Harvesting on Hurts

In the recent days, I have realized how easy it is to hurt someone I love and care for, and often I do it without even realizing what I am doing. These are not just passing moments in the daily chores of a person, but moments which make a deep wound in the hearts of the people concerned, wounds which may take days and months to heal, and in some cases they may be carried on for years. One question which faces me squarely today is this : why can’t I stop hurting the very people I love so much? What is the need for me to keep hurting the very people time and again, and what pleasure do I get by hurting others, especially my dear ones?

It is hard for me to recognize the pain which many of my close friends go through when I hurt them deeply, and luckily very few bounce back to charge me for spoiling their peace of mind. Many of them let the hurt take its own time to heal, and wait patiently till then, in order to relate to me as they used to before I hurt them. I also realize that I don’t hurt anyone deliberately with the intention of wounding them, but probably there is somewhere in a corner of my heart, there is an unresolved hurt feeling, caused by whomever it may be, and I only try to give vent to this quite unconsciously, and without realizing the consequences it may create.

If I look at each day, there are very few days when I had not hurt anyone, and it would be quite revealing to me if I were to keep a notebook to jot down the different persons I had hurt each day, and look at it at the end of each week. This can help me to see the picture in toto. I may also need to do its counterpart: enlist all the persons who had hurt me each day, and to take a good look at the list at the end of the week. If I were to put both these lists side by side, there might be something very revealing to me; often I hurt the very people who unconsciously had hurt me, in the spirit of tit for tat. If this spirit continues, it is sure to create uneasy feelings among friends.

Just like every sound that has been produced and let out in the ‘air’ is never lost, but hovers in the universe, and if our technology improves, we may be able to retrieve the sound back, even after several years, so also every hurt feeling that we exchange is never lost, but is in the two or more persons concerned, and it may revive the old wounds even after several years. Proper conducive atmosphere where these wounds can heal, and a proper attitude in the hearts of all concerned, can make a difference in the lives of the people, in order to reap the maximum harvest out of these growth promoting experiences. But there are many who are just frightened of facing any such situation, and they would only love to avoid them, if they can. In such people, there might be very little chance for facing the challenges of life.

I know it is impossible for me to undo the effects of hurting others by saying ‘sorry’, even if it comes from the heart of the person who hurt me, and the same is also true with me when I hurt another person. I feel sad to realize that sometimes I begin to poke into the past wounds again and again making my friends and dear ones go through untold pain and suffering. Though I would like to say sorry to them all, deep down I know that my asking pardon is useless, unless I resolve not to indulge in such cruel and harsh treatments. As a human person I can only try my best in order to take up the challenge, but I would be quite powerless before an inner demon which is activating me to do such things which I do not wish for myself. If only I can identify this demon and do something about it, I would be a better person relating to people with genuine human concern all of us are endowed with.

Ringing the Sensitivity Bell...

Sensitivity to one another is a quality that can be applied only to human persons; to my knowledge, there is no animal or plant which shows a quality of sensitivity to their kith and kin. We are able to measure the atmospheric pressure, the movement of the planets, the stirrings of the ocean waves and their currents and predict what is to happen. Weather forecast has become withered forecast, with most of the predictions not coming true. You might expect a heavy shower when the Metereological office predicts shine, and you might expect a dry weather, when the Met forecast rain. But there is some truth in what the forecasts project.

I wish we have discovered a machine which would read the mind of other persons, and give signals to our mind to respond accordingly. For instance, if my mind forecasts that my neighbor is angry, then I would know I should not add fuel to the fire. In fact, our bodies give enough and more signals to others about the mental, physical and psychological state we are in, but there are not too many people who are capable of reading these signs and respond accordingly. If only we have mastered the art of reading the signs of our bodies, both mine and others, then half the problems, misunderstanding and conflicts can be avoided.

Sensitivity basically relates to the situation when I read what the other person is going through, and responding in such a way that there is no barrier in communication. This is possible only with human persons, because to observe, evaluate and make a judgement on the basis of the observation and evaluation is not something that is possible with other animals and plants. Lack of sensitivity is an everyday reality with most of us, especially when we live in a community or a family. Women are proverbially known for their sensitivity, responding to the situations appropriately. But can men be left far behind?

We may hurt the very people we may love so dearly, but being blind to their situation, both known and unknown, may pain the person only more and more. We may often hear our dear one's sigh: but how could you be so insensitive? Insensitivity indirectly implies that I do not or cannot give my whole hearted attention to the person I am attending to. My mind may be distracted, or my attention divided, or I may be preoccupied with a hundred and one things. No wonder then we are less sensitive towards the people we care less, and are often overly sensitive towards the people who matter.

Having known the past history of a friend, I should have been careful not to poke into the wounds of the past; but when I do it, both consciously and unconsciously, the person does not protest, and it had taken me quite a while to realize that I was touching a sensitive nerve of the person. If this situation were to continue, there may come a time, when that person would only try to avoid being open and transparent with me, and even reduce being in touch with me, for fear that I might inadvertently poke into the past wounds. It is possible for me to be open to the numerous verbal and non-verbal communication through which I am forewarned, and it is for me to be forearmed, so that I do not stab into old wounds!

The Lingering Chorus (M6)

It is not easy, let me admit, to give a decent burial to some of the most painful memories that haunt me night and day; let me not project as if things are so easy that I can overcome the lingering memories at the snap of a finger. If that were the case, then several men and women need not have sought to end their lives at the nadir of their moral conscience. We might call them they were losers, cowards, and were too frightened of facing reality, but it would be injustice if we were to think of them so. To us they may look so, but would they have ever thought of themselves so? But today we could reflect for a while on why it takes so hard for us to really bid goodbye to some of the painful memories? What keeps us holding on to them, even when we know for sure that they do not help us to grow at all? We had presented two ways of addressing this problem is by embracing the shadows, and by letting the memories fade into oblivion by making them copyright to the whole world. Here we will explore yet another way of care-fronting these memories, which have become part of our selves, as if our second nature.

In psychology we would often associate each of our emotional states to particular trigger mechanism, and most often we are not aware of these triggers; they may be persons, events, and even nature, or surroundings, or senses. For instance, certain persons may trigger particular emotions in us, and as soon as we see the person, we may be transported into that emotional state, whether positive or negative. As soon as I see a person with red shirt, my blood may become warm, my heart beat may increase, because that person with red shirt reminds me of someone else, who had left a deep scar in my heart. If I am not aware of these triggers, I will have no way of controlling them, leave alone mastering over them. We may even misjudge people, for no fault of their own.

I have come across women who, after going through an acute experience of betrayal by men, refuse to even talk gently to other men, because of the notion that every men they met reminded them of those betrayers; for them all men are betrayers. Therefore it often happens that after being ‘ditched’ to use slang, by someone, these persons may not have the courage to start things anew, because all men may ultimately ditch them, or at least that is what they think. I have seen young women who refused to get married because they had drunkard fathers, and thought that all men may ultimately end up drunkards! We may think that these are baseless and unreasonable conclusions, but the fact is that they are not arriving at these conclusions willfully, but something in them prompts them to such baseless conclusion. If we begin to probe them, then they will realize that they had been unjustly biased and prejudiced.

The fact is that these people did not realize that they were reacting to the triggers, and not objective facts. So if we are able to discern the triggers, and find out what triggers me to what sort of conclusions, then I may be able to judge for myself if my conclusions are realistic or baseless. In fact these triggers are the keys that open the floodgates of my swinging moods. If I am able to point out to myself that all men who were red shirts remind me of the man who stabbed my heart, then the next time when I see a man with red shirts, I could tell my mind that ‘this’ is not ‘that’ man. And that realization may prevent the floodgates of emotions to burst out, and you may be in a much better position to handle the man. What happens here is a simple psychological role-play; you have accustomed your mind to thinking that every man with a red shirt should be the culprit, and so, when you see a man with red shirts, your mind reminds you that this man is that one, and that immediately takes you to the past memories drenched in pain and agony. You then try to retaliate for the wound created in you, by treating the man harshly and even cruelly for no fault of his! But it is within your power and control to reverse the role play.

Today let me pause for a while and recollect to mind the last time I was flooded with the memories of that one painful moment in my past, and go back in time and circumstances to re-capture what triggered the memories to rush into my mind. It may not be crystal clear as to what had actually triggered the memories, but it will be possible for me to identify it, if I rewind the memory-attack today in slow motion, noting down the exact moment when I burst out. I go a few frames behind and see the situation around me… it may be a person, or an object, or a situation or anything. Once I find it out, then I pay close attention to it, to verify that ‘this’ is not ‘that’ and confirm it for myself, so that I may re-program my mind to say that not every person who wear red shirts is the one who betrayed me. Let me do this for a few days, until I am sure what are the triggers, which drown me into emotions and sentiments that put me down. If I am aware of them, then there is nothing I need to do, because my mind will re-program and lo and behold, I am on the way to free myself from my painful memories!

Letter to a Wounded Soul

I am aware that a letter is not the most soothing balm to a wounded soul, but I stand here before you on behalf of the whole universe, to tell you that the wound that you bear in your heart today is carved on our bones, and no one in the whole world will ever be spared from the sin of the fallen humanity; and I too am a victim and victimized, just as you are, and I would not try to shed my futile tears to express how I vibrate with your soul. I wonder why the earth did not protest against such a violation of life, when you were subjected to such an ordeal; I wonder why the heavens did not roar to stop the ferocious lion leaping onto an innocent lamb; I wonder why the birds of the air did not protest this gross injustice done to a voiceless child! I stand here to condemn the entire creation, which had let your little heart be pierced so violently that you cannot hide your wounds. I am here to condemn the God you believe in so religiously for not taking your side, and bring justice! Oh no, here I am at last to condemn myself for not opening my mouth in protest.

I can see the wry smile on your dry lips, and you had not believed in anyone speaking on your behalf, not even the very people you thought your own. How could you ever doubt that the enemy could be from within your fold and not from out? You had taken for granted that the people whom you thought would be your guardians had turned against you, and yet like a lamb you spoke not! I am here to condemn you too, not because you silently bore the scars, and did not utter a word against the sward piercing through your heart, not because you did not even open the matter to the parents who callously left you to the stars, not because you dared not jeopardize your future by claiming justice for what had been done to you; but I am here to condemn you for not condemning the world, and teach her a lesson. But you had known how to punish this world – by bearing courageously the scars that bear witness to the world that so long the scars remain on your body, the world cannot be absolved from her heinous crime.

The anger and the vengeance that you bear in your heart is enough to explode the Himalayas, and throw the endless Ganges into her depths; the earth that had given shape to your body is a mute witness to all that had happened to you, and the sky and the naked walls, and the cold earth are witness to what the earth has gifted to you! But were you in your ripe age to receive such a gift? You carry even today the scars of the crimes of humanity in you, like the blood stains of Lady Macbeth, it cannot be washed away, the scars you bear in your body will haunt humanity till there is breath in you. But there is no reason for you to suffer any more, today I have come to reverse the annals of history; I would like to rewrite the pages of the past, so that there will not be a little soul carrying the indelible scars of the crimes of humanity. I may not succeed in removing the scars from your body, but I may succeed in revealing to the world that what has happened to a little soul in a remote corner of the world has the potentiality to bring down fire from heaven and burn the whole universe.

Alas, the world has not changed much even after so many years, and do you think that the one who pierced your heart so willfully will one day return to you with folded hands, and fall on his knees and confess in public that he was not worthy of your forgiveness? No, what has happened to you has made history, but not what they make; it is a routine exercise for some, to pierce the hearts of others, and do it till there is energy in their bones. No water from the holy Ganges can every absolve the world from the crime, and today we have come to pay our humble homage to the scars that still remind us what we had done to you. I wish to bend my head with reverence and kiss the spot that still bears the scars, and shed tears till there is none, so that you may be free from the scars, and return to the fullness of joy and happiness that the universe may offer to you.

Forgiveness is a silly word, and you can only laugh at the people who may recommend it as an easy solution to hard problems. I know even the people who preach the notion of forgive and forget know not that life is not a night of drunken revelry that you would not remember what happened a night after; that would be the last thing that I would ever propose. But I have something else to offer to you. Break my heart with a blow of a sword and break me into pieces, so that the blood flowing from my flesh may wash away the ugly scars that cover your skin; I am no hero to venture into an heroic act of laying my life for humanity; I am no saint to offer my life in vain for no cause, but I would like to do this as a humble expression of what I owe to this universe. If even one soul on earth has been blind to you, it is a disgrace to the very universe. I would like to kneel before your presence and behold your scars in my bloody hands and tell the world, spare this child! Let my words reach the ends of the earth, and return to you, so that you know you have become a healer par excellence, with a power that can heal the broken, wounded universe!