The Lakshman Rekha

There is an invisible boundary we draw for ourselves, wherever we are, and whatever we do, and whoever we are! It is not what we are, what we do, which determine who we are; ultimately what matters is how far our boundaries go, and how much it crisscrosses the boundaries of others! There are some of us, who would not like that their personal boundaries cross someone else’s, nor could they tolerate someone else trespassing into their limits! Being conscious of the personal boundaries allows the individuals certain amount of freedom and independence, and in the long run the boundaries may shrink or widen to accommodate more persons or thought patterns. But ultimately we are what our boundaries make of us.

Most of us are not even aware of the boundaries we make for ourselves and for others; the walls are not merely imaginary, we communicate to people how far they could come close to us, and what that would imply. On the one hand, it is not too difficult in the modern world, to isolate ourselves and keep us insulated from all that may be happening in the world. On the other hand, it is possible to be open to what the world is offering us and benefit from them. But most often the boundaries could determine our fate, what we are destined to be. Those who are able to adapt themselves to changing times and situations would find life enjoyable, as they keep shifting the boundaries as life offers them.

Some are too stringent about their limits and boundaries, not refusing to change them even a little, in order to accommodate persons and situations which are beyond their control. Convictions is one such thing; if we are too strict about abiding by our convictions, we would too soon realize that many of them come in direct conflict with those of others. What is good may be bad for others, and it is impossible to insist on our convictions, especially who do not share even some kind of affinity with us. Boundaries are not sacrosanct; they are merely means to achieve happiness and peace in life, but if we take them too seriously, we might miss the fun.

It is quite interesting to observe how we come to draw boundaries, the so called Lakshman rekha for ourselves and for others; fortunately there are no strict rules and regulations as to determining our boundaries and limits. It is left to each individual, and the only condition is to respect the interests and sentiments of others. So long I do not impinge on other’s interests and area of operation, I am free to do what I want. The society around us is not going to be worried if our boundaries are too narrow or too wide, so long we are by ourselves. No one might bother about us, so long we do not disturb the peace and harmony of others and the earth.

Today I would like to pause for a while to consider the boundary I had drawn for myself and for others, and take a good look at it. What have I done with this boundary, and how many boundaries have I crisscrossed over the past years; more the number of boundaries I crisscross, the better are I in terms of living in harmony with others and with nature. Everyone is bound to enrich me through their interaction with me. As the lines of the boundaries become blurred, and we begin to freely walk into the lives of others, we might experience a different kind of harmony dawning upon us. Miracles might happen when we are invited to step into others boundaries, for only those who are fully freed from the shackles of the world, can invite others to step into their world!

Objectionable Obsessions

We all of us have our own obsessions, some good and some bad. There is no one on earth who can claim that he or she is a free from any kind of obsessions. There are certain objections which are considered socially objectionable, and when the person goes against the set norms of the society that person is often referred to as a rebel. But it would be wrong to imagine or think that all rebels are against the society, or its set patterns. It is next to impossible to define where we draw the line. There are certain rebels, who with all their good intentions, desire the good of all. The Marxists and the Maoists in West Bengal can be considered as belonging to such a group.

Each one of us has our own obsessions and preoccupations. There are some of us, who are voracious readers, and they love to read night and day; and there are others who like sitting in front of the idiot box round-the-clock; and there are some others who love to loiter around aimlessly. But our obsessions are limited not only to our external behaviors, they are also seen in our thinking patterns. I too have my own obsessions and preoccupations, some known to me and others, and some known only to me, and I try to guard them as a secretly guarded treasure, and they may die with me, without anyone knowing about it.

Some years ago, while visiting one of our schools, I had to stay with our Jesuit community, and I was given a guest room to stay the night. That was the first time I was going to stay in that community. Next to the room I was given to stay, was a room with painting boards, canvass, incomplete paintings; the place looked like a professional studio of an artist, and I was wondering who might be doing the paintings. It came as a surprise that one of the Fathers was doing the paintings in his leisure hours, and he had a lot of time to spend on it, but I had known him for over twenty years, and yet I had not known him as a painter or artist. Later I heard that painting was one of his passions.

But what is dangerous about obsessions is to cultivate a secret set of them, which may separate me from the rest of the society. When obsessions go overboard, then we may be called eccentric or pervert. It is not that they are bad elements, but the problem with them is that they had not known where to draw the line between what is personal interest and what is societal. But each one of us has an obsession, which may complement in a social setting. Most of us are incorrigible in some way or the other: some in their behavior, some in their thinking, and some in relating to others. We love to live in our own worlds, which may give us an identity and sense of being.

I am incapable of overcoming some of the obsessions, which may be in my blood, and some became part of myself during the upbringing, and over which I may not have much control. Most of my obsessions may come in conflict with those of others, and there might be times when I might feel left out in a social setting because of my eccentrics. It is possible I may not be able to overcome them, but it might be necessary for me to be conscious of my grey areas, so that when I am confronted, I am not taken aback. If there is a possibility for bringing my obsessions under control, it would enhance my personality and life in general. But that is a life-long mission, and I may be no before I realize a different ‘me’.

Expelled by Expectations

I fail to understand this law of nature : we give greatest pain to the very persons we love the most! I know most of the people would agree with me that this is a fact with most of us. And who on earth wants to hurt the person s/he loves so much, but ultimately we all end up giving so much of pain to the persons we love that there is a danger of the relationship being severed. But today I would like to question myself how this dangerous process take place and how I can protect myself from being succumbed to sucha painful process. It is not altogether difficult to prevent such a thing happening in my life, if only I know how my mind operates!

One of the most important things taken for granted in any loving relationship is EXPECTATIONS! We have a heap of expectations on our partners; and the same thing is true of even friendship or a relationship between a parent to his/her child. Very rarely do we question these expectations, which are for the most part created, moulded and shaped by the society we live in. This is a package we inherit. This package tells me what my role and function in a relationship is, and I am expected to act accordingly. I will see the red bulb blinking the very moment I move away from this prescribed book of law!

If only we have a few moments to take a good look at this package, and question the taken-for-granted notions and ideas, then much of the problems with our relationships would be things of past. Take for instance this simple notion: we have taken it for granted that two persons in love cannot hurt each other! But take a second look at this notion : why should not these two people cannot hurt each other; hurting one another is a natural process we all of us grow with, and we also know how to cope with them. If that is so, why should we take it for granted that the person I love cannot hurt me?

I understand it is not easy to rewrite some of the notions prescribed by the package; if I try to do it, the society around will look at me with suspicion; it might think I am promoting anarchy in the society, and I am a rebel and do not respect the social moorings of the people, etc. But there are ways how this re-writing the social dictates can be carried out, without hurting the social sentiments of the people we live with; we may have to start this process with taking a good look at ourselves. What are my expectations from the other? This mental process is not going to affect the external reality around me, but is sure to make me sensitive to the expectations of the other, and alert me to be careful about responding to the expectations of the other.

To clap, we need both the hands; we cannot clap with a single hand, and that is what could happen if I am able to be conscious of my expectations from the other. If I do not go by the law book of the society with taken-for-granted notions and ideas, but look at persons and their responses with fresh eyes, there is less chance for conflict. If my partner in relationship expects me to make her happy by giving gifts, and if I can do it without going out of my value system, then there is no conflict there and happiness on the hearts of both of us. But slowly my response to the expectations of the other is sure to make gradual change, and there may come a day when both of us may decide to re-write the laws of our relationships, and that day we may truly start a new chapter in our lives, where we could go beyond any expectation!

Making hay while the sun still shines

Meeting about 60 lively youth in a village, during their orientation program was a joy; I had gone to them for an official work, not so much to attend or help organize the orientation. But when the master of the ceremony announced that I say a word or two to the youth, I was at first puzzled as to what to tell the young people whom I had seen some eight years ago, when I served them as their co-pastor for one and half years. But for most of them, eight years would mean that they were either at the age of eight or nine, an age which is too small to remember persons. But I did remember to tell them something.

Today’s youth are the rulers of the nation tomorrow; the fate of the nation in fact, is in the hands of the youth. It is for them to decide what they want to make of the nation. On the one hand, they can just close their eyes and ears and let the nation go to hell, as it were, for it is none of their business to really bother about the fate of the nation. On the other, the can take their role as the future leaders of the country seriously, and prepare themselves to play a significant and responsible role in nation-building. It is for them to decide what they want to do with their lives.

Living in a village, with very limited facilities to forward thinking, one gets the feeling that due to the social and cultural setup, the youth tend to develop certain amount of narrow-mindedness from their early years; and it might hamper their very growth at a later stage. They may have to make an effort to really look beyond their nose, to realize that there is a world outside themselves, and it is for them to make it throb with life and vitality. They cannot look for life and vitality from outside, but they have to come from deep within.

Youth are a suspected lot, and they are suspected by everyone in society; even small children would hesitate to entrust the youth with something serious in nature. They are suspected to be far too frivolous, fun-loving, lacking any sense of seriousness, concerned primarily with enjoying life to the maximum, wasting time and energy in useless things, events and ultimately not taking life seriously. A group of youth which is often looked upon with suspicion cannot progress; they would be often bogged down by fear and refuse to give themselves fully for the work.

Anyone who has passed through youth, will realize that it is the most enjoyable phase in one’s life, because it is the time when one comes in contact with the outside world, but safeguarding oneself not to be drowned by the allurements placed at their disposal. There are important temptations which stare directly at the youth, and if they are not prepared to face them, they can become a problematic area. Today’s youth require role models, who can inspire and motivate them; until they see the fruits of undergoing certain training to spread the light of good life they have received from others, the light set up by others in our hearts will continue to shine in the midst of darkness.