Will to Live

The end came too suddenly, and no one was prepared for it. When I received a telephone call from the college, least did I think that the caller would shock me with just a four word sentence : He is no more! For a moment I could not say anything, I could not get anything, as to what to say. I had a personal chat with him just three days earlier, and now I am told he is no more! What could have happened, I wondered, even as I took a few moments to gather myself to handle the situation? I had to go to the college to see the man, who was alive just a few minutes ago, but now lies dead on the bed, and have to wait for our house physician to certify that he is dead. Even as I rushed to the college, my heart and mind said that something had gone wrong somewhere, and we have lost him.

Fifty seven is not the age to say goodbye to this beautiful world, and what is worse this man did not want to leave this world so soon, and he had a great desire to resume normal life again, but we had not given him a chance. There was a blame-game even as he lay dead, just an hour after his departure, that he should have been careful when his liver functioning was becoming strenuous, that he could not blame anyone for the situation he was in. I made a few frantic attempts to tell the senior man that it was not the time to blame the man who now cannot get up to defend himself. I would not say that this young man could fully justify himself for the way he handled his health some years ago, which led to the destruction of both his kidneys, but his past was something that could not be undone… Unfortunately in life very seldom do we have the option of UNDO, as in any Windows based programs.

The tears that I had witnessed welling up from his eyes just three days ago were haunting me to say that our negligence was also responsible for this sudden departure of this man. I feel sad for him because he might not have guessed that he was going to leave the world so soon. There was no sign that he was getting mentally prepared for the end, which was beckoning him. Even as he interacted and complained to all those who mattered about how his situation could be salvaged, one thing was certain, he was slowly giving up the will to live. This was quite obvious from his conversation with me. He had zest for life, and he would do anything to retain life, even if that means walking out of the way of life he had voluntarily chosen some thirty five years ago.

When he told me three days earlier as I went for a meeting with two other friends of mine, that he wanted to have a chat with me, I had told him that I would meet him after our meeting. And when I returned from our meeting, he led me to his room, and opened up his bruised heart to me. The barometer of his will to live was already sinking to the dangerous level, and I could only guess that he holds himself strongly and boost this energy. As I walked out of his room that day, I only told him not to lose hope, and was not sure though if I sounded convincing enough. If his will to live had sunk so low, I feel that we were responsible for it, and there is hardly anyway how we could undo it. We have lost one of ours, who did not deserve to leave so soon.

Even as he struggled with the impending death, and the inevitable, there were some who were trying to support him, giving him the much needed boost to stay alive. Reality did not match with the sweet words of the people who were responsible for taking his case forward, and that was painful for him. At his sudden demise, these people were heart-broken, and did all they could in order to give him a beautiful farewell. People were generous to give their time and energy to take him gently to rest with the embalmers, and prepare the place for a memorable funeral service. I only wish he does not smile and whisper in my ears, I only wished you people paid this much attention when I was struggling with life during the last few months! Fare thee well, my Brother!

Not Finding the Silver Line…

It was a beautiful sight to see! About thiry men and women, young and old, surrounding a middle-aged man, and literally forcing him to act! I was part of the vocal men and women at Kolkata’s domestic airport, as we waited to catch a flight to Delhi, so that the next day we could board the flight to Brussels, via Munich. When we reached the airport at the reporting time, namely two hours before the scheduled departure, we were told by the Manager on duty of that particular airlines that the flight we had booked tickets in was cancelled, and they assured us of the full re-payment! But that was not the kind of arrangement we could ever think of. We had booked tickets through a different airlines from Delhi, and if we were to cancel the tickets at the eleventh hour, we may have to forfeit a large per cent of the ticket fare. Besides we had already informed several persons about our going, and necessary arrangments had already been made! Many of us found we were let down at the last hour by the airlines personnel.

After discussing with the manager on duty of the airlines for about thirty minutes, many of the passengers of the said flight became infuriated. We demanded the officer to start negotiating with personnel of other airlines, requesting them to offer some seats, so that at least those who were in dire need could take the flight the very day. After about an hour of coaxing and cajoling, the officer accepted to give a thought to it, thought some what indignantly. Deep within I knew we cannot afford to miss the connecting flight to international destinations, especially when the time period seemed quite difficult to make alternative arrangmenets. Helpless as I was, just like many of our co-passengers, I began to tell myself that there should be a way out, and we were going to travel the very day to Delhi, and catch the connecting international flights the next day. I was not sure if that was possible, and if the attempts of the airlines official would bear any fruit.

The fact was that there was utterly no hope; no silver lining. It was fully dark, but at such critical moments, we cannot afford to lose hope. Even if there was no chance, it was our sincere hope that things will turn out to our advantage that ultimately made it possible for 21 of us to board a later flight from a different airlines. Being part of the four hour drama, most of the time spent standing and listening to co-passengers, and occasionally clarifying a point or two, but at the end of it all, it was well worth. Even when many of my co-passengers said that ultimately everything may end up in an eye-wash, yet I was sure I was going to Delhi the very day. I did not even much care if others would go or not, but I had to go, and I would by all means go, come what may.

Just like me who had a connecting international flight, many other co-passengers too had connecting international flights, some were going to attend some international conferences. One young man made a plea with the official that his father was to be operated on the following day, and he had to be beside him. There was a young lady who was joining office for the first time after appointment on the following day, and she cannot afford to miss the first day in office. There was yet another young lady who was to meet some international business clients the following day, and she would not like to let down her partners. But more than pleas and requests, what really got us through was the sheer grit and will power that we have to be flying that very day.

Often in life it is so very easy to lose all hope, especially when we cannot see the silver line in the midst of darkest clouds, and when we give in to such hopelessness, then we end up at the dead-end. We end up more depressed and destressed. Today I would like to pause for a moment and recollect to mind the different moments when I had failed to hold on to my will-power and the hope that things will begin to smile, and the darkest clouds will begin to disappear. There could be quite a few events and incidents when I might have lost all hope, and in turn sank in disappointment. It requires a lot of guts and determination to hold on to one’s hope. We live in a world where to hold on to hope is something that is often laughed at, and frowned upon. Let me tell myself that tomorrow I will deliberately and consciously hold on to my storehouses of hope in the midst of hopelessness, and prove that there is nothing to lose for the one who hopes in the best in the worst of situations! (Munich Airport)