Beyond the Horizons

There is something common between Ivan and I: both of us were reporters for a Catholic news agency for a while, and both of us had tried our hands in writing, though Ivan thought it was his "special calling", and I considered it as my "first love". Not that we liked factual reporting, but liked creative writing, where we could synthesize the knowledge we have garnered and reprocess them on the basis of our experiences, and re-present them in a palatable way to the masses. I was struggling more than Ivan, given the background from which I climbed up the ladder, and I was not envious of the youngster too!

Today meeting Ivan after some years, was a pleasure; we had spent several hours discussing about our lives in a religious congregation, which bade farewell to Ivan about ten years ago, and he continued to pursue his career with a news agency in Bangkok. As he poured out his pains and agonies in working with people of different nationalities, the way how they treated him because of his 'not-so-fair complexion' paying him just one third of the salary they paid for the house rent of an office companion, I felt sad for him, but I had not much words of comfort and consolation. It is his life and he has chosen it voluntarily, and would find a way to get through!

But what was more important for me to recall was the way how he got back to settle his personal scores with life; he had gone through unexpected alleys and valleys before he could find the plains, and as he stood at the endless vast canvass of life, he found an unseen Power leading him through. Life had taught him great lessons, and he would be ever grateful for whatever that had moulded and shaped him, and he would not regret for what he had to go through, though much of those moments were mingled with sweat and tears. The past sweet and sour experiences had paved way for his present, and today he is grateful for his past!

There are two ways of approaching our bitter past : either to curse the experiences of the past, and refusing to acknowledge their role in shaping our present, or to accept and acknowledge them as part of our life journey, and move towards the sign posts the past had placed our way. The people who opt the first option often end up bitter and defensive; they would find all the reasons to blame the world, and even themselves. The people who approach life in the second way are often wiser and happier; they would not have regrets but only gratefulness to the experiences and the people who had contributed towards those shaping moments.

Those who stand by life's stepping stones, and keep looking back at the thorns and thistles they had passed through and forget to look yonder towards the future in store for them, are bound to end up stuck up on the way; is this what Christ meant when he said, those who have put their hands on the plough and look back are not fit for the kingdom of heaven? I very much think so. Every past moments have shaped our present, and pave way for the future; but those who are not able to look towards the horizon beckoning them to reach the North Star, so that they can at least reach the end of the horizon, opening the gates to yet another horizon! I am happy my friend Ivan have stood at the end of one horizon, and is able to see the other horizon beckoning him tenderly and lovingly!

Fear Factor (2) - Enemy within

On several significant moments of life, I have realized that I have been let down by an arch enemy, who has been following me wherever I went, whatever I did: myself, my inner self, my conscience, my mind, or my spirit! I may have a dozen names to describe how frightened I am to myself. I am not afraid of anyone on earth as I dread my inner self. It is paradoxical and even ironical to realize that I am afraid of myself, the one I know like the back of my palm! It really sounds ridiculous, but that is the fact! I cannot trust myself, I cannot believe in self, and I cannot predict how I would respond to a particular situation! I am so very unpredictable that I am frightened of myself!

But what am I afraid of, and why should I? The answers for these two questions are not as simple as the questions may sound! I may liken my innerself to a most sophisticated database, which processes every proposal I make in the light of the past experiences, correlates to them, and provides me an alternative that I should choose. Invariably the self would not permit me to choose something that is not in the database, but only that has been earlier registered. In that case, if I venture to choose something new, the mind puts a sense of fear, and later this is converted to guilt, leading to half a dozen ill-feelings which prematurely kill life spirit in me!

The fact is, before I begin to be frightened of others, however powerful they be, I am frightened of myself, and it would require far more courageous and energetic affirmation to convince one's inner self and come out to face reality! The enemy outside of me is not as horrendous and fearsome as the one inside of me. But is not there a way to free myself from the fears which may paralyse me for eternity, and face life as it comes to me? Of course there is a simple way, if we are prepared to give a try! Dissociate oneself from the chains of the past, and one is free from the fears which had kept oneself under control for years.

But why should our inner selves take refuge in the past experiences, be they positive or negative? The answer is rather simple: the self has to have certain anchor points, where it can place itself, when there are external attacks, and most often the past experiences provide such anchor points; these are so-called secure, safe-zones, but one may forget that in the long run these anchor points may become our chains. Dissociating oneself from the past experiences may not be as simple; but one may surely try to become conscious of what the past experiences could do to one's present.

Anyone who is frightened of one's inner self is sure to end up with defeat, because even the worst coward can defeat the most ferocious hero who has been defeated by own's own inner self. At the same time, even the best of external enemies cannot defeat the one who has freed himself/herself from the clutches of the inner self. Is it hard to dissociate ourselves from our past? It should not be, because unless we dissociate ourselves from the past, we cannot authentically live the present; anyone who has not left behind the baggage of the past, cannot taste freedom, happiness and peace.

Art of Listening - Intro

There are far too many people who embrace death voluntarily at a reasonably young age, because they find life intolerable and unmanageable. One of the main complaints we hear from death-notes is that they find hardly anyone who would listen to them.... This might sound a bit silly and even trivial for us, but for many who had decided to participate in the rat-race of the market forces at a relatively young age, this is an acute problem, which may lead them to decide on things which are irrevokable. There are not many people who would listen to them! How long would they keep talking to the four walls of their world, to cats and dogs whom they adore beyond all limits, and to their own self. They want someone who would respond to them, enter into their world even of hatred, vengence, jealosy, forbidden pleasures.

Today the world is in great demand for listeners, and it is from this great demand that the profession of counselling and psychiatric clinics have mushroomed in all developed societies. One has to pay about one hundred dollars or Euros to someone who would listen to them. The money is paid for listening to their sad stories. Such sessions may go on for months, until the person feels that there are people who dont mind listening to them. But it would be wrong to think that the world is in short of people who are ready to listen to others. We can think of our parents, especially our mothers, who would listen to every little non-sense and stupid things that we might be muttering, without questioning anything in return. One thing is true for her, not the content of what I say, but the fact of my trying to communicate something to her!

If one is prepared to listen to others, then it can become a way of life altogether, and that person may do more good to the society than several other so-called social workers. But what sort of listeners does the world look forward to? Surely not any kind of people who would like to make it a means of livelihood, like the counsellors and psychiatrists! There is a different kind of listeners, who not only listen to these people, but after listening to them attentively, would also mirror what and who they are in a way which is far from intimidating, or involving pre-judgment. These are unbiased, objective listeners who can build the broken reed, and build on the shattered dreams.

It is not impossible for us to become good listeners the world is in need of, and we do not require highly specialised degrees or scholarship to pay a listening ears to the people in need. The most important thing that we require is a mental disposition which looks at the people as they are, in the particular situations they are in, without expeccting what they should have been. In other words, these sincere listeners forget the past and begin with the present, and move towards future. It is not that the past is useless, but that it is not going to help the persons to return to their past. The past is given a decent burial, acknowledged with all the pleasure and pain it had brought. But the journey starts in the present.

To listen is an art, a wonderful and noble art, because this art is related to the heart of persons, individuals with a unique face and identity. We are about to embark on a short journey into the art of listening, to pick up the salient features that can truly make us effective listeners, who are pillars of our crumbling world; today as a cursory exercise, I would like to spend a few minutes in silence, trying to enter into my inner self; to listen to the different sounds and noises that I can hear, not only through my ears, but more through my heart and mind. Let me follow the course of these sounds, and remain with them, without ever trying to brand them as good or bad. Slowly let me become part of these sounds...!