Seeds of Sensitivity

Insensitivity to the needs of our dear ones is ingrained into the human psyche; we are not talking about insensitivity to the animal and plant kingdoms, but to the clan of our own. Perhaps this is the one and only quality that is needed of the present generation to make life on earth more joyful and happy, and perhaps this is one of the toughest of all challenges this generation has to face. If only we are more sensitive to things and persons around us, then there would be better peace and harmony in our families; if we have sensitivity between the members of the family, each family can boast of an ideal family. But reality is far from this kind of situation, and that is what is ailing our age.

Like everyone else around me, I am no exception to exhibiting insensitivity towards others, especially those who are in any way less fortunate or less qualified or lower than me in social-religious status, and it does not hurt me at all to be cold and indifferent towards them. I often feel justified in being insensitive towards them, and feel they all deserve it from me. Often my relationship with them determines how sensitive or insensitive I am to them. To the people I am bonded, I tend to be alert and extremely sensitive to their needs and necessities, but to those who do not much matter to me, I am indifferent and insensitive.

I have seen that sensitivity towards other persons and to animals and plants is a matter of attitude, not merely conditioned by my personal rapport with them. For instance, if I know that certain group of people are noble and worthy of honor in my sight, then I would tend to go out of my way to make them comfortable and provide them all their needs. Let me illustrate this with an example. Often priests and religious go to attend celebrations which most often end with a festive dinner. While the priests and religious enjoy a hearty meal, their vehicle drivers may be left to starve outside the dining halls. How many of the priests and religious would remember to call them inside and provide them the same meal they take part in? I have noticed that fortunately this part of the world the priests and religious do remember to do this, partly because the drivers are part of their household, their family.

There is one little way how this sense of sensitivity towards others could be cultivated by all, and it is not so difficult to do. If only I look at every person around me as an extension of my own self, then much of the problem of insensitivity would be nibbed already at the bud. This would mean that I should dissociate the persons from all the categories the world had imposed on them, such as social, economic and religious class this person belongs to, the nationality, color, caste and influence he/she enjoys, and this would require certain mental exercise. Once this is done, then it is not difficult to look at the person with new eyes, and I would not need to be excessively alert to be sensitive to his or her needs. I would be automatically impelled to be sensitive to his/her needs.

I have been so appreciative of certain friends of mine, who are so sensitive to the needs of others that they would not bother about their own personal needs and necessities. There is another important virtue they hold, presence of mind. They are often trouble-shooters, and their sensitivity to persons and situations make them so adept to hand tough situations boldly and courageously that they are often in great demand. I feel sensitivity is a divine virtue, and while it is fifty per cent God given, the other fifty per cent needs to be cultivated and nurtured. The people who are sensitive in a society make a lot of difference, and thanks to them we can boast most of our demands are easily met.

Calling convictions to account

I don't really know what had gone wrong with me that there had been a tenor of anger in me for the past few days; I seemed to get angry with anyone for no specific reason. It is not that I was not aware of what had been going on within me for the past few days, but it is not all that easy to put my finger into the exact reason. It is true there had been some of my very close friends who seemed to be rubbing me at the wrong side; the very people whom I thought would stand by me when I am down, turned out to be part of my problem. Just as I raised my voice when we spoke, they wondered what made me to behave in an unusual way (when have I behaved in an usual way? they sometimes ask me)!

One thing for sure, I cannot go on like this for long; I may have to either stop behaving this way, or I may find myself in an asylum (I should be lucky not be chained!). My problem (when no one is there to own up this problem, it is proper that I own this up), if I can recollect well, has its origin when I began to question the convictions of one of my friends. Probably I was trying to touch the very nerve center of my friend, and therefore there was an explosion; it is possible that the explosion did not take place externally, but I felt it deep within me, and I was not prepared for it.

Convictions are the most precious thing I treasure deep within my heart, and very seldom would I dare to compromise with them, for whatever reason, though in the recent years I have become a bit more sober and compromising with them. But still, I feel that the convictions which I had been grooming all these years are my riches, and it is painful when someone questions me about them. But that is precisely what I was placing my fingers, when I questioned my friend about one of her convictions. Maybe I could not accept her conviction as one which I can easily agree to, and so I had to draw myself from the entire scene. That is where it all began.

I tried to show the anger I had on her to others, and at the end of the day, I felt that I had not spared anyone, and many of them were quite innocent. When I do not expect anyone to question my convictions, I found it hard to do the same with others. Is it a sign of my superiority feeling or that I cannot accept others too having convictions, grown out of life's sweet and sour moments. Over the years I have also learned good many lessons, which made me reconsider some of the convictions, which I could not give up under any circumstances. Ultimately, I realize, what is more important is not that I hold the convictions as the Gospel truth, but that I have become a truly human person!

It is hard for me to accept the kind of conviction she holds on to, and I am not going to give it up for my sake either; but one thing is for sure, I am not going to question it. It is the fruit of her life's experiences and it is for her to question them, and it is not my business to do that. I will have to grow in the humility which may remind me that I cannot make others to dance according to my tunes. I may not have the guts to acknowledge what has happened to me actually, but one thing for sure, next time when I hear someone expressing his/her conviction, I will think twice before questioning or refuting them!

Ringing the Sensitivity Bell...

Sensitivity to one another is a quality that can be applied only to human persons; to my knowledge, there is no animal or plant which shows a quality of sensitivity to their kith and kin. We are able to measure the atmospheric pressure, the movement of the planets, the stirrings of the ocean waves and their currents and predict what is to happen. Weather forecast has become withered forecast, with most of the predictions not coming true. You might expect a heavy shower when the Metereological office predicts shine, and you might expect a dry weather, when the Met forecast rain. But there is some truth in what the forecasts project.

I wish we have discovered a machine which would read the mind of other persons, and give signals to our mind to respond accordingly. For instance, if my mind forecasts that my neighbor is angry, then I would know I should not add fuel to the fire. In fact, our bodies give enough and more signals to others about the mental, physical and psychological state we are in, but there are not too many people who are capable of reading these signs and respond accordingly. If only we have mastered the art of reading the signs of our bodies, both mine and others, then half the problems, misunderstanding and conflicts can be avoided.

Sensitivity basically relates to the situation when I read what the other person is going through, and responding in such a way that there is no barrier in communication. This is possible only with human persons, because to observe, evaluate and make a judgement on the basis of the observation and evaluation is not something that is possible with other animals and plants. Lack of sensitivity is an everyday reality with most of us, especially when we live in a community or a family. Women are proverbially known for their sensitivity, responding to the situations appropriately. But can men be left far behind?

We may hurt the very people we may love so dearly, but being blind to their situation, both known and unknown, may pain the person only more and more. We may often hear our dear one's sigh: but how could you be so insensitive? Insensitivity indirectly implies that I do not or cannot give my whole hearted attention to the person I am attending to. My mind may be distracted, or my attention divided, or I may be preoccupied with a hundred and one things. No wonder then we are less sensitive towards the people we care less, and are often overly sensitive towards the people who matter.

Having known the past history of a friend, I should have been careful not to poke into the wounds of the past; but when I do it, both consciously and unconsciously, the person does not protest, and it had taken me quite a while to realize that I was touching a sensitive nerve of the person. If this situation were to continue, there may come a time, when that person would only try to avoid being open and transparent with me, and even reduce being in touch with me, for fear that I might inadvertently poke into the past wounds. It is possible for me to be open to the numerous verbal and non-verbal communication through which I am forewarned, and it is for me to be forearmed, so that I do not stab into old wounds!