Spotting Shadows

What I am and how I relate to others, is a matter of concern for those who rub shoulders with me on a regular basis, and there are times when they find it hard to put up with me, and I can make out how hard it is for them to really accept what I really am. When they think that I am a free man, they could make out a thin shadow following me everywhere I go, and it is hard for me to really free myself from the shadows. The fact is that most often I have been blissfully unaware of the shadow which had become a constant companion in life, and today I had made an attempt to unravel the mystery of this shadow and to incorporate it with my true self.

It is not easy to embrace the shadow, because the shadow contains part of myself which I had been trying to hide all the time from others; the bitter past experiences, persons who had left an indelible mark in my memory, more often negatively than positively, phantoms which had become part of my second nature and would not depart from me, and today I have decided to name the shadows and call them one by one to have an intimate time with them. I know this may not be the last time I would meet them; though I would very much like them to leave me for good, and yet I know for sure that they may take some time to leave me in peace.

It might be wrong to assume that all the shadows I have inherited are the works of my own creation or imagination; some of them have been inherited from my parents, my identity in society, the socio-cultural milieu in which I was born and grew into adulthood; some of the shadows have been imposed onto me by others in society, and I had been collecting them like a little child innocently collecting shells from the beach, and I had been giving shape to some of them as I grew into adulthood, and began to realize my dreams and aspirations; when my attempts to realize my dreams failed to take shape, I had taken shelter under the watchful care of my shadows.

I know that I had to recognize the shadows which accompany me, and give them a fitting farewell from my life at some time or other, but it is not that easy to do it. There are still certain areas in life, where I feel weak and fragile, and if I were to face failure or humiliation, challenges too big for me to face, where could I take shelter. It would be hard for me to say how long I would have to need them, but I can live an authentic life only when the shadows are gone. So long the shadows protect me from facing real problems and challenges, I am not living an authentic life, I always find a pseudo self which bears all the blame and excuses.

The false selfhood in each one of us expresses itself in defense mechanism, areas where I feel incompetent but am challenged to prove myself, where I find it hard to accept the so-called ugliness of my true self, and this is a process which begins at the moment when we are first challenged by society, which expects from us, something different from what we enter the world with. The shadows will be prepared to part with me, but it is I who feel reluctant to say goodbye to them. Today I wish to take a good look at my true, authentic self, and accept me as I am, so that I would have the courage to bid farewell to my assumed self. I believe after some days I would be able to smile at my shadows and tell them to part from me for good.

Storms and Silence

There would be too few people who do not know how a storm-stricken village or city appears; the uprooted trees, displaced roof-tops, utensils and beddings of the pavement dwellers strewn all over, the over turned umbrellas, and the pale yellow leaves of trees. But the silence that prevails after a storm could be frightening; except for occasional thunder and lightning, it is not something which people are too happy to welcome. However the hour of storm is no good tidings either. After every stormy situation in life, to get back to normal life is not so easy, and that is all the more painful to return to the pre-storm situation with the wounds and trauma of the stormy nights.

Having gone through several scores of stormy nights, I have realized that each stormy night leaves behind certain scars in me, some of which are indelible, and etched into my memory. I would be wrong to conclude that all the stormy nights had drowned me with melancholy and sadness; I had drawn meaningful and significant lessons out of them, which had helped me to see the path during dark nights of my soul. Thanks to these stormy nights, I have been shaken out of the mediocre, status quo, self-complacency, and am able to wrap up my belt around and get ready to face life as it comes to me in bits and pieces.

Every storm is a reminder to me that there is silence not too far away, and every silence is a reminder to me that the next storm is not too far off! That is how life goes on, and these are the indications for me to be prepared to face the situation in whatever form they may come to me. I long for a storm, in the same way I long for silence after it, because it is impossible for silence to dawn on the land without a storm. Besides it is impossible for me to realize the beauty and splendor of the silence, if I do not know the ruthlessness and ransacking quality of the storm. That is why the English poet William Blake had dared to say, “without contraries is no progression”. We can appreciate light only in the backdrop of darkness.

I need to thank God for all the stormy nights, which had shaken me out of my roots, and had made me shiver to the core, had made me take shelter under the inner resources he had endowed me with; if not for the inner strength which flows from him, it is impossible for me to survive these nights. There had been moments when I had felt it was time for me to be swept away by the currents of the waters, and be lost forever; but soon I had also realized I had no right to run away from life in such a cowardly manner; that would be disgrace not only to this beautiful earth, but also to the entire human race. Storms are part of life, and anyone who fears storms cannot taste the sweetness of silence.

It is because I had gone through several stormy nights, that I am able to give shelter to others who are looking for certain amount of security at the time of their trouble and challenge. I am able to teach them the wisdom of facing the storms boldly and courageously, so that they might taste the sweetness of the silence thereafter. Every storm is a gift of God; we had been longing for the Nor’wester during the past few weeks, as the mercury level keeps soaring beyond all imagination, and we know only storm is enough to cool the earth, and permit the people to sleep in peace, even when the electricity fails. The storms may come when we least expect them, and what is strange, even the weathermen are not able to predict them, and that is the beauty of these angels of destruction, who also usher in the angels of peace and tranquility.

Chasing Shades of Shadow

I really can’t understand why we are so frightened of shadows; we can scarcely understand that shadows are part and parcel of light. Can we ever think of shadows if there is no light? The presence of shadows only confirms that there is light; and strangely but interestingly, the brighter the light, stronger may be the shadow, and we have no control over these shadows. These shadows follow the light wherever they go, and it is impossible to separate light from shadows. But we spend a lot of our energy and resources to separate them, and feel disappointed when we are not able to succeed in this mission. The secret is to let the shadows remain with the light; to accept and embrace the shadows as an integral part of light, may give us an opening into wonders in our lives.

Perhaps the best example to illustrate this point is a candle which is burning. Even the best of candles will cast a shadow when brought in contact with an object. Granted that we have no control over the shadows, there is a time when the shadows will slowly disappear. When does that happen? When the candle burns itself, or dies to itself to use a biblical expression, then we know that the shadow too will disappear. The taller the candle, broader is the radius of its shadow. This only reminds us that we have nothing to do with our own shadows too. Any frantic attempt to fight with our shades will only end up in failures, because nature has its own way of remedying the shadows, without our intervention. We need to just let things happen at their natural course, without wishing to hasten the movement.

We all of us are composed of light and shadows; while we are overjoyed with our light areas, we are impatient with our shadows, and think that it is within our capacity to overcome them. We might seek psychological help and spiritual assistance to overcome these shadows, but may realize that we move no further than the starting point. What can we do when we find ourselves drowned by our shadows more than the light? Is there anything that we can do? There is. To embrace the shadows, the accept and acknowledge them can bring greater amount of tranquility and peace in our hearts. Most often we do not want to accept them, but resist them, as if they are unwanted elements. It is true that we don’t desire them, but they are ingrained in ourselves. It takes a lot of courage and strength to actually embrace our shadows, and own them up. The shadows have a lot to contribute to our mental and spiritual health more than the psychological health.

Embracing the shadows also imply yet another important movement in the dynamics of the shadows management: to recognize them for what they are, as if looking through a magnifying glass, to identify them, and even naming them, without tending to judge and evaluate them. It is difficult to be indifferent to them, and our human mind would tend to brand them on the basis of bad or evil, and that can cause us dearly. It needs to be said that shadows themselves are neutral and indifferent, it is what we make of them out to be will determine if the shadows are led to straight path or a crooked one. It is like thoughts which are benign and neutral, but some thoughts can lead one to kill an innocent, while some others may lead one to protect the innocent. But if we try to put aside all the shadows, we might throw the baby with the bath tub, and that may cause us dearly in the long run.

Today I would like to take a dip inside my heart to find the different shadows living with me quietly; I would like to recognize them, identify the, and befriend them. They are my lasting friends, and even if I wish to bid adieu to them, they may not go, because they are part of my second nature. I would like to embrace them, and acknowledge their specific role in my life; I would like to remind myself that much of what I am today is thanks to them. If I am able to keep my shadows to remain under my control, then there are chances that I will be able to grow with them, and then they can very well become my strengths. And what greater joy can there be than the greatest enemies are made into the greatest friends, who would be prepared to give even their lives for me!

Embracing my Shadows (M5)

Father Joe Kunnumpuram of Atmadarshan in Patna, India, has proposed a new way of getting rid of past painful memories, which he calls it as Awareness Meditative Relaxation (AMR) therapy, using which one can try to get out of the memories. After going through the therapy I felt that it may not be entirely scientific and psychological and there are a lot of loopholes in the design of the therapy, but what is important here is that a person with painful memories is led to re-live that experience, and feel the pain, humiliation and shame to the maximum level possible, and feel the bodily reaction to such zenith of pain and shame; then they are led to relax their bodies, until they experience a different kind of bodily sensation, and that may make a lot of difference in the way the memories may appear to them. The method that is proposed here is the one of embracing one’s shadows, instead of running away from them. This is based on the common notion that we give power to the people or things we are frightened of. Let us delve a little deep into this mystery, that may help us take control over ourselves.

It is not enough to recognize a shadow in me, or an enemy wandering in the woods of my heart and often frightening me, putting me to shame and humiliation that I feel often annoyed and irritated with my colleagues for no reason. Our journey to freedom surely begins with recognition, but we cannot stop there; that is just the beginning of the journey, we need to move ahead. The second and more important stage is embracing the shadows, until a moment when I cannot see them as something or someone there outside of me, but something that is part of me. I can control that which is in me or within me, but may not be able to do the same when it is out of me. It is important that we embrace the shadows, instead of settling scores with them. The very word embrace carries with it sentiments of empathy, compassion and a lot of understanding. I am not to blame myself or any one else for the painful memories that I am still carrying; not even myself is fully responsible for what had happened. That is how things had taken place, and I or others had no control over it.

Therefore my concern here and now is how I am going to get out of them peacefully and amicably, without picking quarrels with any one for what had happened. No blame game can bring peace and tranquility in my heart and cure me fully of the memories. This part of the exercise concerns me and only me, here I do not need to seek any kind of help or assistance from others. In simple terms, here I am to recognize the memories and tell myself that I or others had no control over what had happened, but now I would like to get out of these of my own accord. This incident has caused a lot of pain and shame in my life, and has become my second self or nature, so I wholeheartedly accept it as myself and incorporate it into my life.

Much of the time we are not able to get out of these memories, because we often see others as responsible for what had happened, and therefore we cannot forgive them. We carry a lot of hatred and vengeance for them, whether they are dead or alive, whether they are living nearby or far away, whether they are in friendly terms or not in talking terms. Embracing our shadows necessarily means that for the sake of my peace, I need to let the other persons go free; but I am not giving them a clean chit, telling they are not responsible for what had happened, but I only let them go, because I want my peace again. This is more difficult in the case of people who had gone through a horrifying incident many many years ago. It may take quite some time for these people to heal all those years slowly and steadily. But if the process begins, we can take it for granted that the journey is half done.

How do I begin to embrace my shadows? Every shadows have their brighter side too. Let me not start with the shadows from their darker side, rather let me begin from the brigher side. If you look at a candle, you will see that there is darkness just below the candle, but just above the shadow, there is light. Let me find at least one good point about the person involved in my painful memory; if I am able to see more than one good point which I would generally admire, then I stay with that quality for a while, when I feel somewhat happy about the person. Let me be clear that I am not justifying whatever he/she had done, nor am I letting that person go scot free; I am only readying to free myself from his/her clutches. Let me dwell on the good quality of the person/s as long as I can, and see how much body feels about the person; sometimes it is possible that the very thought of the person repels me, in which case I will have to let my mind get hold of something that may positively bring my mind to think about his/her good qualities. Let me look at his/her face, speak to him/her, and listen too. Now, let me not immediately jump into looking at the darker side of the event / incident. I finish the exercise there, and you may think that I have not completed the exercise. But that has been done purposely, so that my mind may linger on what I had been thinking about, and it may have an invisible effect on me.

Physician, heal thyself! (M1)

The present-day physicians will pounce on Jesus, if they were told this apparent naïve statement, because it is a known fact in medical circles that self-medication is dangerous, even if it is meant for the physicians themselves. But let us not blame Jesus for this naïve statement, because Jesus is merely quoting the Jewish sacred scriptures. You may blame me, for here I am going to propose a psycho-spiritual method of healing one’s past painful memories. There are no dearths for the different ways and means to get rid of one’s painful memories and start life anew; there are psychological procedures which help a person to heal the wounds gradually through a process of recognizing and embracing the shadows. We shall however start a process of psycho-spiritual healing of these wounds, which might be causing us dearly. But before we embark on that journey, let us realize that the resources for healing of our wounds are there in us all the time. We only need to know how to harness these resources for our inner healing.

There is so much of power and energy all around us that we seldom take note of this fact; there is energy in different forms and shapes, often without form and shape. But there is greater amount of energy that is flowing through our veins, through our mental rays, if I may coin a phrase to mean the invisible rays that flow from one mind to another, through a non-verbal communication; call it telepathy or bi-location, it is possible for human beings to transcend the physical body using the powers that lie dormant in our bodies and make use of them to enter deeper into the psyche of the universe. You may not have much to disagree with me regarding this point, because there are instances when we see for ourselves how the body organizes its cells, its resistance power to heal itself of ailments that normally attack us. There are virus attacks, and complications in the organization of our body parts, and slowly the body adjusts itself and brings into healing. Is it not a wonderful thing that we can be fully healed of stomach aches, headaches, and even some major kind of sicknesses without taking recourse to medicine?

Unfortunately there are no do-it-yourself guides or tutorials as to how we can make use of the powers and energy zones that are available in our bodies, in order to overcome our painful memories. There is no super computer on earth which is as flexible and supple as the worst of human bodies; for while the body is able to carry out mechanical jobs, it also adjusts its mechanism in order to make the best out of the body. Today is the time for me to recognize the energy zones in my body, so that at will I may be able to take recourse to it. But the bad news is no one can tell me for sure where my energy zone is; is it the brain or the heart? Or is it the hands or the feet? And another thing to remember is what is the energy zone for one may not be the same for another. It is for me to realize where it exists in me. The bestseller The Secret has shown us that our body is able to cure itself of cancer, and that too within a short period. It may sound miraculous, but it is a miracle that we too can experience.

The energy zones that reside in me is something very unique to me; I can neither qualify it nor quantify it, because it is beyond my grasp. According to Kundalini yoga, there are energy zones in each of us, and that particular part is supposed to be somewhere near the forehead. We would not enter into a debate as to whether it is scientifically true or not; nor can we deny the ancient wisdom altogether. It would be a futile effort to spend our time and energy on the common energy zone in all of us. We may start with the assumption that this zone may vary from person to person, according to one’s own psyche, formation and upbringing. If it corresponds to each of our nature and behavioral pattern is another area we will look into at the end of the exercise.

Today I would like to take a few minutes to spend in silence. I will find a quiet place anywhere within my reach, in order to enter into inner silence. Surely exterior silence will help me to enter into interior stillness too. After sitting comfortably with my back straight, I will become conscious of my breathing… cool air entering into my nostrils, filling my diaphragm, and warm air coming out. Let me breathe in till my lungs are full, and breathe out slowly and steadily. Let me experience the chest heaving and falling back in place as I breathe in and out. Let it go on for a few minutes. Then let me go to each part of my body, starting from the head down to the toes, relaxing each of the tensed up part. I may tighten up that part and loosen it and experience the part relaxed. When I have covered all the parts, I will realize that my whole body is relaxed. Let me feel life energy flowing through each part of my body; if it helps, I may think of the energy flowing as if it were lightning rays… as it flows it also revitalizes each of the part. Let me remain in that state for a few minutes. This experience is sure to open the floodgates of energy within me, and make it accessible to me, whenever I am in need of it.