Will to Live

The end came too suddenly, and no one was prepared for it. When I received a telephone call from the college, least did I think that the caller would shock me with just a four word sentence : He is no more! For a moment I could not say anything, I could not get anything, as to what to say. I had a personal chat with him just three days earlier, and now I am told he is no more! What could have happened, I wondered, even as I took a few moments to gather myself to handle the situation? I had to go to the college to see the man, who was alive just a few minutes ago, but now lies dead on the bed, and have to wait for our house physician to certify that he is dead. Even as I rushed to the college, my heart and mind said that something had gone wrong somewhere, and we have lost him.

Fifty seven is not the age to say goodbye to this beautiful world, and what is worse this man did not want to leave this world so soon, and he had a great desire to resume normal life again, but we had not given him a chance. There was a blame-game even as he lay dead, just an hour after his departure, that he should have been careful when his liver functioning was becoming strenuous, that he could not blame anyone for the situation he was in. I made a few frantic attempts to tell the senior man that it was not the time to blame the man who now cannot get up to defend himself. I would not say that this young man could fully justify himself for the way he handled his health some years ago, which led to the destruction of both his kidneys, but his past was something that could not be undone… Unfortunately in life very seldom do we have the option of UNDO, as in any Windows based programs.

The tears that I had witnessed welling up from his eyes just three days ago were haunting me to say that our negligence was also responsible for this sudden departure of this man. I feel sad for him because he might not have guessed that he was going to leave the world so soon. There was no sign that he was getting mentally prepared for the end, which was beckoning him. Even as he interacted and complained to all those who mattered about how his situation could be salvaged, one thing was certain, he was slowly giving up the will to live. This was quite obvious from his conversation with me. He had zest for life, and he would do anything to retain life, even if that means walking out of the way of life he had voluntarily chosen some thirty five years ago.

When he told me three days earlier as I went for a meeting with two other friends of mine, that he wanted to have a chat with me, I had told him that I would meet him after our meeting. And when I returned from our meeting, he led me to his room, and opened up his bruised heart to me. The barometer of his will to live was already sinking to the dangerous level, and I could only guess that he holds himself strongly and boost this energy. As I walked out of his room that day, I only told him not to lose hope, and was not sure though if I sounded convincing enough. If his will to live had sunk so low, I feel that we were responsible for it, and there is hardly anyway how we could undo it. We have lost one of ours, who did not deserve to leave so soon.

Even as he struggled with the impending death, and the inevitable, there were some who were trying to support him, giving him the much needed boost to stay alive. Reality did not match with the sweet words of the people who were responsible for taking his case forward, and that was painful for him. At his sudden demise, these people were heart-broken, and did all they could in order to give him a beautiful farewell. People were generous to give their time and energy to take him gently to rest with the embalmers, and prepare the place for a memorable funeral service. I only wish he does not smile and whisper in my ears, I only wished you people paid this much attention when I was struggling with life during the last few months! Fare thee well, my Brother!