Art of Saying No Gracefully

I know many of us suffer from this weakness: unable to say no someone dear to us! We are pushed to resorting to pleasing others, at the extent of displeasing ourselves, all because we do not have the guts to call cards. One thing which is at the back of our mind, when we force ourselves to oblige is the fear of losing the goodwill that we enjoy with these people. At the other side of the spectrum is the consciousness of our own reputation: what will s/he think if I do not oblige? Ultimately we end up pleasing others, while deep within displeasing ourselves, which may in the long run become a compulsive syndrome difficult to placate.

We need to master the difficult art of saying no gracefully! Here the words art and gracefully are significant. Since it is an art, it needs to be cultivated; we are not born with the rudiments of this art, but we need to learn through the hard way. Saying ‘no’ rudely or indifferently will have its severe consequences, and therefore we should employ the best of our smile, choicest gentle and polite words, and harken the best tonal quality to convey this stern no! It is on how we say this no, which will determine if it will have dire consequences, or happy conclusions to one of the problems which had been pricking our conscience for long.

When it comes to inter personal relationships, we are all too frightened about others; we do not wish to challenge others, because we feel that if we do, others may forsake us, and we will be left without friends. Therefore we would go all the way to compromise! And if our friends can make out that we have begun to compromise, they are sure to make use of it for their own advantage, and we may be left to drown ourselves in misery and fear. But the fact is not all the people who receive a gentle ‘no’ will feel offended; they may even feel happy that we had the courage to say no so gracefully. In this case, instead of the relationship remaining status quo, it may grow into a healthy relationship.

But we cannot over rule the consequences, if for some reason or other our gracefulness does not make the magic! A person or two may be offended and may even burst out in public, and this is part of the deal, in being authentic to ourselves. Which one would we prefer: trying to please others even while going against our wish, or to please ourselves without displeasing others. The dire consequences, if there be any, may not last long, and people may come back to us, when they realize that we were not in a position to entertain their request at the time they required. But that may take some time, and we may have to practice patience till then.

There are very few people who have really mastered this difficult art, and I have come across people who would refuse a favour so sweetly that I would not mind that at all, and again when I need something to be done by them, I would not hesitate to approach them. We all need to practice this art, because it would come to our aid at any time, especially when we are to work under a senior person, who would demand things which we may not be in a position to fulfil. We will be able to find and retain more friends by mastering this art, if only we know how to do it. There is no short cut to learning this art; we may have to start practising smiling sweetly; maybe a mirror may help us to accomplish. The second thing that can help is a set of sweet words. That will do to start mastering this art of saying no gracefully.

Guts to Call Cards

Not many persons have the guts and courage that some women have and constantly exhibit in a world where fear and inhibition are considered virtues. When I heard how this mother dared to shame the 40 plus aged man who tried to misbehave with her daughter in the bus - rubbing his body shamelessly on the young girl of about 14, I felt that this is the kind of woman that the world needs today, to tackle the many men who still think that they can take for granted that women are weak and would tolerate any kind of non-sense, without registering their protest. But the time has come for such men to reconsider their age-old concepts and judgments.

I would be happy even if there is one such woman in a hundred who would dare to blast the bastion of men, and challenge them at all cost. I remember many of my friends telling me, But why make such a fuss with the men who are not going to change their ways of behavior even if I protest! That is precisely what many a men take for granted, that women would not bother to challenge them, because ultimately they are going to be losers, whatever be the context and verdict. This woman however today teaches the world that the courage to be is part of any woman in the world, and if they hide this courage, they are not fully themselves!

According to the worldly standards today, the women and men who show extreme courage and guts, especially in favor of someone dear to them, are the easiest targets of the people who wish to take the whole world for a royal ride, and it is not seldom that these people become casualties too soon. The world is too frightened of the people with guts and great courage, and it cannot tolerate them, because such people can defy not only the material world, but also any moral and spiritual world. However the irony is because of these people that the world is still sane.

With guts and courage, what one requires to have in life is the moral stand to face all consequences, most of them going against them and the values they had been upholding; life would not be a bed of roses for these people, but if they want to have a quiet, calm life, then it would be better for them to hide their true selves and flow with the world. Unfortunately the world does not have too many whistle-blowers in our society, for these people cannot blow the whistle until there is some kind of security for their very existence.

It is sad that neither the society, nor nature is there to protect and safeguard the people who have the guts and courage to face all odds, questioning those which go against natural and social law, thus giving vent to their yearning to be fully human fully alive. As I salute this lady who had shown such guts to protect the honor of her girl, I only wish that every woman in society emulate the example of her, and show to the world of men that women cannot be considered just an object of pleasure, but that they too have a rightful place in society, which the men are bound to respect and honor!