Falling for the Frills

One of my close friends had come to pour out something to me, and though I was initially not prepared for it, but then I let him do it. He had been pained at the way his companion who had been staying with him for almost a year, had been dealing and relating to him. He began saying that the small Christian community he tried to strengthen was now divided, and after a pause added that it was divided between him and his companion who had left the place for good. The over-enthusiastic friend had been trying to win the confidence of the people, most often without consulting with my friend who happened to be the in-charge, and that had caused enough confusion among the people. The one obvious motive of the companion was to outdo what my friend was doing, and so he projected himself a better person, priest, pastor and administrator, and he was successful in establishing this among some people.

I had seen for myself that one of the basic wants or needs of this particular companion was to become popular among the people. He made use of his talent to sing folk songs to this advantage, and would even exaggerate facts, as to how so many people are flocking to him, to listen to his singing, his spiritual counsels, and I became wary of this, and would take his words only with a pinch of salt. There is no doubt, he was clever, confident, and even knowledgeable, but there was also the other side, which showed that he was feeling threatened by others, who might be more competent, smart, and even intellectually gifted. The need to assert himself before his other friends and companions led him to take the companion he was living with for granted. It was not an easy thing to digest, my friend confided.

There is an inner craving in most of us to be popular and famous; who does not want to be appreciated? Who does not want to win the applause of hundreds and thousands? Probably there had been something wanting in this companion which made him seek this appreciation of his own accord. He volunteered to organize spiritual talks, and prayer sessions, but each time it was his need to win the hearts of simple people, who could be easily brain-washed in the name of spirituality! And he was able to get a sizable following, who considered him “guru”, and he would like it very much. The small band of people he collected slowly became a band of gossip-mongers, and who indulged in generous snacks from the friends and neighbors. But he should have realized that this trend was going to break the community into two groups.

It would be unfair to judge this companion on the basis of what my friend had poured out to me; but at least in this case, I know that my friend did not exaggerate facts, for I myself had lived with this companion for a year, and had seen how hard it is to live with him. He had his own way of doing thing, and I had my own, and my friend has his own way of organizing things. But in an organizational setup there is always something called subsidiarity, we follow a ladder. The power of decision-making is invested with the leader of the group, and it is important that those under his care respect this responsibility, and if the members begin to decide on the things which are the domain of the leader, then there is bound to be confusion, and that precisely is what happened in this case.

Over the years I have been struggling to find the secret magic mantra of personal happiness, that which can keep me on the high all the time, and I feel that I had come close to it in the recent times: happiness that is imposed on me from outside cannot last long; it will be only momentary, and that would be like taking recourse to alcohol or drugs; the kick does not last long. However the happiness that flows out of what I truly am, can sustain me for long, and its waters cannot dry. It is like a stream which runs quietly and smoothly, and it can run over sand and rocks with equal ease. I wish our companion realized this secret that true lasting happiness should flow out of his own self, of what he is, rather than seeking the appreciation and approval of others. Life can be quite different if only we see the difference between the two sides of the spectrum.