Drowning the Doubting Thomas

There is a ‘doubting Thomas’ (dT in short) in each and every one of us, and we inherit this dT at the time of our birth, and in most cases, the dT dies with people. It is only in very rare cases that we are able to give a decent burial to the dT when we are still able to take stock of our lives. But what does this dT do to us, that we have to find ways of bidding him adieu and giving him a burial? Whether we like it or not, as we grow into adolescence, we begin to doubt every second person, and it comes so very naturally to us, and often we may not even be aware of this, because this is taken for granted that we suspect one another. We reach such a situation that we are expected to suspect the people we relate to.

Seldom do we realize how gently we nurture the dT in us, without realizing that this is a Frankenstein who could one day jump on us, to take our life from us. That the dT is a monster, we need no further proof, if we take a good look at the different occasions today we had doubted or suspected the very people we relate to and work with. It is the dT who actually distances us from others, and when the dT is working in me vociferously, then I become quite inactive, and lose all controls over myself, my thinking and even my actions. What is worse is that I even begin to doubt the intentions of people, which is the most uncharitable thing I can think of.

There is neither a season nor a reason for letting the dT take the upper hand; at a time when we least expect the dT pops up, and makes a mess of things. Even the best of friends turn out to be the most deadly foe, the moment when the dT shows up his head. I do not say that most often we doubt people for no reason; sometimes we have all the reason to doubt, and we may be fully justified. But what I am concerned here is not the objective truth of the matter, but how the matter is affecting me. Suspicion can change my relationship with others. When I think that my friend may be having an intimate relationship with another, can cause me sleepless nights and nightmares I may not be able to fight with.

The dT, whom I nurture deep within me is not going to cause any harm to others; he is a self-destructive mechanism, whereby he will slowly kill me and ultimately himself will die. But then is it not proper then that I get rid of him before he gets rid of me. With all probability, my friend may be relating to a friend in a casual way, and it may appear to me as if they are relating in an intimate manner, and I may suspect what she talks to him, what he talks to her, what they think about each other, and the like. As a result the next time I look at my friend, I do not think about the relationship between the two of us, but about the two of them, she and her friend. This may make me envious, sad, and even dejected.

There is a way how I can force the dT to quit my life himself, before I kill him, and it does not require too much guts from my side. I need to develop a counter-dT (let us call this, cdT), who will take care of the dT, and how I do this is simple : every time I become suspicious of a person, I would deliberately in my mind make an effort to think of the reverse. In the beginning it may sound artificial, but it works. For instance if I suspect one of our co-workers of staling our office stationery, I would tell myself that he does not steal the stationary; it may just be the pigment of my imagination or that I am prejudiced against this person. I need to repeat it every time I get the doubt or suspicion. When this is done, the cdT wins and the dT runs away, and soon I may find no more dT, and will realize that life is quite different in the absence of the dT, and I am able to relate to all the people in a better way, and do not feel intimidated by others, or I feel like intimidating others. Relationships then become a joy for me.