Priestly Way

It was a special day for the priests, when they together with their Shepherd, the Bishop, celebrated their priesthood, on the occasion of the Chrism mass every year. And this year it was held yesterday, and it was a joy to see so many priests assembled for the occasion. My rough estimate was about 200 priests, young and old, from the city and from afar. It gave me a sense of belonging to this privileged group of people, who had been consecrated to be the ministers of the Word and the mission entrusted to them by the Lord. How unworthy I am to belong to this select group, who had been specially called to re-present the Lord to his people! All my pride and arrogance melt the very moment when I recall to mind how the Lord had chosen me to be his minister, despite my many weaknesses and frailties. The wounded healer, that is what I am, and am honored to be part of this special assembly.

What happened during the two hour ceremony is a routine affair, and I had earlier attended quite a few Chrism masses, and by now know the order of the mass, and about the special homily when the Bishop addresses his ordained ministers, reminding them of their commitment to the Lord and his people. But every year while attending this mass, I feel the grace of the Lord freely flowing over simple and even sinful people that we are. I know at least half the priests who had gathered, and had been meeting them here and there on several occasions. Not all of them are worthy of their call, this I can say with all humility, the same way I feel about my own call. Sometimes I even feel that the priests go down in their sanctity and holiness after their ordination, and a lot of worldly values possess them, which is a sad part.

Just after the mass, when we were having supper, one of my diocesan friends approached me to complain to me about our new priest whom I had arranged to keep him in that parish for a few months of pastoral experience. This young man, specialized in a particular field of ministry, had been telling the priests that he was specialized in a particular ministry and so he should not be asked to take up other responsibilities in the parish or the attached school. I was told that he had been telling the diocesan priests that the Jesuits don’t behave in the way the diocesans do. I know my friend and the priests in the parish were concerned about the welfare of the new priest, but I was surprised to hear such complaints about him, and now I wonder how I could tackle him, and help him to open himself to correction, and learn from the seniors.

Unfortunately we are living in a world where young people do not want to learn from the seniors; this is the world of self-help learning, and there are all means available at the click of the mouse button, and the young feel it is boring and even annoying to learn from the old, who are out of touch with the present day reality. I have been experiencing this on other occasions too, and therefore sometimes I shut my mouth and let the young do what they want; however at times I feel also guilty for not correcting the young when they make obvious errors, and still refuse to be open for correction. We have come a long way from the traditional gurukul system of teaching and learning, and it is time that we return to the cherished values of that system.

But let these bad feeling not dampen my spirit as we celebrate our special calling; it is a privileged moment, and that is why we celebrate our call with a fairly good dinner (despite it falling in the season of Lent), and I am sure coming together as members of this kind of fraternity is essential to support one another, and feel consoled that I am not alone at this arduous journey; I am walking along with other priests who have more worries to handle, more burden to shoulder, and more responsibilities to share. We are overshadowed by our burdens most of the time that we fail to take time to celebrate our life as ministers of the Lord, and I wish we take time off more often to celebrate our call, because this is sure to have a positive effect in our lonely journey, reaching out to the needy and the helpless.

Rocking Boats!

Two of my community members cannot accept me as the Rector of this place, complained a priest to me, when I went to meet him regarding one of our men who is undergoing some kind of apprenticeship under his care. I had known that the priests generally do not discuss with men of other congregations about the inner conflicts, but this priest was quite vocal. And to my surprise one of his strong enemies is known to me quite closely, and I was not surprised that this priest was having problem from him. Looking at people through cultural glasses is one of the most common maladies plaguing the Church in several parts of the country. I wonder if there is any quick remedy to this malady!

It is not surprising that this kind of feelings are felt and expressed in many of the religious communities. The fact is that in most cases, the members make the utmost effort to hide these inner conflicts and division among themselves. After all, no one wishes to wash their dirty linen in public. I was not shocked or surprised that this kind of inner resistance is expressed so clearly at the dining table, even in the presence of members of other congregations. I was not surprised, because such is the case even in many of our communities, and I am sure that such a thing will continue to exist for many more years to come; the only reason why this is something impossible for us to remedy is because we form human communities.

Luckily we are not saints, nor are we hardcore sinners; we are just ordinary, mediocre men, who think mostly in human terms. Though we have left behind all our families, friends, yet at the core of our being we have our own silly inclinations, what Ignatius of Loyola called, inordinate attachments. This human craving for self-promotion is so basic that it may pop up at the moment when we least expect. And I cannot believe a person who says that he/she does not have any desire or attachment, which is not lopsided. No one can be exempted from thinking in this line; the very fact that we are human persons, makes it obligatory for us to be bound by our attachments.

For the most part, we are not in full control over ourselves, our actions, thoughts and words; our attachments, desires determine everything we think, say and do. It may need careful observation on our part to realize the truth-value of this statement. I am driven not by my thoughts, but what I deem is essential for my very survival, and those are the deep-seated cravings, many of which might not have been acknowledged. Unfortunately many of us live and die, without ever realizing what we are bound with, leave alone attempting to free ourselves from these bonds. If only we realize that we are prisoners of our desires and cravings is already the starting point of our journey in freedom.

I know the inner conflict within the religious community will continue to rock their boats, until the concerned persons realize that by trying to rock other’s boats, they are in fact rocking their own, and it might not be too late before they realize that their own boats are sinking. It is impossible to explain to these over-grown men that each of them is holding on to his rock-forts which he hopes will protect him from all assault, but unfortunately that does not happen that way. It is only when they realize that while trying to pull down their companion from the seat of “power” they are only binding themselves more and more to their own demons, which may sometime or other make a prey out of them.

Falling for the Frills

One of my close friends had come to pour out something to me, and though I was initially not prepared for it, but then I let him do it. He had been pained at the way his companion who had been staying with him for almost a year, had been dealing and relating to him. He began saying that the small Christian community he tried to strengthen was now divided, and after a pause added that it was divided between him and his companion who had left the place for good. The over-enthusiastic friend had been trying to win the confidence of the people, most often without consulting with my friend who happened to be the in-charge, and that had caused enough confusion among the people. The one obvious motive of the companion was to outdo what my friend was doing, and so he projected himself a better person, priest, pastor and administrator, and he was successful in establishing this among some people.

I had seen for myself that one of the basic wants or needs of this particular companion was to become popular among the people. He made use of his talent to sing folk songs to this advantage, and would even exaggerate facts, as to how so many people are flocking to him, to listen to his singing, his spiritual counsels, and I became wary of this, and would take his words only with a pinch of salt. There is no doubt, he was clever, confident, and even knowledgeable, but there was also the other side, which showed that he was feeling threatened by others, who might be more competent, smart, and even intellectually gifted. The need to assert himself before his other friends and companions led him to take the companion he was living with for granted. It was not an easy thing to digest, my friend confided.

There is an inner craving in most of us to be popular and famous; who does not want to be appreciated? Who does not want to win the applause of hundreds and thousands? Probably there had been something wanting in this companion which made him seek this appreciation of his own accord. He volunteered to organize spiritual talks, and prayer sessions, but each time it was his need to win the hearts of simple people, who could be easily brain-washed in the name of spirituality! And he was able to get a sizable following, who considered him “guru”, and he would like it very much. The small band of people he collected slowly became a band of gossip-mongers, and who indulged in generous snacks from the friends and neighbors. But he should have realized that this trend was going to break the community into two groups.

It would be unfair to judge this companion on the basis of what my friend had poured out to me; but at least in this case, I know that my friend did not exaggerate facts, for I myself had lived with this companion for a year, and had seen how hard it is to live with him. He had his own way of doing thing, and I had my own, and my friend has his own way of organizing things. But in an organizational setup there is always something called subsidiarity, we follow a ladder. The power of decision-making is invested with the leader of the group, and it is important that those under his care respect this responsibility, and if the members begin to decide on the things which are the domain of the leader, then there is bound to be confusion, and that precisely is what happened in this case.

Over the years I have been struggling to find the secret magic mantra of personal happiness, that which can keep me on the high all the time, and I feel that I had come close to it in the recent times: happiness that is imposed on me from outside cannot last long; it will be only momentary, and that would be like taking recourse to alcohol or drugs; the kick does not last long. However the happiness that flows out of what I truly am, can sustain me for long, and its waters cannot dry. It is like a stream which runs quietly and smoothly, and it can run over sand and rocks with equal ease. I wish our companion realized this secret that true lasting happiness should flow out of his own self, of what he is, rather than seeking the appreciation and approval of others. Life can be quite different if only we see the difference between the two sides of the spectrum.