Great Expectations

No, I am not talking about Charles Dickenson's novel of the same name; that was a classic on its own merit, what I am going to discuss today is about our small and great expectations we have for ourselves and from others. We may take a closer look at how the so-called perfectionists operate and face life and its expectations. If there are people who take life too seriously, it is this group of people. For them, there is nothing on earth, which is trivial or funny; they would like to look at everything seriously. And at the end they make life itself a serious affair, which has to be faced and tackled rather than be enjoyed and relished.

It is true that these people want to make the best use of life on earth, and would go all the way to make hay while the sun shines. They will not leave any stone unturned in order to achieve the goal they have set for themselves. No wonder then that these people are often successful people, but unfortunately not happy people. There is something amiss in the way they look at life. While they strive heart and soul to achieve a goal, they do not realize that the reaching of the goal does not satisfy them. There is an insatiable desire in these people to excel, cross all barriers and shine in the sky. But is life only a pack of successes and nothing more? Is life that is not enjoyed and relished worth its name?

The so-called perfectionists also suffer from the malady of scrupulosity and guilt-feeling; they cannot easily forgive themselves for the opportunities missed; they begin to blame themselves for missing the point while shooting at the goal they have set for themselves. Ultimately these people may also suffer from certain amount of disappointment and depression, because they may not all the time be able to achieve the goals, and these may drown them in gloom and sadness. They may also push themselves to such an extent in achieving the goals, that they may suffer mental and physical collapse, and sometimes the damage created may take too long to heal.

If their personal lives suffer a lot because of the ideals they set for themselves, the same thing is also true when they are in a group. These are the people in a group, who have the fire to go ahead, despite all odds and blocks; they can give lead to the group, even when unasked for. But often they would lay so much of expectations on the group, that they would soon lose the confidence of the group and may fight a losing battle with the rest. They get easily annoyed with the rest of the group for not coming up to their expectations, for not giving their best to attain the goals. They get easily annoyed and irritated, and may even pick quarrels with others. At the end they may find themselves standing alone, and the group standing some where far off!

Is there any way how the perfectionists can tame their temperament to get the best out of life both individually and in a group. First of all, it would be worthwhile for them to ask themselves if the expectations they have for selves and others are reasonable, and if it is achievable. They can shun anything which is far fetched, or beyond the capacity of the group they are working with. And sometimes it would be worthwhile for them to drop their ideal goals and follow the moderate goals set by the group, and be happy with it. In fact, the focus they need to pay attention to, should be the process and not the goal itself. How they relate to others can give a sense of worth rather than blindly reaching the goal!