I know it is so easy for some people to say “sorry”, just as it is for me. For some people, it is very difficult, especially if they are diffident. I am beginning to understand that all those who say sorry need not be fully sorry for what had happened, and therefore are willing to take responsibility for them, and all those who are diffident need not be arrogant and so are unwilling to own up what had happened. It is possible that I say sorry so many times, and yet deep down am unrepentant, and still try to justify what I had done, and how I continue to be innocent. There is also another parallel tendency in me to make other people feel sorry for making me feel sorry.
There used to be times when I would be diffident and would not say sorry to people, until I read it somewhere those three beautiful words which can make a difference in my life : please, sorry, and thank you, and I began to use these as lavishly as possible. But it is time for me to pause and reflect if these words are losing their core meaning, and I am just taking them for granted. When I say please, do I really have the mental disposition to submit myself to the giver, or is it just a word of politeness? The same thing with the word, Thank you! I need to ask myself if I am truly grateful to the one who has favoured me and has shown graciousness to me!
But I realize that during those younger days when I used to be extremely allergic to using these three little words, I used to maintain certain amount of dignity. I always thought that I should not easily give scope to using these words. I should not be at the mercy of others, but should claim what is due dispassionately; not to do something for which I would regret and so have to ask the pardon from others, and to accept what is rightfully mine, and not to accept any favours which may come with a hook. But I have grown over this kind of understanding, and today I think of these in a different light. I do not hesitate to ask for favours, and recognize my own limitations, and be thankful to the people who show tremendous understanding towards me.
As I pour out myself at this moment, I think of a dark cave, where I am trying to enter in stealthily; I cannot see what is on the floor, the moss, slippery ground with water flowing all the time, stone chips which may pork into my sole, and I may just hit my head on the wall. Groping in the dark is a new experience, because it is then that I feel how helpless I am before certain kind of reality. But if I have another person who is used to this cave, and were to hold me by the hand and lead me through, how comfortable it can be. If I find him next to me, could I not plead for his help, and be grateful to him for the favour he would have done me? And is it not reasonable to ask his pardon if I had not followed his footsteps, or directions?
Whole life is not enough for us to learn, learn new tricks! It is said that old persons learn new tricks rather slowly, but I am quite vary of this kind of assumptions. There are certain persons who keep learning new tricks, not only in life, but also in their personal lives, and that is a great consolation for me. It is never too late to learn from life, and every time I realize a possibility of learning and incorporating it into my personal life, I feel that I am growing as a person, as an individual, as a responsible citizen of the universe. The world is changing at a rapid speed, and we too are called to keep pace to it, and experience that change within us, and around us.
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