Singing with the Spirit

It was so very wonderful to hear about one of my friends share her experiences, while attending a workshop for her sisters on planning for the early formation in their congregation. She shared with me on how different persons had to make adjustments in order to bring the discussions to fruition. Each person had something to share, and she had a greater share to contribute, thanks to her far-sightedness and down-to-earth experiences with girls at early stages of formation. The coaxing and prodding of one of her friends to go deeper, had also helped her to think differently, positively and innovatively, which had added color to their discussions.

I believe every one of us has got something to contribute to common meetings and deliberations, but often we come across persons who may not dare to open their mouths, and it may be quite annoying for the organizers to find such persons in big number. There may also be persons who feel shy to speak out what they feel deep within, and therefore keep their insights locked up within their selves. There are others who feel that their viewpoint would be quite sub-standard in comparison with others, and so would not dare to speak out in public meetings and discussions.

I feel that if a person is not able to speak out in meetings or deliberations and contribute his/her view points, that person is not being faithful to the Spirit which moves him/her. No one can say that he/she has got nothing to say about any point whatsoever. It may be possible for a person that it is not easy to grasp the content being discussed, but in that case one can at least say that he/she finds it hard to grasp the content. But keeping mum can only mean that one is closing one's heart to the promptings of the Spirit.

We also come across persons who know how to divert the discussions to the areas they are comfortable with, and thus hijack the entire discussion. It is my practice not to speak more than what I should, even when I know I have more important things to contribute, unless I am specially invited to voice my opinion. There is a tendency in some to parade their knowledge and erudition by intervening too many times during meetings and deliberations, much to the annoyance of everyone else. I need to know how much I should contribute, and should not think that I am the only person to contribute towards the fruition of the discussions.

The people who are overly smart and over confident may be tempted to divert the discussions to areas which are different from the one primarily aimed at, and it would do good if these persons sometimes deliberately keep quiet, and let the spirit move other members of the group. Thus it is not necessary for me to talk, every time I feel inspired; the Spirit too may require some moments of quietness and silence. This would also give me time to realize that I should not hijack even the Spirit, or speak in the name of the Spirit. The Spirit can move anyone in the group to bring home vital points for discussion, and we have no right to tamper with the movements of the Spirit.

Date with Fate

One of the very senior sisters asked for my prayers for her younger brother who is fighting a fierce battle with cancer; the doctors have given him three months, and then he would be no more. There is no medicine which can really give him relief, and so he is counting his days. Just imagine a man counting the 90 days the doctors have given him. Given that he had remained single whole of his life, now entering into 75th year, what would be the kind of feelings he might be going through. I feel frightened to imagine such a situation; what can you do with the 90 days left on earth, and what is it that you would carry with you when the clock strikes at your last breath parts?

I was told that this gentleman told his 12 years senior sister that he was not afraid of facing death; he would be happy to be united with Jesus, his Lord! I shudder even as I imagine the man uttering these words rather joyously and courageously. Sometimes we have no other explanation in life than to resort to spiritualization of the fate we are pushed to. If we are pawns in the hands of gods, what is it that we can really do, than to resign to what they would wish for us? The situation might be quite different if he had had a family to care for; he would not have been left alone in the hospital ward, with friends occasionally dropping by, but this is a different kind of end than the one we are used to.

Science and technology have improved to such an extent that physicians are able to diagnose most of the ailments, though they may have to get a dozen blood tests to be done, and provide appropriate remedy, so that the doors to death are kept locked for many more years to come. But still there are certain doors which humanity is unable to keep locked for too long; they do not have much control over death, coming through the back door. Cancer and heart attacks are the two modern agents of death, and if cancer kills a person slowly and steadily, heart attack kills the person soon, if not diagnosed immediately. We lost our brother-in-law on the spot; we could never think the end would come so soon.

Sometimes I do this exercise : imagine that when I get up the next morning, I am no more; in such a situation, how should I handle myself. Sometimes while doing this exercise, I automatically arrange my table neatly, keep my room a little neat and tidy, and put a little order in the room, so that if I die, I do not leave a mess behind. But I need to do this exercise more often in order to complete the unfinished works soon, constantly make effort to put an order in my room, especially in keeping the things in their respective places, completing the unfinished tasks, so that the person who may look for things may not curse me then!

But deep within I feel so terrible for this man! How can life be so cruel to him? 90 days may pass by so fast, and one fine morning the physicians may tell him his final hour has come. I secretly hope that the word of the doctors does not come true; if only this man has got desire to live and not die, then probably no ailments and cancer can really take away his life. I have seen a few religious Sisters fighting with cancer joyously, even after the doctors had given them the number of years and months they may live; but they have disproved medical science, because their zest for life is so strong that death cannot approach them. The beauty of these people is that they have managed to defeat death, and that is the reason why these people are so very joyous and enthusiastic.

Dance of the Peacock

Sometimes it is difficult to say the truth, especially when we know that the truth is sure to prick the conscience of the listener. There are many whose conscience are made of thick skin, and so they may not mind whatever people tell about them, and we shall leave them in peace and would not venture to disturb them for a while. We do not say that people of this sort can be left scot free, just because they are stiff-necked people who would not listen to any one, even if God the Father were to appear before them and ask them to change. We have to find some way of letting them know that they cannot decide for the whole world; at least once in a while, they have to be human.

Today is the golden jubilee of a few nuns, and I had been invited to attend the celebrations, which is comprised of the Eucharist presided over by the archbishop, felicitation to the jubilarians, a dance drama of Tagore and festive dinner. I could make out that it would take at least five hours to complete these programs, and I did not want to waste my time sitting there doing nothing. It is not that going to attend the program would be useless, but I thought if it would be worthwhile. It would have been an occasion for me to meet some of my friends, and I had known at least two of the jubilarians, who wanted me to attend the function. But one of the most important questions that I was asking myself is : should I go there to attend the function, just to please some?

Yesterday as I visited the place and told one of the friends there that I would not be going for today’s program, she told me I could not afford to miss the program. After a little while, one of the most famous jubilarian came to tell me that I should attend the celebrations, since I was partly involved with the preparations. When I told her that I would not, then she jokingly said they would not be able to forgive me if I miss the program and dinner, for which I retorted I would not require their forgiveness. Later on the hind sight, I thought I should not have been so blunt to the nun, but I found no other way of communicating to her what I hope to tell her one day.

I was told that some 600 to 700 persons would take part in the dinner today, and I was just imagining how much it would cost to feed all of them, and having known the way how these nuns host dinners, I am quite sure it would cost them a fortune. Theirs is a poor congregation with a very limited resources, and I was told that all the convents of the congregation would be required to contribute for the celebration. Some of the convents are too poor to contribute, and yet they would have no other option to dish out from their bare necessity for the dinner. I was asking myself if such a dinner should be organized at all?

Often such dinners and programs are organized to show off, and to exhibit to others how important they are. I would have readily agreed to join them for fifty golden years of service to God and people, if the celebration were organized in a small-scale with only some friends and acquintances. I know that my attending or not attending the celebrations is not going to change any of their programs; they all will go on as planned; but I would be able to share with them the real reasons for my not attending the program, if they wished to listen to me. I had seen the dance of peacocks, and do not require to see yet another one dancing!

Pat on the Back

While discussing with friends about one of my very senior friends (a 75 year old nun, who became very affectionate towards me over the past year), one of the common comments I hear is that she was in need of a pat on her back every now and then. She needed exclusive care from the other nuns, who lived with her; she would be delighted if the Superior of the house were to visit her a couple of times during the day and enquired about her health. She felt sick when the other sisters did not seem to take special note of her! That is the reason why, when I visited her during my monthly visits to the Sisters, she was more than joyous, to get the much needed attention, and she was very different during the few hours I spent with the sisters.

But she is not the only one we can blame for seeking this kind of exclusive attention of the dear ones. As we grow old, we in fact return to our childhood days, and we behave exactly like children do. It is a proven fact that children look forward to the exclusive care and attention of their parents, or relatives or even siblings. When they do not get it, then they do all pranks to get the much needed attention. All of us go through this stage at sometime or other! Sometimes when this psychological need becomes compulsive that we feel life so meaningless and dry without the attention of others, then every hour may turn out to be a hell.

Today while talking to a neighborhood bishop, I heard a similar story about a middle-aged priest, who began to find a hundred and one mistakes to blame the bishop, until he was given an office which is respectable, and now he is more than normal; he does not find fault with the bishop anymore and has even begun to find some good things to appreciate the bishop for. But once these people become addicted to the pat on the back, they may not do anything, until they get the pat! It is an addiction, just like addiction to smoking, or alcohol, or any kind of compulsive behavior. One may do this even without being conscious of it.

Many of us stop growing, when we are halted by such things as this compulsive behavior to get recognition from those who matter in our circles. This happens largely because we have not adequately recognized ourselves, what we are, what we are capable of, what we have achieved through sheer personal charisma. If I look for recognition from outside, that only implies that I had not boosted my self-image and worth, by asserting my strengths. When I feel the need to get recognition from others, I may as well ask, what has stopped me from giving a pat on my back, all by myself?

It maybe time that I begin to look for recognition from outsiders, but start giving a pat by myself. All that you need to do is to put both the hands across the shoulder and gently pat the shoulder. Use any sweet sounding words to accompany this action.Those who are tied down by recognition from others, may stop living, when others begin to show their attention to someone else, or something else. When I recognize myself, I begin to recognize the Inner Self which is dwelling deep within me, and that is my God, that is my true Being, that is Brahman, that is the Spirit! When I recognize myself, I recognize God, and the world then may look so very different in my eyes!

Of Human Bondage

In the recent years, I have realized that blood relations need not be the best relations for a person; I don’t know exactly how others would value and esteem blood-relations, but at least in my case they come only secondary to the so-called non-blood relations. It is possible when we are young, we feel the need to depend on our siblings for the fulfillment of our basic necessities, but as we grow in age and dependence, the fabric which keeps us together slowly gives way, and suddenly we may realize that we are not as closely knit with our siblings as we were years before.

Sometimes I feel that the bond of love and understanding that existed between we brothers and sister in the family is no more palpable; there is a feeling that things are falling apart, ever since the other siblings got married, began to set up their own families, manage their own affairs. It is natural that they begin to stand by themselves without depending too much on the other members of the family. But in the process, we could notice something was missing. We all are aware of it, but something is blocking us from really taking a good look at it.

Probably a man, who has not married, will not be able to realize the responsibilities levied on the part of the partners in a marital relationship. There are restrictions for them from all sides, from friends, neighbors, in-laws. If the attention of my brothers is turned towards their wives and children and not to my parents, or least of all to me, they are not to be blamed for it. Sometimes my parents grumble that the sons do not care for them, as they were doing before their marriage, and it may take them some years to realize that they are now on their own, and that has to be respected.

Human relations is an art, and not many people master it; there are some who are able to keep a healthy balance between their private life (together with their wives and children) and their wider family life. I understand the situation of handling human relations vary from place to place and culture to culture. Probably families are closely knit in the rural setup, because there is need for greater dependence on one another there than in a urban setup. Having grown up for some years in a joint family, I realize what we gained and what we lost.

Among several other things, what gives meaning to our human existence is the web of relations we weave day after day; while some links in the web get snapped, others are woven, sometimes even without our being conscious of them. And luckily the web of relations does not depend on the centre, which has given birth to the web. Wider this web, happier are we in life. There may be people who help us widen this net, and some others who wish to destroy this net. Possessiveness and excessive dependence in relationships try to curtail the widening of this web, and attempt to bring the web to a close, which can only sound the death-knell of human relations.