Displaced Depression

No one in our office could believe that he would have mental derailment; he had always been a soft spoken and quiet man, who spoke very little, and that too only with the people whom he considered trust worthy. It came as a rude shock to our staff, when he confided with one of them that he was frightened of the police, of the evil-intentioned people hiding from somewhere close by waiting to attack him. He was terribly frightened and nothing would stop him from believing that he was just imagining all these things and there was not an iota of truth in what he spoke. But he was convinced that he was speaking truth, and every time the telephone rang, he thought that his rivals were enquiring about him, and that made him all the more nervous. He even asked a few of our staff if he could stay with them and not return to his home, and it took them sometime before they could make him return to his home.

It was only today that I came to know that he had been quite upset with the family matters, especially his mother supporting her younger son, and opposing whatever this gentleman did. The younger brother had been trying to usurp the parental property, and therefore had blamed him of having a relationship with the wife of his elder brother. Everyone knows for sure that he is not the kind of person who would entertain anything of that sort. He said that he occasionally call up his sister in law, only out of courtesy, and would just enquire how she was and nothing more. His younger brother made use of this issue to blackmail him and now he is mentally disturbed, a situation he is happy about, so that he could grab the property for himself.

I was feeling sad for our staff, because he is a quiet person, who is guileless and would not think evil for anyone. It is hard to believe when bad things happen to good people, and unfortunately that seems to be the law of the land. Good people suffer far more than evil intentioned people, and it would often appear that this is the accepted norm and we have nothing to grumble about. What could we do to our staff to bring him back to his healthy self? He has already gone to the hospital and had consulted doctors, who have given him medication, and hopefully after some days he will be able to come to his healthy self, provided he is allowed to live peacefully without attempts to sabotage his mind and peace. But it is doubtful if his younger brother would allow him to leave peacefully, at least till he succeeds in grabbing the property.

The world has seen lots of bloodshed due to greed for parental property; it is easy for lazy people to depend on what the parents have augured through their hard labour, and not giving a try to put their best to earn more. Truly honest and hardworking people would not depend on parental property, but would try to get something out of their sheer hard work, and this is the kind of wealth and property which will last. All those who rely only on the parental property may one day find themselves paupers, because they only learn to rely on what others had given to them, and such people may leave hardly anything for their offspring. Even if it hard to manage daily living with the earning, if people make it a point to stand on their own feet, lots of lives could be saved, and the greedy would have time to mend their ways.

It is hard to say what would happen to our staff in the next weeks and months; it is hard to predict how his younger brother would take it, when he comes to know that his elder brother was getting back to normal, and that might foil his evil designs to get his share of property. There is very little that we could do to help him limp back to normalcy, but some of our staff call him up now and them assuring him of our support, and that is what we could do. We would not like to sit in the seats of judgment to condemn the evil designs of his mother and younger brother; it is not for us to judge their actions, because we know very little about objective truth, and even if we know for sure that they had deliberately tried to cheat our staff, and still we cannot condemn them on the basis of what we know. Judgment is not for us, but to support the suffering and troubled hearts is what we could do to ease those who long for fresh air.

Fear Factor (2) - Enemy within

On several significant moments of life, I have realized that I have been let down by an arch enemy, who has been following me wherever I went, whatever I did: myself, my inner self, my conscience, my mind, or my spirit! I may have a dozen names to describe how frightened I am to myself. I am not afraid of anyone on earth as I dread my inner self. It is paradoxical and even ironical to realize that I am afraid of myself, the one I know like the back of my palm! It really sounds ridiculous, but that is the fact! I cannot trust myself, I cannot believe in self, and I cannot predict how I would respond to a particular situation! I am so very unpredictable that I am frightened of myself!

But what am I afraid of, and why should I? The answers for these two questions are not as simple as the questions may sound! I may liken my innerself to a most sophisticated database, which processes every proposal I make in the light of the past experiences, correlates to them, and provides me an alternative that I should choose. Invariably the self would not permit me to choose something that is not in the database, but only that has been earlier registered. In that case, if I venture to choose something new, the mind puts a sense of fear, and later this is converted to guilt, leading to half a dozen ill-feelings which prematurely kill life spirit in me!

The fact is, before I begin to be frightened of others, however powerful they be, I am frightened of myself, and it would require far more courageous and energetic affirmation to convince one's inner self and come out to face reality! The enemy outside of me is not as horrendous and fearsome as the one inside of me. But is not there a way to free myself from the fears which may paralyse me for eternity, and face life as it comes to me? Of course there is a simple way, if we are prepared to give a try! Dissociate oneself from the chains of the past, and one is free from the fears which had kept oneself under control for years.

But why should our inner selves take refuge in the past experiences, be they positive or negative? The answer is rather simple: the self has to have certain anchor points, where it can place itself, when there are external attacks, and most often the past experiences provide such anchor points; these are so-called secure, safe-zones, but one may forget that in the long run these anchor points may become our chains. Dissociating oneself from the past experiences may not be as simple; but one may surely try to become conscious of what the past experiences could do to one's present.

Anyone who is frightened of one's inner self is sure to end up with defeat, because even the worst coward can defeat the most ferocious hero who has been defeated by own's own inner self. At the same time, even the best of external enemies cannot defeat the one who has freed himself/herself from the clutches of the inner self. Is it hard to dissociate ourselves from our past? It should not be, because unless we dissociate ourselves from the past, we cannot authentically live the present; anyone who has not left behind the baggage of the past, cannot taste freedom, happiness and peace.

Fear Factor (1)

If there is one key to disaster in one's persona life, it is certainly the 'fear factor'. Fear, triggered by whatever it may be, can be fatal; what it does is to cripple one's confidence in oneself, in the world around and in God (or the Supreme Being, if you wish). And what is this fear, that can create havoc in our lives, and how do we handle them? These are not simple questions which can be answered in a few words; the greatest teacher, who can explain to us threadbare the answers to these questions, is undoubtedly life itself. But let us point out to a few guideposts which may come handy when in need.

One thing is for sure: fear is for the most part imaginary! We may assume that there is an objective fact behind the fear, but that is not the case. Take for instance, one of the most common fears is of failure. Most of us are frightened of failures - of future, success in examinations, career, relationships, and we imagine failure to happen in all possible areas of our personal and social lives. There are persons who assert that they were frightened of failure (which they swear was real), and they had to face it! The fact is one of the most important reasons for failure was not the person was incapable of success, but the fear!

The objective situations for all those who face examinations remain the same, and the basic capability to get through the examinations is also the same in most cases, and yet how is it that some manage to fail! Were they destined to fail? Of course not! There is nothing pre-destined! Once fear cripples our confidence and positive thinking, already then the failure has begun. The reverse can also be true; those who are not intellectually so gifted, and yet due to their confidence and perseverance, would get through the examinations easily, and confidently. That was just to show what fear can do to us!

Another popular misconception regarding fear is that it is universal; it is true all of us are afraid of something or other; have we not heard about great war heroes and police commanders who are afraid of cockroaches or garden lizards? Or well educated women who are frightened of frogs? But as we grow up in life, we keep shedding most of the fears, and if we fail to shed them, but cling to them, that is where the problem starts. Is it not true that there are more people who would think a rope to be a snake in darkness, and experience certain fear deep within? All that would free them fear is to throw a small stone at it, or stir it with a stick!

The objective reality outside of us does not change, but only our thinking changes; the snake does not become a rope nor does the rope becomes a snake; but the thinking goes through a change in our mind, from day to night. But is there a way of asserting the reality as it is, instead of putting an extra label on it, as something what it is not? It is possible through mind assertion! In the mind I need to assert that it is not a snake but merely a rope! Mind you, this can make miracles - with mind assertion, even if it is a snake, for instance, and still you will be able to get over it with great ease and confidence!

Painful Publicity Plan (M4)

Believe it or not, one of the best things that painful memories are terribly frightened of is publicity, in the best sense of the word. The more a memory is shared, the less effective it becomes, and slowly it may even have a natural death. You may find it hard to believe, but I have seen that the more I began to safeguard certain secret painful memories, they only began to exert more power and control over me, until one day when I had to surrender myself to their dominion. But the very moment, when I started to share these memories with certain people, the memories slowly faded away, until one day when I was fully freed from their control. However, the process of getting out of the seeming insecurity by releasing the painful memories for public consumption may make us nervous and ever uneasy, but the joy of care-fronting them can make a lot of difference in the way we handle such memories.

Anyone who has gone through some bitter memories in the past is sure to agree with me that we all wish to treasure these memories, and would seldom like to indulge in sharing about them with a close friend or associate. According to the seriousness and severity of the memories, our efforts to safeguard them from public knowledge will differ. We may not like to share with even the best of friends and associates those events in the past that involved tremendous amount of shame and humiliation. We cannot disclose certain aspects of our lives to anyone on earth. In fact these memories add a lot of burden to our already heavily-laden psychological luggage. We also feel that we cannot throw some of this baggage, even when we know we can live a peaceful, joyful life without carrying this unnecessary baggage. Some of us are happy to carry these needless burdens until we reach our graves, and a few of us even carry them to the coffins. Maybe today we can make a little effort to get rid of these painful memories, because we cannot be happy without being divorced from them.

Three things happen when we disclose a highly guarded secret painful memory to a trustworthy friend or senior person: one, the memory loses its hold on us, two, we give just the worth the memories deserve, and are in a sense begin to free ourselves from their control, and three, we realize that we can jolly well be happy without carrying them on our hearts. But you may wonder, to whom could I go and confide about these memories, the very thought of which brings a shiver in me, and I dread thinking, leave alone sharing, about them. If I am frightened of talking about it to someone, then at least let me give hints to the other / others that I had an event in the past that had shaken up my life. And if I find a suitable moment has come for me to “throw” out the bitter memories, then it would do me good, if I am able to do that.

Here the focus is not the other person; in fact the other person has no serious role to play, but to act as the sound board; he/she may or may not say anything to me after I narrate the event in great detail. But the focus here is myself; even if the other person is partly deaf and blind, it does not matter, so long he/she is able to respond to me adequately well. At the end of narrating the memories, I may find myself sweating… (depending on the gravity of the memory), and that is one of the natural ways how the earth ejects the unwanted elements, not merely the sweat, but also the memories. The other person need not give you a long lecture on what you should have done or what others should have done; that is not the intention of this chitchat. They may something or not; what is important is I am able to pour myself out to the other person, and that may lighten up my heart.

So, here is my assignment for the day: first let me bring before my eyes the one or two most painful memories that keep haunting me night and day, and think of one or two persons, who truly love and care for me, and with whom I can stand stark naked, without a bit of shame or fear. These people are the kind who would accept me as I am, unconditionally. Whether it is a male or female, young or old, I need not worry; ultimately what they will say in return to my open-heart sharing is not as important as how I am able to clear the bin. The stench may be unbearable for me, but I know that the other person who is listening to me is entering into my memory to clean my heart and make me whole again. Once I have shared my painful memories for the first time, let me experience the burden light and an ease in my heart, which I had not experienced in the past few years, ever since the event took place. But let me also remind myself that this is not the end of my disclosure of the events; I may come across a few more people with whom I may be able to open up myself, and openly and frankly pour out myself. After a few times of sharing about them, I am sure to realize that it is within my power and authority to live with them or to bid adieu forever.