Nurturing the Neighbor (Lent 3)

Lent is a beautiful occasion for us to ask ourselves, who is my neighbor! Actually the question that is often on the tip of our lips is nothing new; there are thousands of seekers ahead of us, who have asked the same question, and some 2000 years ago, Jesus had already answered this question with a story, the parable of the Good Samaritan! Here in this story we shall find the elements of the previous two notions, of listening to one’s inner spirit, expressing unconditional empathy, and it leads to yet another level of making the other person as an extension of oneself. The good Samaritan does not see a stranger on the road, but a reflection of himself, part of his own Being. He could not help but reach out to him with spontaneous willingness to suffer.

If there is so much of division, conflict, violence and bloodshed in the world, the most important reason why these things happen is because we have not known who is the other! We are used to looking at the other as someone outside of me! Martin Buber made popular the notion of ‘we’ and ‘they’ and we have cleverly managed to look at ourselves as different from the others. Linguistic groups, religious sects, ethnic communities, thrive because they convince the masses that “we” are different from “they”, and that they cannot sacrifice their group identity at the expense of the other, and that would only lead to their suicide, so they are brainwashed, and the result is conflict, violence and bloodshed.

The Vedas had taught us to look at us as ‘aham brahmasmi’ (I am Brahman), and if I am Brahman, then what about the other? Of course everyone is Brahman; the Greeks had proposed the theory of ‘demigods’, that everyone is an extension of God, or part of Godhead. If I see God in the other person, would I dare to cheat him, look at her with lustful eyes, attempt to rob the little he has, shed his blood in order to rob the house? The very moment I look at myself as God, and so are others, then the entire outlook changes, and I cannot do most of the things that I often take it for granted. And that is where the final judgment scene of Matthew 25 makes sense.

What do I think about my neighbor, especially those with whom I do not feel at ease, people who do not entertain my views and ideas, people who think very different from mine, people who often outshine me in several fields? Until I get out of my own self, I would not be entering into the spirit of Lent, which necessarily invites me to get out of my self, in order to enter into another self, the Self of the other. The world unfortunately, has taught us to love our own self, shower the greatest encomium to our own self and its image, forgetting the other persons are but extensions of my own image and likeness, which again is the image and likeness of God himself.

But is it possible for me to look at the other person, especially my rivals and enemies as extension of my own self? It is, and the season of lent may be a good occasion for us to practice this : all that I should do is to look at the other person as a looking mirror; that is all I need to do! Now when I look at another person (and if he is a looking mirror), what would I see? Of course, the image of my own self, and if that is the case, would I dare to harm him or her? Would I dare to rob his/her possessions? Here I would go beyond all narrow categories the world has created for me, the linguistic, regional, religious, cultural, ethnic, everything will come to a naught as soon as I place a looking mirror. Let us carry this mirror wherever we go, and we can be sure, we are safe, and others are also safe with us!

Pat on the Back

While discussing with friends about one of my very senior friends (a 75 year old nun, who became very affectionate towards me over the past year), one of the common comments I hear is that she was in need of a pat on her back every now and then. She needed exclusive care from the other nuns, who lived with her; she would be delighted if the Superior of the house were to visit her a couple of times during the day and enquired about her health. She felt sick when the other sisters did not seem to take special note of her! That is the reason why, when I visited her during my monthly visits to the Sisters, she was more than joyous, to get the much needed attention, and she was very different during the few hours I spent with the sisters.

But she is not the only one we can blame for seeking this kind of exclusive attention of the dear ones. As we grow old, we in fact return to our childhood days, and we behave exactly like children do. It is a proven fact that children look forward to the exclusive care and attention of their parents, or relatives or even siblings. When they do not get it, then they do all pranks to get the much needed attention. All of us go through this stage at sometime or other! Sometimes when this psychological need becomes compulsive that we feel life so meaningless and dry without the attention of others, then every hour may turn out to be a hell.

Today while talking to a neighborhood bishop, I heard a similar story about a middle-aged priest, who began to find a hundred and one mistakes to blame the bishop, until he was given an office which is respectable, and now he is more than normal; he does not find fault with the bishop anymore and has even begun to find some good things to appreciate the bishop for. But once these people become addicted to the pat on the back, they may not do anything, until they get the pat! It is an addiction, just like addiction to smoking, or alcohol, or any kind of compulsive behavior. One may do this even without being conscious of it.

Many of us stop growing, when we are halted by such things as this compulsive behavior to get recognition from those who matter in our circles. This happens largely because we have not adequately recognized ourselves, what we are, what we are capable of, what we have achieved through sheer personal charisma. If I look for recognition from outside, that only implies that I had not boosted my self-image and worth, by asserting my strengths. When I feel the need to get recognition from others, I may as well ask, what has stopped me from giving a pat on my back, all by myself?

It maybe time that I begin to look for recognition from outsiders, but start giving a pat by myself. All that you need to do is to put both the hands across the shoulder and gently pat the shoulder. Use any sweet sounding words to accompany this action.Those who are tied down by recognition from others, may stop living, when others begin to show their attention to someone else, or something else. When I recognize myself, I begin to recognize the Inner Self which is dwelling deep within me, and that is my God, that is my true Being, that is Brahman, that is the Spirit! When I recognize myself, I recognize God, and the world then may look so very different in my eyes!