Mowed by Machines

There are many people around us, who are used to taking others for granted. The situation may be worse if these people are holding some leadership roles. One of my friends had been taken for such royal ride by one of her superiors that there was very little that my friend could do; when the friend had gathered some courage to talk to the superior about how she felt being taken for a royal ride, the superior tried to pour out a bag full of reasons why she had to do that. Justifications, rationalizations and explanations, these are the tools of the trade with the people who wish to take people for granted, in order to impose their own authority felt among the subordinates.

There is a limit for everything, and the hoi poloi would not mind being taken for granted to a certain extent, but if they are to be considered the non-existent, then there is bound to be a revolt and unhappiness. Such a situation is sure to create uneasy feelings among friends, among superiors and their subordinates, between family members. Generally it is observed that it is only the people who feel they enjoy certain special privileges, that make sure they have to show off their powers which flow from the privileges. In a group, if there is one who exercises leadership role and does not take into consideration the sentiments and opinion of other members and makes a decision for others, it is sure to backfire at sometime or other.

A friend complained about a certain Principal of a school who had been notorious for autocracy. Very seldom had he consulted the other members of his team before he arrived at a vital decision affecting the interests of the students, staff, and the guardians of students. The decisions were most often unilateral, though luckily many of his decisions were based on sound judgment, and so there was no major disaster or confrontation. However, the other members of the staff and his own friends and companions began to avoid him, and treat him as an outcast because of his tendency to take people for granted.

Now behind this simple attitude of taking people for granted, or taking people for a ride, there is an unsaid declaration these people make for themselves: it is only these people who have the brains at right proportions so that they could decide for others, and even help people find answers to all the problems they face. There is also an implicit paternalistic attitude in them, which makes them treat all others as children. This is exactly what Transactional Analysis points to us as an unhealthy syndrome in some which can really create havoc to personal relationships. Many are the victims of such paternalistic attitude, and invariably everyone goes through such experiences.

It is a good thing to assert one’s due rights and privileges, and not allow others treat us as if we are the door-mat; but that demands a good amount of guts and courage. I know some big bosses, who cannot tolerate anyone question their decisions, and if the subordinates ever open their lips against their unilateral decisions, the bosses would make sure to ruin the future of these hapless victims. But I have seen some of my good friends dare to do exactly that and face the consequences, even if they are very harsh and unreasonable. This, I feel, is a wonderful thing to do, to be on the guard so that people are treated with due honor and dignity they are born, and not be treated as a paperweight!

Salvaging the Self-Image

It is not easy to own up my mistakes, weaknesses and failures! Even when I want to acknowledge before others that I was wrong, there is the inner self, which threatens me with dire consequences. I am afraid of what others would think if I begin to stand before them as a weak person; how others would rate me after they know that I myself have accepted my failures. In a world that lays so much of importance to self-assertion and confidence, will I not be looked upon as a failure? I can hear some of my friends whispering, he does not have the guts to refute the allegations that people level on him, and he thinks he is an “innocent lamb” ready to be slaughtered! But there is a different kind of existence after I begin to take responsibility for my actions.

Initially it was frightening to acknowledge that I was wrong; all along in life, I had been taught to pass the bug on to someone else, and we will always be lucky to get some scapegoats. To acknowledge my weaknesses and failures has been considered a virtue, but was deemed sign of cowardice. As I struggle to rephrase all my self-expressions with this preface – I FEEL…, I experience a different kind of freedom and liberation, which I had not felt before. It is not a heroic thing to own up myself as I am, but it has taken me quite some years to do this. This however does not mean I own up others mistakes and failures too as my own; no, I would not do that. I am prepared to own up only my part of the responsibility.

I have felt the need to break the magnifying glasses I had been using all these years to look at what others are and what they had been doing to me, magnifying them several times, until I found myself subsumed by the gravity of the mistake and failure of others. Even as I stand to joyfully own up my own mistakes, I am not going to give a clean chit to others who deliberately try to play with me, or attempt to take me for granted, or malign my name for no reason. Their action is sure to affect me, but I would like to make my skin a little thicker so that their deliberate action does not affect me directly, and I know that there will come a time when they would have to regret for what they do today.

I am not sure how much I would be able to carry this forward, in acknowledging myself as I am; there may be times when I might give in to finding justifications, rationalizations and passing the blame on to others, especially if they come from persons who are not above or equal to me. I find it hard to accept things easily from persons who are inferior to me in terms of social status, education, knowledge acquisition, to name a few. It may take a few more years for me to really own up myself, even with people who do not directly matter to me. Then perhaps I may be able to accept even the criticism of strangers and outsiders.

Today I take a good look at myself on the mirror; while I know I am not an altogether a saint, I would like to tell myself that I am not a hardcore criminal either. Perhaps some of my failures and wrong doings might merit a punishment which could be quite harsh, but I know there are still areas I need to look into; it is possible that I have not fully broken the magnifying glass, but had kept it safe to look at myself, and I only hope I would not enlarge my natural inclinations and temperaments to such an extent, I might realize I am beyond all redemption. I believe in the basic goodness that has been showered upon every human person, and that ultimately is our saving grace!