First Among Equals

At first I thought she was just kidding, but it took me quite a while to realize that she really meant it. She was quite upset because she was not the first one I attended to, and she was very sad because someone else had taken that first place. While I took the issue casually, because that was not a matter of life and death, she could not digest it easily, until she had a knock from another angle, forcing her to put this issue in abeyance for a while. I relationships we all desire to be the first one to be attended to, and we feel so proud when people give us priority over others; we consider it a matter of pride and prestige, and when this does not happen with the people who matter much to us, we feel terribly bad.

Humanly speaking it is quite impossible to be impartial in relationships; we tend to attend to different people based on the unsaid and unwritten priority list, though there is nothing sacrosanct about this list. We keep changing the order, depending on our wishes, demands, fulfillments and desires. If the British have the notion of ‘first among equals’ (primus inter pares) to refer to the very special place that the Prime Minister holds in a parliamentary democracy, the same may also hold true in the case of relationships. Even with the parents and other family members, her desire to supersede all of them is what pains and bothers me. It is not that I had given her the secondary place, but she has assumed it for herself, and there is very little I can do about it.

It is possible for me to assert her unique place in my life, but until she is convinced of this, all my efforts may go in vain. Children when they are small exhibit such a kind of behavior. I remember sometimes we used to fight among ourselves as to whom our dearest friend would wish first or shake hands first. That used to be a matter of prestige for us, and we would always wish that we be the first one to receive such an honor. This is based on the external behavior from the part of the other side, but such a thing can also be asserted from deep within. If I consciously acknowledge that I am the first one among equals, even if here are no concrete evidence to prove it, that would bring me peace and harmony deep within.

Unfortunately we live in a world which looks for concrete evidence to prove our feelings and sentiments. People cannot trust what we feel and think, but they want us to see everything translated into action, and unfortunately many of the feelings and sentiments cannot be translated into concrete action, and we may even make mistakes in the act of translation, but then can they be construed as lack of commitment towards the other? I find it hard to believe that everything has to be properly translated into action, just because it is not always possible. I would love to believe, not merely concrete action showing my love and affection, but more the feelings and sentiments the other person has for me.

On the one hand, it is possible that sometimes I fail to convey to the very persons I love and care, how much they mean to me, and the unique place they hold in my life; on the other side of the spectrum, it is also possible that I give wrong signals to others on the so-called “secondary” place I give to them. I believe it all depends on the proper sync of the hearts; if the hearts are in perfect balance and synchronization, there is bound to be better vibration and understanding. Disturbance from either of the party is sure to create psychological noise, which may make the noise prominent and project it so. While I feel the need to bring my heart to proper sync, I also hope to make efforts to check on my concrete actions, to strengthen the unique place each one has in my heart.