Rude Rustics

Sometimes the human ego is capable of blotting beyond all shape and size for no reason, and it would often require a big jolt to bring the ego to get to normal. The ego often looks for a reason, however reasonable it may be, in order to blow its trumpet, even if it is just to tell the world that no one can compete with him or her in the slow walk race. But this is an art which is ingrained in human nature, and it does not take time or effort for us to really blow our trumpets, and then make people clap their hands in high appreciation and esteem for our music! It is annoying to come across relatively young people trying to do this to their seniors.

The young man had been out of the country on a special assignment to teach in a neighboring country for the last two years, and now he already blows an air of superiority, and does not even mind ordering men many years senior to him. This is a kind of liberty and freedom which he feels he deserves, after two years of royal service. It was on Saturday evening that I received an email from this young man, a very brief one, telling me that he requires one of his certificates to be scanned and sent to another person. It was too late for me to do it, since it was evening, so I sent him a quick reply saying that I would do it on Monday, the next working day. But a little later I get another one line email from him telling me that it had to be sent on Sunday.

It was quite annoying for me to get this kind of mail from a young man who is some 15 years younger to me, and I decided not to reply to him. I generally do not take up office work on a Sunday; it is a sacred day, dedicated only for me, and I very seldom would do something related to the office on this day. This is my sacred time, my private space, when I like to do what I love to do. I relax and do what I could not complete during the week. I had quite a few programs planned for the Sunday, and mentally I was not in a mood to comply with the request of the man. I did not want to respond to him and explode him on how he should make a request to a senior person. His words sounded like an order to me, and I felt quite concerned about the way he was demanding.

I felt I need to teach a simple lesson to this man, first, that he cannot keep urgent things for the eleventh hour, and second, even if there is an urgent work to be done, he should learn how to get it done by requesting and cajoling. On Sunday evening, again I get a one line mail, asking if I had sent the document to his friend, and I decided to ignore his mail. I scanned his document and sent it to him and to his friend on Monday morning… and just as I expected, there was not even an acknowledgment to my taking time to scan the document and sending it. I believe he thought it was my duty to do this for him, and at one time I was tempted to give him a piece of my mind, and I had even typed three lines… but something in me told me not to send it, and so I canceled the mail… he may learn a lesson at least later in life, I am sure.

It is difficult not to be affected by this kind of rude and cold behavior of persons; and it is sure to be more painful when we have to rub shoulders with such persons each day. I had the opportunity to live such persons at close quarters, and luckily the persons were on the move most of the days, and my days were saved. Today I would like to pause for a while and think of these persons; there is hardly anything that I can do to make them prevent relating to me and others this way, but I can react to them in a manner different from others. So instead of getting affected by such rude and cold behavior, I would like to take their behavior with a pinch of salt, and even ignore them if required. After all, I should not empower them to spoil my day.

Lessons to Learn from Least

I found it hard to believe that Europeans could be so very insensitive, when they come to our country. Unlike we people here in India, who are so very informal, and would love to just walk in unannounced, the Europeans are known to appreciate formality, and yet when it comes to dealing with us, they take many things for granted, and that was one of the things which was annoying me, ever since this team of three Jesuits through a third person announced that they are coming to meet us. They would have booked their flight tickets some three months earlier, but they did not find time to inform us about their program.

I had a taste of how the Europeans behave in Europe, just a year ago, and after a stay for over a month I found, I might not survive if I were to stay in Europe. Life is so very artificial, and there are not much scope for one to be free to be what one wants to be in Europe, or at least that is the kind of feeling I got. You cannot walk into even your best friend's room or office without first making a prior appointment. That is how the society operates over there, and we would like to do things very differently here, and that is what makes all the difference to the people who visit us.

When people, even priests and nuns, visit us from either the United States or the Europe, often they exhibit a sense of superiority over us, our culture, language, though they cannot afford to do it openly and directly. Money power is their major strength, and sometimes they make attempts to purchase our value and cultural system with monetary and charitable help. They also show a sense of condescending over our culture and our people. While they appreciate our culture and rich traditions, they would hesitate to eat what we eat, drink what we drink, an obvious indication of keeping themselves apart.

We are born and brought up in a mortley of cultures and we know how to mingle with people of different cultures, religions and ethnicities. We have no problem to dialogue with people of other languages and cultures; even when we do not know the language of a particular group of people, and yet we know how to communicate. We know how to esteem people, and relate to them on equal footing, without showing any sign of inferiority or superiority, and the Europe and the US have a lot to learn from us, and it might take several centuries for them to first of all acknowledge they have something to learn from the developing nations.

I wish all the people who visit India, especially from the Europe and the US, learn from us the art of hospitality. Atito devobhava - guests are like gods, that is what the Holy Scriptures of our land says, and we mean it, as opposed to the cold, calculated and indifferent attitude of the Europe. We know the art of making homes as opposed to the developed nations, who only know how to make buildings. That is another thing that they can learn from us. In fact, if we start listing all the things they can and need to learn from us, we can fill a library with the lists! This is not an exaggeration, but a notion which only those who have known India can vouch for!

Letting Barking Dogs Bark

Often in life, it is easier to retrieve from the battle-front than to stand in the thick of fight and be overpowered. It is psychologically simpler to run away when the battle grows thick, and there are still chances of saving one's life, even if that means acknowledging one's cowardice and shame, than to face the deadly weapons scathing through one's body, while the soul remains unmoved. We are of course, not talking about battlefronts or brave warriors or consequences of losing one's battle. This is merely an allusion, which we all go through each day, and have a lot to teach us.

My friend is convinced that there is no point in fighting with other companions who were after her to put down, and show their superiority complex in all respects. So, when the others try to shout at her, she makes it a point to keep quiet and mind her own work. This has not stopped the problem, but had only aggravated it. If there are people who grumble that she was spending too much time in the computer room with internet, she would decide not to step into that room, lest they get another chance to talk about her. But the problem has not stopped there either.

In a battle front, one cannot be careless; every move should be calculated; but if one is too preoccupied by the moves and refuses to swing the sword to prevent the enemy coming past one, there may be nothing left to calculate. The iron has to be hit when it is still redhot, or else it is difficult to shape it. Avoidance may be one way of handling problems related to persons who are or think they are superior to others, but sure that does not solve the problems. Confrontation (care-frontation) is another way of doing it, though this may not work with people who do not bother to take one seriously.

We can learn a good lesson from stray dogs. These street dogs have a way of finding out who is brave and who is coward. There are persons who as soon as they hear a dog bark, start running away, and the dogs know that they are frightened and so have fun in chasing them. If someone were to stand and stare at the barking dogs, they would invariably soften their barking, and after a while even stop trying to frighten them. This is a reality, and if we try to run away from problems, the problems may start chasing us, until we are fully down; if we stand erect and face them, then we may realize there was no problem at all!

There is also another way of handling these people who are after our blood. To let them bark as much as they want. They cannot bark endlessly; when they find that no one is taking them seriously, they may grow tired and ultimately stop barking. Let people say whatever they want; I will continue to do what I am convinced is the right thing to do. I should be prepared to be challenged, and even face the brickbats; ultimately what matters is if I am ready to stand by what I am convinced of, even if that means giving ears to endless barking. But the barking will one day stop, and I then can breathe easy!

Calling convictions to account

I don't really know what had gone wrong with me that there had been a tenor of anger in me for the past few days; I seemed to get angry with anyone for no specific reason. It is not that I was not aware of what had been going on within me for the past few days, but it is not all that easy to put my finger into the exact reason. It is true there had been some of my very close friends who seemed to be rubbing me at the wrong side; the very people whom I thought would stand by me when I am down, turned out to be part of my problem. Just as I raised my voice when we spoke, they wondered what made me to behave in an unusual way (when have I behaved in an usual way? they sometimes ask me)!

One thing for sure, I cannot go on like this for long; I may have to either stop behaving this way, or I may find myself in an asylum (I should be lucky not be chained!). My problem (when no one is there to own up this problem, it is proper that I own this up), if I can recollect well, has its origin when I began to question the convictions of one of my friends. Probably I was trying to touch the very nerve center of my friend, and therefore there was an explosion; it is possible that the explosion did not take place externally, but I felt it deep within me, and I was not prepared for it.

Convictions are the most precious thing I treasure deep within my heart, and very seldom would I dare to compromise with them, for whatever reason, though in the recent years I have become a bit more sober and compromising with them. But still, I feel that the convictions which I had been grooming all these years are my riches, and it is painful when someone questions me about them. But that is precisely what I was placing my fingers, when I questioned my friend about one of her convictions. Maybe I could not accept her conviction as one which I can easily agree to, and so I had to draw myself from the entire scene. That is where it all began.

I tried to show the anger I had on her to others, and at the end of the day, I felt that I had not spared anyone, and many of them were quite innocent. When I do not expect anyone to question my convictions, I found it hard to do the same with others. Is it a sign of my superiority feeling or that I cannot accept others too having convictions, grown out of life's sweet and sour moments. Over the years I have also learned good many lessons, which made me reconsider some of the convictions, which I could not give up under any circumstances. Ultimately, I realize, what is more important is not that I hold the convictions as the Gospel truth, but that I have become a truly human person!

It is hard for me to accept the kind of conviction she holds on to, and I am not going to give it up for my sake either; but one thing is for sure, I am not going to question it. It is the fruit of her life's experiences and it is for her to question them, and it is not my business to do that. I will have to grow in the humility which may remind me that I cannot make others to dance according to my tunes. I may not have the guts to acknowledge what has happened to me actually, but one thing for sure, next time when I hear someone expressing his/her conviction, I will think twice before questioning or refuting them!