Nursing Parents’ Wounds

It is quite disheartening to even imagine that parents after about twenty years of blissful marital life could think of separation; whatever be the cause of family discord, it is hard to think of a situation where the couple feel quite incompatible, even after the two girl children, both of them quite grown up. At a time when the elder daughter is old enough to become a mother herself, it is next to impossible for her to think that her parents were contemplating seriously about separation, and she herself would do anything to stop that happening, but then she feels that she is helpless, at least in this situation.

Which child would think of his or her parents being separated; the modern world has seen many such cases, where the children are asked by the court to choose with which parent he/she would like to live, but as everyone is aware it is not possible to make a decision, that a child would live with the father or the mother. A child’s heart is too tender and soft to be torn apart by two parties. Granted that the two girls are grown up, that is not the reason for the parents to think of separation, and it is doubtful if the couple had exhausted all the possibilities of keeping the light of their marital bliss alive and blazing.

Parents are expected to nurse the wounds of their growing children, to stand by their side when the storms of life shake them from the root, but here is a situation where the children are called in to nurse the wounds of the parents, and the children just beginning to see the true color of the world are forced to witness yet another harsh reality of life, and they could hardly accept which looms before them. But would the parents who had been having stormy sessions on regular intervals down the years, think of giving another chance to the spouse to amend and get the family ties going? If the personal peace and happiness is what matters most to the couple, then it would have been better if they had not married at all!

For the elder daughter, who had offered her life to the Lord, it is more than her share of suffering the Lord had given to her, and every time she remembered the situation back at home, her eyes are filled with tears, but is it possible to leave behind the family, parents and the relationships and concentrate on her own personal call! As an individual who had grown nourishing the love and care of the parents, she feels she cannot afford to let this thing happen to her parents, but she is also aware of the crude reality, which reminds her, what if they do not care to listen to her plea! She would not have any one to appeal to!

It is not that my parents have peaceful life after about 45 years of their marriage; they have their own share of misunderstanding, quarrels, but I know one thing for sure, they could never think of separation, and even if they fight, we know for sure they would be back to talking terms after a couple of days. But times are changing, and if married persons were to think only of their personal freedom, happiness and peace of mind, then the family is bound to go to pieces and it would be impossible for anyone to save the situation. It is only God who can intervene to stop the couple breaking away, because their breaking is sure to affect the lives of the children too, and that is the reason why the daughters have begun to storm the heaven with their prayers.

Pants-Down Syndrome

The youth of the cities across the globe are struck by what I would like to call as “pants-down syndrome”. The young boys, especially the school and college going students, take pleasure in pulling down their pants, as the latest fad in the fashion world. It is sickening to see boys easily falling prey to this kind of subversive and ugly trends, without ever thinking if that makes them better human beings. To follow the current seems to be in vogue in today’s world, and those who do not fall in line with the trends are looked at suspiciously, and are even branded as traditionalists and conformists. These people are considered archaic and old-fashioned, who do not know how to appreciate the modern trends.

To flow with the current of the world seems to be the norm today, and everyone is so convinced of this that they would not dare to go away from the set norms of the society. Every fad and fashion which takes place in the United States of America or in the Europe seems to be catching the attention of the Indian youth, as much as other youth of different other growing nations. The implications which these have on the social and cultural lives of the people at large are not considered, and slowly these fads are sure to affect the native cultural fabric in some way or the other. But why would the youth bother about how their changing trends affect the native culture?

We are too quick to change things, which have been sustaining us for centuries and decades; we feel that variety is the spice of life, but we would love to swallow only the spice and may not like to have anything staple for sustenance. Many of the societies which are pioneers in ushering changes in society do it slowly and steadily, and they do not propose changes overnight, but study the present scenario of the socio-cultural setup and gradually infuse change. But that is not the case with our youth; anything they see on the television or on cinema, has to become their norm too.

Unfortunately our young people do not thinks sufficiently why they have to follow the fads and fashion started by somebody in the States or in the Europe. Blind following had been one of the greatest enemies of development in our country. We had an era, when the ordinary people deified the film actors and actresses, so much so some of the actresses had temple dedicated to their name. Cult worship is still strong in the country, and the fads and fashions often strengthen the fabrics of cult worship, which can later manipulated in order to win political mileage. But it is too complicated for the young people to consider all these angles before they plunge into a new style.

Dignity is something very personal to each one, and if there are attempts to waterdown the personal honor and dignity, they should be resisted by society; unfortunately that does not happen with the pants-down syndrome. Imagine parents allowing their children to follow this sort of meaningless and ugly fads, and if there are parents who take time to explain to them on the dangers of following this sort of fads, then probably many will think twice before borrowing anything blindly. However there is one big consolation, this fad is not going to stay for ever and ever; it is sure to disappear into thin air as quickly as it entered the cultural arena.

Daring to Dream

It is fun to talk to youngsters about 'dreams', and as I asked them if they dream, there were giggles and smiles. After all, who on earth does not dream? Every one has dreams, big or small, good or bad, and so my question might have been quite unwanted. But I had a point in asking them whether they dream, and what sort of dreams they have! I made it clear that the dreams that small children have about what they would receive from their parents and relatives is quite different from adolescents and adults would have, and that is the kind of dreams I was keen on delving deep into.

Needless to say, our dreams are shaped and moulded by the society we live in, the kind of people we associate with, and the kind of role-models we have around. One thing however is quite interesting to note: the children from the poor backgrounds often have bigger and more ambitious dreams, and it is not surprising that many of them do achieve a greater part of their dreams, by sheer will power and determination. Those who are well-to-do and rich, do not bother to dream big, and therefore they have stunted growth, and remain where their parents had left them.

I was surprised to hear one of the little girls tell me that she wanted to be an air-hostess! Where did she come across an air-hostess, who might have inspired her to become one? This ten-to-twelve year old girl had a dream which is out of the ordinary mould that girls of this hostel would generally dare to dream; it may be possible that this girl does not know what it is to become an air-hostess, but since her eyes are clearly fixed on this dream, I would not be surprised if she becomes one after some years.

I had made it clear that most often our dreams are self-centered; we become the center of our dreams, and may not include others, our family, friends and neighbors in the dreams. If the dreams are too narrow and self-centered, then the challenges and struggles we may have to face are far greater than the dreams which include our closest circle of dear ones, parents, siblings, friends and neighbors. When we share in the collective dream of a community, we are sure to receive the approval and support of the community, which are more important for the realization of the dreams.

There is one way how we can nourish and nurture our dreams: by helping others realize their own dreams, big or small, as the case may be. We all need the support of the other people in society to translate our dreams into a reality. No dream can be realized in a vaccuum; we require a concrete human society to realize it. A dream come true also imply the acceptance of the community, and we cannot take all the credit for finally arriving at the winning point, because every dream opens up multiple possibilities to go ahead in life to slowly enter into a world where there may not be much difference between dream and reality!

Madness of Human Malady

It is incredible to imagine what the human beings are really capable of! It was only the human race which was able to unravel many of the mysteries of the universe, and life on earth; it was the human mind which is capable of travelling back in time and space, and at the same time travel to the distant future and predict what is in store for them. Unfortunately no other animal had been given that privilege to re-create the earth we had been handed over; and it is hard to say if we have made the world better or worse! Our children would be in a much better place to answer such probing question.

At the table during dinner, our conversation came back and forth to what the human beings are capable of! They would do any thing crazy in order to prove to the world that they mattered, and what they were convinced of was God's word! We recalled to mind the air craft pilot who took the US plane to blow the Twin Towers! It was not merely a matter of "guts" to even blow one's own self, which can never be refitted, but to be convinced that they were doing something good and worthwhile! Many fanatics may name them martyrs, but were they really so? Especially when we see hundreds of people murdered due to the plot hatched and executed by them!

Or think of the 25/11 attack on Mumbai! I simply admired the amount of work that had gone behind such a masterplan! No ordinary people would be capable of planning and executing such a complicated plot! Great minds were involved in such an attack, and the very fact that these people who executed the plot for the most part went "missing" during the time of the blow, was ample proof that there could not have been anything left for chance! That really is proof of human ingenuity, and what they are capable of achieving. But unfortunately, much of the human positive energy is wasted!

If only all the human energy which is wasted with unhealthy practices and destructive schemes and plots, is preserved to do good to humanity and to the universe, there would not be so much of disparity, inequality and poverty in the world! Just imagine how much money, time, energy and resources are wasted by corporate houses, not so much to keep them on the top, but to keep the competitors down. Millions of rupees/dollors are wasted in maligning the competitors, suing them with cases which are next to non-sense, just to disrupt the production of things which may put the other corporate house in jeapardy.

The amount of money spent on advertisement is targeted not so much to introduce new products and goods, but to show how their product is better than the rest; how their goods are the best in the world! There is no question of comparative degree here, but only the superlative ones. Will it be possible for humanity to ever realize the futility of investing so much of energy, time, and resources in things which can only harm humanity, and shorten the life on earth! Will good sense ever prevail on earth, and rival nations, groups and sects ever be able to put aside the differences and seek similarities, which alone can bring respite to the otherwise fast disappearing species on earth, the human race!

Haven of Peace

We are so used to a certain kind of mathematics, that when some one comes with a solution which is quite out of the blue, then all our calculations are disturbed. We live in a world, where the senior citizens find very little place; the married children try to build their own families, and may not want their parents to have a role in it. The in-laws may stand against anything the well-intentioned parents might say, and ultimately in order to let peace prevail, the aged parents may be forced to remain in seclusion, away from their children and their grand children. This is the reality we are used.

But the modern generation has also found a way out of this problem, of handling unmanageable old people. Homes for the aged is an institution today by itself; those men and women who could afford may make arrangements with a Home to keep their parents away. Everything here is taken care of, and there will not be any more nagging or uninvited intrusion into the private and personal matters of the families. Even when the old men and women may not wish to go to homes, situations may force them to seek asylum there.

Think of old men and women who have been thrown out of their own homes, and have no where to go! Think of persons who have no strong social security systems, which may take care of them when they are old! Luckily we have a group of women, in fact they are all religious sisters, who look after the elderly, and care for them specially. The beauty of these sisters is that they do not admit into their homes anyone who has enough money to find a way. Their doors are open only to the senior citizens who are helpless, have no one to care for, and therefore there is no monthly fees.

In today's world, it would cost at least rupees five thousand a month to look after a senior person, including the daily medicine they may have to take. This however may not include payments for a separate person (aaya), to keep a watchful eye of them. But then how do these sisters manage to look after the old? Through begging! Every day some sisters are appointed (often by rotation) to go begging from house to house, in order to feed the elderly. In a world which condescends begging, these women are not shy of begging for the sake of the elderly. And what is more surprising, there are more people who offer monetary support to the sisters to look after the old men and women.

What do the Sisters, who are known as Little Sisters of the Poor, gain in return for their services to the elderly? Nothing. In fact, their services cannot be adequately compensated by any means, because even their own children may not look after the old as well as these committed sisters. Then why should they do this kind of works? It is their charism, to reach out to the helpless poor old men and women; if they don't look after the old, then what would happen to the hundreds of such men and women. Thank God for them, today many of the helpless men and women find shelter and peace of mind in these havens of peace!

Groping in the Dark

It was a festival of lights, and there were non-stop bursting of crackers all around, and the fireworks filled the firmament; the capital did not mind flushing out millions of rupees in order to keep the children feel the festival of lights in their ones. After all, they all said in unison, the people who make crackers and fireworks, need to make a living out of them, and they could afford to burst even after midnight. But from the window of the room where I had taken asylum for four days, I could see the bursts of a different type. And the noise of these ‘crackers’ was far more violent and louder than the ones which filled the already polluted sky.

These are the people who had no place of their own in this metropolis; the citizens of the mega city had a place for every conceivable amusement and enjoyment, but for the people who had been pushed outside the limits of human society, there is no place, where they could sleep in peace. They had managed to squeeze themselves in between two buildings, touching the wall of the building I stayed in. If there was a strong wind, then they may not find the roof of their hutments, and all they had would he gone within no time. Every moment for them is uncertain, but still life was going on. These are the people who burst their voices in the middle of the night, mingling their voices with those of the lifeless crackers.

The protagonist naturally was under the influence of alcohol, one day when the men make the best excuse to drink to their heart’s content, and the women who knew the logic of the men, would not force the bottles away. The young man did not bother to mind his language, it was as crude as he could be. There was another to counter his claims, and the counter claims of the friend were equally loud. It was not clear what they were shouting at, but one thing was sure, these people had no crackers or fireworks to amuse themselves with. Who knows if these people were bursting their empty stomachs, as they went to bed yet another night!

Then all of a sudden, out of the blue came a series of crackers bursting, almost for about a minute, and one of the my friends later said that they were sure to have burst about five thousand rupees worth crackers. Momentary happiness was what kept the people from the high society to flush their “hard” earned money. If all the money that had been spent on crackers and fireworks on the day of Diwali in the capital were to be augmented, it would have been enough to feed all those who were going hungry to bed from at least five states of the sub-continent.

Where can one find true happiness in a celebration as the festival of lights? Is it in the bursting of crackers and displaying the colorful array of fireworks, each one competing with others, or is it in something else! One thing for sure, more and more environmental conscious activists have recommended foregoing the bursting of crackers and amusements with fireworks, which can choke the already polluted air of the capital. I only wish if the nation as a whole decides to forego the colossal waste of crackers and fireworks, and instead find other positive ways of lighting up the lives of others! I wish all those who wanted to celebrate Diwali in a meaningful way could light up diya in the houses of the people who have nothing to eat, and share a meal and joy with them! If that is done, then it might not take too long to brighten up the whole nation.

Fast in Fellowship

I know many people in India think of the former chief minister of Bihar, Sri Lallu Prasad Yadav as a clown in Indian politics, one who can amass public money property shamelessly, and even justify doing so publicly. He has been credited to have turned the ever loss-making Indian railways into a profit making one, which made the world take note of his USP. But I have a soft spot for this Bihari for several reasons: he is a man of the soil; he might have made a fortune out of the fodder scam, but he is also the one who believes in taking care of cows, and sometimes does not feel shy to pose milking the Jersy cows for photographs!

Needless to say, Lallu's wisdom is rustic, untouched by scientific and technological advancement. There are sparks of rustic wisdom in his speech, and one is left to amusement at the wisdom of this man, who however fails to apply such wisdom to reality. While many parts of the country are going through drought-like situation, Lallu had proposed a way to partly overcome this drought, which for the most part is human made. Citing the example of Jagdivan Ram, who during the time of drought in the early years of Indian independence, invited the citizens to fast once a week, Lallu invited the present generation to skip their meals (at least one meal) one day a week!

I found this simple solution not only innovative, though the credit goes to Jagjivan Ram, but it also challenges the people who are responsible for creating such a situation. It is also a challenge to the ever-increasing human greed and avarice. I welcome the idea whole heartedly, and propose an improvement of this idea as follows: It may be hard to skip the meals a whole day, since most of us would not have energy to work if we don't eat the whole day. So here is a way out. On alternative days, I can skip a meal; on monday I skip breakfast, on Wednesday lunch and on Friday supper. At the end of the week, I had skipped three meals, equivalent to not eating for a day.

Doctors recommend fasting as a means of staying healthy, and there are people who fast to keep themselves trim. But fast that is proposed has a wider social message, not only purely personal. What is important is not just to skip a meal, because that may not affect the world around. But then there is a way to make this simple act of fasting meaningful to a wider society. I cannot eat up what I save out of fasting on other days. If I feel the pain of those thousands of men, women and children going hungry to bed each day, then I will keep the grains, pulses and vegetables I save each week, and hand it over to the people who are in dire need of them. In this way, while I feel the hungry stomach, I can see the smile in the face of the hungry children.

Living very close to the VIP road of the City of Joy, I can see on weekends there is no parking space around our house. There are hundreds throng in and around Music World in Park Street, prepared to dole out some money to eat outside. If all these eateries, both big and small, were to pull their shutters once a week, save the food and money, and hand them over to the most deserving children, men and women, then we will see the world changing rapidly.If all men and women earning a salary or wage were to pause for a day in a month, and hand the money for those who lack basic amenities of life, then the world would be a better place for all of us.