On Being Hurt

There are some who often complain that they are hurt by the behavior of others, including by the persons they consider dearest to their heart. Hurt then leads to reservation and certain amount of self-imposed isolation, and that leads to self-pity, which may in turn lead to other vices, depending on the disposition of the person who feels the ravages of being hurt. But looking at this phenomenon of being hurt, it is not an exaggeration that there are very few persons who can hurt those who are conscious of themselves and in touch with what goes on within them.

Let me put it figuratively, taking an image from the Bible. If a building is strongly built on a rock, any amount of rain and shine cannot destroy it; but if the building is built on a heap of sand or soft mud, then there is no force on earth which can really protect it from torrential rain. Psychologically speaking, criticism, especially when it is targeted at character-assassination, can possibly lead one to get agitated, because here it is not the mind which takes control of the person, but the senses. There is a way to handle criticism and feelings of 'hurt'.

A criticism can really affect us only when we give it undue importance; when we take them too seriously. When my friend or spouse does not behave the way I would expect him/her to do, then I feel annoyed and in some cases even feel hurt. When I am not given the importance I expect from the people I love and appreciate and esteem, then I feel hurt. But very seldom would I pause for a moment and think if they meant to hurt me at all! Maybe I can take the case a little seriously if the person had deliberately wished to hurt me, to pull me down morally. Then there is a different way of tackling that too.

If I ever feel hurt, then there are more chances which point to the fact that the problem is not out there, in that person or these people, but is deep within me. What the other person said or did might have triggered off the hurt feeling that had been remaining dormant in my heart. So if I sincerely want to find a solution, I cannot find it out there, but have to take a peek deep within me. I might come face to face with some of the skeletons I had not bothered to discard. Once I begin to clear my cupboard, then I may find there is no reason for me to feel hurt! I can look at what people say and do at their face value, without giving them a meaning which they don't contain.

Hurt feelings basically point to the position when I feel I deserved a better treatment than given to me; better attention than what I was accorded with. But this better treatment and attention could also be provided from within, instead of looking for it from outside. There are more chances I will not get them from outside all the time, which only points to the fact that I need to make use of the inner resources often lying unutilised. All that I need to do is, take time off for a while and go deep into myself and feel the power that animates me... feel my whole body pulsating with this power and energy, and then I can feel that I am a building that is built on a rock, and no one can really pull me down!