Nursing Parents’ Wounds

It is quite disheartening to even imagine that parents after about twenty years of blissful marital life could think of separation; whatever be the cause of family discord, it is hard to think of a situation where the couple feel quite incompatible, even after the two girl children, both of them quite grown up. At a time when the elder daughter is old enough to become a mother herself, it is next to impossible for her to think that her parents were contemplating seriously about separation, and she herself would do anything to stop that happening, but then she feels that she is helpless, at least in this situation.

Which child would think of his or her parents being separated; the modern world has seen many such cases, where the children are asked by the court to choose with which parent he/she would like to live, but as everyone is aware it is not possible to make a decision, that a child would live with the father or the mother. A child’s heart is too tender and soft to be torn apart by two parties. Granted that the two girls are grown up, that is not the reason for the parents to think of separation, and it is doubtful if the couple had exhausted all the possibilities of keeping the light of their marital bliss alive and blazing.

Parents are expected to nurse the wounds of their growing children, to stand by their side when the storms of life shake them from the root, but here is a situation where the children are called in to nurse the wounds of the parents, and the children just beginning to see the true color of the world are forced to witness yet another harsh reality of life, and they could hardly accept which looms before them. But would the parents who had been having stormy sessions on regular intervals down the years, think of giving another chance to the spouse to amend and get the family ties going? If the personal peace and happiness is what matters most to the couple, then it would have been better if they had not married at all!

For the elder daughter, who had offered her life to the Lord, it is more than her share of suffering the Lord had given to her, and every time she remembered the situation back at home, her eyes are filled with tears, but is it possible to leave behind the family, parents and the relationships and concentrate on her own personal call! As an individual who had grown nourishing the love and care of the parents, she feels she cannot afford to let this thing happen to her parents, but she is also aware of the crude reality, which reminds her, what if they do not care to listen to her plea! She would not have any one to appeal to!

It is not that my parents have peaceful life after about 45 years of their marriage; they have their own share of misunderstanding, quarrels, but I know one thing for sure, they could never think of separation, and even if they fight, we know for sure they would be back to talking terms after a couple of days. But times are changing, and if married persons were to think only of their personal freedom, happiness and peace of mind, then the family is bound to go to pieces and it would be impossible for anyone to save the situation. It is only God who can intervene to stop the couple breaking away, because their breaking is sure to affect the lives of the children too, and that is the reason why the daughters have begun to storm the heaven with their prayers.

Ignatian Insights 2 : Exercises

The spiritual master Ignatius of Loyola begins his handbook for retreat directors called the Spiritual Exercises with an introductory note, explaining the word ‘spiritual exercises’: “By the term Spiritual Exercises we mean every method of examination fo conscience, meditation, contemplation, vocal or mental prayer and other spiritual activities, …” (SpEx 1:2). To look at the spiritual activities as ‘exercises’ was a novel idea that Ignatius introduced in the spiritual sphere. One would not think of the term used in the spiritual sphere, because we would like to take it for granted that the matters relating to our spiritual life is determined by God.

Ignatius further explains the word ‘exercise’ : “For, just as taking a walk, traveling on foot, and running are physical exercises, so is the name spiritual exercises given to any means of preparing and disposing our soul to rid itself of all its disordered affections and then, after their removal, of seeking and finding God’s will in the ordering of our life for the salvation of our soul” (SpEx 1:3-4). Ignatius summarises the whole book in this one sentence, and gives the gist in a nutshell, but in order to understand what he really means by the spiritual exercises, we will have to dissect this sentence and cull out the salient features.

First of all, just as our bodies require exercises to keep them fit, so also our spirits require exercises to keep them ablaze with love and happiness. Thus this exercises demand something from us, which will contribute to the overall wellbeing of our selves. However these are not the kind of exercises which put a strain on the body or the soul, but are simple tools to look at what we are, who we are, and how our existence on earth is related to others and to God… We shall constantly move from ourselves to our neighbours and ultimately to God. It is only through these kind of exercises that we will be able to bring peace and harmony within the soul.

Secondly, anyone who thinks that s/he will be able to come closer to himself/herself, to nature, to neighbours and to God would be only cheating, because it is only through a disciplined life that we can reach out to others. This implies that the exercises need to be done constantly, and not once in a while; therefore certain amount of regularity in the exercises is desirable, and if not the prayers or other pieties, one is recommended to do at least the examination of consciousness twice a day, since that is the review of life for that day, which will tell us where we are going.

Thirdly, it would be arrogant on our part to think that only the exercises recommended by Ignatius of Loyola can really take us to our inner selves, to our neighbours and to God; there are several ways to achieve this goal, and all the ways maybe equally good. It does not much matter which way we are choosing, provided we are sure to reach the goal without much difficulty. Contemplating the life of Christ can give us the much needed inner boost and strength to face the world courageously, but we can as well reach God through Yoga, especially karma yoga and bhakti yoga. We need to discern which way will take us to God in a surer way, that is where Ignatius begins his exercises.

Searching for Smiles

One of the lessons which I had learned at the death of one of our friends, 13 years senior to me, is that whatever we do, and wherever we are, could we do something to unburden the others who are weighed down by worries of the world, chased by problems which make them hate life, made to believe that life on earth is not worth living! There are many around us who go through this kind of hide-n-seek game with life each day, without realizing that they are slowly pawning their lives with forces which may one day snatch their lives and hand them over to the angel of death! Just a kind act towards these people can change the way they look at life, and once they realize the beauty of the world and its people, then things can take a positive turn.

Ours is a tortured, battered, mutilated world, which yearns for some respite, and it may sound an insurmountable task for us, but if we all put our shoulders together to look at this world which is groaning with pain and agony, probably we may be able to find a way of relieving her pains. It is not an impossible task; it all depends how each one of us is convinced of his/her personal responsibility to extend healing balm to the neighbor behind or in front of him/her. It is easier to curse darkness rather than lighting the candle, and we all may resort to easy solution, instead of doing our little part to ease the situation. Luckily we do not need to do spectacular works, or need really to sacrifice our lives in order to save the dying humanity. We are not saviors of the world, but we can surely become the angels of kindness and mercy to each one around us.

I become more and more convinced that what we on earth need today are not great scientists who would make the impossible into possible, who would find solutions to all the problems the humanity had been facing down the centuries, who would unravel the mysteries of the universe and find greater avenues for harnessing the resources of the greater earth, who would make us believe that faith in God and human touch can be sacrificed at the altar of self-centeredness. Nor do we require persons who would find a way of feeding every person going hungry to bed each day. We are not looking for spiritual gurus who would make every urban dweller happy and peaceful! If we want to save the world, then all that I am convinced we are called to is : to spread a little bit of human touch.

There is one little way I am confident we can do this : I take a little trouble to go out of my own self to reach out to someone in need, in whatever way I can. It is for me to choose how I am going to reach out to the other! If at the end of the day I can make a person smile, then I can consider my work done. It is not an impossible task. Yesterday after hanging around in our college to arrange for the funeral mass today, one of our friends, offered some fruits for our community. There were mangoes (the look alone was so tempting), grapes and another kind of fruit. As I walked home with a polythene bag in hand, near the park I put the bag down, took out a mango and offered to a girl who had made outside the park her home for the past six months. There was plenty for us, and I was not going to lose much by giving one to her, she also would have the joy of tasting a mango even before it fully entered the markets.

I have realized a secret of what really makes us smile: when we are able to make someone smile, that is sure to bring a natural smile in us. Check it for yourself. I have checked it and it works like a charm. It is like an echo, or a reflection on the mirror; and this can create a ripple effect. My smile can create some one smile too, and it can go on unending. Smiles are becoming too costly in our world; even the best of make-up and ornaments sans genuine smile may be meaningless; but a gentle genuine smile even in the absence of ornaments can make a person really glitter, and that is the secret that we all can become partners in. I can only imagine a situation when the whole world is filled with smiles all around, and it would be like a garden with flowers in full bloom and that is really a joy and feast to our eyes.

Brothers in Arms

The title of this blog is the name of a Gregorian song, Masters of Chant, Chapter 1, and as I listened to the song, as is usual, the words were not that clear. So I googled and found the lyrics, which were so very wonderful that I thought I would dwell on just four lines from third verse of the song. These are the words which caught my attention from the song : There's so many different worlds / So many different suns / And we have just one world / But we live in different ones. These words I feel, depict our present predicament; what we have done with the world, and how we have alienated ourselves from our brothers and sisters!

I may be lucky not to have my close relatives or parents or siblings across the border, in Bangladesh or Pakistan or Sri Lanka. I may not be able to feel the pain and agony those who do have their dear ones across the wired fences, nor will the country's leaders will ever feel it. It is the same earth, same green fields, same rivers, but we have given them different names, different attributes; we have painted our fields and waters with political colors, and the same waters which flows from the courtyards of our dear ones across the border, become untouchable poison when it reaches our shores! What have we done to this earth, and what have we done to the humanity?

It is heartening to realize that I have an identity which is so very different from those of my friends and relatives living across the border (an imaginary line of control that some people have drawn in their minds, and expect the whole population to abide by it). I envy the birds of the air, which can fly across these wired fences without passport and visas; I envy the insects, who can give a wake up call to the people of neighboring countries. The birds of the air and the insects of our gardens know that it is one world, and why have we not understood this great philosophy! And still we would hark that humanity is far more advanced than the plants and birds!

Bernard Shaw, several decades ago, had shown the futility of arms, in his popular and enlightening play "Farewell to Arms". It is true, he used the word 'arms' with a pun, but nevertheless he had a point to make. The world is becoming smaller and smaller day by day; the rising sectarianism across the globe is a threat which is far more dangerous than the ecological devastation we are so frightened of! Each nation is facing growing sectarianism, which are based on the selfish interests of a handful of people, and the nations are not able to contain them, and so, our world is becoming narrower day by day, and I am afraid after a few decades, we may have village-nations (like the city-states of the Greeks and the Romans).

We cannot think of a nation, which will be prepared to give up arms happily, in order to let the pigeons of peace fly in the sky, to let the citizens walk freely. If only the money that is spent on keeping a vigil at the wired fences and the borders were used for educating the rural masses, India would have been a super power long before. If only the money spent on arms and ammunition, fighter planes and warships were utilised for poverty eradication programs, the nation would have grown into a happy nation. It is time that we the conscious citizens of the nation make conscious and serious efforts to over throw the wired fences to forge ahead and meet the brothers and sisters longing for a warm hug across the borders!

Name the Devil!

Let me acknowledge I am notorious for not remembering names, even of people who had been interacting with me for days and months. And to be frank, I don't make any serious effort to remember names of peoples. And what is strange, I can remember the names of some people, without any effort, even after our first meeting, I know the name of the person, and can remember even after weeks and months. That only shows how my mind works! Surely the mind captures and registers the names of only the persons who really matter to me! Not any Tom, Dick and Harry, or any Mary Kutty, Sonali and Rupali! The mind has its own logic, some times quite queer and wierd, but that is how it works!

I know how important it is to name persons and things. Names represent the person, and his/her identity. To remember the name of a person is to say that I care for him/her, and if I don't or can't remember a person's name, that simply shows that person does not much matter to me (at least in the same way as I matter to him/her)! If naming matters greatly in human relationships, it matters all the more in handling what goes on deep within! A person who can name what goes on deep within, also knows how to manage life, its tough storms and thunder, rain and shine! But it is an art to really name the intricate play of reason and feeling, which incessantly run on the mindscape.

I had said in my earlier blog that fear holds the key to the downfall of many of our dreams, to the destruction of all that we are capable of! When fear takes charge of my being, I become just a victim of all the persons and situations around me, a helpless victim, who has but no control over anything whatsoever. I had also said that one way of overcoming the imposing power of fear, is by recognizing it attempting to cripple my life little by little, and that will lead me to defeat fear! But still one may not be too sure that the fear has left him/her for good. There is a way to make that sure.

If I don't stop with recognizing fear, but attempt to name each one of them, that is where I not only exorcise fear from my inner being, but also remove it from its roots. That is the way to make fear powerless, that is the way to cripple fear, before it cripples me. Most often fear exists in us in a nebulous way, and it is hard to really hold it. The moment when you thought you had caught hold of it, it slips from your hand, and you are caught chasing the wind uselessly. But wait for the fear to approach you, and don't go in search of it! It will knock at your door when you least expect it; if you are prepared to tackle it, then you will catch it before it enters into your room.

Put that label, which best fits the fear that is attempting to overpower you, and stick it on to it, and your job is done. You can then rest in peace, for there is nothing more that you need to do. It works like a magic; fear will depart you the very moment it is named and labelled. By naming it, you have exerted power and control over it, and it cannot chase you any longer. You are the master of the situation now, and it will do your bidding, whatever that may be. From that moment onwards, fear will fear you, and will even run away from you, for fear you should put it to shame. Be bold enough to bid a joyful farewell to fear, for when fear departs from you, the doors of happiness and peace are opened wide for you to enter!