Presence

As I was preparing to go to sleep, I could get the smell of incence, and I just looked through my windows to the pavement, next to our gate, and I could see a few men and women sitting silently near the senior lady who had lost her husband. Occasionally I could hear the crying of women, but for the most part there was absolute silence. And that was the scene when I woke up too. There were some ten to fifteen men and women around the senior lady, and there was no talking, but only empathetic silence. I was wondering what a wonderful way of expressing their empathy for the bereaved family, which perhaps had nothing to offer to the relatives and well-wishers who might have come from far, not even a cup of tea, but they did not seem to mind it.

Death is a moment when life seems to be taking the cruelest form of revenge on humanity. We cannot resist when death knocks at our doors, but be prepared to open wide the doors and let the angel of death lead our dear ones across the shore. The pain and agony that people go through at the death of a senior person, one who has lived the ripe old age, and was making space for the younger ones, is relatively much less in comparison to the young persons who die at the prime of their life, or still worse children dying a premature death. Whatever be our complaints and allegations against the gods, we have no way of undoing what has been predestined. The best that we could offer is to stand by those who have been robbed of their breadwinners, their main support and their sustenance.

It was hard for me to go through the loss of the dear ones, when a close friend of mine lost her father, just in his early fifties. He had his two unmarried daughters, and a son who was barely 10 years old. No one ever thought that he would leave the world so soon; they were not even prepared to believe that he was no more. My friend had lost her loving father, who had supported her all through, even when her mother would scorn and inflict pains on her. I felt there was very little that I could do, but the next moment I realized for the people who are devastated, any little help given them is great; they did not even have the strength and stamina to organize a vehicle to take the body to Bangalore from Chennai where the death took place in a hospital. I stayed with them for four days to provide the much needed consolation for them.

In a tribal society, death in a family is sequel to death in the whole village; all celebrations are cancelled until the impurity is purged; often it could take about one month to forty days. This is another way of showing solidarity and sympathy for the bereaved family. The village community stands with the family which has lost some one, and everyone gathers to bid the final goodbye for the person. It is a wonderful gesture that the young and old gather round the dead person, and when the bone-drowning ceremony (bhandan) is to take place, the villagers offer the favorites of the dead person, including eatables, beeri, cigarette and anything that could be useful for them. I had seen the same thing happening among the burial ceremony of the mainstream society too. Another way of expressing solidarity.

To get back to the Muslim family which had lost the senior member of the family, there is no cooking in the family and it was quite obvious that all the members had been keeping awake all through the night, and when it was morning, I could see some of the ladies lying near our Church; they were all fatigued and still they kept vigil, with the family of the dead person, and I don’t know how long this will continue. There is very little conversation between them, but all the men and women seem to vibrate with one another. Even in their utmost poverty and privation, they seemed to have plenty to offer to the people very much in need of their silent presence by their side. In a world that is being torn apart on the basis of color, caste and creed, the loving presence of neighbors and relatives is soothing for the heavy hearts.

Ignatian Insights 10: Desolation

Opposite of consolation is desolation, and is yet another important term developed by Inigo on the basis of his own spiritual experiences. The first time that Inigo mentions ‘desolation’ in the Spiritual Exercises is in No. 13, “to act against the desolation and overcome the temptations, the exercitant ought to remain always a little longer than the full hour…” But for an explanation of what he means by this term, we need to move to the Discernment of Spirits for Week I. After explaining consolation, Inigo explains desolation: “By this kind of desolation I mean everything which is the contrary of whatever described in the Third Rule; for example, obtuseness of soul, turmoil within it, an impulsive motion toward low and earthly things, or disgust from various agitations and temptations” (317:1-2).

This is a spiritual experience, which can be likened to the “dark night of the soul” of some of the saints of our times, such as St Theresa of Avila, St John of the Cross, and even Blessed Teresa of Kolkata. Here one experiences the lack of the evangelical virtues of hope, faith and charity, and one feels listless, tepid, unhappy and separated from God (317:3). If this is the painful moment one goes through, Inigo observes that the person should not make a change, but should remain firm and constant in the resolutions and decisions made before the desolation (318:1). There is yet another thing that we should do at the time of desolation: “by insisting on prayer, meditation, earnest self-examination, and some suitable way of doing penance” (319).

Though at the time of desolation we may feel quite low and feel the Lord has withdrawn his abundant fervour, love and grace, and yet he supplies his grace for our salvation. In other words, during this time, one may feel the absence of the Lord, but it is not the absence in reality, but merely a feeling of the absence of the Lord; that is to say, one’s inner eyes are blinded during this time, and one is not able to see the Lord. Therefore Inigo invites us to persevere in patience, and this way one may be able to counterattack against the vexations experienced. And one can be sure that soon consolation will return, and one may experience the nearness of God and the increase of hope, faith and charity (321).

In no. 322, Inigo presents three chief causes of desolation: first, we ourselves are tepid, lazy or negligent in our spiritual exercises and therefore consolation leaves; second, it is meant to test how much we will be able to align ourselves with God and his service even in the apparent absence of his presence, and third, to recognize and understand that all expressions of consolation, namely great devotion, intense love, tears are a gift and grace from God, and reminding us not to indulge in vainglory that we merited the spiritual consolation.

We could ask ourselves, what the notion of desolation reminds us of, and why it is important for us to be aware of this. First, every person who is seriously concerned about his/her spiritual well-being will be confronted by desolation at some time or other, and we should be prepared to face it when it comes. Second, Inigo presents some simple ways of responding to desolation, which may come handy to us. Third, Inigo reminds us that desolation is not the time to lose all hope of finding God, and the peace and tranquillity which flow from Him, but to remain steadfast and wait patiently for consolation. Fourth, he reminds us that often we ourselves may cause desolation, and therefore warns us not to give scope to them.

Ignatian Insights 7: Consolation

Inigo was in touch with what was happening to himself, from the time of his convalescence at the castle of Loyola, after he was wounded at the battle of Pompalona. He could recognize two kinds of movements as he dreamed of the lady of high position, whom he desired to marry, and as he reflected about the life of Christ and of saints. In his ‘autobiography’ he states that some thoughts left him dry, while some others left him happy and peaceful. He was already sifting the movements of his heart, and that would become the foundation of his understanding on the movements of the spirit. But for now we shall concentrate on his understanding on consolation, the movement of the spirit which led him to inner peace and joy.

He goes on to explain this concept when he deals with Discernment of Spirits for Week I. The way he had given the title for this chapter in the Spiritual Exercises is quite interesting. He writes, ‘Rules to aid us toward perceiving and then understanding at least to some extent, the various motions which are caused in the soul: the good motions that they may be received, and the bad that they may be rejected’. The numbers that deal with consolation are 316, 323-24. First let us understand what he means by consolation.

By this kind of consolation I mean that which occurs when some interior motion is caused within the soul through which it comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord. As a result it can love no created thing on the face of the earth in itself, but only in the Creator of them all (SpEx 316:1). It is important that we realize that consolation is an “interior motion” and therefore it cannot be associated with external experiences, and the result is the soul being inflamed with the love of God, leading to love him alone! It is a spiritual experience, which cannot be roused by ourselves. God is the origin of all consolation.

Inigo observes yet one more vital aspect to mean consolation : “every increase in hope, faith and charity, and every interior joy which calls and attracts one toward heavenly things and to the salvation of one’s soul, by bringing it tranquillity and peace in its Creator and Lord” (SpEx 316:4). Therefore when we experience an increase in the evangelical virtues of faith, hope and charity, we know that we are experiencing consolation, and the fruit of this experience will be evident in the interior joy, attraction towards heavenly things, tranquillity and peace. It is not that only spiritual persons experience consolation; at some time or other every one of us go through this kind of experience, though we may not realize that this is consolation.

Every consolation may lead us to desolation, and therefore while experiencing consolation, one should prepare to face desolation (SpEx 323), and one should conduct oneself humbly (324). It is a wonderful feeling to experience consolation, but one should not forget that there is no perpetual consolation; everyone has to go through dark nights of the soul, desolation in the terminology of Inigo. He goes on to show the origin of consolation: without a preceding cause (SpEx 330), by means of a preceding cause acting for the progress of the soul (SpEx 331). Therefore Inigo invites us to examine if the consolation actually proceeds from God, or if it actually comes from the evil one.

Metamorphosis of Nemesis

I know it is so easy for some people to say “sorry”, just as it is for me. For some people, it is very difficult, especially if they are diffident. I am beginning to understand that all those who say sorry need not be fully sorry for what had happened, and therefore are willing to take responsibility for them, and all those who are diffident need not be arrogant and so are unwilling to own up what had happened. It is possible that I say sorry so many times, and yet deep down am unrepentant, and still try to justify what I had done, and how I continue to be innocent. There is also another parallel tendency in me to make other people feel sorry for making me feel sorry.

There used to be times when I would be diffident and would not say sorry to people, until I read it somewhere those three beautiful words which can make a difference in my life : please, sorry, and thank you, and I began to use these as lavishly as possible. But it is time for me to pause and reflect if these words are losing their core meaning, and I am just taking them for granted. When I say please, do I really have the mental disposition to submit myself to the giver, or is it just a word of politeness? The same thing with the word, Thank you! I need to ask myself if I am truly grateful to the one who has favoured me and has shown graciousness to me!

But I realize that during those younger days when I used to be extremely allergic to using these three little words, I used to maintain certain amount of dignity. I always thought that I should not easily give scope to using these words. I should not be at the mercy of others, but should claim what is due dispassionately; not to do something for which I would regret and so have to ask the pardon from others, and to accept what is rightfully mine, and not to accept any favours which may come with a hook. But I have grown over this kind of understanding, and today I think of these in a different light. I do not hesitate to ask for favours, and recognize my own limitations, and be thankful to the people who show tremendous understanding towards me.

As I pour out myself at this moment, I think of a dark cave, where I am trying to enter in stealthily; I cannot see what is on the floor, the moss, slippery ground with water flowing all the time, stone chips which may pork into my sole, and I may just hit my head on the wall. Groping in the dark is a new experience, because it is then that I feel how helpless I am before certain kind of reality. But if I have another person who is used to this cave, and were to hold me by the hand and lead me through, how comfortable it can be. If I find him next to me, could I not plead for his help, and be grateful to him for the favour he would have done me? And is it not reasonable to ask his pardon if I had not followed his footsteps, or directions?

Whole life is not enough for us to learn, learn new tricks! It is said that old persons learn new tricks rather slowly, but I am quite vary of this kind of assumptions. There are certain persons who keep learning new tricks, not only in life, but also in their personal lives, and that is a great consolation for me. It is never too late to learn from life, and every time I realize a possibility of learning and incorporating it into my personal life, I feel that I am growing as a person, as an individual, as a responsible citizen of the universe. The world is changing at a rapid speed, and we too are called to keep pace to it, and experience that change within us, and around us.

Trip through Grace History

It is a wonderful experience to go through the Grace History of each one from time to time; unfortunately after the initial stages of formation at religious life, most of us do not revisit our Grace Histories; some of us may be fortunate to revisit them when we attend some sort of refresher courses. But luckily our Grace History continues in wondrous and mysterious ways, sometimes we may not even pause to take stock of the ways how we are led by God. We are sure to find the footprints of God in every Grace History, and therefore every Grace History is sacred, not only to the persons concerned, but to everyone, who believe in God. It is part of the Universal Heritage that we leave for generations after us.

Maybe I should explain what I mean by Grace History. This is a ‘narrative’ of each one’s journey in faith, how we had been led by the powerful hand of God through thick and thin, and to realize that we are safe under his wings, to borrow a phrase from the Psalmist. Thus every one’s life story is a Grace-story, and we can be proud of our stories, with all the joyful and sorrowful moments. If we look at the most important and significant moments of our life’s journey, we will realize that there had always been an invisible, powerful hand protecting us from all the dangers we had been subjected to, by our own follies or by the vile plans of others. Grace History in other words shows us our road map, the path we had trodden, and that gives us strength to walk forward.

I wish we get more opportunities to visit our Grace Histories more often, not necessarily to find fault with the people who make our life miserable, nor to blame ourselves for the opportunities we missed, nor to regret for commissions and omissions. I remember some years ago we had begun in our Province, what was called ‘live-in’ meetings, and these were wonderful moments for us. Similar age-group men met together for a heart-to-heart conversation; as we reviewed our journeys, we realized that many of our paths intersected at several points, and we felt deeply moved by the histories of several of our friends, and that brought us closer to one another.

I remember there were times, when some of our friends were sharing their Grace History they were on the verge of breaking down. Narrating our Grace Histories is also cathartic (remember the Greek notion of Catharsis, meaning purging), and it purges us of the impurities, short-sightedness, and help us to remove the dust out of our bright spots, and let the light shine. However it is painstaking to enter into a serious and sincere narration of our Grace Histories, because it involves our own failures and successes, pain and agonies, joys and ecstasies, the role of self and others in the course of the journey. Therefore my Grace History is a tiny bit of the history of this world, history of humanity.

Often in life, we have a tendency to only look at the dark spots of life, and refuse to take note of the bright spots, the spots which had been giving light to our journey forward. Though the dark spots are integral to our journey, they alone cannot make our journey; the light and the shadows together make our Grace History. The dark spots may show to us our action, and the bright spots the action of God, and that is sure to help us realize that we are led forward according to a divine plan, and not merely by chance, as agnostics and atheists might claim. It is a great consolation to realize that I have a Grace History that I can share with others, and that our histories intersect, helping us to walk forward hand in hand.

The short-sighted

It is so painful to come across people who are myopic, short-sighted, who cannot look beyond their nose, as it were. All that they can see is the tip of their noses, and their shoulder blades. The problem is aggravated if this kind of people are placed in charge of some other simple, gullible people, who may not have a voice. Sometimes the life of a person may be at risk if the person who sits on top were to think something other than what common sense may demand. In order to assert one’s superiority, authority, or even dubious spiritual power, this person may do something which may cost a life or more, and still they may remain what they were, and may not reconsider the futility of their arrogance or myopia.

As I sat sitting the emotionally-charged words of one of our friends, who felt how the person who was in-charge of him turned a blind eye to him, leaving him to semi-existence. Tears were welling up in his eyes, as he narrated to me how he felt, and what he was contemplating of. I cannot just disregard the sentiments of this companion, who is no small child to shed tears, because he did not get what he wanted; he was senior to me, and in age at least six or seven years older to me. That is to say, he should be nearing 50, and it is not easy to bear a man of that age shed tears, and I could see that he was not faking, it was genuine. He could not resist the tears, and had to go to the sink once to wash his face. I was helpless as to how to console him.

Though I would not agree to all that he had told me, I could understand that there was a point in what he was feeling, and how he was treated. I could understand that he did not receive a fair deal from his boss, who could decide on his fate (thanks to the religious vow of obedience that the inferior had professed). I knew only too well that this boss had too little time to think about the men he is to look after; his eyes were fixed on something higher and noble, and he would not stoop to be bothered about the dispensable men. He had made decisions, which involved this sick friend, without even properly informing him, and this sick companion asked me, ‘what will happen if I refused to accept his proposal?’ and there are more chances that he may not agree to it.

Those who wish to succeed in life are invited to focus their attention on what they wish to achieve, and exclude from their perspective and attention everything else which may distance them from the goal they wish to achieve. Our boss was doing exactly the same, and there are so many victims, who could have been retained in our company, were they given proper guidance and directions. One person’s determination to achieve what he was craving for was going to let another person lose in the battle with life, and I felt sad for this friend, but I had no strong words of consolation. Sometimes I felt I was as powerless and hapless as other people who needed the strong hands of some powerful people to save them.

Living a life of dedication for some 30 years and contemplating leaving this kind of life, in order to explore avenues to save one’s life is something I find it hard to accept. There was so much of sorrow in his heart, and maybe this is the first time that he had dared to pour out his heart to someone. I was asking myself, have we become so very indifferent to human feelings and sentiments that we could continue to hold on to our own guts, even at the expense of letting others who are under our care to perish silently. Have we closed our ears to listen to their silent sobs and screams of agony and pain? Why is it that we cannot just question the personal evils of a select few spewing venom on a group of well-meaning dedicated people?

Riddles of Life

The faces of Payel and Megha are still fresh in my mind, so also their young mother Mohua! There is a stamp of sadness on their faces, even as they recall the one who is languishing in Presidency Central Correctional Home. Megha is 8 and Payel is 6, and yet they miss their father. Circumstances had forced their father to murder a partner in his petty business, and today he is a lifer, and has already completed four years, and if he is good in the correctional home, he may see the light of day after about 10 years, but there is no guarantee that he would walk scot free if his character is not up to the mark!

But I shudder to think of these two kids growing up without the loving care of the father; they meet him behind bars once a while, but that is not enough for them to feel that they have someone they can lean on to meet their needs. They seem to chase clouds, and the moment they think that everything will be fine, they realize that they are caught by unknown fears! How can life be so cruel in the case of some hapless victims of circumstances! I do not much worry about the punishment that their father needs to accept, but the plight of these two kids and the young lady, who has to live each day of her life, hoping that one day her husband would return home and everything may be fine!

With none to support her materially and financially, save her father, Mohua's life is a big question mark; thanks to the Apostolic Carmel sisters, who support the education of Payel and Mohua through their Back Home project, but then what about their two meals a day, and their clothes, medical bills. The two girls have a whole life before them, and after a couple of years, they might think life is too cruel for them to go through and may look for avenues to ease the burden of their mother. Will they follow the footsteps of their father, while attempting to face the harsh realities of life? Time will tell us about it.

The elder daughter Megha is aware that her father may not return home, and her consoling words to her father, when she meets him at the correctional home is this : Do take care of yourself, and dont worry about us! She does not expect her father to return home, and deep down there is an unknown pain in this little heart. Even when she tries to smile, some where in the corner of her lips, she betrays that pain. Can anyone on earth fulfill the void that had been created by the "loss" of her father? The dark episodes of her childhood may mar her entire future, and that maybe a sad thing.

Is there God, and if he is there, then why should this happen to me, I can hear 32-year old Mohua murmuring, and no one can give her an acceptable answer. She would be forever grateful to God, even if part of her dreams of a happy family is redeemed by the return of her husband, but that can only be a wish fulfillment. If there is a simple support system to stand by the two girls and their mother, then there are chances that they will be able to face the many scorching summer and torrential rains and nail-biting winters. There they might find consolation that not all is lost!

Et tu Brute!

These memorable words of Julius Caeser to his most trusted friend Brutus, when the latter plunged the dagger onto the chest of the Emperor to show the world what is the price of trust! Betrayal has no limits, whoever it is, and whatever be his/her position, it is the same story all over. Like blood which is red for all in the world, so to is betrayal is the name that everyone in the world is familiar with. But we are happy until it one day lands before our door steps.

When my young friend shared how hours and hours of her hard work had been misappropriated by her research guide, there is hardly any words of consolation I could think of. Some times silence is the best means of consoling a person; but the sense of seniority and even superiority (under some guise or other) over takes our common sense, and we climb the pulpit and indulge shamelessly in sermonising, forgetting the fact that for the one who is the victim of betrayal of a cruel kind, no words can be as soothing as just standing by her and assuring that all is not lost.

But how can he be so devoid of a conscience? This is the one question that she kept on posing to me, and probably even the person who took his young research student for a royal ride would be unable to give an adequate answer to this question. Does one scheme to betray a close associate, a bosom friend, a blood relative? Betrayal, probably, is in our blood, and whatever we do, it may pop up the moment when we least expect it.

Can we do anything to really not to fall victim to betrayal by people we trust so much? Is it at all possible to mistrust the people we love, just because they have the potentiality to betray us one day? But one thing is for sure, we cannot take people on their face value; we need to put them to acid test to check and examine if they deserve our whole hearted trust. But even then we cannot be sure that they will not betray us one day! That is how humanity is shaped and molded.

Some of the great personalities in the annals of history have experienced the worst kind of betrayal, and the way how each of them respond to the people who betray them is quite interesting. The case we could imagine at this moment is that of Jesus; how he chides Judas Iscariot who betrays him with a kiss! This is irony of ironies. There is no cursing and yelling, but a quiet acknowledgment of what reality is. Sometimes there is no better way to over come the pain of betrayal than by just submitting ourselves to it! For the people who indulge in betrayal are sure one day to pay for it.

Space Available!

It is said that the permanent place that we can ever claim for ourselves is the six feet of earth that we would be lain on; in fact, it cannot be considered permanent because soon after our bodies are decayed, and when there is a need to bury someone else in the same place, they would dig up the very place, and if they are considerate bury our bones in another place, this time maybe just a foot long pit. But what a racket we see in our cities and towns, people pawning all their possessions to purchase land! The land price has escalated in the recent years, thanks to the realtors who know how to incite the hearts of people to seek after the space they can never carry with them.

But the tragedy is it is the land that had been hitting the front page of newspapers in this part of the country over the past few years : be it Nandigram or Singur or Lalgarh, it is fight for space. There are political parties who have joined the innocent peasants to make the fight for space a political issue, and there are people who are reaping a very high dividend, thanks to their involvement in the struggles of the landless farmers of these places. That for sure is the one that deals with geographical space. But there are other spaces we may need to look into, in order to really find the significance of space.

Psychological space deals with the attitude which says how much do we allow other people to enter into our lives, our hearts. There are many people, who cannot confide with anyone, and will not easily open their hearts for others to enter in. They are careful, cautious, and calculative in all human relations. They may even look for what benefit they would get as a result of permitting a person to enter into their hearts, lives. Our lives will be enriched in the same proportion as we let other people occupy our heart and lives.

Social space is the one which deals with the familiarity we exercise with the people around us; how much do we allow other people to come close to us. Are we anthropophobic, experiencing certain amount of fear for human persons, and therefore do not let ourselves freely mingle with others? In a crowd, do I allow myself to remain alone, or do I allow myself to mingle with the people, even strangers and make them my own at the end? The longer the distance I keep with the people I live with, the more difficult it will be for me to experience human cooperation.

Spiritual space is the one I create between me and the power beyond me; in other words, it is the meeting place of my inner being and the cosmic being. It is the place where I find myself as the true image and likeness of the creator, and can experience, even if it is just for a fraction of a second, union with God, cosmos, or nature. It is a moment when I can forget the world around me, and be in peace (ananda). Until I create this space for me, I may continue to be a wo/man restless, anxious, fearful, seeking the one which alone can reach me to a place of all solace and consolation.

Harken the Physician (M3)

Often in life we are aware of the ailments that drown us, and we may even be aware of the remedies that can bring our health to perfection once again, but the problem is invariably taking recourse to the treatment, which involves medicines. There are a large section of people, especially those who live in far-flung villages of a nation, where people believe in the miraculous power of medicine that they will not be healed until they are administered medicines. So the local physicians have devised a method of helping them heal themselves. There were people who gave them vitamin tablets for most of their psychosomatic illnesses, and sure enough they got well soon. Those who believed that they cannot get well without an injection, were given an injection containing nothing but sterilized water. So, we may ask ourselves what caused healing of these people, the medicine given them or they themselves? Sure it was they themselves who have cured themselves. The second question that we may ask is : were they sick at all?

Carrying an unwanted bitter memory is an illness that can be equated to cancer; just like cancerous cells keep spreading gradually, so also a painful memory can slowly eat up one’s life spirit and energy, and ultimately can even throw him/her to the throws of death. We have seen that often in life, we carry with us memories that cannot be easily gotten rid of; they are like our shadows which walk with us until we breathe our last. But if we are frightened of shadows, there is a way – to hide in darkness, so that we do not allow shadows to stand before or after us. The second alternative is to avoid the source of light and remain in a bigger shade, like the shade of a tree or a building. In the latter case, our mighty little shadow may be absorbed by the mighty shadow.

Let us consider the second solution to avoid con/care-frontation with our shadows – remember that I am using the shadows to refer to our painful memories! There is so much similar between our shadows and painful memories; both can be frightening and intimidating, and they can throw us into nightmares and sleepless nights. We could pause for a while and just close our eyes and briefly recollect the painful memory that we have gone through. The greater shadow that can possibly give us some consolation is what could have taken place, beyond what had actually happened. In other words, we have been spared from the worst; worse things could have happened! Just think of it and see in the mind, what worse thing could have happened to me; I have lost something substantial, but all is not lost! I still have myself to put back the things that I have lost.

Another great shadow that can make my shadow negligible is to think of persons who have gone through similar painful experiences in life, or even worse situations; if they were able to get back to life, can I not overcome this comparatively smaller mess? Often the memories appear mighty big, because we look at them in isolation, and not in comparison with those of others. Most of the time we would realize that our experience had been far simpler and less painful than others; in many cases we have been spared from the most horrendous experiences, and should I not be grateful to God for this kindness?

So let me close my eyes for a while and recollect in my mind the persons who have suffered for more loss and pain than I have gone through; what is my suffering and pain in comparison with these people who have lost something that can never be repaired! If I have lost one leg in an accident, let me think of a person who has lost both the legs; should I not be grateful to my stars for sparing me one leg at least, so that I can still walk on the face of the earth? If I keep doing this exercise, it will not take me too long to realize that I cannot complain about my little pain or suffering, while there are people who had suffered more loss and pain, and have been able to revert back to life, like a spring that shoots back to its natural stage, after being left. Let me see my painful memory and the corresponding incidents that had caused in relation to and comparisons with more painful memories of other people, whom I know. There I can see a silver line shining brightly!