Nursing Parents’ Wounds

It is quite disheartening to even imagine that parents after about twenty years of blissful marital life could think of separation; whatever be the cause of family discord, it is hard to think of a situation where the couple feel quite incompatible, even after the two girl children, both of them quite grown up. At a time when the elder daughter is old enough to become a mother herself, it is next to impossible for her to think that her parents were contemplating seriously about separation, and she herself would do anything to stop that happening, but then she feels that she is helpless, at least in this situation.

Which child would think of his or her parents being separated; the modern world has seen many such cases, where the children are asked by the court to choose with which parent he/she would like to live, but as everyone is aware it is not possible to make a decision, that a child would live with the father or the mother. A child’s heart is too tender and soft to be torn apart by two parties. Granted that the two girls are grown up, that is not the reason for the parents to think of separation, and it is doubtful if the couple had exhausted all the possibilities of keeping the light of their marital bliss alive and blazing.

Parents are expected to nurse the wounds of their growing children, to stand by their side when the storms of life shake them from the root, but here is a situation where the children are called in to nurse the wounds of the parents, and the children just beginning to see the true color of the world are forced to witness yet another harsh reality of life, and they could hardly accept which looms before them. But would the parents who had been having stormy sessions on regular intervals down the years, think of giving another chance to the spouse to amend and get the family ties going? If the personal peace and happiness is what matters most to the couple, then it would have been better if they had not married at all!

For the elder daughter, who had offered her life to the Lord, it is more than her share of suffering the Lord had given to her, and every time she remembered the situation back at home, her eyes are filled with tears, but is it possible to leave behind the family, parents and the relationships and concentrate on her own personal call! As an individual who had grown nourishing the love and care of the parents, she feels she cannot afford to let this thing happen to her parents, but she is also aware of the crude reality, which reminds her, what if they do not care to listen to her plea! She would not have any one to appeal to!

It is not that my parents have peaceful life after about 45 years of their marriage; they have their own share of misunderstanding, quarrels, but I know one thing for sure, they could never think of separation, and even if they fight, we know for sure they would be back to talking terms after a couple of days. But times are changing, and if married persons were to think only of their personal freedom, happiness and peace of mind, then the family is bound to go to pieces and it would be impossible for anyone to save the situation. It is only God who can intervene to stop the couple breaking away, because their breaking is sure to affect the lives of the children too, and that is the reason why the daughters have begun to storm the heaven with their prayers.

Great Expectations

No, I am not talking about Charles Dickenson's novel of the same name; that was a classic on its own merit, what I am going to discuss today is about our small and great expectations we have for ourselves and from others. We may take a closer look at how the so-called perfectionists operate and face life and its expectations. If there are people who take life too seriously, it is this group of people. For them, there is nothing on earth, which is trivial or funny; they would like to look at everything seriously. And at the end they make life itself a serious affair, which has to be faced and tackled rather than be enjoyed and relished.

It is true that these people want to make the best use of life on earth, and would go all the way to make hay while the sun shines. They will not leave any stone unturned in order to achieve the goal they have set for themselves. No wonder then that these people are often successful people, but unfortunately not happy people. There is something amiss in the way they look at life. While they strive heart and soul to achieve a goal, they do not realize that the reaching of the goal does not satisfy them. There is an insatiable desire in these people to excel, cross all barriers and shine in the sky. But is life only a pack of successes and nothing more? Is life that is not enjoyed and relished worth its name?

The so-called perfectionists also suffer from the malady of scrupulosity and guilt-feeling; they cannot easily forgive themselves for the opportunities missed; they begin to blame themselves for missing the point while shooting at the goal they have set for themselves. Ultimately these people may also suffer from certain amount of disappointment and depression, because they may not all the time be able to achieve the goals, and these may drown them in gloom and sadness. They may also push themselves to such an extent in achieving the goals, that they may suffer mental and physical collapse, and sometimes the damage created may take too long to heal.

If their personal lives suffer a lot because of the ideals they set for themselves, the same thing is also true when they are in a group. These are the people in a group, who have the fire to go ahead, despite all odds and blocks; they can give lead to the group, even when unasked for. But often they would lay so much of expectations on the group, that they would soon lose the confidence of the group and may fight a losing battle with the rest. They get easily annoyed with the rest of the group for not coming up to their expectations, for not giving their best to attain the goals. They get easily annoyed and irritated, and may even pick quarrels with others. At the end they may find themselves standing alone, and the group standing some where far off!

Is there any way how the perfectionists can tame their temperament to get the best out of life both individually and in a group. First of all, it would be worthwhile for them to ask themselves if the expectations they have for selves and others are reasonable, and if it is achievable. They can shun anything which is far fetched, or beyond the capacity of the group they are working with. And sometimes it would be worthwhile for them to drop their ideal goals and follow the moderate goals set by the group, and be happy with it. In fact, the focus they need to pay attention to, should be the process and not the goal itself. How they relate to others can give a sense of worth rather than blindly reaching the goal!