Touching Lives

Today the city of Kolkata bade final farewell to one of the citizens, who had become part of the history of this state for the past sixty years or so. Jyoti Basu, a man who is as short in stature as his name, and who had such a command over reaching out to the masses, and holding the reins of governing the state for 23 years, that today about half the city had gathered on roads to bid him farewell. Basu had always been a controversial man, and he had equal number of foes as friends. He had political rivals, who could not help but take their hats off for his political acumen. But the problem with us is that we often love to label people, and if we label Jyoti Basu only as a representative of the Communist Party of India (Marxist), then we may be doing injustice to his personality.

We all of us have several sides to our personalities; one is personal, another social, and there are cultural, familial, political and economic, and academic; the list is rather endless. We may not excel in all the fields, but we cannot ignore any of these fields, because they are all interconnected. If the professional side occupies much of our time, then our personal and familial ties may weaken, and that may have further unpleasant consequences. At the same time, it is not possible to allot equal amount of time for all the different fields of one’s personality. We need to prioritise our areas of interest and importance and have to divide the time accordingly. I believe Jyoti Basu would have done this exercise several times in his long life.

Our lives are very short in comparison to the age of the universe; Jyoti Basu had lived 95 years, and out of which about ten to fifteen years would have gone out of his control; the past five years, he was at the mercy of his family and friends, to decide what he wanted. But out of the eighty years, we take quite some time to establish ourselves in the society; we begin to build up a family, which takes some more years; this way our lives are spent so soon, often in a disoriented way. If we focus on what we have gained in life, we may be quite disappointed. Instead if we begin to ask ourselves what have I given to the world, out of the little I came into the world and out of the little I made for myself, then probably we may be able to smile as our spirits take leave of our mortal bodies.

I feel there is one simple yardstick to measure the success of our lives; surely this is not on the basis of the amount of money, wealth and riches we have accumulated, through fair and unfair means; but this yardstick is based on how many lives we have touched over the years. Most of us are simple people, with acquaintances who are too few to number; we may be able to reach out to only a few hundreds or thousands in a year. But I would feel happy and contended if I am able to touch the life of at least one or two in a year. If I am able to make at least one or two persons to smile in life, then I should be proud to be a human person.

It would be hard to determine how many people Jyoti Basu had touched in his long life; but slowly we shall be hearing the stories of men and women who had felt the warmth of this person, and such sweet memories are the greatest tribute that can be paid to the departed souls. These stories are the ones which can give life to the earth, and make us feel life is worth living. As we express our “Lal Salaam” to Jyoti Basu, I would like to ask myself, when I am on the verge of bidding final farewell to this wonderful world, will I have at least a handful of men and women, whose hearts will throb for me, with love, admiration and wonderment?

Flash of Lightning

I didn't know it would happen so soon. It took hardly two hours for my friend who had "doubted" my openness and transparency to return with a 'sorry'. One might think that only proves that I am partly innocent of what she was 'accusing' me of, but in reality it brought to fore something else too. Over the years I had known that my friend was quite frank and open, and does not keeping anything to her heart. She confided with me that she did not think that she would talk about these things, and it somehow popped out of her lips. And she was not even fully aware of what she was talking about!

She was profusely sorry for what she had told me, though quite inadvertently! She told me that if only she had known this would be the consequences of speaking her mind, she would have kept her mouth shut! I realized that at the end she was more disturbed and shattered than I was. Over the phone, I could hear her sob, and I really don't know how many times she said sorry! I was not in need of her sorry, she knew that, because in close relationships these things do happen, and one need not wait for the other person to ask pardon; certain things are not to be taken to heart, and I did not take too seriously what she had told me.

But she could not believe that she dared to disturb my mind at a time when I wanted to have some quiet moment. This time I had to give her assurance that all would be fine after a few hours. After all, the mind needs some time to let things cool down, and at least partially erase some of the painful memories. Given her nature, she would mull over this issue the whole of night, and today I can almost be sure she would say she did not have good sleep, because she was haunted by the painful memories of yesterday. Just as I needed sometime, she also would require some time to assure herself that we are not fully in control over ourselves all the time.

I would not be too quick to brand this entire episode as a typical commonplace 'misunderstanding'! No, I would look at it as a lightning moment, which is powerful and help both of us take a second look at each other as to what our expectations about the other are, and if we are able to fulfill them or not. In a lasting relationship, such moments as this can open up either the Pandora's box, or the dirt under the carpet; in either case, it is sure to have an impact on the future course of the relationship, and I often look at these seemingly painful moments, as part of the growth process. It is time for pruning, and the process is painful for sure!

I know that what had come out of the lips of my friend, even without her knowing it, cannot be sidelined as unjust allegation; no person with a little love for me can ever do that! The lightning flash has shown me a dark corner of her heart, and it is for me to ponder over this, and dispel the darkness! It may take me months or years to do this, or it may continue to remain in her heart for ages, despite my many attempts at working on it. Or there may be another lightning flash which may dispel that darkness and make us see each other as we truly are, and not as the one's with an inaccessible secret corner in the heart!

Ruins of Rome

Rome is full of ruins of all sorts. Pillars standing erect, looking up to the sky, walls standing by themselves, columns embracing the earth and refusing to move, faceless statues, handless fairies, noseless divine figurines, it is sometimes the sight one might witness after a ferocious war. But even in the ruins, one could see through the Roman elegance. There is life even in the ruins, which defy decay. There is something in the ruins which had seen the human species going through a similar process of decay, but unlike the Roman ruins, humanity is fast catching up with symptoms of irrevocable decay, that can cause serious damage to the species as such. Luckily the wise Romans have not decided to put together the broken pieces of buildings, squares, Forum, figurines… they have let them as they were centuries ago. A sense of embracing the past with all its failures and decay has kept the city a living witness to what it means to embracing one’s past.

Past is something that is irrevocable, and often one tends to fight with the past, and in the process failing to accept what is presented in the living present, or preparing to welcome the future with all its possibilities. Past is kept alive wrapped in our memories, and the present looks up to the past to find way for the future. But the Romans had a significant insight into the past – leave the past behind and bother about the present! Sometimes, or often, it is useless to try to piece the broken fragments of the past, and make meaning for our present. We may end up more frustrated and disappointed, when we realize that we have long forgotten the formula for such a putting together, or that a piece or two are missing that we are unable to get the complete picture of the road map we are to travel. This thought can only cloud our thinking, and the path may become all the more blurred.

It is hard to bid adieu to the past, especially the broken relationships, bitter memories which still haunt us, even after several attempts of reconciling to the facts, instances of betrayal and insincerity, moments of humiliation and insults; it is also hard to let them lie at the bottom of our hearts, and walk past them to live in the present. But have not the Romans done that? Maybe it demands a lot of guts to do that, to leave the cozy cocoons and to see the heat and chill of the world outside; to fight with the elements which may not be altogether friendly. But is it impossible? Down the centuries, generations of men and women have taught us the secret to cross the thresholds of impossibility – leave the past, and walk into the present. Are we going to lose something as a result of extending a parting embrace to the past, and leave them behind forever? We may, but what we may gain in the present may be far more gratifying to our souls than the past.

I am reminded of two disciples promising to Jesus to follow him, but one makes an excuse to say good bye to his parents, and Jesus says to him to leave the dead to bury their own dead; to another he says, anyone who had put his hand on the plough and looks back is not worthy of the Kingdom. I would like to think of Jesus telling these two disciples to leave the past behind and enter into the present with him; after all, another name for YHWH is I AM, the ever present; to live in the present is to live in the presence of the divine. In another sense, we all become part of divinity the moment we move from the past to the present. For reality in the present is far removed from that of the past, and of the future. The power of the present is something that we need to cherish, and it is possible only by becoming aware of where our minds are at regular intervals.

Today I would like to pause for a while just now, and bring my mind to the present. Let me take a sheet of paper and put on it the memories of the past that keep popping up in my mind at each passing moment. Let me give them a decent farewell, not try to chase them, but give them a warm embrace, feel them, even shed a tear or two, give them an affectionate kiss, and let them part. They may remain like the ruins of the Romans in Rome, but may not come to haunt our present. Let me close my eyes and enter into the sweetness of the present moment; see beauty all around , all that I ever wanted to envision. Let me open my eyes and see everything with fresh eyes, as if I am seeing them for the first time. Let me listen to the different sounds with new ears, as if I am hearing them for the first time. Let me fill my heart with awe and wonder at the miracle of the present moment, and see how my body is slowly transformed into a divine place, a Patheon, where all gods find a niche for themselves! (Brussels)

So What?

The man who made history during the last Olympics in Beijing for the maximum number of gold medals for swimming is in trouble. Michael Phelps from the United States of America has been banned in his home nation for three months for photos which showed him smoking a marijuana pipe. Glory and honor are the greatest enemies of humanity; the more one climbs up the ladder, the lower they go in appreciation of the gifts of life and a sense of gratitude to the human family for paving way for them to reach their heights. Phelps was no humble man as he gathered the gold medals and walked out of the podium; at least he didn’t seem to be so. There was a ray of pride and arrogance, that he is on the top of the world was so very evident in each of his facial expressions. The fact that he had beaten his own record during the previous Olympics put him on a higher pedestal. But that is Phelps.

But the fact is the world has its own share of Phelps, and if we look carefully we may find a dozen of them around us, with different names, shapes, goals in life, and identities. There are people who struggle hard to reach certain heights in life, but once they reach the heights, they look down upon the path they had trodden, and the many people who had pushed him up inch by inch. Every one may become irrelevant and immaterial for them, because they have achieved what they wanted, and they think they are the masters of their situations; but unfortunately nature has its own dynamics to bring down the mighty and haughty, at the same pace they had climbed up. If only the high and mighty realize that life is a not a static moment, but a continuum, where we are pushed and pulled according to different currents, and sometimes we might find ourselves helpless victims of circumstances.

Achievement is a curse on humanity; we tend to attribute every good thing that is happening in our lives to personal achievement, to our sweat and blood. Think of the boy who after doing a short errand, gave a slip to his mother, which said she owed one dollar for the errands; and at the end of the day, the mother made a slip for her son, which enlisted the moments she had carried him in her womb, nursed him in his childhood, keeping awake when he was sick, and after adding up the enormous sum, wrote underneath, Paid in full! We tend to look at ourselves, and not beyond our nose, as it were. Behind every personal achievement, we would notice the sweat and toil of many men and women, the sacrifice of several nameless, faceless persons. In fact, it may be right to say that we do not achieve anything to merit. We are given so graciously that we often fail to take them into account.

Giving due credit to the persons who have groomed and shaped us, and even pruned us in time, is no more in practice in this world of competition. If I were to take a sheet of paper and start putting down the names of all the persons who have made my day today, then probably, I need to go in for several sheets of paper. There is an army of persons involved in my wellbeing. It is because the farmers toil in rain and shine, that I am able to enjoy the fruits of their labor in the bread that eat, not to mention the men and women of the bakery who toil to serve afresh at the table. The sales persons who dare the rain and cold winter to reach it in front of my doorstep. It is an endless list that I will end with. Just think of the shirt I wear, how many people are involved in clothing me properly; but have I ever thought of these people, or have I said to myself I bought it for a price, and I don’t need to think of anyone else!

Today I take a few minutes for myself. From the moment when my parents came together and decided to give life to me up to this moment when I am a grown adult, I would like to think of the different persons who have shaped my life, and groomed me. Many of them are no more, and several others have faded away in my memory. But I do remember many of them, who are still afresh. Let me call each one by name, recollect their face, give an offering of smile, and whisper in their ears, Thank you, you have made me. It is true, a good many of the people who are at the disposal of the world, doing all sorts of odd jobs, so that we may enjoy our days, do not even expect us to be grateful; they do not even look for a nod of approval. But should it make me feel indifferent towards their valuable contribution in my life? At our every stepping stone, we can see the toil and sweat of many, and they are the bread and butter of our every success, achievement. I would like to close my eyes and stand in deep respect and gratitude to the world and her glorious children who have made me what I am. (Brussels)

The Lingering Chorus (M6)

It is not easy, let me admit, to give a decent burial to some of the most painful memories that haunt me night and day; let me not project as if things are so easy that I can overcome the lingering memories at the snap of a finger. If that were the case, then several men and women need not have sought to end their lives at the nadir of their moral conscience. We might call them they were losers, cowards, and were too frightened of facing reality, but it would be injustice if we were to think of them so. To us they may look so, but would they have ever thought of themselves so? But today we could reflect for a while on why it takes so hard for us to really bid goodbye to some of the painful memories? What keeps us holding on to them, even when we know for sure that they do not help us to grow at all? We had presented two ways of addressing this problem is by embracing the shadows, and by letting the memories fade into oblivion by making them copyright to the whole world. Here we will explore yet another way of care-fronting these memories, which have become part of our selves, as if our second nature.

In psychology we would often associate each of our emotional states to particular trigger mechanism, and most often we are not aware of these triggers; they may be persons, events, and even nature, or surroundings, or senses. For instance, certain persons may trigger particular emotions in us, and as soon as we see the person, we may be transported into that emotional state, whether positive or negative. As soon as I see a person with red shirt, my blood may become warm, my heart beat may increase, because that person with red shirt reminds me of someone else, who had left a deep scar in my heart. If I am not aware of these triggers, I will have no way of controlling them, leave alone mastering over them. We may even misjudge people, for no fault of their own.

I have come across women who, after going through an acute experience of betrayal by men, refuse to even talk gently to other men, because of the notion that every men they met reminded them of those betrayers; for them all men are betrayers. Therefore it often happens that after being ‘ditched’ to use slang, by someone, these persons may not have the courage to start things anew, because all men may ultimately ditch them, or at least that is what they think. I have seen young women who refused to get married because they had drunkard fathers, and thought that all men may ultimately end up drunkards! We may think that these are baseless and unreasonable conclusions, but the fact is that they are not arriving at these conclusions willfully, but something in them prompts them to such baseless conclusion. If we begin to probe them, then they will realize that they had been unjustly biased and prejudiced.

The fact is that these people did not realize that they were reacting to the triggers, and not objective facts. So if we are able to discern the triggers, and find out what triggers me to what sort of conclusions, then I may be able to judge for myself if my conclusions are realistic or baseless. In fact these triggers are the keys that open the floodgates of my swinging moods. If I am able to point out to myself that all men who were red shirts remind me of the man who stabbed my heart, then the next time when I see a man with red shirts, I could tell my mind that ‘this’ is not ‘that’ man. And that realization may prevent the floodgates of emotions to burst out, and you may be in a much better position to handle the man. What happens here is a simple psychological role-play; you have accustomed your mind to thinking that every man with a red shirt should be the culprit, and so, when you see a man with red shirts, your mind reminds you that this man is that one, and that immediately takes you to the past memories drenched in pain and agony. You then try to retaliate for the wound created in you, by treating the man harshly and even cruelly for no fault of his! But it is within your power and control to reverse the role play.

Today let me pause for a while and recollect to mind the last time I was flooded with the memories of that one painful moment in my past, and go back in time and circumstances to re-capture what triggered the memories to rush into my mind. It may not be crystal clear as to what had actually triggered the memories, but it will be possible for me to identify it, if I rewind the memory-attack today in slow motion, noting down the exact moment when I burst out. I go a few frames behind and see the situation around me… it may be a person, or an object, or a situation or anything. Once I find it out, then I pay close attention to it, to verify that ‘this’ is not ‘that’ and confirm it for myself, so that I may re-program my mind to say that not every person who wear red shirts is the one who betrayed me. Let me do this for a few days, until I am sure what are the triggers, which drown me into emotions and sentiments that put me down. If I am aware of them, then there is nothing I need to do, because my mind will re-program and lo and behold, I am on the way to free myself from my painful memories!

End of the Beginning

We are taken by surprise to note that the year is almost over, and yet another year is about to begin. Even before we could really become aware of this fact, out feet are on the new year, and many of the promises that we had made the previous new year day are yet to be realised; true enough, we have even forgotten what promises we had made. Time waits for no one, and it surely does not pause; it is not like a DVD film I am watching, that I can pause for a while to savor the beauty of the scene, nor can I "rewind" the scene to take note of the details I had failed to pay attention to the previous time. If only we had that privilege to do with time what we do either in memory or in a recorded film, then things might be very different. But for the most part we should be happy that time does not wait for any one, or else we may have too many thing to complain about, and may even curse our fate for asking for the time that does not move at its own pace.

The beauty with time is that you don't need to exert to flow with the current of time; it takes you by force, whether you like it or not. But today I would like to remember those people for whom time is a fierce enemy. I would like to recall to mind what a few fractions of a second could be for a rocket launcher; a few minutes for the one who is one the verge of death, a few hours for the one who is at the guillotene; a few days to a cancer patient. Time is not a pleasant thing that these people can savor, but is what they would like to forget. It is too frightening to think that time sometimes runs short. Christopher Marlowe in his beautiful play 'Doctor Faustus' talks about what time means to Faustus who had sold his soul to Satan in order to gain all worldly wisdom; when it is time, he is on his knees pleading for a few hours, a few minutes or at least a few seconds...

Concerning the differences in perspectives between the east and the west, it is said that the western philosophy looks at reality in a linear fashion, while the east looks at it as a cyclic, and that makes a lot of difference. We have even depicted this idea pictorially, showing a snake eating its tail. The idiom may not be very appetising, but the idea is there for us to understand. Life continues without any beginning or an end; we enter into the cyclic process at one particular moment, and may disappear at another, but the process continues. Therefore the popular adage, what seems to be end is in fact the beginning, makes a lot of meaning. Every end is actually a beginning, and every beginning may also be an end. It is too hard to make a distinction as to which is the beginning and which is the end. In the cyclic process, there is no beginning and no end. It is so very beautiful to flow with the current, which is never ending.

The greatest healer, it is said, is the time, and if only we allow ourselves to be moulded and shaped by time, there would be hardly any scars. We may not need to carry psychological baggage year after year. Let the waters that flow constantly in the never-ending ocean of time wash away all the fatigue and tiredness we had been carrying upto this very day. Let us not carry anything further to the new year that is dawning. Let the worries and troubles, hatred and vengeance disappear in the waters of time. We are here to start the new year as a tabula rasa, a clean slate to start all thing anew. There is a thrill in starting things anew, because new hopes and new expectations can boost our confidence, and we may be in a better position to handle ourselves and the world around us.

As I stand at the threshold of yet another year, I place all that I had achieved and all that I had failed; let time be the best judge, who can tell me frankly and truly how my days had been spent. I have nothing to regret or complain, because I know if not any one else, at least time will take care of all my sincere efforts. I am here to present myself in the powerful yet gentle hands of time, for her to heal the wounds, strengthen the soft options, soften the hardness of heart, break the stubbornness, join the broken dreams, speak the unspeakable, kill the hatred and vengeance, and to be born as a new being as the sun begins to shine on me tomorrow. Every day brings in new hope, just as every new year brings in new hope that we have still some more time to hold ourselves accountable for the world that we live in, and maybe this day next year, we will be able to stand before time with a little more confidence that we are a little better than the last year!

Embracing my Shadows (M5)

Father Joe Kunnumpuram of Atmadarshan in Patna, India, has proposed a new way of getting rid of past painful memories, which he calls it as Awareness Meditative Relaxation (AMR) therapy, using which one can try to get out of the memories. After going through the therapy I felt that it may not be entirely scientific and psychological and there are a lot of loopholes in the design of the therapy, but what is important here is that a person with painful memories is led to re-live that experience, and feel the pain, humiliation and shame to the maximum level possible, and feel the bodily reaction to such zenith of pain and shame; then they are led to relax their bodies, until they experience a different kind of bodily sensation, and that may make a lot of difference in the way the memories may appear to them. The method that is proposed here is the one of embracing one’s shadows, instead of running away from them. This is based on the common notion that we give power to the people or things we are frightened of. Let us delve a little deep into this mystery, that may help us take control over ourselves.

It is not enough to recognize a shadow in me, or an enemy wandering in the woods of my heart and often frightening me, putting me to shame and humiliation that I feel often annoyed and irritated with my colleagues for no reason. Our journey to freedom surely begins with recognition, but we cannot stop there; that is just the beginning of the journey, we need to move ahead. The second and more important stage is embracing the shadows, until a moment when I cannot see them as something or someone there outside of me, but something that is part of me. I can control that which is in me or within me, but may not be able to do the same when it is out of me. It is important that we embrace the shadows, instead of settling scores with them. The very word embrace carries with it sentiments of empathy, compassion and a lot of understanding. I am not to blame myself or any one else for the painful memories that I am still carrying; not even myself is fully responsible for what had happened. That is how things had taken place, and I or others had no control over it.

Therefore my concern here and now is how I am going to get out of them peacefully and amicably, without picking quarrels with any one for what had happened. No blame game can bring peace and tranquility in my heart and cure me fully of the memories. This part of the exercise concerns me and only me, here I do not need to seek any kind of help or assistance from others. In simple terms, here I am to recognize the memories and tell myself that I or others had no control over what had happened, but now I would like to get out of these of my own accord. This incident has caused a lot of pain and shame in my life, and has become my second self or nature, so I wholeheartedly accept it as myself and incorporate it into my life.

Much of the time we are not able to get out of these memories, because we often see others as responsible for what had happened, and therefore we cannot forgive them. We carry a lot of hatred and vengeance for them, whether they are dead or alive, whether they are living nearby or far away, whether they are in friendly terms or not in talking terms. Embracing our shadows necessarily means that for the sake of my peace, I need to let the other persons go free; but I am not giving them a clean chit, telling they are not responsible for what had happened, but I only let them go, because I want my peace again. This is more difficult in the case of people who had gone through a horrifying incident many many years ago. It may take quite some time for these people to heal all those years slowly and steadily. But if the process begins, we can take it for granted that the journey is half done.

How do I begin to embrace my shadows? Every shadows have their brighter side too. Let me not start with the shadows from their darker side, rather let me begin from the brigher side. If you look at a candle, you will see that there is darkness just below the candle, but just above the shadow, there is light. Let me find at least one good point about the person involved in my painful memory; if I am able to see more than one good point which I would generally admire, then I stay with that quality for a while, when I feel somewhat happy about the person. Let me be clear that I am not justifying whatever he/she had done, nor am I letting that person go scot free; I am only readying to free myself from his/her clutches. Let me dwell on the good quality of the person/s as long as I can, and see how much body feels about the person; sometimes it is possible that the very thought of the person repels me, in which case I will have to let my mind get hold of something that may positively bring my mind to think about his/her good qualities. Let me look at his/her face, speak to him/her, and listen too. Now, let me not immediately jump into looking at the darker side of the event / incident. I finish the exercise there, and you may think that I have not completed the exercise. But that has been done purposely, so that my mind may linger on what I had been thinking about, and it may have an invisible effect on me.

Painful Publicity Plan (M4)

Believe it or not, one of the best things that painful memories are terribly frightened of is publicity, in the best sense of the word. The more a memory is shared, the less effective it becomes, and slowly it may even have a natural death. You may find it hard to believe, but I have seen that the more I began to safeguard certain secret painful memories, they only began to exert more power and control over me, until one day when I had to surrender myself to their dominion. But the very moment, when I started to share these memories with certain people, the memories slowly faded away, until one day when I was fully freed from their control. However, the process of getting out of the seeming insecurity by releasing the painful memories for public consumption may make us nervous and ever uneasy, but the joy of care-fronting them can make a lot of difference in the way we handle such memories.

Anyone who has gone through some bitter memories in the past is sure to agree with me that we all wish to treasure these memories, and would seldom like to indulge in sharing about them with a close friend or associate. According to the seriousness and severity of the memories, our efforts to safeguard them from public knowledge will differ. We may not like to share with even the best of friends and associates those events in the past that involved tremendous amount of shame and humiliation. We cannot disclose certain aspects of our lives to anyone on earth. In fact these memories add a lot of burden to our already heavily-laden psychological luggage. We also feel that we cannot throw some of this baggage, even when we know we can live a peaceful, joyful life without carrying this unnecessary baggage. Some of us are happy to carry these needless burdens until we reach our graves, and a few of us even carry them to the coffins. Maybe today we can make a little effort to get rid of these painful memories, because we cannot be happy without being divorced from them.

Three things happen when we disclose a highly guarded secret painful memory to a trustworthy friend or senior person: one, the memory loses its hold on us, two, we give just the worth the memories deserve, and are in a sense begin to free ourselves from their control, and three, we realize that we can jolly well be happy without carrying them on our hearts. But you may wonder, to whom could I go and confide about these memories, the very thought of which brings a shiver in me, and I dread thinking, leave alone sharing, about them. If I am frightened of talking about it to someone, then at least let me give hints to the other / others that I had an event in the past that had shaken up my life. And if I find a suitable moment has come for me to “throw” out the bitter memories, then it would do me good, if I am able to do that.

Here the focus is not the other person; in fact the other person has no serious role to play, but to act as the sound board; he/she may or may not say anything to me after I narrate the event in great detail. But the focus here is myself; even if the other person is partly deaf and blind, it does not matter, so long he/she is able to respond to me adequately well. At the end of narrating the memories, I may find myself sweating… (depending on the gravity of the memory), and that is one of the natural ways how the earth ejects the unwanted elements, not merely the sweat, but also the memories. The other person need not give you a long lecture on what you should have done or what others should have done; that is not the intention of this chitchat. They may something or not; what is important is I am able to pour myself out to the other person, and that may lighten up my heart.

So, here is my assignment for the day: first let me bring before my eyes the one or two most painful memories that keep haunting me night and day, and think of one or two persons, who truly love and care for me, and with whom I can stand stark naked, without a bit of shame or fear. These people are the kind who would accept me as I am, unconditionally. Whether it is a male or female, young or old, I need not worry; ultimately what they will say in return to my open-heart sharing is not as important as how I am able to clear the bin. The stench may be unbearable for me, but I know that the other person who is listening to me is entering into my memory to clean my heart and make me whole again. Once I have shared my painful memories for the first time, let me experience the burden light and an ease in my heart, which I had not experienced in the past few years, ever since the event took place. But let me also remind myself that this is not the end of my disclosure of the events; I may come across a few more people with whom I may be able to open up myself, and openly and frankly pour out myself. After a few times of sharing about them, I am sure to realize that it is within my power and authority to live with them or to bid adieu forever.

Harken the Physician (M3)

Often in life we are aware of the ailments that drown us, and we may even be aware of the remedies that can bring our health to perfection once again, but the problem is invariably taking recourse to the treatment, which involves medicines. There are a large section of people, especially those who live in far-flung villages of a nation, where people believe in the miraculous power of medicine that they will not be healed until they are administered medicines. So the local physicians have devised a method of helping them heal themselves. There were people who gave them vitamin tablets for most of their psychosomatic illnesses, and sure enough they got well soon. Those who believed that they cannot get well without an injection, were given an injection containing nothing but sterilized water. So, we may ask ourselves what caused healing of these people, the medicine given them or they themselves? Sure it was they themselves who have cured themselves. The second question that we may ask is : were they sick at all?

Carrying an unwanted bitter memory is an illness that can be equated to cancer; just like cancerous cells keep spreading gradually, so also a painful memory can slowly eat up one’s life spirit and energy, and ultimately can even throw him/her to the throws of death. We have seen that often in life, we carry with us memories that cannot be easily gotten rid of; they are like our shadows which walk with us until we breathe our last. But if we are frightened of shadows, there is a way – to hide in darkness, so that we do not allow shadows to stand before or after us. The second alternative is to avoid the source of light and remain in a bigger shade, like the shade of a tree or a building. In the latter case, our mighty little shadow may be absorbed by the mighty shadow.

Let us consider the second solution to avoid con/care-frontation with our shadows – remember that I am using the shadows to refer to our painful memories! There is so much similar between our shadows and painful memories; both can be frightening and intimidating, and they can throw us into nightmares and sleepless nights. We could pause for a while and just close our eyes and briefly recollect the painful memory that we have gone through. The greater shadow that can possibly give us some consolation is what could have taken place, beyond what had actually happened. In other words, we have been spared from the worst; worse things could have happened! Just think of it and see in the mind, what worse thing could have happened to me; I have lost something substantial, but all is not lost! I still have myself to put back the things that I have lost.

Another great shadow that can make my shadow negligible is to think of persons who have gone through similar painful experiences in life, or even worse situations; if they were able to get back to life, can I not overcome this comparatively smaller mess? Often the memories appear mighty big, because we look at them in isolation, and not in comparison with those of others. Most of the time we would realize that our experience had been far simpler and less painful than others; in many cases we have been spared from the most horrendous experiences, and should I not be grateful to God for this kindness?

So let me close my eyes for a while and recollect in my mind the persons who have suffered for more loss and pain than I have gone through; what is my suffering and pain in comparison with these people who have lost something that can never be repaired! If I have lost one leg in an accident, let me think of a person who has lost both the legs; should I not be grateful to my stars for sparing me one leg at least, so that I can still walk on the face of the earth? If I keep doing this exercise, it will not take me too long to realize that I cannot complain about my little pain or suffering, while there are people who had suffered more loss and pain, and have been able to revert back to life, like a spring that shoots back to its natural stage, after being left. Let me see my painful memory and the corresponding incidents that had caused in relation to and comparisons with more painful memories of other people, whom I know. There I can see a silver line shining brightly!

Rightfully Resilient (M2)

If there was one word that the private television channels kept harping on during the 72 hours of siege of the Hotel Taj and the other landmarks of Mumbai, it was resilience. Every time when terror and horror stuck many of the Indian cities, they forgot the terrifying moments and soon after returned to their humdrum reality. They could not afford to be bogged down by these stray incidents to dampen their spirit. It was said that the people of Mumbai were fed up of the word and did not want to think about it; at least that was how many of the firebrand tele-reporters harked from in front of the hotel that only millionaires could frequent. It is not for us to decide if the Mumbaikars should have been resilient like the people of other cities, like the daily commuters of Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, which also bore the brunt of the terrorist attacks. While the daily wage earners could recoil back, the high society brooded over, if they should return to their daily routines. But that was resilience from a different angle.

If we look at nature we cannot but marvel at the magic and miracle encircling this enchanting planet and the universe at large. If you have had the fortune of lying down on a lawn in a remote village on a fullmoon day, and gazing at the movement of the moon, and the whole court of the stars twinkling in the sky. It is a treat for the eyes. Scientists often frighten the people saying how the earth is on the verge of a collision with another star or planet, and that would be the end of the earth, and of humanity. But very often such comments are proved to be far from truth; it does not require great wisdom and knowledge to assume that such things cannot easily take place in the universe, because the earth has its own system of reverting back to its normal existence; in other words, resilience is another name for the magic of the world we live in.

Having drowned by my painful memories, today I would like to turn my attention to this vast universe, in which the earth is but a tiny dot. If I sit quietly and concentrate on the millions of things that have been automated by a powerful force, so that the earth knows its orbit and would move accordingly. The sun would do its revolution, and so are the stars. The sun does not fail to move, nor does the earth. I would like to think of a day when I get up in the morning and don’t find the sun to greet me; and an evening when I don’t see the moon taking her rounds, to guard her children sleeping in the open, showing them the way. See the way a tree keeps growing, never getting tired of her growth, nor refusing the bear fruits because she is too old to yield. Or look at the birds of the air and the animals of the jungle, each one is a miracle, and no one gives up after a great tragedy strikes. They all revert back to their earlier existence. Turning a new leaf is nothing new to them.

But unfortunately that is something new for us all. We cannot forget things, events, and persons who have caused great damage to us. Forgiving and forgetting are the impossibilities that is written in the diaries of most of us. But sincerely speaking, is it because we are incapable of returning back to our earlier life, after a great tragedy strikes us? Is there something blocking us from returning to our lives as it was before. I might sound rather pessimistic and negative if I were to say that often we have a passive pleasure in holding on to these painful memories. We would not like to give them up, because there is an aspect of self-pity and a sense of loss, from which we think we can gain a lot of psychological satisfaction.

Today while walking along the road, I came across a dog, which had a leg, which had been partly hanging from its knee. Probably about two inches of the bone had been broken and now healed; it walked joyfully without complaining, or moaning over the great act of cruelty that a human person would have caused. I would like to go out of my four walls to open field or ground, to look around, not so much the lifeless walls made of cement and mortar and bricks, but look at trees, birds, insects, the clouds, the sun and the moon… and the people around me! Let me not think anything, but just observe them, and slowly I may hear a voice deep within talking to me. Let me listen to that thin voice; it may have a beautiful message for me! It is specially sent for me. It may come from anyone or anything; even a blade of grass may be able to give me a lesson in resilience. Who knows I may see a small window opening for me to come out of the prison I had put myself into!

Physician, heal thyself! (M1)

The present-day physicians will pounce on Jesus, if they were told this apparent naïve statement, because it is a known fact in medical circles that self-medication is dangerous, even if it is meant for the physicians themselves. But let us not blame Jesus for this naïve statement, because Jesus is merely quoting the Jewish sacred scriptures. You may blame me, for here I am going to propose a psycho-spiritual method of healing one’s past painful memories. There are no dearths for the different ways and means to get rid of one’s painful memories and start life anew; there are psychological procedures which help a person to heal the wounds gradually through a process of recognizing and embracing the shadows. We shall however start a process of psycho-spiritual healing of these wounds, which might be causing us dearly. But before we embark on that journey, let us realize that the resources for healing of our wounds are there in us all the time. We only need to know how to harness these resources for our inner healing.

There is so much of power and energy all around us that we seldom take note of this fact; there is energy in different forms and shapes, often without form and shape. But there is greater amount of energy that is flowing through our veins, through our mental rays, if I may coin a phrase to mean the invisible rays that flow from one mind to another, through a non-verbal communication; call it telepathy or bi-location, it is possible for human beings to transcend the physical body using the powers that lie dormant in our bodies and make use of them to enter deeper into the psyche of the universe. You may not have much to disagree with me regarding this point, because there are instances when we see for ourselves how the body organizes its cells, its resistance power to heal itself of ailments that normally attack us. There are virus attacks, and complications in the organization of our body parts, and slowly the body adjusts itself and brings into healing. Is it not a wonderful thing that we can be fully healed of stomach aches, headaches, and even some major kind of sicknesses without taking recourse to medicine?

Unfortunately there are no do-it-yourself guides or tutorials as to how we can make use of the powers and energy zones that are available in our bodies, in order to overcome our painful memories. There is no super computer on earth which is as flexible and supple as the worst of human bodies; for while the body is able to carry out mechanical jobs, it also adjusts its mechanism in order to make the best out of the body. Today is the time for me to recognize the energy zones in my body, so that at will I may be able to take recourse to it. But the bad news is no one can tell me for sure where my energy zone is; is it the brain or the heart? Or is it the hands or the feet? And another thing to remember is what is the energy zone for one may not be the same for another. It is for me to realize where it exists in me. The bestseller The Secret has shown us that our body is able to cure itself of cancer, and that too within a short period. It may sound miraculous, but it is a miracle that we too can experience.

The energy zones that reside in me is something very unique to me; I can neither qualify it nor quantify it, because it is beyond my grasp. According to Kundalini yoga, there are energy zones in each of us, and that particular part is supposed to be somewhere near the forehead. We would not enter into a debate as to whether it is scientifically true or not; nor can we deny the ancient wisdom altogether. It would be a futile effort to spend our time and energy on the common energy zone in all of us. We may start with the assumption that this zone may vary from person to person, according to one’s own psyche, formation and upbringing. If it corresponds to each of our nature and behavioral pattern is another area we will look into at the end of the exercise.

Today I would like to take a few minutes to spend in silence. I will find a quiet place anywhere within my reach, in order to enter into inner silence. Surely exterior silence will help me to enter into interior stillness too. After sitting comfortably with my back straight, I will become conscious of my breathing… cool air entering into my nostrils, filling my diaphragm, and warm air coming out. Let me breathe in till my lungs are full, and breathe out slowly and steadily. Let me experience the chest heaving and falling back in place as I breathe in and out. Let it go on for a few minutes. Then let me go to each part of my body, starting from the head down to the toes, relaxing each of the tensed up part. I may tighten up that part and loosen it and experience the part relaxed. When I have covered all the parts, I will realize that my whole body is relaxed. Let me feel life energy flowing through each part of my body; if it helps, I may think of the energy flowing as if it were lightning rays… as it flows it also revitalizes each of the part. Let me remain in that state for a few minutes. This experience is sure to open the floodgates of energy within me, and make it accessible to me, whenever I am in need of it.

Memories sans Morality

We are back to our memories - one of the most powerful tools that nature has either to revitalise a drooping spirit, or maim an energetic soul. It is a reality that often we have very little control, and memories can be the most precious treasure or the worst enemy of my life, depending on what past has stored for me. We have acknowledged that often in life we are imprisoned by our memories, and feel quite helpless unable to get out of them, however hard we may try. Memories are the last resort one may in order to keep alive something that is lost for ever, and even such memories may slowly fade into oblivion as time passes. In fact, according to psychology, memory is an organism's mental ability to store, retain and recall information, and they would often divide memory into short term and long term memories.

Short-term memory allows one to recall something from several seconds to as long as a minute without rehearsal. Its capacity is also very limited and may even be faulty. By contrast, long-term memory can store much larger quantities of information for potentially unlimited duration (sometimes a whole life span). Here we deal with long-term memories, which last a whole life, and have greater impact on us. We shall not enter into a theoretical analysis of how information or data is transferred from short-term to long-term memory, and how they are slowly solidified and stores, so that we could have access to them at will. But we understand that it is a process that takes place each day, without out being conscious of it, and thank God it is automated, much of our energy is saved for other things.

But let us face it! We cherish every moment of pleasant memories, and wish to run away from the painful memories; we are all too frightened of the painful memories, especially those of the loss of the dear one or that which has caused something very grave in life. Think of a moment when a person was on the jaws of death; or a moment when a young lady has been assaulted physically by a group of strange people; or an instance when one witnessed the gruesome killing of the closest family member by some one known. The very moment we think of the incident or memory, we begin to sweat, and our body immediately reacts naturally and automatically. Our heart beats faster. Sometimes people who have gone through such moments are provided psychological help, basically through counselling to break open the prison walls of the memory.

It is a joy to spend hours together recollecting the joyful moments of the past, but not so with the painful memories. One may gain a lot of strength from re-living the past joyful moments, while one may feel agitated and shaken by the painful memories; one may even be impelled to do something socially unacceptable due to these memories. The consequences at times could be quite tragic and destructive. It is like a room that is full of these moments stacked up deep within me, and at particular moments I hear some strange noise from this room and am frightened. And this may happen over a long stretch of time, and I may be frightened each time to open the room and confront what that noise mean to me.

Memories in themselves are neutral and indifferent, it is I who attribute a certain quality to these memories, as joyful and painful ones. Today I look at the most important memories that strike my mind more often, and look at them objectively without attributing any quality to them. It is only when we attribute qualities as joyful or painful memory that they will have a corresponding reaction on the body. But that is not what we desire for now. Let us look at them as objective reality that I was subjected to. No judgement or no moralization. Just the memory sans morality. Stay with it for as long as I can, even if I have the urge to get out of them and find back my escape routes to find my comfort zones. Let me also realise the unseen, invisible presence of the entire humanity standing by my side to hold me, support me. That is where I may find my way back home!

Maimed by Memories

One of the most treasured privileges given to humanity is the faculty of memory; it is said certain animals are also endowed with the capacity to re-member, but none can compete with the human beings. Memory is the faculty that relates the past with the present, and similarly relating future too with the present. It is the live wire that passes through every event or incident that one goes through. Once memory fails, a person becomes almost a vegetable. But think of an instance, when memory becomes the most painful reality one has to face in life; memories of the past, to be precise. In other words, when a person is imprisoned by the most painful, most excruciating memories of the past, there is very little that can be done to release the person and let him/her live in the present.

Every moment of the past is encapsulated in the memory, and strangely our memory is able to re-play the past in life-like fashion, transporting a person in time and space to the past events and incidents - to see, hear and feel the presence of the individuals involved. Unfortunately our science has not advanced sufficiently to provide access to the memory of persons other than the one possessing it. When we have such an access to the memory capsules, then probably we will device mind-right, something similar to copyright and patents. I also foresee technology that can go back in time to see, hear and sense a particular moment in the life of a person, all using mind-mapping technology. But let us leave such scientific advancements to scientists and get down to what the memory does to us in real life situations.

It will not be wrong if I were to say that memory can enliven the life of a person who has lost his closest family people; it can also leave something indelible in the heart of a person who wishes to 'forget' the most painful event of one's life. But today I am confronted with a basic question : can I ever be able to get out of the prisons of memory, so that I am able to relate to the present as it is presented to me, without being colored by the past, or being anticipated by the future. We know that every moment of the present is the outcome of the past, and is the preparation for the future, because we live in a time-continuum, which swiftly flows from one moment to another. It is actually the human mind that slices time for our convenience. It is possible to break free from the prisons of memory.

But a more important reality that I need to accept and acknowledge today is that I am a prisoner of my memories, whether good or bad, and it bewitches me whether I like or not. In other words, I have very little control over how each moment of the present is translated, or to use the computer vocabulary, encoded into the memory; it happens all by itself, without my being aware of it. But that is not bad in itself. So, let me realise that I cannot run away from the memories, but there are ways that may help one cope with them. While memories often try to imprison and control me, I may also try to control how it affects me.

Today I pause for a while and think of some of the most important memories which haunts me day in day out. In other words, can I think of a memory or two which constantly flash on my mind and disturb me - it has to be one of the most important moments of my life, which has in a sense shaped my destiny. Let me become aware of such memories, and be conscious of them. If it helps, I may also put it in a notebook, for me to look into at a later time. No, don't do anything with it for now, just become aware of it. It may be the moment when you lost your dear one, due to your negligence, or a guilt feeling that you allowed your dear one to die; one of the phrases that may come to my mind during this moment is this : If only I... Once this is done, then I am sure I am on my way to free myself from the clutches or the prison of my memories!

Healing the World

I must acknowledge that my mind is still full of images of Mumbai violence that shook the business capital in the last three days... the stories that I heard with wrapt attention on a private television channel left my sensibilities numbed. Over 150 men and women killed brutally by the suicide squad is not a matter of joke or political parleys. All in the name of religion. For many fundamentalists and fanatics, any means can be justified to attain an end they have in mind. Probably the one question that comes back again and again to all of us is : what have we done to deserve this brutal killing of our dear ones? Has any one got an answer to this question?

My mind today goes to that little two year old Jewish child, who was saved by his nanny day before yesterday, and whose both the parents were killed yesterday by the terrorists; it is assumed that his grandparents are also dead in the shooting. The news channel that narrated the story of this family also mentioned that today is his birthday... I shudder to think of the fate of this little child, who will have to live a life, with scars of this bitter memories, of a world that did not allow him to live even a few years in the loving embrace of his parents. Have we become so insensible that we would dare do anything for whatever cause it be?

Sleepless nights, hearts torn apart thinking of the impending danger, darkness enveloping the whole world around... the hundreds of people who had gathered in front of the Gateway of India in Mumbai had only questions, whose answers they cannot think of. No one could give them an adequate answer to their question : why should this happen to their beloved ones?

The whole world is marred by violence; it is not the time to show an accusing finger at the people who had caused the mindless violence; nor is the time to discuss how it all happened. But surely it is the time to pause for a moment and think what can be done so that this does not repeat again in our country. Government leaders will take care of the preparedness that is so lacking, but what can I do about it? A lot. If each one of us pledge that we will NEVER take the life of another person, then the world will be a much safter place for our next generations.

The world has realised the futility of killing animals, felling trees, but we are yet to realise that if the mindless violence of a handful of men and women does not stop, soon humanity will be enlisted in the category of rare species. Every one has a role to play in making the world a better place for you and me... We all of us are required to extend our hands to one another, and that is how healing can descend on the universe. I am reminded of Michael Jackson's famous song, which still rings in my mind as I key-in this blog : Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and me...

Let the healing of the world and the universe begin with the healing of my neighbour, the people I deal with each day; if I can experience healing from within and extend it to others, I would also be prepared to receive healing... It is the responsibility that is vested on each one of us... Let us not subject ourselves to the future generations to accuse us of destroying the world before they could enjoy her blessings and bounty. Let the healing process begin today, here and now!