Rude Rustics

Sometimes the human ego is capable of blotting beyond all shape and size for no reason, and it would often require a big jolt to bring the ego to get to normal. The ego often looks for a reason, however reasonable it may be, in order to blow its trumpet, even if it is just to tell the world that no one can compete with him or her in the slow walk race. But this is an art which is ingrained in human nature, and it does not take time or effort for us to really blow our trumpets, and then make people clap their hands in high appreciation and esteem for our music! It is annoying to come across relatively young people trying to do this to their seniors.

The young man had been out of the country on a special assignment to teach in a neighboring country for the last two years, and now he already blows an air of superiority, and does not even mind ordering men many years senior to him. This is a kind of liberty and freedom which he feels he deserves, after two years of royal service. It was on Saturday evening that I received an email from this young man, a very brief one, telling me that he requires one of his certificates to be scanned and sent to another person. It was too late for me to do it, since it was evening, so I sent him a quick reply saying that I would do it on Monday, the next working day. But a little later I get another one line email from him telling me that it had to be sent on Sunday.

It was quite annoying for me to get this kind of mail from a young man who is some 15 years younger to me, and I decided not to reply to him. I generally do not take up office work on a Sunday; it is a sacred day, dedicated only for me, and I very seldom would do something related to the office on this day. This is my sacred time, my private space, when I like to do what I love to do. I relax and do what I could not complete during the week. I had quite a few programs planned for the Sunday, and mentally I was not in a mood to comply with the request of the man. I did not want to respond to him and explode him on how he should make a request to a senior person. His words sounded like an order to me, and I felt quite concerned about the way he was demanding.

I felt I need to teach a simple lesson to this man, first, that he cannot keep urgent things for the eleventh hour, and second, even if there is an urgent work to be done, he should learn how to get it done by requesting and cajoling. On Sunday evening, again I get a one line mail, asking if I had sent the document to his friend, and I decided to ignore his mail. I scanned his document and sent it to him and to his friend on Monday morning… and just as I expected, there was not even an acknowledgment to my taking time to scan the document and sending it. I believe he thought it was my duty to do this for him, and at one time I was tempted to give him a piece of my mind, and I had even typed three lines… but something in me told me not to send it, and so I canceled the mail… he may learn a lesson at least later in life, I am sure.

It is difficult not to be affected by this kind of rude and cold behavior of persons; and it is sure to be more painful when we have to rub shoulders with such persons each day. I had the opportunity to live such persons at close quarters, and luckily the persons were on the move most of the days, and my days were saved. Today I would like to pause for a while and think of these persons; there is hardly anything that I can do to make them prevent relating to me and others this way, but I can react to them in a manner different from others. So instead of getting affected by such rude and cold behavior, I would like to take their behavior with a pinch of salt, and even ignore them if required. After all, I should not empower them to spoil my day.

Calling convictions to account

I don't really know what had gone wrong with me that there had been a tenor of anger in me for the past few days; I seemed to get angry with anyone for no specific reason. It is not that I was not aware of what had been going on within me for the past few days, but it is not all that easy to put my finger into the exact reason. It is true there had been some of my very close friends who seemed to be rubbing me at the wrong side; the very people whom I thought would stand by me when I am down, turned out to be part of my problem. Just as I raised my voice when we spoke, they wondered what made me to behave in an unusual way (when have I behaved in an usual way? they sometimes ask me)!

One thing for sure, I cannot go on like this for long; I may have to either stop behaving this way, or I may find myself in an asylum (I should be lucky not be chained!). My problem (when no one is there to own up this problem, it is proper that I own this up), if I can recollect well, has its origin when I began to question the convictions of one of my friends. Probably I was trying to touch the very nerve center of my friend, and therefore there was an explosion; it is possible that the explosion did not take place externally, but I felt it deep within me, and I was not prepared for it.

Convictions are the most precious thing I treasure deep within my heart, and very seldom would I dare to compromise with them, for whatever reason, though in the recent years I have become a bit more sober and compromising with them. But still, I feel that the convictions which I had been grooming all these years are my riches, and it is painful when someone questions me about them. But that is precisely what I was placing my fingers, when I questioned my friend about one of her convictions. Maybe I could not accept her conviction as one which I can easily agree to, and so I had to draw myself from the entire scene. That is where it all began.

I tried to show the anger I had on her to others, and at the end of the day, I felt that I had not spared anyone, and many of them were quite innocent. When I do not expect anyone to question my convictions, I found it hard to do the same with others. Is it a sign of my superiority feeling or that I cannot accept others too having convictions, grown out of life's sweet and sour moments. Over the years I have also learned good many lessons, which made me reconsider some of the convictions, which I could not give up under any circumstances. Ultimately, I realize, what is more important is not that I hold the convictions as the Gospel truth, but that I have become a truly human person!

It is hard for me to accept the kind of conviction she holds on to, and I am not going to give it up for my sake either; but one thing is for sure, I am not going to question it. It is the fruit of her life's experiences and it is for her to question them, and it is not my business to do that. I will have to grow in the humility which may remind me that I cannot make others to dance according to my tunes. I may not have the guts to acknowledge what has happened to me actually, but one thing for sure, next time when I hear someone expressing his/her conviction, I will think twice before questioning or refuting them!