Presence

As I was preparing to go to sleep, I could get the smell of incence, and I just looked through my windows to the pavement, next to our gate, and I could see a few men and women sitting silently near the senior lady who had lost her husband. Occasionally I could hear the crying of women, but for the most part there was absolute silence. And that was the scene when I woke up too. There were some ten to fifteen men and women around the senior lady, and there was no talking, but only empathetic silence. I was wondering what a wonderful way of expressing their empathy for the bereaved family, which perhaps had nothing to offer to the relatives and well-wishers who might have come from far, not even a cup of tea, but they did not seem to mind it.

Death is a moment when life seems to be taking the cruelest form of revenge on humanity. We cannot resist when death knocks at our doors, but be prepared to open wide the doors and let the angel of death lead our dear ones across the shore. The pain and agony that people go through at the death of a senior person, one who has lived the ripe old age, and was making space for the younger ones, is relatively much less in comparison to the young persons who die at the prime of their life, or still worse children dying a premature death. Whatever be our complaints and allegations against the gods, we have no way of undoing what has been predestined. The best that we could offer is to stand by those who have been robbed of their breadwinners, their main support and their sustenance.

It was hard for me to go through the loss of the dear ones, when a close friend of mine lost her father, just in his early fifties. He had his two unmarried daughters, and a son who was barely 10 years old. No one ever thought that he would leave the world so soon; they were not even prepared to believe that he was no more. My friend had lost her loving father, who had supported her all through, even when her mother would scorn and inflict pains on her. I felt there was very little that I could do, but the next moment I realized for the people who are devastated, any little help given them is great; they did not even have the strength and stamina to organize a vehicle to take the body to Bangalore from Chennai where the death took place in a hospital. I stayed with them for four days to provide the much needed consolation for them.

In a tribal society, death in a family is sequel to death in the whole village; all celebrations are cancelled until the impurity is purged; often it could take about one month to forty days. This is another way of showing solidarity and sympathy for the bereaved family. The village community stands with the family which has lost some one, and everyone gathers to bid the final goodbye for the person. It is a wonderful gesture that the young and old gather round the dead person, and when the bone-drowning ceremony (bhandan) is to take place, the villagers offer the favorites of the dead person, including eatables, beeri, cigarette and anything that could be useful for them. I had seen the same thing happening among the burial ceremony of the mainstream society too. Another way of expressing solidarity.

To get back to the Muslim family which had lost the senior member of the family, there is no cooking in the family and it was quite obvious that all the members had been keeping awake all through the night, and when it was morning, I could see some of the ladies lying near our Church; they were all fatigued and still they kept vigil, with the family of the dead person, and I don’t know how long this will continue. There is very little conversation between them, but all the men and women seem to vibrate with one another. Even in their utmost poverty and privation, they seemed to have plenty to offer to the people very much in need of their silent presence by their side. In a world that is being torn apart on the basis of color, caste and creed, the loving presence of neighbors and relatives is soothing for the heavy hearts.

Rocking Boats!

Two of my community members cannot accept me as the Rector of this place, complained a priest to me, when I went to meet him regarding one of our men who is undergoing some kind of apprenticeship under his care. I had known that the priests generally do not discuss with men of other congregations about the inner conflicts, but this priest was quite vocal. And to my surprise one of his strong enemies is known to me quite closely, and I was not surprised that this priest was having problem from him. Looking at people through cultural glasses is one of the most common maladies plaguing the Church in several parts of the country. I wonder if there is any quick remedy to this malady!

It is not surprising that this kind of feelings are felt and expressed in many of the religious communities. The fact is that in most cases, the members make the utmost effort to hide these inner conflicts and division among themselves. After all, no one wishes to wash their dirty linen in public. I was not shocked or surprised that this kind of inner resistance is expressed so clearly at the dining table, even in the presence of members of other congregations. I was not surprised, because such is the case even in many of our communities, and I am sure that such a thing will continue to exist for many more years to come; the only reason why this is something impossible for us to remedy is because we form human communities.

Luckily we are not saints, nor are we hardcore sinners; we are just ordinary, mediocre men, who think mostly in human terms. Though we have left behind all our families, friends, yet at the core of our being we have our own silly inclinations, what Ignatius of Loyola called, inordinate attachments. This human craving for self-promotion is so basic that it may pop up at the moment when we least expect. And I cannot believe a person who says that he/she does not have any desire or attachment, which is not lopsided. No one can be exempted from thinking in this line; the very fact that we are human persons, makes it obligatory for us to be bound by our attachments.

For the most part, we are not in full control over ourselves, our actions, thoughts and words; our attachments, desires determine everything we think, say and do. It may need careful observation on our part to realize the truth-value of this statement. I am driven not by my thoughts, but what I deem is essential for my very survival, and those are the deep-seated cravings, many of which might not have been acknowledged. Unfortunately many of us live and die, without ever realizing what we are bound with, leave alone attempting to free ourselves from these bonds. If only we realize that we are prisoners of our desires and cravings is already the starting point of our journey in freedom.

I know the inner conflict within the religious community will continue to rock their boats, until the concerned persons realize that by trying to rock other’s boats, they are in fact rocking their own, and it might not be too late before they realize that their own boats are sinking. It is impossible to explain to these over-grown men that each of them is holding on to his rock-forts which he hopes will protect him from all assault, but unfortunately that does not happen that way. It is only when they realize that while trying to pull down their companion from the seat of “power” they are only binding themselves more and more to their own demons, which may sometime or other make a prey out of them.

Making of a White Elephant

When we refer to a white elephant, all our friends know exactly what we are referring to. This had become the talk of the town sometime ago, and it is there for all to see. Originally visualized as an architectural marvel, this elephant was designed by a former student of one of our prestigious schools in the city, but we have to tighten our shoe strings in order to complete the building of the elephant, which had cost us a lot. But those who were instrumental in adorning this elephant, still claim that it is all worth it, because it is sure to stay as an architectural wonder to all who would visit the place. However I beg to differ from them, and had been doing so from the beginning of the making of it.

A place of prayer has to be beautiful, no wonder; but more than being beautiful what a place of prayer should be primarily is, providing a conducive ambiance to silent communication of the soul with its maker. The beauty can come only after the ambiance. The ambiance, spiritual masters might call this a spiritual vibration, cannot be created out of nothing; every place may have its own vibration, and if care is taken to discern a place with spiritual vibration, it would benefit all those who sit there to open their hearts to the Maker. Mere external beauty of the building cannot provide the ambiance to pray and commune with God.

I would think that the making of a place of worship and prayer should be left to those people who are spiritually oriented. I have seen several churches and temples, which have been squeezed between several buildings, and there might be too little vibration to pray; however those who design these might argue that if they seek after a place with proper vibe, they might not get one, and therefore should make use of what is at their disposal. I feel that this might be one of the main reasons why many people do not feel at home to pray in many churches. The architectural wonders may become a tourist attraction, but not a spiritual destination. This might be the contradiction that the improper white elephants may cause.

Spending a fortune to build and adorn it with the best of possible décor may not make a place of worship achieve the purpose for which it has been made. There are hundred and one ways to adorn even the ugliest of things, and to make them appear beautiful. Beauticians have a magic wand which can transform anything into an object of beauty; however no beautician can really assure beauty which seeps through the skin of the object or thing, or person. It would be better to bring out the beauty of the benevolent God through the structure and décor of a place of prayer, rather than making them imposing, even strangling the very presence of God.

Unfortunately there is a trend among the Church builders to make them as posh and imposing as possible, and not taking into consideration the sentiments and feelings of the people who would frequent the place to pour out their pain and suffering. If only the people who would use the place of worship were to make their own structure, then they might do it quite differently, saving so much of time, money, and even resources. Ultimately what matters is that the people feel at home, and I wonder how many people will really feel comfortable to pray inside the ‘white elephant’, and it would be a sad sight if it does not take people to God. It might just remain as a relic of someone’s obstinacy and high-handedness, and not a place of prayer and worship.

Lame to Game

What can a lame former knight of the fifteenth century offer to the modern management, group dynamics, spirituality and psychiatry of the twenty-first century? One might wonder, if I was only kidding. It is next to impossible for such a person to have any trace of memory in modern minds, were he not someone who has etched his name in the annals of history. But it would be interesting to note what his contributions to the modern world are, before reckoning him with laurels.

This dreamer, who had far too great ambitions to win the whole world, had formed a band of men, who today number about 18,000, spread around the world, involved in anything that a human mind can imagine, and his successors are even today looked upon as the ‘black pope’; if there is any group of men that the hierarchical Church would lean on at the time of any major crisis, it is these men, ever ready to give even their life to save the Vicar of Christ and the Church militant.

Church militant? He was a knight, and so he could think of the Church and the Society only in military terms; was he not the first Superior General to head the band of men, who called themselves the Society of Jesus? His Spiritual Exercises today is considered a great spiritual classic, and men and women who long to have an experience of God in the midst of all the hussle and bussle take this small book, and get themselves lost in the forest of love and God’s compassion.

If the company that he founded along with nine other companions were to survive five centuries, it is no mean thing. He had a method of forming his men that even management curricula will fall short; men who were not even above average, became firebrand missionaries, teachers, social workers, thinkers, writers, researchers, and inventors. What ignited these men that they are able to surpass all human expectations and calculations? What is the magic behind these men?

Ignatius of Loyola was too short in height in comparison to the six feet men and women; he seemed to have looked quite handsome in his younger days, but that was not the case in his older days; he clothed with rags, and lived such a miserable life in the heart of Rome, bearing all privation happily, but pouring all his efforts in forming his men, giving them council, writing letters to them (already in a matter of about 10 years, he seemed to have written over 3000 letters). His legacy lives on, in the men ready to fight any battle, be it moral, social, religious, economic; name it and they are ready to fight. If one lame had surrendered his sword at the foot of Mother Mary, today 18,000 men are ready to fight, not with swords of steel, but with swords of faith in God and humanity, trust in the age old wisdom of their founder, confidence in the five century old tradition… If one were to claim that Ignatius has not given to the world anything positive, that would be the greatest lie ever!

Following the Leader

Sitting among about seven thousand men and women, in a large auditorium in Vatican, Rome, awaiting the arrival of the Roman Pontiff to grant audience to the eager visitors, I had mixed feelings criss-crossing my mind, and for a while I thought the mighty setup which has become the seat of power for the Roman Catholic Church, has not much to offer to the simple people who had come to the Eternal City with so much of love and expectation, than a far away glimpse of the Pope. When the Pope began to address some groups, a few of them out of deep love and admiration shouted Sancta Papa (holy father), and I really wonder if the Pontiff really realized what these people wanted to tell him. Was there any paternal instinct in him, that expressed itself, in response to their loving call? At one moment I thought if the pope had become insensible to the feelings of the thousands of people. In the name of security, the pope had remained far away from the masses, and that pains me.

Yesterday we had the fortune of witnessing the 44th president of the United States of America, Barrack Obama assuming office at the White House, and the countless number of men and women who had gathered to witness this wonderful event had much to contribute to the success of his political career, and it is the masses who had made him what he is now; and rightly he is accountable not only to every American citizen, but as extension to every citizen of the world. He did not mince words in expressing his commitment to rebuilding the world, and in ushering in the reign of truth and justice, and every American citizen’s earnest desire to contribute to the goodness of the world around. Two leaders, and two masses, two vision, and two kinds of response to the masses. No doubt I was touched by the audience, especially when the Pontiff went on addressing the people of different languages in their own languages, tirelessly going on for about one hour and ten minutes. But I could see that there was something amiss at the hall.

One of the biggest differences between these two great leaders is that the president of the USA has been elected by the citizens of the country, and the toil and sweat of thousands have gone in making of this man, and today he is determined to bring to fruition what he had promised during his campaigns, and he has already reiterated his determination to do so in the days to come. That is so very different in the case of the Pontiff, who had been elected by the College of the Cardinals, and it would be very difficult to say if the cardinals had the consent (even in a very remote way) of the people they represented! Granted that the Church is guided by the Holy Spirit, who works at the heart of every person, but unfortunately we have come to consider that the Spirit can inspire one section of the hierarchical church better than the hoi poploi. No wonder, more than sixty per centage of the Catholics of the subcontinent don’t even know the name of their bishops, leave alone the Pope. This is the world we live in, and I feel it hard to believe we still believe in such a world.

I might sound quite critical about the Church I belong to, and the way how things are done. Sometimes I recall to mind the story of Peter and John walking into the Jerusalem temple after the resurrection of the Lord, and the paralytic looking upto them hoping to get a coin or two, and Peter tells him that they did not have neither silver nor gold to offer. But with the power of the name of Jesus, they restored health to the sick. The church is very different; at least the Vatican cannot say that it did not have silver and gold. The wealth that belong to the Vatican can feel millions of hungry stomachs in Africa and Asia, but still we will never dare to raise this question, because we would like to be faithful Christians, who accept the authority of the Vicar of Christ, as flowing from Christ himself. If Peter had walked the streets of Jerusalem, can his successor do the same. Is the Popeomobile a requisite while he visits a poor nation, or he could use the local secure conveyance, and spare the huge expenses involved in transporting the special vehicle!

I would sound heretic if I were to say that the Church today is every Christian, who believe in Christ and follow his footsteps faithfully, and if I believe in Christ and his teachings, sadly, sometimes I am compelled to distance myself from the madding crowds who believe that is what Christ would want of them. I would like to pause for a while, even as I am just a few kilometers from Vatican, and think what Christ wants of his Church today? What sort of leadership would Christ envisage for his successors, those who stand in his place? But before I point my finger at the Pope, let me look deep into myself, and ask how can I be a leader of the people I am sent to. At least there is one indication for sure; if the people I serve can pronounce my name, then I will know that I am close to them; because I know for sure, people will bother to remember the names of only the persons who matter to them, whom they love. And some of them not only write the names of their humble and simple leaders in their hearts, but carve their names in the hearts of everyone they come in touch with, and that is the reward of every sincere leader. (Rome)