very notion of justice and truth. Anyone who is concerned of social justice cannot indulge in favoritism, in one form or other. But we live in a world where favoritism and nepotism are considered law of the land, and you would be frowned upon if you refused to favor your own kith and kin, there are very few options left open. When a person denies direct favoritism, s/he would be branded as insensitive to the social ties, and when s/he favors his/her own people, then there is injustice done to someone else, while favoring some others.

It would be almost impossible to close one’s eyes from favoring one’s own people, even when one is aware of the repercussions, which may not be all too sweet; there would be occasions when one may be forced to favor one’s own people, even while closing the eyes to some other deserving persons, but if these occasions are exceptions, then one may be considered as safe. But when these things happen as everyday reality, there is a danger that soon such persons are sure to face the ire of the people who have been denied of their due rights and privileges. On several occasions I have felt the pain of being disregarded, because some others had to be favored, and that only makes me conscious of being on my guard to protect myself from indulging in such dubious acts of charity!

The Sweet-Talker

It was not a pleasant experience! I called up a senior friend of mine yesterday to ask for an official favor, that is to say, a favor not for me personally, but on an official level. And the friend, who addresses me always as a younger brother, sounded very enthusiastic at what I was asking for, and he readily complied to my request. He invited me to attend a meeting too regarding the favor I was asking him, and later during the day he called me up to say that he was postponing the meeting to today morning. But when I reached his place to attend the meeting, with the hope that the request had been agreed upon, and we were to plan out things for a common program.

It came as a rude shock for me to realize that the people concerned about this common program were not in one mind; there were differences of opinion, and I was blind to it. My senior friend had not told me when I asked him about the possible problems and inconveniences. So when we began the meeting, there were arguments and counter arguments. I who had taken for granted that consent had been given to hold the common program in friend's place, got a message quite different from the one I was given to understand. It was an embarassing situation, as every one spoke about the pros and cons. But I found it hard to save my face, because I really did not know what the main problem was.

I was quite disappointed by the opposition posed by certain members, and I found it uneasy at that moment to counter them. I had already announced that the common program was to be held at that place, and it would be quite cumbersome to change the venue; that would only confuse the invitees. I even heard my senior friend say then that it would be better to shift the program to some other place, but it was difficult for me to do that, because I had already announced the venue. Luckily I had to meet our printer to give him the material for printing, and so I had to move out of the place for about fifteen minutes.

Thank God, when I returned to the place after meeting the printer, the situation had cooled, and the members were in a much better mood to discuss and decide. All agreed that the program could be held there, and necessary arrangements would be made by people concerned. I was happy that at last all the members together consented, and that my burden had been lightened. I really had a sigh of relief, when I heard all people concerned, agreed to take charge of the entire program. But I was still not sure where the problem was, which put the members in a fix in the beginning?

I did get the answer when I met another younger friend of mine, who told me that my senior friend was not too happy to hold the common program in his place, and was complaining to other members about the inconveniences. But why could he not tell me when I called him to ask about his opinion? Unfortunately my senior friend belongs to the category of people who wish to please every one on earth. While people of this sort have sweet words for people who ask them a favor, at the heart they are quite sour, and in order to protect themselves, they would pass the bug on to others. My friend, who had been known as an excellent organizer, would not like to take responsibility, but wanted others to own up the proposal. Since better sense prevailed among other members, my day was saved!