Angel of Darkness

At the side of our main gate, I noticed a group of people crowding and watching something. Next to them stood a Matador vehicle, and it did not take me long to understand that someone had died in the family – the Muslim family which had made the footpath just at the side of our gate for the past 25 years or more. Death, the familiar guest at all families, does not spare any one, high or low, rich or poor, men or women. But this is perhaps the most uninvited guest we have ever known on earth; there is hardly anyone we have known, who willingly and joyfully welcomes Death. This is the season of Lent, and so it is appropriate to think about death, not only as Jesus triumphing over death, but how we carry our death in our bodies and minds. In fact, a serious contemplation on our deaths can serve to energise us to live more fully and joyfully.

Tony D’Mello in his famous book, Sadhana, a way to God, presents to us a meditation on our own death bodies. See and smell it, as it decays, infested with worms, and becomes earth. This is what we all are; perishable… we carry on our bodies the label “Perishable”, but unfortunately very few behave as if we are perishable; we are happy to think that we will live forever, and there will be no end to our life on earth. If only we consider our life on earth with a limited time and space continuum, then we will spend most of our energy to make the best use of the time to be happy and leave joyful memories. In such cases, death cannot come as a threat, but as a welcome guest, who comes to take us to give wage for our labor; is that not something that we should be happy and proud about?

We are drowned in sorrow and agony when someone dear to us depart this earth, and sometimes it is hard to accept this reality; such was the case with my sister, when her husband died all too suddenly, unannounced, and at a moment when she wanted him more. Her life was devastated when she knew that she has to fight with life (with the additional burden of carrying cancer in her body) all alone, helping her daughter find fulfillment in life. My brother in law was not the only breadwinner, because my sister was able to earn a living as a teacher, but what was more important for my sister was that her husband had turned a new leaf and was going to care for her. Death came one fine morning and took him all too soon, and neither she nor her daughter, nor any of our family members were ever prepared for it.

It may be easy to preach about death, and how we should welcome it with outstretched arms; but it is a different kind of reality when it does approach us. When we hear about the brutal killing of several men and women, or the accidents and mishaps which kills hundreds of people each day, we are not so much moved; but when it happens to one of our familiar persons, we are shaken, and find it hard to accept. Unfortunately no one teaches us the secret of embracing death with open arms, and except for a few brave sages and saintly persons, all of us find it a challenge to think about death, especially as it approaches us gingerly. This is one reality that perhaps the human race will never be able to undo, just as we have very little control over births. We are just pawns in the hands of creation and nature.

We are told that in death we enter into a different kind of reality, which cannot be compared with the earthly reality. The Bhagavad Gita talks about the nature of the soul in Chapter 2, when it leaves the perishable body, because it is something that knows no end. No one who has experienced it has ever returned to tell us how it is to face death; but one thing is for sure, whether we fear or not, whether we are happy or not, death will come to us at its own time and lead us home. We may say a thousand things in philosophical terms to explain how wonderful it is to welcome death, but it is a different reality in concrete, especially when the human bondage is thicker than blood. We look at the death of Jesus as a different kind of reality, where he subdues death and reigns victorious, and when we die, we too share in his glory, which is a new kind of identity and home address that we all can be truly proud of.

Calling on Convictions

It is hard to explain what my convictions mean to me; I have been shaped and molded by my many convictions over the years, and every major experience in life had taught me lessons, which are carved in my manifold convictions. They are in a sense sacred to me, because they are the guiding principles, based on which I adjust each of my future moves. I find it very difficult when someone challenges them, leave alone questions the authenticity of them. Not everyone understands that we do not arrive at convictions over night, they are like plants which take months and years to grow and stand firmly on their roots. It might be easy for some who do not know to just pooh pooh them.

We always look at reality around us with our subjective eyes, and there is hardly anything which could be called objective in our perspectives. That is why Milton’s famed words, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If that is the case, there is bound to be differences of opinion, and it is wrong to dissect and analyse them, or do a comparative study of them. What I have learned from life may be diametrically different from what someone else has learned. Life is not an objective reality, but is a subjective reality which shapes persons according to the degree of their openness and transparency. In this regard, every experience in life is important to the person who is ready to take the best out of experiences.

Thank God for the differences of opinion in the way we look at reality around us, and because of this we are able to improve on things. If every one thought in the same way, and looked at reality with the same vision, then there would be hardly anything to be perfected. It is only because some are able to go beyond the periphery and look into the matter of things that we are able to fine-tune reality and present them in a way which can be a perfect image of reality as far as human mind can perceive. Comparing the convictions of persons can be a dangerous act, which may brand people and straight-jacket them on the basis of their perception.

Not all convictions stay with us all through life; just as they take a long time to get shaped, it takes a long time for them to fade into thin air. I still remember many of my youth convictions have disappeared as I matured; I dropped them whenever I found then in direct conflict with life-promoting elements. I have learned that I cannot hold on to any conviction or ideology or perspective which is not promoting life; I have learned to look at the brighter side of life, and we may find a million ways how life is a means of promoting vitality and energy, and bringing the best out of human persons. Ultimately I have learned that I cannot hold on to convictions which are in out of sync with the present world, and do not help me to find my way.

It is impossible to drop my convictions, even when I realize that they are out of date with the present times; they will take their due course to fall from the tree; just like every autumn is the season for trees to drop down the old and outdated, and help new leaves to shoot up during spring. Life too has designed such a plan for all of us, and it is our duty to allow such time and space for nature to play such harmonious chord in life. Any attempt to drop down convictions and viewpoints without proper consideration, may only result in ripple effects which may disturb the harmony we enjoy within our selves and with the world around us. This is what we call “adjustment”, which is one of the primary concepts which we need to pay attention to when we are working with others.

The Last Run

When I first heard how this young man ended his life one night, I just could not digest the fact that there are such cowards still in the world. The vice-principal of a prestigious educational institution, known to so many illustrious persons resorted to such cowardly act of ending his life with a rope, hanging himself from the fan in his room! If that was a cowardly act, which I cannot accept, the reason why he did so was all the more cowardly. Just because a lady with whom he had a clandestine relationship, even physical affairs, was going to be married to another man, this young man wished to bargain with her, either she accepts him and forsakes the wedding, or he ends his life!

The lady, who happened to be working under the care of this young man, ultimately decided to find her own way, least expecting her paramour to decide something which was beyond all her imagination. One may go all lengths to blame the lady for tricking the young religious man into a relationship which was not becoming of his religious identity, leave alone of a gentleman. We are not sure how the relationship between the lady and the young religious priest began and bloomed, but one thing is for sure, the young man was far from being a religious, he was not even being an average human person, who could accept reality as it came to us.

I feel sad for the young man, who at the age of just 41, prime of his life, decided to bid farewell to the world, without a word to friends and relatives, all the people he grew with… and he quietly quit the world at the dark of the night. I am not much worried about the scandal that this incident of suicide has created in the city, but am worried more about the blot that it has left on religious life in general; the religious have lost much of their credibility because of the stupidity of this one young man, who had his own reason, however narrow it might be, to do what he wanted, without ever thinking of what the act would land him and his religious order into.

I feel there is nothing on earth which can be a valid reason for a person to take off his life, and surely not relationships, because with regard to human relationship, we enter into a limitless ocean, and we would find certain points shallow and certain other points deep. We may have to walk with care and caution, so that we do not allow ourselves to be drowned. There may be cozy points, there might be quicksand, and there may also be dry ground in the midst of water. We all of us find persons of our choice and taste during our sojourn on the sea; some persons enter into our lives for a short duration, while some others walk with us greater distance, and very seldom we may find persons who may walk with us all the way.

The number of persons embracing death in the recent years has increased manifold; for quite many young people it is the easy way to escape life. It is heartening to listen to the story of each of the people who have resorted to end their lives, for silliest reasons to grave ones. I am convinced of one thing, we cannot give any reason for running away from life; by trying to end their lives, these people have only tried to prove, they were not meant to be born on earth; for the world belongs only to the people who know how to live courageously and appreciate life on earth. The escapists had entered into the world by mistake and probably the world never belonged to them, very much as they did not belong to the world.