Calling on Convictions

It is hard to explain what my convictions mean to me; I have been shaped and molded by my many convictions over the years, and every major experience in life had taught me lessons, which are carved in my manifold convictions. They are in a sense sacred to me, because they are the guiding principles, based on which I adjust each of my future moves. I find it very difficult when someone challenges them, leave alone questions the authenticity of them. Not everyone understands that we do not arrive at convictions over night, they are like plants which take months and years to grow and stand firmly on their roots. It might be easy for some who do not know to just pooh pooh them.

We always look at reality around us with our subjective eyes, and there is hardly anything which could be called objective in our perspectives. That is why Milton’s famed words, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If that is the case, there is bound to be differences of opinion, and it is wrong to dissect and analyse them, or do a comparative study of them. What I have learned from life may be diametrically different from what someone else has learned. Life is not an objective reality, but is a subjective reality which shapes persons according to the degree of their openness and transparency. In this regard, every experience in life is important to the person who is ready to take the best out of experiences.

Thank God for the differences of opinion in the way we look at reality around us, and because of this we are able to improve on things. If every one thought in the same way, and looked at reality with the same vision, then there would be hardly anything to be perfected. It is only because some are able to go beyond the periphery and look into the matter of things that we are able to fine-tune reality and present them in a way which can be a perfect image of reality as far as human mind can perceive. Comparing the convictions of persons can be a dangerous act, which may brand people and straight-jacket them on the basis of their perception.

Not all convictions stay with us all through life; just as they take a long time to get shaped, it takes a long time for them to fade into thin air. I still remember many of my youth convictions have disappeared as I matured; I dropped them whenever I found then in direct conflict with life-promoting elements. I have learned that I cannot hold on to any conviction or ideology or perspective which is not promoting life; I have learned to look at the brighter side of life, and we may find a million ways how life is a means of promoting vitality and energy, and bringing the best out of human persons. Ultimately I have learned that I cannot hold on to convictions which are in out of sync with the present world, and do not help me to find my way.

It is impossible to drop my convictions, even when I realize that they are out of date with the present times; they will take their due course to fall from the tree; just like every autumn is the season for trees to drop down the old and outdated, and help new leaves to shoot up during spring. Life too has designed such a plan for all of us, and it is our duty to allow such time and space for nature to play such harmonious chord in life. Any attempt to drop down convictions and viewpoints without proper consideration, may only result in ripple effects which may disturb the harmony we enjoy within our selves and with the world around us. This is what we call “adjustment”, which is one of the primary concepts which we need to pay attention to when we are working with others.

Penny wise, Pound foolish

This senior man was known as an austere man, who would spend hours on end in order to save a few pennies, and would glory in it. He would walk for more than an hour, and would not take public transport, because he had to pay for the travel, and ultimately come back home exhausted. He has a very strict sense of poverty (as a religious man who has vowed poverty, this is very much fitting), and would swear by it. If one were to look at his shoes, it would be worse than that of a beggar, and he has only one pair of dress, which he would wash at night and wear it during the day. Well, that is his style of practising poverty, and no one can really argue with him about it.

It is true, he is fully convinced of what he does, and if it is his personal conviction, no one has the right to question him about it. But what I am concerned about is, not about his personal conviction, but about how his personal conviction comes in conflict with the interests of others living with him. I have realized that it is not easy to live with people who have strong personal convictions; it is rightly said that it is hell to live with saints! But the saving grace is that this gentleman would not demand the same standard from others, leave alone impose it on others. At the same time, he would not like to be questioned about his standards.

He had been coming to our office for three days to complete his annual ritual – entering the marks of a subject he was teaching in the college. This is the moral education, and it is doubtful if any of the students took his classes seriously, but he takes the examinations and marks so seriously that he would spend more time tabulating than in correcting them. He would tabulate them in MS Excel and then would check it, double check the marks, so that there is no error, and then would go one by one marking all those who had failed in Red. Then he would need to take a print out of this for the file. I had been asking him if it is all worth the trouble, and he would want it that way, and no one can argue with him about it.

It was said that this gentleman had one of the finest brains in the campus, but after his completion of the doctorate in physics, he began to teach in the college, but it was found that what he taught went over the heads of students and so he had to be stopped. In the meantime he took up certain topics as his areas of interest, which in the long run, became his obsession, and he would fight with people tooth and nail in order to show that everyone who did not subscribe to his views were wrong and that only he could give answer to some of the moral and religious problems which haunted the human society.

I have no regrets about the man, because there is a fair amount of genuineness in him; he is excessively obsessed with poverty, and it would be a futile effort to argue with him about the notion that poverty does not tantamount to privation and even beggary. We need certain essential things in order to live a decent and dignified life; if one thinks that these things are redundant, and would not like to avail them, then the person is sure to place himself on a separate ground, morally condemning everyone for not following his own standards and precepts. I would not dare to call his way of doing things as ‘penny wise and pound foolish’, but it would be very close to it. If only he could put to good use his wisdom, then he would be richer than the richest. But it may take him another birth to look at the other side of the spectrum.

Kissing all the way

It is after quite some time that I am back to my blog, to recapture some of the significant moments of the day, to reflect about them, and savor what life has to offer to me, through me to my friends, and through my friend to me. I felt sad when one of the friends shared about her friends who had been demanding something more than what she could legitimately give by herself. It was about relationship she had been nurturing for the past one year with this young man, who of late had been demanding something more than mere cordial and open conversation with her. He had been, she said, asking her to visit him when he is alone, so that they could “exchange” what is due to both. This had been disturbing this friend, and she could not think of any “exchange” between them, but had been finding it hard to tell him directly about what she felt about this.

She was frank to admit that this young man was not the first person she really “fell” in love with; she had been “going steady” with another young man for quite many years, and she had not been allowing that young man to take undue advantage of her. She desired to keep a safe distance which befitted her special calling, and the many attempts of her first thick friend could not move her from the resolve she had made, and had been quite happy about. But she has felt that she was at a cross-road, and the new man she had been feeling for dearly, had communicated to her in more than clear terms that he would love to exchange certain niceties, which included hugging and kissing. This of course, could only be done in private, when they were alone.

There is reasonable amount of fear in her, that if she were to give in to the demands of this new friend, it could lead her to further submissions, and ultimately could even ruin her peace and happiness she had been enjoying for the past years. But things are not that easy for her, because she had felt over the months that this young man had been coming so close to her, that she felt it was divine providence that they came together, and she would hate to part ways with him. The mutual appreciation that these two experienced had strengthened their bond, and she dare not sever ties, and that had been disturbing her for the past few days. On the one side is her conviction that she cannot let anyone take her for a royal ride, making her do something which her conscience does not allow her to, and on the other is her liking for this person.

I realize that her situation is not so easy to work through; in either way it is sure to pain her, and all that I could suggest her was that she should be faithful to her conscience. If she begins to submit her conscience to the whims and fancies of this young man, and let him take her for a ride, she is sure to experience a guilty conscience at sometime or other. If she has to stick to her convictions, then there are all the chances that the relationship cannot continue, not only because she would not allow him to have his ways with her, but also because this “lakshman-rekha” is sure to put the man at a distance, not allowing him to come anymore close to this woman.

According to me, the lady should choose ultimately what is going to bring her inner peace and happiness, and not necessarily the momentary peace which the friendship and relationship this young man had been fostering with her. It is, no doubt, going to be tough for her, but it is sure to keep her faithful to her calling, her convictions and the kind of value system she had been convinced of for many years. She also shared with me how she had to shun several young man during her past years, when they tried to come too close to her, demanding all too fast “hugs and kisses”. It is possible that the joy of forsaking this unhealthy relationship will be far greater than the joy that the company of this man might give to her; but in that case, she should be prepared to bear the consequences, and stand firmly by her convictions, instead of forsaking them to save the relationship which could possibly bury all her values and convictions. But it is she who has to make a choice!

Price of Peer Pressure

Some days ago my sister called me to say that she had a bad news for me; she said that she had quit her job and was sitting idle at home. Hers was a temporary job, and she was paid a daily wage, as is the custom with many of the medium sized and small nursing homes, who do not want to get into commitment with their nurses, and this is the third nursing home that my sister was working at. Since there are so many young girls looking for a job, the homes take it as advantage, to reduce their wages as low as possible. So apparently there was a stir among the nurses of this particular nursing home, and they demanded from the administration a higher wage for their duties. When the administration refused to give heed to their appeal, all the nurses resigned en masse.

There was peer-pressure, and it is hard to fight against peer-pressure in such a situation, since all of them help each other during their respective duties and exchange duty hours according to their conveniences. But at the other end of the spectrum is the loss of job. My sister would not demand a higher wage, she is not that courageous, but one or two of the courageous nurses might have coerced the others too to resign, and my sister was helpless, and was forced to tender resignation. Her friends are not going to help her get a better job, with better working hours, and a better wage. That may be none of their business, but ultimately who suffers. Peer-pressure is such a thing, where one is placed like a cat on the wall, standing between devil and deep sea.

Given the situation at home, my sister was badly in need of a job to make both ends meet, and sitting idly at home is not something she would like. There was a tone of sadness even as she narrated to me that she was waiting for a call from some other nursing home where she had applied. It is not easy to sit in the house doing nothing very substantial. One may even feel bored and wasting away, and that was what was happening to my sister, and all that I could encourage was to call up the very nursing home where she had resigned the job and check if they cared to take her back. She was not keen on doing that, because in that case she might lose her credibility and face. However she said she was ready to accept the offer if they called her back.

Going with a group has its advantages, especially if there are persons in the group who really care for me, and would support me come what may; but it also has its gray areas. It is a very delicate issue and there are chances for one to be wrong whatever he/she does. But it would be wrong to go with the group all the times, because one or two members of the group may divert the interests of the group and make use of it for their own benefit. The ultimate question that one must ask is this : does my flowing with the group going to help me now or later? If the answer is in the negative, then probably I should reconsider my following the dictates of the group. My conscience may be the better judge some times, and I should listen to it as and when I feel that way.

It is hard to stand by one’s conviction and resist the pressures of a group, especially if the group pressure could force one to give up personal convictions. But this is not impossible; what one may require is great amount of guts and courage to stand by personal convictions. It might have been alright if my sister had stood against the pressure of the group to resign, and resumed her job as usual. She might have to bear the dire consequences, but that could win the appreciation of the administration for her, not so much because she stayed back to work for them, but also because she had the courage to stand against group pressure. Sometimes it is worthwhile to stand by one’s convictions and resist the temptation of flowing with the group.

Sane Soul-mates (3.b)

Sometimes if we are lucky we may come across men and women who had managed to remove the obstruction which prevented them communing with their spirits directly and spontaneously. These persons may not be very difficult to identify, because even the ordinary persons would be able to take note of the glow surrounding them. They would radiate such a spiritual aura that anyone who comes in contact with them would experience the power of their spirit communication. Even if there is one single person in a thousand, the community is sure to experience the power of the soul, of the spirit, and they would be able to guide the community to greater spiritual heights.

One such person that the Indian sub-continent had witnessed some years ago was the Mahatma, Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi of happy memory. If he was spectacular in nature, then we have the tribal leaders of Sidu Kanhu brothers, and each state would be able to identify such persons still living or dead. Even if they are dead, their spirit would be alive and active in a society. Today I would like to bring before my eyes one person who had remarkable ease to speak through his spirit. Gandhi was not merely a political force, who fought for the independence of India, but he was also a spiritual force, who taught the noble ideals of ahimsa (non-violence) and satyagraha (search for truth), and thanks to his contact with his spirit, today India can boast of relative peacefulness.

I would like to consider the kind of qualities which mark the people who have access to the well-springs of their spirits, and are able to affect the world they live in : fearlessness, certain amount of daring spirit; no one can harm them, neither death, not killing, they can defy any human power; conviction which spring from life experience: they would stand by what they are convinced of, and no one can turn them from the path they have chosen; spiritual power: these people go beyond all that is material and human, and they put their trust in a power which is lasting, eternal and transcendental; people of the heart: unlike the people who are guided by their heads (logic) these people are guided by their hearts, instincts and inner dynamism.

I can also think of some persons who enter into this spiritual realm, when they are subjected to certain unique kind of experiences. I remember one of my very senior friends narrating to me about her younger brother, who had been informed by the physicians that he would live but for one more month – he had reached advanced case of cancer and there would be no remedy for it, but bear with it until the last day! But this man, I was told wished to defy the impending death by being happy, spending his time in the hospital as joyful as he could, cheering up his other companions and family members… and when the month has passed, I hear that the person has not died, and instead there is a great improvement in his disease… this man was able to frighten cancer, and that is the power of his spirit!

If I am not able to live by my spirit, then I need to take a good look at the four characteristics of persons who live by their spirits: fearlessness, conviction, spiritual power, heart-centered! I would like to ask myself what makes me fearful, why am I afraid of living by my convictions, what makes me give up the spiritual power and seek material and worldly power, and why do I resort to the head instead of the heart? I am also aware that I am not going to change into a person animated by the spirit all of a sudden; I will not become like Mahatma Gandhi or Sidu Kanhu over night; it would take me some years before I can live by my heart spontaneously, without anyone telling me, or myself being aware of it! But my long journey can begin today!

Calling convictions to account

I don't really know what had gone wrong with me that there had been a tenor of anger in me for the past few days; I seemed to get angry with anyone for no specific reason. It is not that I was not aware of what had been going on within me for the past few days, but it is not all that easy to put my finger into the exact reason. It is true there had been some of my very close friends who seemed to be rubbing me at the wrong side; the very people whom I thought would stand by me when I am down, turned out to be part of my problem. Just as I raised my voice when we spoke, they wondered what made me to behave in an unusual way (when have I behaved in an usual way? they sometimes ask me)!

One thing for sure, I cannot go on like this for long; I may have to either stop behaving this way, or I may find myself in an asylum (I should be lucky not be chained!). My problem (when no one is there to own up this problem, it is proper that I own this up), if I can recollect well, has its origin when I began to question the convictions of one of my friends. Probably I was trying to touch the very nerve center of my friend, and therefore there was an explosion; it is possible that the explosion did not take place externally, but I felt it deep within me, and I was not prepared for it.

Convictions are the most precious thing I treasure deep within my heart, and very seldom would I dare to compromise with them, for whatever reason, though in the recent years I have become a bit more sober and compromising with them. But still, I feel that the convictions which I had been grooming all these years are my riches, and it is painful when someone questions me about them. But that is precisely what I was placing my fingers, when I questioned my friend about one of her convictions. Maybe I could not accept her conviction as one which I can easily agree to, and so I had to draw myself from the entire scene. That is where it all began.

I tried to show the anger I had on her to others, and at the end of the day, I felt that I had not spared anyone, and many of them were quite innocent. When I do not expect anyone to question my convictions, I found it hard to do the same with others. Is it a sign of my superiority feeling or that I cannot accept others too having convictions, grown out of life's sweet and sour moments. Over the years I have also learned good many lessons, which made me reconsider some of the convictions, which I could not give up under any circumstances. Ultimately, I realize, what is more important is not that I hold the convictions as the Gospel truth, but that I have become a truly human person!

It is hard for me to accept the kind of conviction she holds on to, and I am not going to give it up for my sake either; but one thing is for sure, I am not going to question it. It is the fruit of her life's experiences and it is for her to question them, and it is not my business to do that. I will have to grow in the humility which may remind me that I cannot make others to dance according to my tunes. I may not have the guts to acknowledge what has happened to me actually, but one thing for sure, next time when I hear someone expressing his/her conviction, I will think twice before questioning or refuting them!